A/N: The chapters probably won't all be this long but there were just quite a few things I wanted to cover off in this fist part. I apologize if you dislike long chapters.

xxxxxx

Chapter 1: A Single Word

It started with a cough two weeks after Callie's non-adoption. Not a regular cough but a loud hacking, painful sounding, cough that made everyone around Callie cringe. Jesus proclaimed it sounded like a cat coughing up a hair ball, while Brandon liked to debate that it sounded more like a seal. Regardless of which boy was right, the cough sounded so terrible that Mariana decided that it was probably the plague, which scared Jude so badly that she had to spend twenty minutes convincing him that she'd only been kidding.

It took three days of non-stop coughing for Stef and Lena to stop listening to Callie's protests that she felt fine and insist that she was going to see a doctor whether she liked it or not.

Brandon had made the transition from pediatrician to general practitioner on his last birthday, so, with Callie being the same age, it was their GP that they placed the call to. He saw her that same day, listening to her chest and checking her throat before prescribing her some antibiotics and a puffer and, much to Callie's dismay, insisting that she come back in a week so that he could see how she was doing. Callie just looked down at her feet when Stef smirked, "So you're fine, huh?"

The antibiotics and the puffer helped – or at least, much to everyone's relief, the frequency of her coughing decreased significantly after a few days of using them – but the night before the follow up appointment that she'd spent nearly the whole week quietly suggesting that she didn't need to go to, Callie came home from school with a sore throat. She didn't mention that she wasn't feeling great but the way she pushed her food around her plate at dinner gave her away.

It wasn't until after dinner when Stef approached her so that she could place a hand on her forehead to see if she was warm that she noticed the swollen lump over Callie's left collarbone. A frown instantly came to Stef's face as she asked, "What's wrong with your neck?"

The ensuing disagreement about whether or not they should go to the emergency room ended with Lena siding with Callie, a pointed, "Stef, she's seeing Dr. Malik tomorrow. As long as she can breathe fine, it can wait one night," being directed at her wife. It wasn't that she wasn't concerned – it was just that she understood that sometimes you had to pick your battles.

Stef wasn't happy but she couldn't really argue with the logic.

Callie, for her part, wasn't worried about her swollen neck at all. She was, however, annoyed about the sore throat. Shouldn't those antibiotics that she was on have prevented it? She hated being sick. Maybe it was because in her previous foster homes being sick had always been precarious – at best it had been an obvious annoyance to her foster parents, at worst it had been a reason to be moved to another home.

Even the next day when the doctor seemed less concerned about her sore throat and much more concerned about the lump, not right out dismissing it as being nothing as she'd assumed he would, she still wasn't concerned. She just shrugged when he handed Lena a requisition to take her to have blood work, an ultrasound, and a chest x-ray done and told them that he would call later that day when the results came in. She was, however, confused about why she needed a chest x-ray at all since she'd basically stopped coughing but she figured it wasn't worth arguing over.

It had been five years since Callie had had blood work done and for a brief instant before the lab technician stuck the needle in her arm she wished she hadn't refused Lena's offer to come with her – she would never admit this out loud but it might have been nice to have someone's hand to hold onto to distract her. She managed to not cringe when the needle slipped below her skin though and the ultrasound and the chest x-ray that followed were painless. All that was left to do after that was go home and wait.

The phone didn't ring until five o'clock. The doctor told Lena that only the ultrasound results had come back, the lump was a swollen lymph node but there weren't any red flags and she should tell Stef not to panic over the weekend – clearly he knew her wife well. The next time the phone rang, fifteen minutes later, Stef was the one to pick it up. It was the doctor again, his words were less re-assuring. He was vague, admitting only that there had been a problem with the chest x-ray, and wanting to know if they could bring Callie to the hospital for a CT scan the next morning.

xxxxxx

Everyone else was still asleep when Callie and Stef left for the hospital at 7am the next morning. Callie was quiet on the drive there and Stef didn't push her to talk.

Logically Callie knew that when a doctor insisted that you come in on a Saturday to be scanned that something must be wrong but she still couldn't muster up the energy to be too worried. She didn't know exactly what they thought they'd seen on the chest x-ray but she was sure that whatever it was, it would be fine.

Stef, on the other hand, had managed to terrify herself with the worst possible outcome. After the kids had gone to bed last night she'd made the mistake of googling the words 'swollen lymph node' and 'chest x-ray' and she hadn't liked what she'd read one bit. Lena had eventually had to take the laptop away from her, telling her softly to calm down before she gave herself a heart attack and that there was no sense worrying until they had something to actually worry about.

As Stef pulled into a parking spot at the hospital and shifted the vehicle into park, she glanced over at Callie, "Ready sweets?"

Callie turned her head to look at Stef, shrugging, "I guess." She had no idea what to expect – she'd never had a CT scan before.

Stef nodded, getting out of the car and wrapping an arm around Callie's shoulder as she led the way to the diagnostic imaging section of the hospital. They got Callie checked in before taking a seat in the small empty waiting room to wait for the radiologist to come out to talk to them.

It wasn't long before the radiologist came over with two cups in her hands and a clipboard tucked under her arm. She smiled gently at the pair, before setting the cups on the table in front of Callie and pulling the clipboard out from under her arm.

"Callie, I presume?" The radiologist directed her question at Callie, waiting for the small nod before turning to Stef and adding, "…and Mom?"

Stef felt Callie tense beside her and she couldn't help but reach for her hand and squeeze it tightly as she answered, her voice firm, "that's me."

"These are for you then," the radiologist smiled again, handing Stef the clipboard and explaining that the attached papers were release forms for the test to be completed, before she looked back at Callie, "Have you ever had a CT Scan before?"

Callie shook her head.

"Okay, it's pretty easy. Basically it's just a big picture taker," The radiologist explained simply before motioning to the two cups on the table, "Those are to help us see what's going on inside. We're also going to use a contrast dye that we administer via IV to help make things clearer as well." She paused before asking, "Do you have any questions?"

Callie shook her head again but Stef asked curiously, "What's in the drink?"

"Barium sulfate mixed with orange flavoured juice," The radiologist explained. "It's kind of just like orange Kool-Aid," she added for Callie's benefit.

Both Callie and Stef nodded.

"Okay, if you don't have any more questions, I'll get you to go ahead and drink the first cup now." She eyed the metal on Callie's jeans before deciding, "Then we'll get you changed into a hospital gown and I'll get an IV connector set up for you before you finish the second cup. After that, we'll do the actual test."

After the radiologist had walked away from them, Callie slowly picked up the first of the two cups, eyeing the contents skeptically before taking a small sip of the orange liquid, a grimace instantly coming to her face.

"Tastes that good, huh?" Stef smirked.

"It's delicious," Callie smirked back, "Want some?" She offered the cup to Stef jokingly.

"Sorry love," Stef smiled sympathetically, reaching over and brushing some of Callie's hair behind her ear, "Every last drop of that is for you."

Callie laughed, taking a large gulp of the drink, managing not to grimace at the taste this time, "Fine. But you're really missing out."

Stef laughed, "I'll just have to take your word for it.

Half an hour later the radiologist gave Callie a gown to change into and pointed her in the direction of the change room, waiting for her to return so that she could guide her to the cubby where she was going to place the IV connector she needed to administer the contrast dye. As she motioned to Callie the direction they were headed, the radiologist glanced back at Stef, "Mom can come too if she wants."

Stef could see that Callie was about to protest but she immediately stood and closed the distance between them, grabbing Callie's hand and squeezing it tightly in her own, hoping that that would keep Callie from protesting any further.

Callie wanted to tell Stef that she would be fine by herself but Stef was giving her one of her determined looks and Callie knew there was no point arguing. She would never admit it but once she was seated she realized that her previous suspicion that it would be nice to have someone hold your hand to distract you during a needle insertion was indeed true. Not wanting to seem too pleased with Stef's insistence on staying with her, she kept her eyes on the hand that Stef was holding as the radiologist inserted the needle into her arm and taped the IV connector into place – the actual line would be attached later.

Stef held Callie's hand the entire time the IV connector was being inserted, trying to look casual, even though she was pretty sure she was sweating. She kept reminding herself that she was a police officer, she was tough, and, besides, she wasn't the one they were inserting the needle into, but she couldn't seem to stop the queasiness she felt. She was incredibly happy when the radiologist declared that they were all done and directed them back to the waiting room so that Callie could drink her second cup of orange mystery drink.

Once the contents of the second cup were sloshing around in her stomach, the radiologist brought Callie back into the room with the CT scanner – this time Stef was not invited. As she settled Callie onto the bed of the donut shaped machine and hooked the IV line into the connector in Callie's arm, she explained a last few things to Callie, "The bed you're on is going to slide back and forth through the machine and it will give you instructions to breathe in, hold your breath, and release." She waited for Callie to nod before she added, "I'll let you know when I'm about to inject the contrast dye. I like to warn patients their first time that it's going to feel warm and also that it might feel like you're peeing but, don't worry, I promise you won't actually be."

Callie's eyes widened at this new information, swallowing as the radiologist patted her arm reassuringly.

The radiologist smiled kindly at the girl lying in front of her before adding, "Alright, I'm going to step out now. When I tell you to put your arms over your head through the speaker please do so and then I'll start the test. Okay?"

"Okay," Callie mumbled her agreement quietly.

The room was silent for several minutes as Callie lay still on the bed waiting for the radiologist's instructions. The room was cold and she shivered in nervous anticipation of what was to come next, trying not to let her thoughts get the better of her. She was glad when the radiologist's voice finally spoke to her through the speaker, telling her to move her arms over the head.

As Callie obeyed, the machine whirred to life. The bed passed back and forth through the machine a couple of times, Callie breathing in and out as instructed, before the radiologist's voice came through the speaker again, warning her that the contrast dye was about to be injected. The sensation was instantaneous. The radiologist hadn't been kidding when she said that it would feel like she was peeing and, when she had said warm, Callie hadn't imagined that her entire body from head to toe would feel like it was toasting from the inside out. The feeling was short lived though and before she knew it the machine was telling her to let out her final breath and the radiologist was coming back into the room to disconnect her IV and direct her back to the change room so that she could put her own clothes back on.

When the radiologist emerged with Callie, Stef tried to search the woman's face for some kind of indication of what the test had or hadn't showed but the woman's face was given nothing away. Finally deciding that the woman must be an excellent poker player and giving up, Stef stood, heading over to Callie and placing a soft kiss in her daughter's hair, asking, "How was it?"

"It was like being lit on fire," Callie grumbled quietly.

Stef raised a concerned eyebrow, "That good?"

Callie shrugged then, realizing that that had probably sounded a bit dramatic. "It was fine," she modified her previous response, clarifying, "It didn't hurt or anything."

Stef sighed – just because it hadn't hurt it didn't mean that Callie had to be fine with it – but she just wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulders, pulling her close before leading the way back to the parking lot.

As they got in the car, Stef smiled over at Callie. "Hey? What do you say we pick up some donuts to bring home?" She figured that after having to drink that nasty looking orange mystery drink, Callie deserved a treat – and she couldn't very well get donuts for just one of her children, she'd never hear the end of it.

"I think Lena wouldn't approve," Callie smiled back at her as she snapped her seatbelt into place.

"I think you're right," Stef's eyes twinkled. They were definitely picking up donuts on the way home – she was certain that Lena would forgive her this one time.

xxxxxx

Lena was the one to take Callie back to see the GP Monday afternoon to get the results of the CT scan. Stef had wanted to come too but it was short notice and, with the flu recently spreading through the department like wildfire, they were already running thin. Still, it had taken a 15 minute conversation with Lena to convince her not to ditch work and come.

Lena, realizing that there was logically no way Stef would actually be able to make the appointment, had reminded her wife that they hadn't gone together to any of Callie's other appointments and that having both of them there might just worry her when they didn't even know yet if there was something to be worried about. It was a thin argument but it worked – later she almost wished she'd just told Stef to come instead.

Callie and Lena sat in the waiting room for a half an hour before they were called back into one of the exam rooms. Lena tried to start a conversation with Callie numerous times but the girl's one words answers told her that she wasn't interested. Sometimes Lena really wished she could see what was going on behind those beautiful brown eyes – right now she would love to know if Callie was scared or just bored.

When the doctor walked into the exam room, Lena got the immediate sense that something was wrong. She smiled at him in greeting but the smile he returned didn't come even close to reaching his eyes.

Beside her Callie could sense the impending doom as well. She bit her lip and glanced nervously over at Lena. After she and Stef had left the hospital Saturday morning, she'd done a pretty good job of putting the CT scan out of her mind for the rest of the weekend, having managed to convince herself that, whatever it was, it was probably nothing, a mistake. Now though, she could sense that whatever it was, it definitely hadn't been a mistake. At the realization, she was almost angry at herself for thinking otherwise. Enough bad things had happened to her that, by now, she figured she should be able to feel them coming, that she should know better than to be caught off guard. Maybe her mistake had been assuming that the failed adoption had been the bad thing. Maybe her mistake had been assuming that only one bad thing a month could happen to her.

Instead of sitting on the stool as he usually would, the doctor patted the top of it. "Why don't you come sit up here Callie?"

Callie looked over at Lena again, not sure what to do.

Pushing away the dread she felt in the pit of her stomach, Lena stood, offering her hand to Callie to help her up. "It's okay, I'm right here," she whispered softly so that only Callie could hear her as she guided the girl with her hand on the small of her back to the stool the doctor had offered her. Once Callie was sitting on the stool, Lena took a place behind her, resting one hand on her shoulder.

The doctor set the file he'd been holding down on the counter, opening it up and reading it one last time before looking up and meeting first Lena's and then Callie's eyes. "I have your CT scan results…" he took a breath, "In addition to the lump above your neck, they found another one here," he motioned with one of his hands to the middle of his chest, "and another under your left arm."

Lena took a shuddering breath from behind Callie but the girl showed no reaction, she just blinked slowly, still staring at the doctor, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm sorry…the radiologist thinks…it looks like lymphoma, probably Hodgkin's," the doctor explained. By the tears that instantly filled Lena's eyes and the way her free hand flew up to cover her mouth, he guessed that she knew what lymphoma was but, based on the confused look on her face, he was fairly certain that the teenager in front of him did not. "It looks like cancer," he amended so that she would understand. His voice was impossible soft – there was nothing worse than having to delivering news like this.

Callie's brow scrunched up in confusion. What? Despite the sense of impending doom she hadn't been ready to hear that word. Cancer? How was that even possible? How could she have cancer? It didn't make any sense at all to her.

Lena moved so that she wasn't standing behind Callie but in front of her – she needed to see her daughter's face. Her heart broke at the expression on the girl's face. "Callie, sweetheart?" She asked softly, her voice sounding strained as she reached out for Callie's hands.

Callie blinked, dazed, shrugging away from Lena and trying not to feel bad at the hurt expression that momentarily flitted across the woman's face. She turned her eyes back to the doctor, still trying, mostly unsuccessfully, to process what he'd told her. "It's…where?" Her hand hovered over her chest, trying to remember what he'd said.

The doctor could tell that the teenager was in shock and Lena, who'd turned back around to face him as well, didn't look much better, with the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over. "Here, I'll show you," he held his hand out to Callie, helping her to stand up off the stool. He reached down and gently placed his hands just below her ribcage. "This is your diaphragm. Everything they found was above that." He swept his hand upwards, motioning to her upper body, before looking quickly at Lena, "that's good…better," he amended – nothing about cancer was particularly good. He turned his attention back to Callie, touching the lump, a mass of swollen lymph nodes, above her left collarbone, glancing quickly over at the papers to confirm, "This here is about 5 cm." He waited for her nearly imperceptible nod before, as earlier, his hand touched the center of his own chest, explaining, "There is a place between your lungs – it's called the mediastinum – and there are lymph nodes there. Yours are swollen…the mass is about 5 cm as well."

Callie blinked, taking the information in as best as she could but saying nothing. She was pretty sure she was going to forget all of this as soon as she walked out of here.

"Here," he reached for her left arm, lifting it up and feeling in her arm pit, locating the swollen node mentioned in the report. "There is one here as well but it's smaller, about 2 cm."

Callie nodded slowly her hand subconsciously reaching up and brushing along the lump over her neck. "And…it's…" she scrunched her brow up, "what is it called?"

"Lymphoma," he stated.

"And they think it's Hodgkin's?" Lena was the one to interject with a question. She didn't know much about lymphoma but she did know that between Hodgkin's and Non-Hodgkin's, Hodgkin's was typically considered the better option.

The doctor nodded, "that is what the radiologist wrote but we'll need a biopsy to confirm either way."

"A biopsy? How soon?" There were still tears in her eyes but Lena was in full parent mode now. She could tell that Callie was in shock, barely comprehending anything that was happening, and it was her job to get all of the facts.

"I will send a referral to an ENT right away…that's an ear nose and throat specialist," He explained. "I'm sure he will see you within a few days."

"And then what?" Lena asked. She knew Stef would ask all kind of questions and she wanted to have the answers ready. At the thought of her wife, Lena's heart sank – how was she going tell her wife that their daughter more than likely had cancer.

Callie registered that Lena was asking questions and she was trying to listen to the answers but she having a hard time paying attention – she couldn't seem to make her brain think straight. She still couldn't get over that they thought she had cancer. She didn't even know why but she could feel tears threatening to form at that word. Cancer. She used all of her will to prevent those tears from actually forming. She was not going to cry here in front of a doctor she hardly knew – especially not when they were going to have to walk back out through a crowded waiting room.

The doctor looked between Callie and Lena, his hand reaching up to rub his forehead before saying, "if it is cancer, then she'll be referred to an oncologist. I believe standard treatment for Hodgkin's is chemotherapy and possibly radiation."

Chemotherapy. That word seemed almost as shocking as hearing that she probably had cancer in the first place. Callie wondered for the tenth time how on earth this could possibly be happening.

Fresh tears filled Lena's eyes – her poor sweet Callie. Hadn't she been through enough in her life already?

The doctor handed Lena a tissue, his eyes filled with sympathy.

As Lena wiped at her eyes, her cell phone started to ring but she made no move to answer it.

"Do you need to answer that?" The doctor asked.

Lena shook her head. She didn't need to look at the caller ID to know who was calling – Stef was pretty predictable. She couldn't possibly talk to her wife right now and feign that everything was fine, she couldn't possibly tell her this kind of news over the phone either, so she really had no choice but to ignore the phone call.

He nodded, "Do you have any more questions?"

Lena shook her head, her eyes, as well as the doctor's, turning to Callie.

Sensing their eyes on her, Callie looked up from the spot she'd picked on the floor to stare at. "Hmm?" She asked confused.

"Do you have any questions sweetheart?" Lena asked softly.

Questions? Could people really form coherent questions when they'd just been told they probably had cancer? Callie suddenly wasn't even sure if she remembered how to form words, so she just shook her head no.

"Okay, I'll leave you then. I'll be in touch as soon as I have the appointment with the ENT," the doctor told them. "Take as long as you need in here," he added softly before he stepped out of the room.

As soon as he was gone, Lena's arms instantly wrapped around Callie, pulling her daughter as close as physically possible, glad when the girl didn't shrug away from physical contact this time. "I'm sorry sweetheart, so sorry." Tears were spilling down Lena's cheeks now – she had a brief thought that she should try harder to be strong for Callie but deep down she knew she couldn't stop these tears no matter how hard she tried.

Callie didn't know how to respond but she buried her head in Lena's shoulder and let herself be hugged for several minutes as she fought away the same tears that had threatened to form earlier – she was still determined not to cry here. After several minutes she mumbled into Lena's shoulder, "Can we go home?" She didn't know how much longer she could hold it together and she didn't want to be here anymore.

Lena pulled back, her moist eyes searching Callie's face for some indication of what was going on in her head but the girl just looked lost. "Okay," Lena nodded, reaching up and brushing stray tears from her face with the back of her hand before nodding again and reaching for Callie's hand, holding it the whole way back to the car.

As soon as Lena turned the car on, Callie reached over and cranked the volume of the radio up to a level that would probably cause irreversible ear damage. She waited for Lena to chastise her for the volume but the woman just looked sadly over at her.

Callie was relieved when Lena didn't make any attempts to turn the volume down as she pulled out of the parking lot. She needed the loud thumping music in her ears to drown out the single word that kept ringing through her head on an endless loop. Cancer, cancer, cancer. She needed something else to focus on so that she could hold herself together long enough to make it home because, just like she wasn't going to cry in that doctor's office, she wasn't going to cry here in a car on the ride home. She was pretty sure that if, or when, she started crying, she wasn't going to stop and she didn't want to do that in front of anyone – as soon as she got home she was going to lock herself in the bathroom or something and never come out. She just had to make it there. She closed her eyes and focused all her energy on the beat of the song playing on the radio.

Lena didn't know why Callie had turned the volume up so loudly but if that was what Callie needed she wasn't about to deny her. Besides, it wasn't nearly as distracting as she would have imagined it would be. What was distracting, however, were the tears that she still couldn't manage to stop. She could barely see through watery eyes as she drove home. Every time she thought she had herself under control she would remember the somber look on the doctor's face as he'd told them that it looked like lymphoma and tears would flood her eyes again. She continuously stole glances at Callie but the teens eyes remained shut the entire drive home. Lena wanted to say something but she remembered what Stef had once said about Callie not being able to process everything as soon as it happened and so they drove in silence.

xxxxxx

When Lena finally pulled into the driveway and turned the car off, she glanced over at Callie, who still had her eyes closed. "We're home Callie."

Callie didn't move.

"Sweetheart?" Lena asked, unsnapping her seatbelt.

"Can I just stay here a minute?" Callie's words were so quiet that Lena barely heard her.

"Callie…" Lena's voice was uncertain.

"Please," Callie whispered, her eyes still closed.

"Alright," Lena murmured soothingly, not wanting to upset Callie. She wished she had some clue of what she should do. She had no idea what Callie needed right now. "Do you want me to stay?"

Callie simply shook her head.

Lena sighed, her eyes on Callie for several moments before she decided that if Callie wanted to be alone for a few minutes that she should be allowed to have those few minutes. Besides, Lena needed to talk to Stef. "Okay, I'm going to go in."

Callie nodded in indication that she'd heard her but she still didn't open her eyes.

Lena hesitated another minute before she got out of the vehicle and headed into the house. As she walked up the front steps she rubbed at her eyes, realizing that she probably looked like hell. She really hoped she didn't run into one of her other children before she found Stef. Luck, however wasn't on her side.

Brandon was heading towards the stairs when she opened the front door and he stopped to turn to look at her. "Hi mama," he greeted.

"Hi Brandon," Lena offered him the best smile she could muster, trying to act normal, but she could tell by the strange way he looked at her that she wasn't really succeeding.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned, suddenly remembering that Lena had taken Callie to a doctor's appointment and wondering why Callie wasn't with her.

Lena blinked slowly, trying to figure out what to say. She couldn't say that nothing was wrong because that would be a blatant lie but she couldn't really tell him what was wrong until she talked to Stef either. "I…I promise your mom and I will tell you what's going on soon but I really need to talk to her first."

Brandon had expected her to tell him not to worry, that everything was fine, so when she didn't it only worried him more. He wanted to ask a bunch of questions but instead he just shoved his hands in his pockets. "She's in the kitchen. Everyone else is upstairs."

Lena smiled at him genuinely then, "thanks sweetheart."

"I'll just…uh…be upstairs too," Brandon decided, heading in the direction he'd been going when Lena had walked in.

With Brandon headed upstairs, Lena made her way to the kitchen. Stef was at the stove, humming out of tune as she stirred a pot of pasta. Lena paused in the entryway to the kitchen, not wanting to interrupt the happy moment.

Stef sensed more than heard Lena come into the kitchen though and with one final stir of the pasta she set the spoon down and turned around. She frowned, a knot instantly forming in her stomach at Lena's swollen eyes – something was wrong. "You're home?" It came out sounding like a question. She'd expected Lena to call when she finished at the doctor's – just the fact that she hadn't was concerning enough.

Lena nodded slowly, walking closer to Stef and stopping when they were touching distance apart.

"What did Dr. Malik say?" Stef asked slowly, the knot in her stomach tightening further.

Lena had thought the whole drive home about what she was going to say to Stef but now she couldn't seem to form any words. She just shook her head slowly, tears glistening in her eyes for the hundredth time this afternoon, conveying with that simple motion that the news wasn't good.

"Lena?" Stef's voice was pained, her heart breaking at the moisture in her wife's eyes as she reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly in her own. "Please…what did he say?"

Lena took a shuddering breath and finally found her voice. "They're pretty sure it's lymphoma, probably Hodgkin's. It's obviously above her collarbone, but also in her chest and under arm."

"No," Stef was the one shaking her head in disbelief now. Lymphoma. It was one of the things that she had read during her extensive internet searches the last few days. She had thought she was prepared for this news, but now, actually hearing it, she knew that she wasn't. She wondered if it was even possible to be prepared, she doubted that it was.

"They'll do a biopsy to confirm," Lena told Stef as she swiped at her eyes, collecting herself. "Maybe it isn't actually cancer," she tried to sound optimistic but she didn't really succeed. It was hard to be optimistic when the doctor had sounded so grim and had really offered no other alternatives but cancer.

"Maybe…" Stef tried to cling to the possibility too but she was no more successful than Lena at sounding optimistic. How could this be happening to their daughter? It wasn't fair. She stepped forward, closing the distance between herself and Lena and wrapping her arms tightly around her wife, burying her head in the crook of her neck. "What are we going to do Lena?"

"I don't know," Lena admitted, "but we will figure it out."

Stef pulled back, suddenly having a thought, "where is Callie?"

Lena's answer of, "still in the car," came simultaneously with the pot of pasta on the stove boiling over.

"Crap!" Stef called out, much angrier than she would usually be at such an occurrence, stepping over to the stove and turning the burner off with a great deal more force than was necessary as she pulled the pot off the hot burner and slammed it down on a cool one.

Lena recognized Stef's angry reaction for what it was – a clear expression of her feelings about what she'd just been told. Lena followed her wife to the stove, stopping and placing her hand on the small of her back, not surprised to feel her shudder – a clear indication that she had started to cry. They stood there like that for several minutes, Lena rubbing circles on Stef's back, before Stef finally reached up to swipe viciously at her tear stained cheeks and turning her head to look at her wife. "Should I apologize to the pot?"

Lena smirked, the smile coming to her face despite herself. "I think it knows you didn't mean it." She leaned in to kiss Stef softly then, pulling back after a second to murmur, "Let me finish dinner, you go check on our girl."

Stef sighed loudly but nodded and left the kitchen. She took her time walking outside, trying to get her emotions back in check. As soon as she stepped out on the front porch though and spotted Callie still sitting in the car, she picked up her pace, quickly making her way to the vehicle and pulling the passenger door open.

Startled by the door opening, Callie blinked her eyes open, turning her head towards Stef.

"Hi Love…" Stef's voice was soft as she reached over and unbuckled Callie's seatbelt for her.

Callie wrinkled her brow confused as Stef undid her seatbelt for her. "What…" she trailed off as she noticed Stef's still tear stained cheeks. The fact that Stef had clearly been crying startled her. Sure Lena had cried at the doctor's office but Callie pretty much expected that from Lena. Lena was like Jude, she was sensitive. Stef was tough though – Callie would never expect Stef to cry.

"Lena told me," Stef whispered softly to Callie, her words meant as both an explanation and as a way to let Callie know that she wouldn't have to be the one to explain.

"Lena told you," Callie repeated Stef's words in monotone.

"Yes," Stef nodded, her gaze intently focused on Callie's face, "Now how about you tell me what you're doing out here? I know this vehicle isn't that comfortable."

What was she was doing out here? Callie didn't even know. She'd sort of thought that if she could sit here forever then maybe she could pretend that the last hour had never happened. She knew it wasn't really an option though and as her eyes met Stef's the tears she'd been forcing down since the doctor had first uttered the word cancer finally appeared. What she'd been doing out here was trying to stop this from happening.

"Oh Callie, oh baby," Stef murmured reaching into the car and basically pulling Callie out of it before wrapping her arms tightly around the girl. Tears glistened in her eyes too – though, unlike in the kitchen, this time she managed to hold them in.

Just as Callie had feared, once the tears started she couldn't quite figure out how to make them stop. She had no clue what it was about cancer that seemed to make everyone so emotional. She hated crying. She hated crying in front of people even more.

"Sshh…I've got you, I've got you," Stef soothed, rubbing Callie's back with one hand as she pulled her even closer.

It took nearly ten minutes but eventually Callie felt almost in control of herself again. Her eyes were still watery but tears were no longer freely spilling down her cheeks and she figured it was about as good as she was going to get for now. She pulled back from Stef and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. "Sorry," she mumbled embarrassed.

"You never have to be sorry about crying, never," Stef reassured immediately, reaching over and tucking a piece of Callie's hair behind her ear.

Callie just shrugged.

Sometimes Stef let Callie get away with shrugging but she couldn't bring herself to do it know. "I mean it. Crying is not something that you have to apologize for, ever. And especially not when you have every reason to be upset. I'm upset too. Mama is upset. I'm sure your siblings will be upset as well. It's upsetting."

Callie's still watery eyes widened, horrified. "You can't tell Jude," she practically yelled. She'd spent nearly her whole life protecting her baby brother and now was no different – she knew this news would hurt him. In the first foster home they'd been placed in she'd gotten pneumonia and had to spend three days in the hospital. She would never forget the look on his face when she'd gotten out of the hospital or the way he'd whispered into her shoulder as he clung to her that he'd thought she was going to die like their mom.

"Love..." Stef started slowly, not sure exactly what to say, "We have to tell your sibling's. They already know something is up and they're going to ask how your appointment went. We can't lie to them." Her voice came across sounding apologetic – Callie didn't need to explain for her to understand why she wouldn't want Jude to know. That being said, Callie was going to need the support of the whole family and, if the biopsy confirmed the lymphoma, it wasn't exactly like they could keep this from Jude for long.

Callie looked down at the ground, more tears spilling down her cheeks. There was no point arguing, she knew Stef was right but she still didn't like it. "Can I not be there when you tell them?" She mumbled quietly.

Stef had to strain to comprehend what Callie was saying. When she finally realized what Callie had asked, she nodded, reaching over and rubbing Callie's arm soothingly. "Of course love, whatever you need."

Callie looked up at Stef then, offering her a small smile.

Stef returned the smile with a wide one of her. "Dinner is probably ready if you're up to going inside."

At the thought of eating, Callie's stomach turned over. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something sweets," Stef raised an eyebrow.

Callie grimaced and admitted quietly, "My stomach hurts."

"Okay," Stef sighed, giving in as she wrapped her arm around Callie and led her into the house. She'd make the girl eat some crackers or something later.

xxxxxx

Stef made sure Callie was settled on the couch with the TV on to distract her before she headed to the kitchen, stopping to kiss Lena and then splash some water on her face before calling her other children down for dinner.

As usual, it took fifteen minutes for the entire brood to stumble down the stairs and find seats at the table.

After Lena scooped pasta onto everyone's plate, Jesus looked around the table searching for something before getting up and opening the fridge, coming back to the table with a bottle of ketchup in his hand.

"Jesus, this is pasta, what on earth do you need ketchup for?" Stef raised her eyebrow suspiciously at him.

"What?" Jesus just shrugged his shoulders as if completely confused by her reaction. "I like ketchup," he added, squirting some on top of his pasta.

Mariana scrunched up her nose in complete disgust. "That is so gross."

Jesus moved his arm so that the bottle of ketchup was hovering dangerously over his sister's plate, "So what you're saying is that you want some, right?"

"No!" Mariana shrieked.

"Jesus, please don't," Lena warned.

Mariana shoved Jesus' arm away then and he grinned while Jude laughed at the two of them.

Brandon didn't laugh though. He was barely paying attention to his siblings. He was still wondering where Callie was and remembering how upset Lena had looked earlier. He was also noticing the way his moms kept glancing at each other – way more than usual. He fidgeted, looking down at his food and pushing it around his place before fixing his gaze on his mom, "So are you going to tell us how Callie's doctor's appointment went today?" He couldn't wait any longer.

Stef startled at the question, her fork stopping halfway between her plate and her mouth. She set the fork down and glanced over at Lena. She had hoped to wait until after dinner to have this conversation but with the small nod of confirmation from Lena she took a deep breath and said, "Umm…well, you all know that Callie had some tests done last week, right?"

Jesus, Mariana and Jude looked up at her curiously between bites of pasta as Brandon waited on baited breath for whatever his mother was going to say.

Lena reached over and rested her hand on top of Stef's, the gesture exactly what Stef needed to continue. "The results were…abnormal…the doctor thinks that Callie might be pretty sick."

Jude frowned, confused. "What do you mean?" He glanced around the table and, as if he'd just realized that his sister wasn't there, he added, "Where is she?"

"She's just in the living room sweets, her stomach is upset," Stef soothed.

"Oh," Jude said but he didn't stop frowning. Callie never admitted when she wasn't feeling well. If she'd told Stef that her stomach was upset, she must be really sick.

"What was wrong with her tests though?" Mariana was frowning too. Both of her mothers were sporting a weird 'something is wrong but I'm trying to pretend that everything is fine' look that didn't fool her one bit.

"Well…" Lena was the one to speak now, explaining in her calmest voice, "The doctor thinks that Callie has something called lymphoma."

Jude still looked confused, Brandon sat perfectly motionless his wide eyes hinting that he might have at least a vague idea of what lymphoma was, and Jesus looked back up from his dinner curiously again as he continued slowly chewing his last bite of pasta.

"Lymph…what?" Mariana sputtered out, as confused as Jude.

Stef took a deep breath, "Lymphoma, a kind called Hodgkin's. It's…a type of cancer." There was no going back now.

"Cancer?" Mariana's disbelieving word was accompanied by wide and horrified eyes. If she didn't know her mothers better, she would have assumed that this was some kind of terrible joke.

"Wait…what?" Jesus added, his open mouth conveying his disbelief as well.

Jude, for his part, paled but said nothing.

Lena noticed her youngest son's reaction and she instantly reached over and rested her hand on his forearm. "Jude, sweetheart, are you okay?" she hummed softly.

Jude was quiet for a long moment before terrified words left his mouth barely above a whisper. "Is she going to die?" Jude's frightened eyes searched Lena's for answers.

"No," Stef spit out immediately before Lena could say anything. It wasn't until her wife shot her a look, a clear indication that she shouldn't make promises that were out of her control, that she amended her answer. "If she does have what they think she does," she emphasized the 'if', wanting to make it clear that nothing was confirmed yet, "the odds are really good that she's going to be just fine, sweets." It wasn't a lie – her extensive internet searches over the weekend had at least taught her that much. Although, truthfully, the odds still weren't good enough for her liking – anything short of one hundred percent would never be good enough in her mind.

"So, like, how do they make it better though?" Jesus asked. If the odds were good that Callie was going to be fine, he wanted to know how they were going to make her better.

Lena fielded this question. "First Callie's going to have a biopsy to confirm what is wrong. It might not be cancer at all." Even though she wasn't optimistic about this possibility, she wanted desperately to give her babies hope. Looking between all of her children, she knew that they weren't going to be satisfied with her ending there, so she continued, "If it is lymphoma, then she will need chemo. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

The room erupted then, everyone talking over each other as they flung question after question at Stef and Lena. Both Jude and Mariana ended up in tears at one point but after twenty minutes everyone seemed mostly satisfied, or at least too drained to ask anything else.

Jude pulled back from the hug Lena was giving him to ask one final question, "Can I go see Callie?"

The hesitation in his voice broke Lena's heart. "Of course you can." She brushed the hair on the top of his head, leaning in to place a kiss on his forehead before adding softly, "Just tread lightly okay? I don't think your sister is really up for talking about it right now."

Jude swallowed thickly, nodding his head easily in agreement. Of course his sister wouldn't want to talk about it. Callie never wanted to talk about anything.

Minutes later Jude walked hesitantly into the living room. He was relieved when Callie looked up at him and patted the spot beside her on the couch. He was even more relieved when she instantly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug as soon as he was sitting beside her.

When Callie finally pulled back, ruffling his hair, and murmuring, "Hi baby," both siblings pretended that they didn't notice the moisture in the other's eyes.

It wasn't long after that that Jesus, Mariana, and Brandon stumbled into the living to join their newest siblings. Jesus', "We better not be watching some girlie show," breaking the awkward silence as he flopped down on the couch beside Jude.

The ensuing argument between Jesus and Mariana about what they were actually going to watch actually made Callie laugh.

xxxxxx

Later that night when everyone had retreated to their own rooms, Mariana called across their dark room to Callie, "Are you sleeping?"

"No," Callie mumbled, throwing her arm up to cover her eyes. "I can't," she admitted quietly several moments later. She couldn't turn her brain off – that single word, cancer, was still running on an endless loop.

"Me either," Mariana murmured her agreement, rolling over so that she was facing in the direction of Callie's bed but not saying anything. The truth was she didn't actually know what to say to Callie. Plus, she figured that if Callie wanted to talk she'd say so.

Callie didn't say anything for a long while but eventually she pulled her arm away from her eyes and squinted in Mariana's direction. "Could…could you distract me?" The request was hesitant and she paused for a split second before adding, "Please."

Mariana pretended not to notice the way Callie's voice shook, or how out of character it was for her to ask for anything, and, instead, quickly, and easily, filled the silence with every minute detail of the conversation she'd had with Zac via Skype after school. When she'd exhausted that topic, she simply moved on to school gossip.

Callie offered some, mostly one word, responses or comments but Mariana was the one doing the majority of the talking – something that she was perfectly fine with. If Callie needed to be distracted, Mariana was easily prepared to distract her all night long. Sometime after midnight though, Callie mumbled that she thought she might be able to sleep now and Mariana quieted.

It took a while but eventually Callie did fall into a restless sleep.

Mariana, on the other hand, didn't let herself even close her eyes until long after Callie's breathing took on the heaviness of sleep, until she was a hundred percent sure that Callie wouldn't need her anymore that night.

xxxxxx