The Day I Died
AN: a collection of one-shots based on the last human memories and moments of our beloved Cullens.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, world domination however might be easier to achieve.
Esme's Last Human moments:
Esme POV:
I held the tiny body in my arms, he looked so peaceful, as if he was sleeping, I so wanted so much for him to just be sleeping. He was perfectly still and each second that passed I prayed harder that his chest would start to rise and fall just as before but it never rose and his little heart didn't beat. Tears flowed down my face, dripping onto my shirt and soaking it as I held my son close to me, his lifeless body in my grasp made him look as if he was a porcelain doll, fragile, cold, still, dead. My breath was coming out in short rasps and I couldn't contain the hysteria anymore, I held the most precious thing to me in the world and he was gone. I couldn't help him, couldn't save him when he had been my salvation.
My heart was breaking, shattering as I gazed down at his perfect little face, a single tear dropped from my cheek onto his and I was quick to remove it but as my finger stroke his cold cheek I nearly collapsed off my chair. I felt so empty, for months I was sure of my future, my teaching career would enabled me to keep an eye on my little baby as he grew up, the people around me believed that I was widowed from the war and were supportive. I had nothing to fear since I had everything, now I had nothing. How could I return to a classroom full of young healthy children, it would kill me watching them grow as the years passed while knowing my own child would never grow.
I slowly put his little body back into his cot in the hospital, if it wasn't for his lung infection we would have been home now, sitting in my rocking chair by the fire while I cooed at him. Seconds trickled by me now and but time barely meant anything anymore, my senses seemed almost completely cut off but I could still feel. I could feel the wet warm tears staining my cheeks and I could feel the pain that churned throughout my body making my heart weep but I ignored them and walked numbly out of the hospital.
The wind was picking up now but i was completely oblivious to it as my thoughts were centred around my son, how he was the centre of my universe and now without him that universe had no point, nothing i could revolve around. The sky was dark and the wind howled loudly making me shiver but I ignored it. I had never suffered a worst pain than this, not when Charles would burn my arms with his cigars or punch me repeatedly when drunk. The humiliation, fear, worry and physical pain was nothing in comparison to what I felt now; my son had been the only positive thing I had in my life, the only good thing that had come from my disastrous marriage.
Nothing made sense anymore. I had failed my son and the guilt was overwhelming, my whole life was built on my guilt. I had never wanted to marry Charles but it was my mother's heart wrenching pleas that made me cave. It was my fault my marriage didn't work out, no matter what I did or said it was never enough for him; I was always in the wrong.
As I cast my thoughts to my memories I realised how much I just didn't care anymore, what did it matter now? I was walking through the thin forest now with the towns outskirts barely visible behind me; leaves were thick on the ground but the trees were spaced apart and had tall thin truncks allowing me to see easily through the forest ahead. I must have walked for another thirty minutes when I saw the trees starting to thin more and I could distantly hear the sea and the waves crashing on rocks.
I slowed as I reached the edge of the small forest; out infront of me was an endless stretch of ocean. The water was dark as the sunset had finally faded into a dark grey almost black sky, I couldn't see the stars or the moon both hidden behind the thick veil of cloud. I walked forward across the rocky cliff, stepping over the occasional clump of grass or vegetation until I was standing closely to the edge.
I leaned over to look below; beneath the cliff were large rough rocks, even in the lack of light I could make out the terrifying angles at which they protruded and could see the jagged edges around it. The water was crashing down on them hard, repeatedly smashing against them, the waves swirled dangerously below me. There was a good 100 feet between me and the dangerous rocks below.
I could help but think that it was a good thing, I wanted to just jump out and land on them, a release from the pain I felt now as they'd be no way I'd be able to survive the fall, I didn't want to survive. A small part of me was glad my son had passed, I was happy that he'd never have to face the horrors of life, I felt a small portion of relief as I was sure that he was in heaven, in a place where there was no pain and hopefully a place where I would soon enter.
I had contemplated taking my own life before; when I was married to Charles it was a very appealing option as it was the only way out for me. The only way I could have escaped alive was divorce or his death, my parents would disown me if I divorced and Charles was in good enough health to live quite a long time. I was ecstatic when I found I was pregnant and new choices were made available for me, the driving force behind them was my child, seeing my child suffer at the hands of my husband would hurt more than he could ever do by beating me. The pain was all I could feel now, like someone had stabbed me with a rusted serrated knife right into my heart and was twisting it.
Looking at the rocks I tried to calculate how bad my injuries would be if I somehow survived, I pictured myself in the hospital, my body broken, mangled and bandaged head to toe. The last time I had been in hospital was quite memorable, it's been 10 years since I was last admitted although in recent years I've had plenty of reasons to go. I hid my injuries from everyone I knew, nursed them myself since it would raise suspicion and my husband would only beat me more, if not then kill me. I was 16 at the time and I had climbed a tree, only to loose my footing when my skirts got tangled and ended up with a broken leg.
I can still remember the young face of the doctor I had, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His hair was light, a light blonde that he had combed back into utter perfection, his features were amazing, and each was straight and perfect. His eyes had bored into mine with overwhelming concern but they were the strangest colour, they had been golden. His face looked like it have been carved by angels or that he could be a reincarnation of an angel. He treated me with such a caring manner, he acted as if he had known me for years and the concern he showed was real, more concern than he perhaps should have had for a patient. 10 years and I can still recall his face perfectly but his name had not registered within me since I had been too focused on his beauty, from then on it was his face I saw standing with me at the alter, his hand stroking my cheek instead of slapping it and his smile as I told him of our child. I was disappointed when he moved away from town a few weeks later; I had hoped to see him again or at least talk outside of his work. My reality was far from my wild teenage fancies of my doctor.
I would never see that doctor again; I doubted I would ever see anyone ever again. I knew what I wanted now, it proberly wasn't the right decision but it was what was best for me. The wind whipped my hair and clothes out behind me, nearly making the tears on my face freeze; I looked out across the sea and studied the endless water. I thought about my son, letting his face fill my mind and I welcomed the pain that accompanied his images. I remembered his little plump cheeks that had been flushed with pink when I first held him or his little caramel curls I wrapped around my little finger. I took delight in these memories that took place not two days earlier and with his angelic face in my mind I ran and used all my strength to launch myself off the cliff.
It felt as if I was flying as I plunged towards the water, my hair flew up and sprawled across my face but I couldn't stop myself screaming, the adrenaline and the fear made it an automatic reaction. It felt as if I was falling forever, I refused to open my eyes to see the sharp rocks I was about to hit, I wanted to die with my son in mind so I kept focusing on his face. I could hear the wind whistling past me and blocked out all other sounds, I couldn't hear the waves and for a moment It felt as if I was on top of the world, completely happy that I would join my beloved son in the afterlife. This thought made me smile but a second later the impact on the rocks wiped that smile away.
My back collided with the rocks first and I heard a loud snap; my legs hit the rock but then twisted into a strange angle as did my left arm. My head banged into the rock last giving me the worst pain. As all these things happened almost at the same time pain rocked through me easily surpassing every other feeling, it was the worst physical pain I had ever been in. I felt dizzy but I couldn't move horror washed through me, I had somehow survived the impact. I opened my eyes slowly, next to me was the sharper rocks I had been aiming for but had missed thus causing me to land on a smoother but still rough rock. I couldn't turn my head to see the sky and my face was turned away from the sea but I could feel the freezing water lapping over the rock and onto me. Warmth started to surround me and started to mix with the paralysing temperature of the water, staining my clothes. I cast my eyes down to where I could just glimpse at my body and saw the familiar red creeping out from my body. The blood made thin wisps of red ribbons through the water which disappeared quickly as it trickled down the rocks.
The dizziness started to change into darkness, it pressed down on me taking over my senses but not dulling the pain. I didn't try to fight it, I had no reason to. But apart of me wanted to push against it, to fight and hold on but I simply ignored it instead trying to focus on my son instead of the pain in my final moments. Suddenly I could hear shouting coming from above me but as the darkness pressed they grew fainter and quieter until I felt the darkness finally take over me but it was lingering and the pain was still there not letting up.
I could see nothing, hear nothing, smell nothing but I could feel my injuries, I felt like I had been floating in this darkness for an eternity. Why wasn't I dead? Or am I dead and this is the afterlife? Just an endless abyss of darkness and pain from which there is no escape, no relief. I prayed I was wrong, if this was all death brought then that meant my son wouldn't be in heaven he'd just be floating in the same darkness I was. I could hear voices now, they were soft however I couldn't make them out but they were there. I could feel myself being touched, but it was so light I couldn't be sure but whatever it was I had felt it where my wrist should be and then my neck. The voices continued but I couldn't understand what they were saying, I heard a quiet sound, the quietest yet but it stood out, it was the closing of a door and then scrapping metal. Then there was silence, no voices, no pressure, nothing and again I was left in the dark.
I don't know how long I laid there but soon I felt pressure, it was at my neck and was very light and then a voice, it was louder now; I could feel a cold breath tickling my ear.
"Hold on Esme, I won't let you go, everything's going to be ok." The voice whispered to me, it was gentle and it was a strangely familiar voice, I had met this person before I was sure but I couldn't place its owner. It certainly wasn't anyone I had known or met recently in the last few months I came to town because I would remember. It was as if it was from a dream, a long forgotten one. His words confused me but gave me comfort that I was going to be saved from the hell I had inflicted on myself and they gave me hope. No matter how much i was regretting jumping of the cliff i still felt that a large part of me didn't want to be saved.
"Forgive me my love." Came the mystery voice again. His words puzzled me. Why was he sorry? Why did he refer to me like that? The pressure was back on my neck, firmer this time. I wondered what the person was doing, why was they probing my neck?
Suddenly I felt something clamp down on my skin a few inches below my right ear, whatever it was it was hurting and I wanted to reached up and push away but my hands wouldn't move. It cut through me but then it was gone, the wound stung a little for a few seconds but the sting grew and grew. I could feel it snake its way through my veins and in my blood and wherever it went it made that place sting. The stinging started changing, getting hotter and hotter. It surpassed anything I felt before, my fall onto the rocks was nothing to this, I could have jumped a higher distance and onto sharper rocks and i was sure it still wouldn't be as painful as this.
It felt as if someone had set me alight, fire burned through me. Perhaps I was dead and the darkness was only a temporary place people stayed, perhaps the man had been an angel, deciding my fate and was now sending me to hell. The fire licked at my body, surely this was hell, there could be no pain greater. If this was hell then there must be a heaven, since with one there must be the other, if this was true then I was given new hope that my son was there in heaven. I hadn't realised my legs had been numb until the fire burned at a point near my waist which suddenly made my legs flare up in the same fire. Somewhere in the chaos I started to get stronger and I soon found my voice. I screamed out making it ring in my own ears, I could feel my strength returning to my body and I used it to thrash out, my body twisted every way searching for relief or escape from the pain. I could hear voices trying to talk to me to console me but I didn't listen, I could only focus on the fire that burnt me and I would scream for them to kill me but I wouldn't listen to their answers, only caring if they'd comply to my wish, something they refused to do.
I stayed like this for ages, twisting and thrashing, screaming and yelling as my heart raced, nearly crashing out of my chest. A while later the pain started to numb in my toes and fingers until it was extinguished in those parts. This new feeling spread up through my body getting rid of the fire and leaving me feeling cool and pain free. It reached my heart, the last part of me that was still on fire, I was ecstatic that it was nearly over but to my horror the pain only worsened in my heart. My racing heartbeat picked up and thumped to a whole new level. It suddenly slowed then beated quietly a few times then stopped altogether. My body was pain free and I slowly opened my eyes for the first time.
Directly above me was a man, he looked down at me in complete awe, wonder and concern and more importantly love. The clarity in which I could see his face was amazing, every detail was enhanced. His blonde hair was combed back and his eyes shone golden amber, my breath came out in a large whoosh as I realised who it was. It was my dream doctor, the same one who treated my leg ten years ago, I was surprised to see him above me, my dreams had not done him justice but he hadn't aged as I always pictured him, he looked the same but the detail in which I saw him only enhanced his beauty. He smiled at me and his fingers reached to my cheek and brushed them slowly, his smile was dazzling.
"Hello Esme, I've waited 10 years for you." He breathed, I only answered with a smile, his statement raised many questions that I would need answers to as well as answers to the other things I had just experienced. It was strange seeing him again, why was he here? What was happening to me? But I had a feeling that he knew. But for some reason my empty heart seemed to fill at his words, give me hope, there was nothing but truth in them and he sounded sincere. This was all happening so fast but i felt like i was falling all over again, but this time i was falling in a different way. i was falling in love, i always wondered why i couldn't let go of my memories of this man, why i so desperately wanted to see him again, maybe he felt the same way about me as i had. His smile never ceased but his eyes betrayed him and showed a hint of worry but the love in them nearly overflowed.
Looking into his eyes I realised that for the first time since my son died, a part of me was happy, Perhaps I was in Heaven afterall.
AN: Aww a somewhat happy ending for esme well... happily ever beginning. I wanted to give her some happiness as she went into her new life. I know it's love at first sight but i tried to make it kind of love at second sight 10 years later.
Not sure who will come next, perhaps you should mention who you want to see in the next chapter but i really want at least one review, the first to review will get the next chapter dedicated after them ;D, it might even be their chapter choice up next but Even if you don't want to suggest a person, why not review anyway. I'd really appricate it :D
Thanks for reading! x
