Chapter 1
I no longer felt the confusion as the dream progressed. I knew exactly where he was going to enter, knew exactly where he had been, what he was going to go, how he was going to leave. Nightmares have been plaguing me since that night, six months ago; nothing could change that. I wished for one night where I didn't fear the outcome. Where I could run, hide, and he'd never find me. But those piercing eyes, towering frame, harsh breathes, and the sound of creaking floor boards froze me physically. My heart beat an untamed rhythm and my breathes came in short, uneven breathes.
I didn't want to be paranoid every time a noise startled me. I couldn't stop the fear from paralyzing me, for freezing me in time - never going forward. I just wanted to move forward, forget this ever happened to me. It was hard though, when there was evidence of that night growing within me. No one could understand how I was feeling, the desolation, helplessness, loneliness. The depression that settled within me was normal - or at least I tell myself that. I've never gone to a doctor for a pre-natal or anything. Scared that they'll find out what happened to me. I have no idea if the baby is even healthy.
It's humiliating. Just like the laugh he emits as he stalks closer to me. The only thing I can do in this nightmare is close my eyes and scream and god, do I scream. This wasn't happening, not again. Its just a memory, just my fear lingering and boy did it linger. I hadn't had a decent nights sleep in six months. When I screamed during that nightmare, I screamed as he forced himself on me, lavishing me in what he supposed was erotic and sexual attention, I screamed in hopes that someone could save me from him - because I wanted someone to save me from him. But no one comes, no one ever does.
I always wake screaming till my voice trails off and becomes hoarse with his words ringing in my ears,"your so beautiful...shhh, it's okay, it'll only hurt for a little while, trust me it'll feel good soon...God your so tight, your so perfect love...your mine forever, I love you my sweet, sweet girl..."
Why wouldn't he just disappear?
But it was that night, Renee and Phil gave up. I had awoke from another nightmare. I had been terrified, unfocused about my surroundings and that just made the fear worse. I hit her. I didn't mean too, I thought she was him; I thought he had come back for me. After all he said I was his forever. I stared into her wide, stunned eyes. I saw the change from shock to anger in her chocolate eyes so much like my own - I saw the frustration.
I watched Renee huff and leap from the bed, pacing up a storm - and Phil just stood there watching, his gaze unreadable.
"That's it, I've had it with you, your pregnancy, and your damn nightmares. I want you gone." She whipped out. I stood there frozen.
"Your kicking me out?"
"If that's the way you want to put it."
"You can't just kick me out, your my mother and I'm 17."
"Oh bullshit, you haven't thought of me as your mother in years, Jesus Bella we don't even speak anymore, not like we used to. And I never said I was kicking you to the streets, you just can't live here anymore."
"Where am I supposed to live, I'm not old enough to get an apartment, I don't even have a job. You want me to have this child in a Shelter for Homeless Teens?"
"No. I'm sending you to your father's, let him deal with you and your teen drama."
Teen Drama, that was such a more conservative way of covering up the truth. I was a nuisance and they wanted me gone. Sometimes I wish I wasn't human, because maybe then this rejection wouldn't have hurt as much. Maybe then life would seem bearable. I think she's being a little immature - she had always been that way. It was like she was a constant teenager, its why she left Charlie, he was too serious for her - too adult for her. I always resented how she gave up a great, sweet guy just because she couldn't acknowledge the fact that she was getting older and eventually she'd get grey hair and wrinkles. Now a days she dyes her hair and uses face lifting cream from Olay, Dove, and Nutregena. It explained why she dressed more like the popular girls at school.
Maybe that's why she married Phil, after all he was a much younger guy, early thirties - maybe it made her feel younger dating and marrying someone younger; even though she'll always been seen as a cougar. I took a look at Phil and looked away, there was no use asking what he thought on the matter - he never wanted Renee's baggage. I sighed, willing the burning at the back of my eyes to still just until they've left. I've cried enough in front of them from the nightmare, I didn't want them to see how much their rejection of my being in their lives hurt.
"Go back to sleep. Tomorrow I'll call Charlie and arrange for your arrival." She left and that cub followed her. And when that door closed the damn broke and tears fell in rivers, sobs racked my form and I wrapped my arms around myself in comfort - it wasn't the first time I've comforted myself this way and I was sure it wasn't going to be the last. I rocked back and forth, wave after wave of emotional pain drowning me.
I wonder if she'll inform Charlie of the pregnancy. Will he ask about the father? Can he catch her in the lies? Could he handle her? If her own mother kicked her out, what would stop her father from doing the same after he grew tired of her and her 'Teen Drama'.
