HARRO! Wanna thank you (how ever few there are) for readin :D!
I know that the frist chappie was crap, but thats just because i never had a plan for getting out the concept. All i wanted to make sure I did was turn them to little kids, introduce my character, and get out the basic storyline. If you have funny ideas or requests for this, dont hesitate to DEMAND! DEMAND IT DAMMIT, DEMAND!! WRAARWRARWRARWRAAAAR- --.--
jasper( im suddenly obsessed wiht him :O) : SHE DONT OWN ITS BITCHEZ!
me; EXACTLEH- wait what-
Jacob finally sat down on the couch across from us after successfully capturing every little person running ramped in the house. Esme and Carlisle sat on opposite sides of the couch. Carlisle was on the left with jasper on his lap, who was sucking on a garlic. Then Rosalie was emptying her pockets of her stolen knickknacks and next to her was Emmet who was making himself an aluminum foil hat. Edward Was squirming next to me, still uncomfortable with the thought of not being able to hear everyone's minds clearly. On the right edge of the couch was Esme holding Alice in her lap. Alice was trying to suck on the garlic like Jasper but she kept grossing out, and Esme was pleased with the thought that all of us could fit on one couch.
"why do we have to suck on these again, Woofy?" Alice asked deciding whether or not she should just throw it as Jacob instead of sucking on it. "Because if you suck on it hard enough, it turns into a cool magical hat." Jasper answered her, eyes wide with excitement. "But it's just a garlic. Only retarded Kids suck on garlic." Edward and Jacob smiled smugly at each other. Jasper's face flushed, and he threw the garlic at Alice "I AM NOT!" then he started crying again. "FINISHED!" Emmet's chubby little face glowed and he threw an empty box on the floor. He turned to Rosalie and shoved a gigantic metal glob on her head, then put one on himself. "does it make me look sexy?" Rosalie asked him, knowing he would say yes. "Sure!.. What's sexy?" His face turned confused and she just sighed sadly and continued pulling out things from her shirt. "Edward I'm scared." I turned to him hoping that his beautiful green eyes would calm me. "I know, me too. Their minds are completely devoured! All I hear are the thoughts of small children, and just slight memories of who they really are." His eyes widened. "we might be next!"
"Sooooo… do you guys eat, I don't know.. Human food now?" Jacob wanted nothing more than a distraction for himself so the minutes that Renesmee was gone would fly by faster. "OooOOOH! I want hot pockets! Can I have hot pockets?" Carlisle asked with a expecting smile on his face. We've lost Carlisle. All hope is gone. At least there's still Esme- "HOT POCKET!" a mock Asian voice said to my left, it was Esme. Carlisle grinned happily and said in an even worse Asian accent "You don't want gurl, you want HOT POCKET!" When he said hot pocket he shot his arms up and his fist made contact with Emmet's face, and Emmet fell off the couch. Everyone gasped and then a half second later they were all laughing at Emmet as he whimpered and rubbed his nose.
It was the funniest shit I've ever seen. Rosalie was squirming holding her sides with the most adorable laughter, well until she farted. The red in her face turned white and everyone looked at her in shock, then they were laughing even harder. Emmet even pointed at her snorting and Rose sat there glaring at them. "Oh gawd that was funny." He wiped a tear from his face. His nose cringed and then he waved his hand in front of his face "Oh dam Rose, that fucking stinks." Edward made a gagging noise next to me, then made a break for the door. His pants fell when he ran and so did his boxers. His shirt barely covered his round little butt, but it was still funny. I Laughed even harder and when I went to inhale I smelt it. It was like a gallon of milk was left closed for a year, and then someone opened it and threw the milk all over the room. "Oh dam!" I covered my nose and ran to where Edward was hiding, but my sweater looked like a dress on me. Soon everyone fled from Rose and she was still on the couch. She started sobbing and then ran to the escapies.
"NO! GO AWAY POOPY GIRL!" Jasper shouted as he grabbed Alice's hand and they ran farther away "OH GAWD, ITS IN MY NOISE! ITS IN MY NOISE!" Alice shouted as she broke loose from Jaspers hold and ran far ahead of him. Rosalie turned to Jacob who started running away. Then she turned to Carlisle who was in front of Esme. He was shaking a broom at Rose "BACK SMELLY, BACK!" And then Rose ran sobbing to me and Edward. "GODZILLA!" He shouted then threw me on his little back and wobbled away, not wanting to leave me behind. Rosalie tried to chase us, but her tears were clouding her vision. I heard other little foot steps and I turned to my right. Jasper was giving Alice a piggyback ride too. "Hey Edward I bet I can beat you to the pantry with Alice on my back." He smirked. Of course he could, Alice was so small and Edward and I are about the same height. "Nuh uH! Your so on!" Edward said from under me. Apparently I've lost Edward as well. They ran around the kitchen racing each other and dodging Rosalie. When we were all about to reach the pantry, Carlisle and Esme ran past us. "NO~! IT'S MY LIPSTICK, GIVE IT!" Esme shouted at him "IT WOULD LOOK GOOD ALL OVER THE WALLS, TRUST MEEEeeEEE!" Carlisle shouted back. Carlisle is the most immature 8 year old I have ever seen. Wait… he doesn't look 8 any more.. He looks 6.
I turned to look at the others. They have gotten 2 years younger. There faces were chubbier and there words were more slurred. "Oh my god, I'm 3 years old again!-" CRASH! Everything went dark, and I heard cries and shouts. Small chubby arms wrapped around me, and pulled me closer to. "Bewa, are you okay?" It was Edwards voice. He sounded even younger and even more adorable, and then everything turned light again. "Oh Jesus, what the hell did you kids do?!" Jacob ran to us. He yanked the pot that was blocked my vision off my head. Edward hugged me tightly and started to cry. He looked back up to me with his face as beautiful and innocent as that of a baby angel. He wiped away a tear from my face, I didn't even know I was crying. "Are you okay, Bewa?" He stood up and kissed my head over and over, where it was sore. "yeah, I'm 'kay. Are you Edward?" I asked standing up next to him. He nodded and wiped his nose off on his over sized sleeve. Jacob gasped and looked back and forth from us. "you guys look like belong in munchkin land…." "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~ AWICE!!!!!!!!! AWICE, IM SOWWY! I DUN MEAN IT!"
Our heads shot to the other side of the small pantry. Alice was laying on top of a bag of beans and jasper was hugging her little arm. We ran and wobbled over there, gasps were coming out of our little mouths. "Is she okay Jacob?" Esme asked trying to peep over Jacobs shoulder when he crouched down. "She's still breathing, I just think she hit her head too hard.. Hey.. Midget.. Hey wake up…" Jasper ran out the room and then came back covered in pots and pans. "Moove! I have to kiss Awice! I am Pwince Chawming" He ran past us pocking everyone in his way with a spoon. He threw it to the side when he reached Awice- Alice. He gave her a little smooch on the lips, total Kodak moment, and stared at her worried. "eww koodies" was whispered from behind us, but no one looked at Rosalie. Jacob pocked Alice in the nose, his thick finger pushing through her little nostril. Alice's head shook and she her eyes opened. She looked at the hand in front of her which made her go cross eyed and gasped. Jasper ran to his spoon then came back and stabbed Jacobs hand with it. Jacob pulled his finger out of her nose, made a face, then ran to was off his hand. "AWICE! I deffeadeded.. Defenededed… I kiwed the dwagon! An' I sabed you!" he smiled triumphantly and Alice hugged him "YAAY!" "You never sabed ME from a dwagon, Emmet." this time I turned to see Rosalie and Emmet holding hands. "Yes well, you smell like… the bottom of Edwards feet." then they smiled at each other.
Jacob came back and sighed heavily "Look at you guys! Your all messy and.. Why is Carlisle wearing poorly applied lipstick?" Jacob stared at Carlisle who had red eyes and pink lipstick all over his mouth. Esme crossed her arms and looked away angrily "Because walls have feelings too!" Carlisle looked at her mad and shouted "NO THEY DON'T! THERE DEAD! NOW GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH WOMEN!" Esme pulled out a little makeup bad and turned to him with Mascara in her hand. Carlisle started crying again and ran behind Jacob. "oh" was all Jacob said. Esme put away her make up and gasped at what Jacob was talking about. There was beans and rice and flour all over the floor. My eyes raced around the room. I pointed at Rosalie "She did it!" Before I could grab Edward and make a run for it, Jacob stepped in front of the exit. "Clean it all up now. I don't Nessie playing in dirt when she comes back and I'm positive that this is what grown up Esme and Carlisle would want… hehe, walls…." Jacob turned around and tossed a broom and picker upper and a mini replica of both items. Renesmee wanted to try sweeping once, so of course we let her have her way. She likes to play house.
We started cleaning after Alice threw another tantrum. Everyone in a while Rosalie would try to run past Jacob who was sitting in front of the door. He said we couldn't leave until the pantry was cleaned up. Me and Jasper were fighting over the little broom and Esme swept the whole floor 3 times because her little arms were having difficulty with the big broom. When we finished, Jacob shook his head laughing. "It's funny because all the dirt on the floor is now on your clothes. But it's not funny cause now I have to clean you. Oh gawd…" He picked us all up at once and carried us to the quest room where he sometimes stays. He put us down and closed the door so he could go look for some towels and some clothes. "You wanna, you wanna play hide and seek?" I heard Alice ask everyone, her voice was so adorable! "I wanna be it!" Edward said happily "NO! You cheat! I saw you! You wead my mind!" Rosalie said. Edward frowned, apparently he hoped that they would all forget his powers. "Awice cant be it, either" Jasper said "She can see the futuwe. It's not faiw." He said to her and she poiuted. I guess she had the same Idea as Edward. "Emmet will be it!" Carlisle said shaking with excitement.
Emmet walked to the corner saying a string of unintelligent things and closed his eyes. "One…. Twoo…. Treee… uh… batman symbol… eleventy six…nine…. Um….. " while he counted I ran to hide under the bed, and Jasper followed me. "No jasper go away! Dis is my hidin' spot!" I snapped in a whisper. "but Awice says I can't hid wit hew. Pweeeaaase?" His big blue eyes were too much to resist. "fine" We peeped from under the covers. Edward was behind Emmet, Alice had a lamp shade on her head and she covered herself in a green blankly. Carlisle Was trying not to laugh at Emmet's poor counting skills from inside the closet, Rosalie was hiding behind the pillows above us, and Esme was on the other side of the small couch. "UuUuUuh… b.. sixty-nine…. Fourteen…. Uuh.. ONE HUNDWED!" Emmet jumped to turn around and Edward ran behind him. He was going to be Emmet's shadow the whole time. Emmet ran to us and yanked the comforter off the bed. His face went from excited to disappointed to excited again when he looked downward at the bottom of the bed. I felt jasper crawl backwards, but I didn't know why. "FOUND YOU!" Emmet said grinning, laying on his side looking at me. "FUDGE NUGGETS!" I jumped out form under the bed and looked around for jasper so I could glare at him. He was looOooOng gone. I helped Emmet find everyone else, which was really easy because I knew where they were. Edward got mad when he saw I was captured because that meant he was next (and he was!), then I saw Jasper yanking the blanky off Alice so he could hide too and that got them both caught. Carlisle started laughing and we found him, then I pulled the pillow off Rosalie. Esme jumped out from behind the couch triumphantly. I walked to the corner and covered my eyes.
"One…. Two.." I heard rustles and stomps and giggles and 'go away jasper's. "Skip a few, ninety-nine a hundred!" the room was bare and I wanted revenge. But on who? Emmet or Jasper? I could probably find Jasper easily, so I chose Emmet. "Emmet I found you!" I shouted smugly, listening. "No you didn't!-" came out from the other side of the dresser "-Ow! Stop biting meh damit!" I walked in the direction of the voice only tripping once. When Rosalie and Emmet were having a slap fight when I came to them. "hehehe" I giggled at there sadness. "THIS IS BUWSHIT!" Rosalie shouted while Emmet ran to the bed and tossed off the blanket where jasper was hiding with Alice. Someone covered my eyes and said "Guess who, bewa." "EDWARD!" Then Edward and I held hands till we got to the closet and found Esme and Carlisle. Before we could start another round, Jacob came in with a pile of towels.
He opened a door which led to his really really really big bath tub. It was as big as a Jacuzzi, which is probably what it also was. He Started running a nice warm bubble bath, which I saw him eye longingly. When we were all in the tub Jacob ran out of the room to go find some of Nessie's different shampoos. "I WANT THE ONE THAT SMELLS LIKE ROSES! Rose said "Well then I want the one that smells like head and shoulders!" Emmet shouted back. "So.. You want head and shoulders?" Edward asked him skeptically "No, just one that smells like it." "OoooOookay…." "Do they have one that smews ike cookies?" Jasper asked in all seriousness "I wike cookies."
This is probably ALOT funnier to me then you, but that's because i make their lil voices in meh head :D
I LUV LIL CARLISLE! and Jawspeh! :D
alot better then the last right? XD HEHE!
Jasper: COMMENT BITCHEZ!
Meh: YEA! or ill leave his stinky poop diapers on your door step!
jasper: Some people might actualy like that...
meh:..:O thats weirdly true.. *shiver*
jasper:...wait... HEY I WEAR UNDIES! IM A BIG BOY!
