A/N Hi guys so i hope you enjoy this next chapter. Sorry if i gets a bit depressing but i felt i really needed to show how katniss was feeling after everything that had happened. So enjoy!

Disclaimer: Sadly i do not own the hunger games :(


I can hear confused murmurings from the crowd. 'Why hasn't she let go of the arrow yet?' 'What is she doing?' Says the capitol, as ignorant as ever, I'd say something back but all I can do is stare at Coin. Her face trained onto mine as well, her lips forced into a thin line as if she is desperately trying to hide something. I take a quick peek at Snow, still kneeling with his hands chained up. I notice something though, on his right shoulder where the capitol symbol once shined; there's something else in its place. And suddenly I know what it is. I can feel my expression darkening, she can see it too, Coin. She knows exactly what I know, with one last glance at her once again expressionless face I make my decision. And I shoot. I'm in such a daze I can't even remember if I was aiming in the right place, but then I see them. Lying motionless on the floor surrounded by a pool of their own blood…

THUMP! The banging makes me jump. Well thanks a bunch I think to myself, whoever this is has just taken away the one chance of me actually remembering. But I guess that's the point, they don't want me to know.

"Are you planning on getting up at all this week, sweetheart?" he slurs from outside. Haymitch. I should have known. He's the only form of life besides myself that I've seen since I left the capitol about 2 months ago, and even he only comes knocking (more like barging) round to make sure I'm not dead. I should be grateful really but I'm not, I can't feel anything other than pain. Some days I can't even feel that. I'm hollow. He thinks he's still my mentor even though The Hunger Games are no more; I can't blame him though, not really. He's just following orders. I'm still not going to let him in on that though, I won't let him have the satisfaction. I may be broken but that doesn't mean I'm not going to annoy Haymitch whenever possible. So my silence answers him.

"No…" he grumbles under his breath clearly not wanting me to hear, but I can. Haymitch has obviously forgotten my enhanced hearing due to the capitols equipment that repaired it after the first hunger games. "I didn't think so…" he finishes, still grumbling. No more knocking though.

"Hmmm….strange" I murmur." I wait for about five minutes before deciding he must have left and slowly make my way downstairs. Just because he thinks I haven't been getting up doesn't mean I haven't, better he doesn't know really he'd just make me get dressed or something. I walk into the kitchen feeling proud that I have finally succeeded in getting rid of Haymitch, well for the moment anyway. But then there he is.

Sitting at my wooden kitchen, table taping his grimy fingernails against its newly polished top. Is Haymitch. I frown, how did he even get in here? How did I not hear him, the way he must have crept through the hallway, silently treading makes me shiver. It reminds me of…. NO! Don't do this to yourself Katniss, that voice reminds me. You don't want to remember, you can't remember. Normally I'd agree but for some unknown reason I think, what if I do?

"Ehemm…" Haymitch cuts of my thoughts as I snap back to reality suddenly furious at him. How dare he, what right does he have to come into my house, practically breaking in and then act as if I'm the one who is being rude and going off into my own little world. Okay… well maybe I was but still.

"What?" I snap.

"Just came to see that you're not dead yet sweetheart. So do you really think that's the way to treat your loving and caring mentor, although I'm glad to see that you're not completely burned up after all, you've still got a spark. The girl on fire's still here, she's just been suffocated." he smirks, obviously thinking he's hilarious with that girl on fire remark.

"Hilarious," I comment dryly. "Now what's the real reason you're here?" even though Haymitch is hard to read at the best of times, I can tell he's lying. Just because I'm still classed as 'mentally disorientated' doesn't mean I'm not still someone who can sense things. I may have not set food in my beloved woods for such a long time, that I can't even remember how they smell like; it doesn't mean I'm not a hunter anymore. I can still see things that people try to hide beneath there forced exterior. I hope.

I'm crouching in front of the fence that separates district 12 and the one place I have ever been happy in. I just hope enough lies in their still to fix me. As I'm checking to make sure I won't get electrocuted, I remember that it's legal to venture into the woods now so there's no need to be cautious. Guess old habits die hard. I still haven't crossed the line, why haven't I? It's like my feet won't work, embedded into the ground, stuck. I stare through the barbed wire longing to be on the other side of the fence but I know I can't. Yet another piece of me that I've lost, the woods may be near but to me they've never felt further away. There gone, just like him. Just like them.

I look up to find Haymitch staring at me quizzically, I'm about to glare back when I realize why he's doing it. I was off again, off in my own world of make-believe. Or is it? Because honestly I'm so lost that I can't even remember what's real or not anymore. I feel like I've been hijacked myself, mixing up memories and imagination. Was that a memory or just completely made up. I just don't know anymore.

Suddenly I remember my question. "Well?" he must know what I'm talking about. The guilty expression that graces his is screaming that something's not right. I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I'm starting to get impatient.

"HAYMITCH….. Tell me!" I don't think I've ever seen Haymitch lost for words before. But it's not long before he finally does find the words to explain.

"Your mothers dead." He says.

Far to blunt for my liking; but then again Haymitch never was one to consider my feelings.


I shouldn't care. But I do. I haven't seen her since we started planning the memorial, the memorial that she never attended. It's one of the only things I can clearly remember, one of the only things I'm certain of. The row we had, the one with no words. The blame that was thrown around. She'd always loved Prim more than me; I always believed it was because I shut her out after my father's death, when she went AWOL from our lives. Of course she eventually came back from her dead state, but not fully and I think that's why I never really connected with her again; I couldn't forgive her. I was always scared she would leave again, that she would leave us by ourselves for good this time. But Prim, well Prim was just her sweet, caring and forgiving self. To be honest she was so young when our father died that she probably didn't even understand what had happened. She got to stay innocent, but I grew up without having a childhood. I am happy that I gave Prim those few extra years to be a child, but I do wish that it could have been the other way around. If it was Prim that was the older sibling, the sweet 16 year old that she would have been, well she wouldn't have messed it all up like I did. She would still be alive. And I would have been the one dead. That would have been better for everyone, especially my mother. Because I saw it, I saw it in her eyes that day I volunteered for Prim at the reaping. Relief. Relief that it was me going into the games and not her precious daughter Prim. She was happy that her favourite child would still be with her, whilst her cold and unforgiving one was being sent to her death. But I won. And Prim still died, so then again when we're planning her memorial I saw something else in her eyes.

Hatred. Hatred meant for me who killed her good girl, and left her with me. We couldn't comfort each other, we couldn't even speak. Our grief overwhelmed us and she left. She left me by myself, alone with no family at all. No one to love. I have nothing, no one. I remember pretty much everything except one week of my life, one week that I must now to be able to carry on. To fill in the missing blanks in my memory. But no one cares. Not even my mother. So what's the point? She killed herself to be with Prim, so I've decided.

I want to be with Prim too.


A/N Do you think katniss will go through with it? Is there really something wrong with her memory? And what did she see on snow's shoulder? I know there's a lot of unanswered questions but all will be revealed soon. Please feel free to take some guesses as i haven't got it all completely worked out yet and would appreciate some suggestions.

Again sorry for it being a bit depressing. And yes i know no Peeta or Gale. Yet. If things go well they should appear in the next chapter. Please review. Thanks.