AN: And here we are at chapter two. Thanks to the three lovely people for your reviews and support for the idea and the story. I just thought I'd say I had a LOT of fun writing this chapter, especially Mello's monologue to Near. XD But don't think lil Matty will be left out of this! He's got a part to play in all of this madness. And quite a humorous one.
DI = Desert Industries, which is pretty much like a Goodwill store.
Chapter Two
Mello woke up, and found he was still in Near's room.
Shit! We didn't switch back! I should've guessed that we wouldn't! He sat up, and shook his head, short white hair waving back and forth slightly with each shake.
He stood, and nearly fell over, because he had stepped on the long pajama bottoms as he had risen.
I hate this! Pajamas are fun to jeer at, but having to wear them all the time would suck! How the hell does he put up with them? he inwardly cursed that he had to switch with Near of all people. Why couldn't it have been Matt? At least then I wouldn't have to put up with pajamas!
He staggered to the bathroom, and got to the toilet. He reached down to unzip his fly but found that there wasn't one in the pants he wore.
Oh god! I hate this! he thought, as he pulled down his pajama pants, to find that he was wearing nothing underneath.
"Christ! Does he go all day like this?" he said out loud, shocked at the discovery he made.
He stared for a moment as he realized just how small Near was.
I miss Mr. Happy... he thought, looking sadly down at his privates.
How the hell do I deal with this? he thought, looking down at the small thing that apparently wouldn't go as he stood up. Finally, he just plunked down on the toilet and went, feeling relieved.
When he finished, he stood, and pulled up the pants.
I'm a thirteen year old, who's become an eleven year old, who doesn't wear underwear and has to sit on the toilet to go... Just great, he thought, leaving the bathroom to run into himself.
"Mello!" Near whispered furiously, looking at him in a slightly panicked manner.
"What?" he said, looking up from the ground, mourning the loss of Mr. Happy.
Near pointed to a bulge in his boxers, and exclaimed, "What is wrong with it? It's been like this for like two hours! How do you sleep with a pole in your pants?" in a tone that betrayed his loathing of Mr. Happy, and his antics.
"Well..." Mello flushed a shade of bright red, and shook his head.
"What? What do you do to fix it?" Near pleaded quietly, begging Mello to tell him.
"I um... You know..." he said, and then he motioned with his hands.
"YOU DO THAT!?" Near whispered, unable to believe that Mello could do such a thing.
"Well... Yeah..." he replied, his face getting redder.
The conversation was interrupted by a door swinging out into the hall and Matt walking out looking like he just woke up, his short red hair sticking up in odd places.
"'Morn," he mumbled, walking almost zombie like into the bathroom.
"Good morning," Mello said with a grin.
Near nodded, and turned back to Mello.
"Near...? What's with you being so chipper in the morning?" Matt asked sleepily, rubbing his de-goggled eyes to rid them of the grit from sleeping.
"Uh... I slept well?" Mello said, fumbling to recover himself.
Matt grunted, and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
"Smooth! You almost blew it on the first try!" Near complained in an undertone, poking Mello in the shoulder with a gloved finger.
"OW!" Mello exclaimed, holding his shoulder, and looking pissed at Near. "If you weren't me... I'd deck you!" he said in a threatening tone, holding a thin arm up, his hand balled into a fist.
Near looked happy that he had not gotten punched, knowing Mello's punches felt like bullets.
Mello gave Near a disapproving look, and then said, "We should get dressed..."
He turned from him, and walked away, heading to Near's room. Near watched after him, and decided that it would be best if he got dressed. He sighed, and turned to Mello's room, walking in and shutting the door.
Mello opened up Near's dresser, and found a bunch of white clothes crammed into it. He grimaced, hating the bright clothes, even if they made Near look so damn cute. And if anyone had asked him to repeat what was just written, he would deck them right then and there.
Sighing through his nose, Mello pulled out a shirt, pants and a pair of white socks, and put them on. He made a note that he'd have to help expand Near's wardrobe once this odd experience had run its course.
Near, on the other hand, was not having such an easy time of getting dressed.
He stood in the middle of the room, struggling to figure out how to put on leather anything, and found that it was difficult to even understand the material, let alone put it on. Finally, he gave up, tossing the vest into the corner of the room, opting to not wear it at all.
How does he wear such clothing? I truly don't understand how someone with a temper such as his can even put up with it... Either way, I should get a shirt and pants on, he thought, opening up Mello's closet.
What he found in it made him want to hide.
He couldn't make himself wear any of the shirts Mello usually wore, the ones that made him 'so hot you could fry an egg on him' as some of the girls liked to say. He searched Mello's entire closet, finally dragging out the only decent shirt that he owned, an ugly pea green shirt with orange stripes running horizontally around it, a gag Matt had given Mello on one of his birthdays. He slid it over his head, and pulled it over his chest, the soft fabric caressing his skin, making him shiver.
What was that feeling? It was... nice, he thought, looking at himself in the mirror, and nodding, even thought the shirt was too small for him.
He routed through Mello's pants, and found a pair that didn't cling to his body, making him feel like he had paint on pants, and nodded at the horridness that was his clothing.
This isn't a typical Mello, but I can make an excuse... he thought, looking at the pea green shirt with orange stripes, and the dark green and blue plaid pants that where two sizes too big for Mello's hips.
He nodded one last time, and opened the door, to find Mello standing there.
Mello stared at Near, his eyes full of horror as he witnessed the sight that stood before him.
"What... the hell... are... you... WEARING?!" Mello asked finally, shoving Near back into his room, and slamming the door.
Near gave him a confused look, and waited as Mello talked himself hoarse about the monstrosity of the clothes he chose to wear.
"Nate River, your sense of fashion continues to kill me. First I find that you only have white everything, and then you come out looking like a clown from a frat party! And you're not even wearing LEATHER! How do you expect to make it look like you're me, if you don't even dress like I do!? How do you expect to be able to do anything with all of that extra cloth to trip on? Tell me... How is it that you don't know that those colors make me look horrid? I NEVER wear those colors, and Matt got these clothes from the DI! I don't wear ANYTHING that comes from there! They have an abomination of a fashion sense! Tell me yours is better?" he said, without so much as a hesitation between words.
"And you didn't even brush your hair! Look at the snarls in it! You must thrash around like a dying fish while you're asleep! Good God, just because you go around looking like you've got a mauled duck on your head, doesn't mean that I want to look like that too!" he cried, pointing at the state of mess his normally beautiful hair was in.
Near just looked taken aback, as Mello rushed forward, and began to remove the clothes he had on, practically ripping off the pea green shirt in contempt.
"Now... I'll help you dress properly, seeing that you have no clue how to dress yourself. First I'll show you how to put on leather..." he said, and then stopped suddenly, as a strange feeling crept into his mind.
Wow is he sexy when he's me... The way he tries to modestly hide behind his arms... Wow... I didn't know I could look so adorable! he thought, making a mental note to try this on someone when he was himself again. He gave Near a grin, and patted him on the shoulder.
Near gave him a weird look, stepping back slightly, and looking down at the vest.
"Do I have to wear leather?" he complained, looking back at him for an answer.
"Hell yes you do! I don't want one bit of my reputation drained! I'm going to need it for the future one day!" Mello snapped, his voice lighter and louder than he had intended.
"Let the whole place know why don't you!" Near said, slapping one hand on his hip, in a decidedly Mello manner.
Mello looked at him, and then broke out laughing.
"It looks like you might be okay if you keep that up!" he said as he bent and picked up the vest from the corner.
After thirty minutes of struggling, Near got the basic idea of how to wrangle on a leather vest.
"Now let's do your lower half... I've got a great one for today! It's supposed to be hot out, so I decided that I'd try one of my summer pair," he said gaily, as he took out a black pair of shorts, made out of-you guess it-leather.
"This should do nicely!" he said, tossing Near the shorts, as he stared in horror.
"This is MUCH too small! How do you wear it?" he wondered aloud as he shimmied into the pair of shorts
"I just do Near... Stop complaining and put it on!" he replied.
Near glanced at himself in the mirror, and almost fainted.
This is too hot... I'M TOO HOT! he thought miserably, waiting for Mello to give him some shoes.
"Here, take these!" he said, tossing some shoes over his shoulder, and smirking.
Near gaped at the shoes when he saw how high they went.
"You want me to... wear Converse?" he gasped, as Mello nodded yes to his question.
He put them on silently; cursing all of the forms of God he could come up with, for their morbid sense of humor.
When he had finished, he could barely move his feet or ankles, as he found the true meaning of high tops.
Mello gave Near an appreciative once over, and slapped him on the ass.
"You're ready to face the world my friend," he said, grinning at how evil he was being.
"You really... want me to... go down... looking like this?" He gasped, fingers twitching as he ached to lose the Converse.
"Yup!" Mello said, tossing Near a chocolate bar and opening the door slowly, and checking to see if anyone else was in the hall. No one was, so he strode quickly from his room, and went downstairs, leaving Near to contemplate his new attire.
