A/N: Since you asked so nicely, here's an epilogue! Alas, Edward's ordeal is not yet over...


Epilogue


When the prodigal student finally reappeared a few days later, the rumour mill immediately went into hyperdrive faster than you could say 'Edward is an emo.' And is currently undergoing treatment and counselling and cognitive therapy...

And so, it was with great wariness and trepidation that Edward gingerly pulled open his locker door (at the very least, he'd been forewarned by Alice's sudden fit of giggles in the car) to find a barrage of scented fanmail and information booklets tumbling out.

Needless to say, it was a long time before anyone could say "emo", and not immediately think of one rather indignant Edward Cullen. It was also a long time before Emmett could look said person in the eye and keep a straight face. (read: not fall on the floor laughing hard enough to put a jackal to shame. Jasper had actually taken out his camera phone and recorded the full ten-minute performance.)

For the first time in his life, Edward found himself wishing that he couldn't read minds. It was enough to make anyone want to lapse into an emo-worthy monologue: The whole world is against me...why? WHY?

...Perhaps not.

But at the very least, all of this was almost enough to make him seriously contemplate murder...

Well, almost.

After all, he was a vampire (as one-who-shall-remain-unnamed now knew very well, cough cough), and as a vampire, he had a certain reputation to uphold. (The real one.)

...What reputation? An all-too-familiar-voice broke into his thoughts – though technically, it was just another thought that no one else could hear, a fact which had lately earned him an ungodly amount of ribbing from his family.

Edward's eye twitched as he glared in Alice's direction. He'd been doing a lot of both recently. The object of his ire merely smiled innocently. Who, me? I smell denial, Edward. It's not just a river, you know.

There came the ominous creaking of protesting timber, a sound which they'd all become rather familiar with over the last few weeks.

Frustrated, he turned away from his most unhelpful sister, seeking the company of Bella instead.

"You know, Edward, you really shouldn't take your anger out on other people – or inanimate objects," Bella said earnestly, her wide brown eyes filled with a concern that fooled Edward not at all.

...Why did I even think she would be any help? Knowing her, she was probably being worried about the table.

Her subsequent mortification and guilt after finding it out for real had quickly been forgotten with her new favourite pastime: Tormenting Edward! Bella was having the time of her life.

"It's bad for your health, you know. If you really must, try venting your feelings in other ways..."

Argh!

Alice's smile widened.

Revenge had never been sweeter.


Fin.


Please note that no offense was meant to emos in the writing of this. And of course, mental illness is a serious issue.