The Marshall and Lily Piece

Part 1

Lily had been done with work for almost 2 weeks and she was going completely, out of her mind insane with boredom. There's only so much time a girl could spend painting. Especially when she could think of so many better uses of her time.

Memorial Day Sales

Start of Summer Blowouts

D-Day Commemorative Sales

Flag Day Sales

4th of July Extravaganzas

She'd held out through June because she was still working and preoccupied her time caring for her kindergarteners. And the pseudo-kindergarteners that were her friends (because, really – which of her friends were NOT emotionally stunted at around age 5?). So when she felt the itch to go shopping, she could deflect it with lesson plans, or giving advice to Barney about his love for Robin, or spending some quality bedroom time with Marshall. And if all else failed, there was always painting. Painting was her never-fail solution to the seduction of the sale.

Except right now. Right now, it was failing.

She glanced at the clock – 2:30pm. She'd wasted a large chunk of her day on a painting that had no direction and no inspiration beyond her mind-numbing boredom. Not even a dog would like it, she supposed.

What Lily needed was a distraction.

Hmmm, she contemplated, maybe Marshall could steal some time away from his desk to enjoy a little afternoon … delight. She hadn't visited him at work for the past 3 days. Not since they were almost caught in the act by Marshall's nosy secretary, who apparently forgot how to knock.

Perhaps they should have remembered to lock the door.

But no matter. The bimbo hadn't seen anything, and even if she had, there was an understanding between Lily and what's-her-name. When they'd first been introduced, Lily had taken her aside and marked her territory, ie: Marshall.

These were the things that Lily was thinking about as she walked from the subway to GNB headquarters that afternoon.

The security guard waved her in, immediately recognizing Lily's now familiar face. On the ride up, Lily's heart fluttered at the thought of the possibility of an office love-making session. That feeling never went away, even after ten years with Marshall, two of which were as a married couple.

She strode down the hallway to Marshall's office, greeting some of Marshall's more familiar co-workers. Lily knew that these guys gave Marshall a hard time about Lily's visits, but she didn't care. Mama needed some distraction from her demons.

Marshall's secretary (whose name Lily consciously chose not to remember, due to her skimpy work-wardrobe and bimbo-ish nature. Sidebar: Barney MUST have capitalized on that one at SOME point) stopped Lily before she reached Marshall's door.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Aldrin," she said in the sing-song voice of a barely pubescent school girl, further exemplifying her less than ample intellect. "Mr. Erickson just had an appointment start about 10 minutes ago, and he said that he could not be disturbed."

"Well, who is it in there with him?" Lily asked. "If it's Barney, I'm pretty sure it's okay." Even then, Lily's mind could imagine some instances where she would not want to be allowed into Marshall's office.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Aldrin," the Slutty Secretary said again, "but he said specifically that no one, not even you could disturb him this afternoon."

"Wow, okay. I really doubt that, let me call him," Lily said, starting to feel the apprehension rise in her. Along with perhaps a twinge of jealousy. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Marshall's personal number. After three excruciatingly long rings, during which time Marshall's Slutty Secretary definitely gave Lily the stink-eye, Marshall finally answered.

"Hey baby, I'm so sorry, but can I call you back later? I'm in the middle of a meeting and can't leave."

Okay, that's perfectly reasonable, Lily thought. But something about Marshall's tone, and the situation just didn't seem right to her somehow. It's not like Marshall had Barney's job at GNB, meeting with heads of state and foreign dignitaries about sensitive cases of national security. He'd never denied Lily access to his office before, even if he was in a meeting. Because of her confusion, Lily decided to dig just a little bit more.

"Well baby, I'm right outside. You can't steal just one second and say hi?"

"Sorry Lil, not this time. I'll call you later." And he hung up without another word. Lily's eyes darted to Slutty Secretary, whose satisfaction couldn't be hidden. Lily decided to save face.

"Awww, honey," she cooed into the phone to a phantom Marshall. "No, you know what, as sweet as it is to offer to kick your ... um, meeting guy … out, I don't wanna be a bother. I'll see you at home… no! You don't have to buy me flowers to apologize." Now she was really laying it on. "Well, you can certainly do THAT to apologize," she finished seductively. "See you at home, Marshmallow."

She clicked the phone closed, gave a malicious grin to Slutty Secretary, and turned towards the exit.

Lily was awesome.

Then why'd she have a pit at the bottom of her stomach about this?

Retail therapy, make way for Lily Aldrin.

***

Ahh, MacLaren's, Lily thought. The highlight of my day. She was glad she didn't voice that thought to Ted and Robin, who were already seated at the booth at 6pm on a Thursday. She didn't want to sound too much like an alcoholic, after all.

Ted was already deep in a monologue about his new job, spouting off every last detail about today's lecture to Robin. Ever since he'd been hired by Columbia, it was all he could talk about.

Teaching was definitely a step in the right direction for Ted. His passion for the subject was obvious, and he clearly loved the sound of his own voice. The opportunity to co-professor the summer graduate classes was a perfect first step into academia. And from the sound of Ted's monologue, he'd be ready for teaching his own class in the fall.

Lily couldn't help but be jealous of Ted's excitement. After a few years of teaching kindergarten, the luster and excitement had gone out of her own teaching. Maybe she should revamp some of her lesson plans this summer. At least that would give her something to do besides paint, drink, shop, and pester Marshall at work.

What was that all about anyway? Marshall still hadn't called her back. That was strange.

Robin's eyes made contact with Lily's and it was easy to read the expression. It was the dear God, he will NOT shut up expression. They must have been here for awhile, because their beers were low. This gave Lily an opening.

"I need a beer," Lily suddenly said, abruptly interrupting Ted's ever lengthening analysis on modern architectural history. "I'll buy a round – Robin, you wanna help carry?"

"Sure," Robin said, trying not to sound too eager to get away from Ted. Then, to Ted she said, "I'll be right back."

"It's okay. I'll use the restroom in the meantime, then I'll continue about how Dr. Glenn –"

The girls had stopped listening to Ted as they quickly rose from their booth to walk to the bar, leaving Ted to himself for a moment.

"Oh my God, he doesn't stop! We've been here for two hours already. I've sat through his lecture – twice! I swear, if this is what it's gonna be like now that he's teaching at Columbia, they'd better give me a fucking PhD in architecture!"

"Aww, c'mon Robin," Lily said. "It's new and exciting for him. We have to be supportive. He'll calm down eventually –"

"Lily. Two. HOURS."

"Fair enough," Lily said as she flagged down Carl to place their order. "Beer good?" she asked Robin.

"How about morphine? No? Okay, beer is fine." As Lily ordered the three beers, Robin's expression of annoyance transformed into a brilliant, deviant smile. "I've got an idea. Let's pawn Ted off for awhile."

Lily groaned. "Robin, that's mean. He just wants to gush to us, he doesn't want a wingman right now. Plus, that's Barney's job, isn't it?"

"Desperate times, Lily."

Lily obliged and started scanning the crowd. It was a pretty heavy post-work crowd, taking advantage of MacLaren's excellent Happy Hour specials. Not the bimbo-laden crowd that Barney usually favored for wingmanning, but a bit higher class a crowd. Which was probably ideal for Ted.

There was a target right next to Lily at the bar. Mid twenties, dark blond hair, smartly dressed – not too professional but certainly not slutty. She actually looked nice. And she was alone.

Suddenly, Robin and Lily saw Ted approaching. If they were gonna do this, it had to be now.

"Hey guys," Ted casually said, "got the beer?"

Lily sprang into action. Channeling her inner Barney Stinson, she turned to Ted with a gallant expression and a cocky smile. Handing Ted his beer in the most theatrical of manners, Lily said, "Ted, your success calls for a celebration. Today, you need to learn how to live! And the only way to do that is with a little game called 'Haaaaave You Met Ted?'"

And with that, amidst Ted's protests, Lily turned towards the target, tapped her on the shoulder and said the legendary phrase, "excuse me, haaaaaave you met Ted?" and pushed Ted towards her.

Works every time.

As Ted talked the target's ear off about his new job, Robin and Lily sidled back into the booth.

"Well done, Lily," Robin said with obvious amusement and pride. "It strikes me that I'm not sure if Barney will be proud of your achievement, or hurt that he wasn't somehow involved."

"Maybe keep this from him until he's most receptive. Like, you know, when you guys are in bed after …" Lily's attempt at a joke ran out of steam as she realized that she wasn't sure if this was within the limits. She immediately regretted the reference to the pseudo relationship.

"Haha .. yeah … " Robin laughed mirthlessly. Robin's amusement at the situation had obviously waned. Lily cringed.

"Sorry, honey," Lily began. "I'm just not quite sure of the boundaries sometimes."

"No, it's ok." Robin shook her head, trying to brush it off. Sincerely, she admitted, "I'm not quite sure of the boundaries either …"

Lily remained silent, sensing that Robin needed to verbalize some of her insecurities regarding her and Barney's … whatever it was.

Robin sighed. "It's just confusing … because whenever I'm with Barney –"

"Are my ears burning, Scherbatsky? Because I'm pretty sure I just heard my name!" Barney exclaimed as he suddenly entered the bar. Clearly he'd caught his own name in the conversation Lily and Robin were having, but didn't quite catch the tone of the serious conversation he'd just interrupted.

Behind Barney trailed Marshall, and they approached the booth and slid in, Barney next to Robin, and Marshall next to Lily. The couples' table. Or whatever it was.

Both girls glanced anxiously at their boothmates, for differing reasons. Robin was sizing up Barney, trying to gauge what part of the conversation he'd heard. Lily was gazing quizzically at Marshall, trying to figure out where the hell he'd been all day. Both guys were oblivious to the stares from their counterparts, but Marshall was clearly uncomfortable. He was figeting, and refusing to look Lily in the eye. Just as Lily was about to question it, Barney casually asked, "so, where's the Nutty Professor tonight?"

His eyes glanced quickly about the bar, then rested upon Ted. Barney chuckled and shook his head with amusement and admiration.

"Clearly, he's using his new 'young, smoldering intellectual' status to impress the ladies. He must have read my blog this week."

Everyone else's eyes followed Barney's and landed on Ted, who now had his tongue down the throat of the target that Lily had chosen for him.

"Nice," Robin enthused. "Lily, you're almost a better wingman than Barney. You know you wanna bump this, girl," she said, extending her fist across the table to Lily, bro-style.

Barney and Marshall exchanged a look of confusion, to which Robin replied, "And the award for Wingman of the Night goes to Lily Aldrin for her epic performance in tonight's revival of 'Have You Met Ted?'"

Lily blushed a bit and pounded Robin's fist. A broad smile came across her face as Barney's eyes widened with surprise. She'd never seen what was so fun about being wingman before, but now she could kinda see why Barney was such a fan.

Barney's characteristic smirk replaced the surprise as he said, "well done, Lil. I didn't know you had a bro in you."

"That's my girl," Marshall said, breaking his jumpy silence for the first time that night. He hugged Lily, and she could tell he was a bundle of nerves. The tone of his voice was oozing with excitement, which could not have been just from Lily's new status as a master wingman.

Suddenly, the group's attention focused on Marshall.

"Honey, what is going on?" Lily asked. He was acting so strangely, and his unavailability earlier today rushed back into Lily's mind. She elaborated for him, "you were busy today, and didn't call me back, and now you're acting so –"

"IT'S NESSIE" Marshall exclaimed, immediately silencing all of the neighboring tables in MacLaren's.

Only Ted and his target remained undisturbed.

***

Marshall and Lily were lying in bed later that night, both staring up at the ceiling, not looking at each other.

" So let me get this straight, Lily began, cautiously. "You want to take two weeks off from work to join a Loch Ness search party in Scotland."

"No, baby. I want you to be there too. We can do it together! You've been bored all day, and this will be exciting!"

"Marshall, I'm sorry but I have a big problem with this. First of all, I don't want to relive our honeymoon. At least, not the Nessie part," she added quickly.

"Nessie is magical, Lil!" Marshall boomed. "I know you couldn't care less about this, but it's important to me! This could be a fantastic adventure and a great opportunity."

Then in a smaller voice, Marshall added, "it's my life dream. You know that."

Lily looked at Marshall. He looked deflated, hurt. Her apprehension began to evaporate. This was her soulmate, the love of her life. He built her up time after time. He always supported her in her life dreams. The least she could do was support him here.

"I'm sorry, Marshmallow," she said meekly. "You're right. If you really want this, I really want this. Tell me more about it."