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Lesser people would have been beaten down and broken long ago, but she was able to keep smiling. To dwell on tragedy and to not enjoy life would be an insult to the people like her brother who had had theirs cut short.
And it was for this reason that one of the people she loved the most was one of the people she could comprehend the least.
Ichigo Kurosaki. Strong, stubborn, determined, willing to die to protect his loved ones. And yet he was melancholy, moody, and brooding, as though he bore a terrible burden and was incapable of enjoying life to its fullest. He was an individual whom she identified with completely, and yet whom she could not understand.
She had always had an older brother watching over her and looking out for her. Sora, who had only wanted her to be happy. He was a constant presence in her life, from as far back as she could remember, so she had never appreciated that he was there - until, suddenly, he wasn't anymore.
It had been such an unexpected event that she wasn't quite sure what to do. She cried and cried, sure, it was only natural. But it was only after the initial grief had passed that she began to notice how empty everything was.
She woke up in the mornings to an empty house. And she came home in the afternoons knowing that no one else would be coming. It was just her, alone, and there was no one who cared what happened to her anymore.
She knew that there were other people in the world much worse off than she was. She knew that it would make Sora unhappy to see her alone and miserable. And knowing these things made her even more lonely and miserable. She had to fend for herself now, and that meant dealing with her own problems. There was no one she could cry to anymore. No one who could make bad things go away, even for a little while.
But she was weak, a pathetic person who could only cling to and depend on others. She clung to Tatsuki. She clung to Ichigo. Every person in her life, she clung to. She gained a best friend she could cry to, a boy she could idolize, classmates who adored her. By the time she reached high school, she was surrounded by people who loved her. She thrived on it. She needed it. Because at the end of the day, she went home to an empty apartment and was all alone again. At school, at least, her presence meant something.
Ichigo was everything that she wished she could be. He was strong and he was brave. He was stubborn and loyal, protective and determined, a man willing to put his own life on the line. He didn't need other people to justify his existence, and he did what he felt was right, regardless of what anyone else thought. And when he risked his life to save hers from her Hollowfied brother, she saw completely how heroic and admirable he was - and how weak and worthless she was in comparison.
...
Rukia Kuchiki was the reason everything came crashing down.
Rukia was loud-mouthed, forceful, and domineering, the polar opposite of Orihime, and she brought out a side to Ichigo that Orihime had never been able to. Ichigo was no longer an untouchable, idealized figure, but a boy like any other, who Rukia picked on, bantered with, and bullied. Ichigo argued with her. He complained about her. And he busted up an enemy fortress to save her.
Did he love her?
He didn't have to go out of his way to help her. He didn't have to risk his life for her. No one made him.
Did he love her, as a man loved a woman?
Orihime was afraid to know.
He battled terribly strong opponents. He was wounded. But he wouldn't back down. He refused to abandon her, even up until the end. And he lived to see her another day - this time.
Did he love Rukia Kuchiki? Did he love what a strong-willed and beautiful woman she was? She had entered his life and left her mark on it.
Orihime had known him longer. She liked him - no, loved him, so much. And yet it was Rukia who held the position that Orihime had always dreamed of. She had loved Ichigo and lost him. Because she was weak.
So she vowed to become stronger, to become a better and more admirable person. She had lost to Rukia, but she could also learn from her.
Rukia Kuchiki, the woman Orihime Inoue admired the most, but envied above all others. And it was the envy that Orihime was disturbed by. Rukia had never been anything but kind to her. Rukia had not told Ichigo to destroy half the Soul Society for her. Rukia had not told him to behave recklessly, to flirt with death. It was unfair to blame her for everything that had happened in the Soul Society, but somewhere deep down, Orihime did, and it made her feel guilty and ashamed.
Wanting to become a stronger and more admirable woman? She knew that she was lying to herself. A jealous, clingy person like herself could never be worthy of respect to anyone. The people she had befriended her over time, who liked her and protected her - if they saw her true self, they would definitely be disgusted and reject her. And then she would be alone again.
She would go to any lengths to prevent that, even if it meant never allowing anyone to see past her façade of cheeriness and optimism. The eternally happy Orihime Inoue. That's who she was.
But that was impossible, wasn't it? No one was always happy. No one was always content with their life. Did no one realize?
…
She thought that when the Arrancars came, she would have her chance.
Even if Ichigo didn't accept her as a love interest, she wanted him to acknowledge her as a worthwhile individual. To be remembered favorably in his thoughts even after they parted ways, whenever that might be. To be a person who could stand up for herself.
But then Sado was mauled before her very eyes, and she began to have doubts.
There were two of them, a big one and a small one. She wasn't quite sure who or what they were - resembling both Hollows and shinigami. She didn't know what their purpose was in coming to Karakura. All she knew was that they had attacked her friend, and so that made them her enemies.
There were, however, two of them and only one of her, and she could not attack both of them at once.
The small one was pale, with black hair, green eyes, and green markings on his face. He was standing in the back looking bored. He didn't really seem very threatening.
The big one on, the other hand, was a different story. He was a hulking behemoth who looked like he could grind her into dust with one finger. She couldn't get past his sheer size.
How can I win? Against someone like that?
The thought flickered through her head for only a moment before she sent Tsubaki into combat, but it sealed her fate.
She was only somewhat coherent for the rest of the battle, but she did remember that Ichigo came.
…
Why was she so worthless? Why did she need to be saved? She did nothing but inconvenience others.
So she went to the Soul Society to train. She did have many flaws, it was true, but if she gave up on trying to improve herself, she truly would be trash. She would, someday, show them all - show them her true self, a better, stronger Orihime, and finally be able to remove the mask.
But then someone unexpected suddenly re-entered her life. An Arrancar. The small one.
This time, however, she had to reassess the level of threat he posed.
"You will come with me to Hueco Mundo, woman. Don't speak, unless it's to agree. If you say anything else, your comrades will be killed."
He watched her.
She watched him.
He waited.
He just ripped two shinigami apart. What if he hurts me, too? I… She looked at the projections behind him. Her allies, engaged in difficult battles. And where was she? Far away from the battlefield, useless again! And yet she held their fates in her hands.
All I ever do is cause trouble for others. All I ever do is burden people and drag them down.
The small Arrancar was still standing there, waiting patiently.
I'll free you all from me. I'll never burden you all again. I'm the one these people want, so if I go with them, they'll never trouble you all again. "Yes", she whispered.
He was still just standing there watching her. She spoke louder. "Yes. Yes, I'll…I'll go to Hueco Mundo." She hated how her voice was trembling. "With you. But please, please don't kill them."
"Because of you, they will live another day", he said. He spoke in a very dull monotone. "I have something for you, woman." He pulled what looked like a bracelet out of the pocket of his hakama. "Put this on. It will make you invisible to everyone except Arrancars, and allow you to pass through objects."
She tentatively went and took it from him, not wanting to give him any reason to become hostile, and slid it over her wrist. The Arrancar was still talking. "I will let you say goodbye to one person before we go" was what snapped her attention back to him.
"However", he continued, "That person must not be made aware of your presence. And you may choose only one. If you break either of these rules then I will consider our agreement breached."
All Orihime could splutter out was a "Why?"
"Are you saying that you would rather just leave without bidding farewell to anyone? Because that is also acceptable."
"No. No, I…that's not what I want."
"Then we will meet again at midnight tonight, woman, at the place where we first encountered one another. And you had better not be late."
It was only after he'd departed that the enormity of what had happened really occurred to her. And it was only then that she began to really wonder what exactly she'd gotten herself into.
…
She got only one goodbye, and some might think that her choice was strange.
In the end, though, there was only one choice. Her hero. Her protector. The boy she admired, who embodied all the characteristics she wished that she herself possessed.
It was the last time she would ever see him. Her last chance to speak to him. What wasn't done now, she would never get the opportunity to do again.
And since they were never to see each other again anyway, she wanted to relish the moment, just this once, and she almost did…but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to kiss him, to try and salvage a happy memory from the sadness of the moment.
"Thank you, Kurosaki...goodbye." And then she just left. She would never know what it was like to kiss him, to imagine even for a moment that she was special to him, but there were some things people were never meant to know.
She walked around Karakura one last time. To her apartment building. To her school. To Tatsuki's house. How long would it take people to notice that she was gone? Would they wonder about her at first, then forget about her over time and go on with their lives as though nothing was different? Would it be like when Rukia first went back to the Soul Society, like she'd never existed at all? Would it be like when her brother had died, an indescribable emptiness caused by someone's sudden lack of presence? Would they miss her? Would they be sad?
Orihime went to the crater where the Arrancars had appeared for the very first time, and waited.
It was dark outside, and so unsurprisingly, there was no one else there. She wondered briefly whether she'd still be waiting when morning came.
At midnight, however, there was a disturbance.
He appeared suddenly before her just as he had in the Senkaimon. "So you're here, woman. Very good. I will escort you to Hueco Mundo. Come."
She looked warily at the portal he had opened up, then went through, with the Arrancar right behind her.
…
Orihime was not sure what kind of place she was expecting Hueco Mundo to be, but what she saw was not it. The only reason she knew it was Hueco Mundo was because of her escort's eloquent introduction ("This is Hueco Mundo, woman.")
It was a realm of nothing. There were no distinguishing landmarks except for one building (one huge building, but still). It was night time and there was a moon (which kind of surprised her) and…nothing else. A desert. White sand that stretched for miles in every direction. It all looked the same, all the way to the horizon. It was a world of black, white, and gray. Complete emptiness.
It was like she'd walked into some kind of hell born from her deepest fears.
"This…this is where Hollows live?" This was where Sora had lived. No wonder he had lost all sense of identity and gone mad.
She looked over at the Arrancar and saw him watching her. She couldn't tell if he was annoyed or impatient or any emotion he might be feeling at all really, because his face seemed to always be frozen in the same apathetic expression. He wasn't really scary, though. He didn't seem to possess the same murderous bloodlust as the others who had come to the world of the living and he didn't seem to have any intention of harming her. He had even given her time to get her affairs in order. He's more like a bored bodyguard.
"Um, excuse me Mr. Arrancar." His unblinking stare was making her nervous and was frankly somewhat creepy. He looked mostly human, didn't he have to blink like a human? "Um…"
"If you don't have anything to say then don't bother me, woman." His voice clearly was tinged with irritation. Well, at least that was better than the deadpan tone. (Although his facial expression still didn't change).
"Why does Aizen want me?"
"That is not for me to ask, and not you, either. And since he is the lord of Hueco Mundo, you should refer to him more respectfully. A weak human like yourself should be grateful that you have come to the attention of a powerful being like Lord Aizen."
"Well, I did what you wanted and came to Hueco Mundo. I did everything I agreed to."
"Lord Aizen is waiting for you within Las Noches."
Aizen, the treacherous Soul Reaper, who had sliced up his opponents like they were nothing. The thought of having to stand before a man like that, in the middle of hostile territory with no guarantee of her safety, was not exactly appealing. "And what if I refuse to go?"
"Then you can stay in the desert and die. And humans such as yourself, who possess spirit energy, don't appear here very often. Which means that you will probably attract the most vicious and bloodthirsty Hollows, who will eat you alive. You will then become a Hollow yourself and live out the rest of your days eating other Hollows."
The first option seemed to have higher odds of not dying in a pointlessly grisly way.
There were four other Arrancars waiting inside for them - the four who would have killed Orihime's friends had she refused to come here. There was the big, brutish one, a blond one that stared absentmindedly, one whose level of femininity put Orihime to shame, and a one-armed one with a massive scar on his chest.
"What took you so long, Ulquiorra?" the girly-looking one complained. "How long does it take to fetch one stupid girl?"
Ulquiorra. She remembered him being called that by the big one what seemed like a long time ago. It was an unusual name, but at least he had a name.
"Maybe he got lost on the way back", said the one-armed one.
Orihime realized that she was the one who had delayed them. Even if her escort -er, Ulquiorra - was an enemy, she didn't want him to get punished because of her. "It wasn't his fault. It was mine."
The Arrancars all just stared at her, as though trying to figure out what she was up to.
Then: "What a stupid, useless girl", said the girly one, "I have no idea what Lord Aizen would want with you. You're not even pretty."
No one could have known at that point that he wouldn't even survive the day. What was even more shocking to Orihime than the incident itself was that none of the Arrancar were even perturbed that one of their own had just gotten half his body blown off. It didn't take her long to figure out that random maimings, unnecessarily brutal deaths, and other assorted forms of violence were the normal mode of operations here.
And again she had to wonder what exactly she'd gotten herself into.
Next chapter: Ulquiorra's most challenging assignment yet-human beings.
