Today's one shot is brought to you by nonsense.


January 1: Captain Falcon: Repercussions

For most people it was a good morning. For Captain Falcon it however wasn't. For starters he had a hangover. Like most people Captain Falcon had been drinking to celebrate the New Year. Unlike most people though Captain Falcon was a lightweight and lost all common sense after the first sip of alcohol. If any alcohol entered his body he was sure to pay for it dearly the next morning.

Captain Falcon slowly got up out of his bed. Somehow he had made it back to his house. The alarm had been ringing for a while but he had done his best to ignore it. Any sound immediately made his head hurt in splitting pain. He rushed down stairs and immediately began to make the greasiest bacon imaginable. After he was done and had eaten the bacon his hangover had calmed down somewhat to a less painful level. He got up and walked out of his house. He looked upon the New Year with hope. Hope that he would find a worthy opponent and be able to race them. Quickly he peeked his head inside to look at the clock. Like most people Captain Falcon had stayed up all night partying and didn't get to sleep until about 4:45am. Naturally Captain Falcon slept in. It was now about noon.

He decided it would be time for a nice ride around the countryside. So he opened up his F-Zero racer and jumped in. He wasted no time in speeding off. The country road wasn't that developed. It was truly a make your own path course. Occasionally the random tree would pop up in the middle of the road but other than that nothing much. But for Captain Falcon it didn't matter. He just needed to keep his skills sharp. He just drove around not caring about a thing in the world.

Eventually he had driven to the nearest city. Upon entering the city he was greeted with the look of people who recognized him. People waved at him and he waved back. He didn't know why he went to the city, as surprisingly Captain Falcon was rather claustrophobic. The towering buildings that loomed over him gave him a rather strange uneasiness. He didn't know why but to him they always looked uneasy ready to fall upon one another like a bunch of dominoes. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw a large crowd of people. Captain Falcon quickly parked and walked over to the crowd.

It didn't take long to find out why they were all gathering there. They were in front of a large bank. In front of everyone else were several police cars. Evidently they were getting robed. "Officer what's the situation?" Captain Falcon asked.

The officer looked up and instantly recognized Captain Falcon, he was a well known F-Zero racer but also a well-known bounty hunter. "They have several hostages." The officer explained. "We called in somebody all ready."

At the top of the building a chopper was approaching it. From the chopper a man jumped out and landed on the roof. Captain Falcon instantly recognized the person as Snake, a fellow Smasher. "I see." Captain Falcon said. "How many hostages?"

"About fifty. There are only about ten robbers." The officer explained.

"Okay, well I can't let Snake take all of the glory." Captain Falcon said walking towards the front door. As expected it was jammed and prevented Captain Falcon from opening it. "Falcon Punch!" Captain Falcon shouted as he punched the door with such strength that it went flying off the hinges. Three of the robbers rushed towards the front door and aimed their guns at Captain Falcon. They shot at him but Captain Falcon dodged and quickly knocked the three unconscious. "The eyes of a F-Zero racer must be good enough to see a bullet moving in bullet time!" Captain Falcon said. "His reflexes must be even better!"

"Don't move!" One robber shouted. "I'll kill the hostages."

Captain Falcon just looked at the gun and ran towards the lone robber. The robber took a moment to react. In that time Captain Falcon grabbed the wrist of the robber. "The safety is on rookie!" With that Captain Falcon broke the robber's wrist and knocked him unconscious. "Four down..."

A bullet narrowly missed Captain Falcon's arm. "Don't move!" A voice shouted. "The next one will kill you!" Captain Falcon just laughed. Suddenly someone sneaked up behind the sniper and knocked him unconscious.

"You can move I've disposed of him!" Snake shouted.

"Thanks." Captain Falcon replied. "I've disposed of the 4 down here."

"And there were 6 up here!" Snake replied.

"They said that there were 10 in total."

"Looks like we got all of them then."

The officers came in and quickly arrested every last of the robbers and rescued all of the hostages. One officer came over to Captain Falcon

"Captain Falcon, you really didn't have to intervene. We had it under control." The officer said. "And you placed the hostages in danger..."

"They weren't in danger." Captain Falcon replied. "These were a bunch of rookies."

"I noticed that too." Snake replied. "They couldn't aim to save their lives. They were probably just a bunch of upset youth who were struggling due to the economic crisis."

"Well we will figure out their reasons. And I'll keep quite about your vigilante session." The officer said. With that Snake and Captain Falcon began to walk out.

"Hey, Captain Falcon." Snake said. "I need a ride back to Smashville. Would you mind taking me?"

"Sure no problem." Captain Falcon laughed. The two walked back to the blue falcon. Behind the pilot seat was another seat that Snake sat in. The next moment Captain Falcon jumped in and they were off. A while later they were back out in front of Smashville.

"Wait." Snake suddenly muttered having just figured something out. "Are banks even open today? Is anything even open today?"

"No." Captain Falcon replied. The two of them looked at each other absolutely confused as to what just happened. "How did they get the hostages in the bank?"

It was that night that they learned that they crashed a movie being filmed. Had hospitalized every single actor. "Why did they call me in?" Snake wondered. The biggest problem was, someone had forgotten to explain to Snake that he was just a stunt double and only needed to jump out of the helicopter and land on the roof of the building.

"Just blame it on the alcohol." Captain Falcon said.


I had forgotten that banks were closed on New Years when I wrote this so the last few sentences are just trying to make sense of it in a nonsensical fanfiction…