Author's Note: Wow, chapter two already? Yeah, I'm just trying to get the full idea down before I become too lazy to finish it. So there.
Disclaimer: I already said it! Refer to chapter one! Shoo!
Faith: But there's something else...
Disclaimer: Oh, really? -sees script- Oh...well, I don't own anything else beside the plot and the Muggle who's supposed to give Voldemort the huge mega-gift. There we go.
Voldemort was cackling, looking at the girl reading all peaceful and unsuspecting in her home. "Wormtail," he said, smiling, "I think we've found our Muggle."
"Oh, Dark Lord,"--cue the lightning and stuff--"I think you may want to know, there is a fine print, I see..." Wormtail whimpered, holding the bottom of the scroll up to his face.
"Fine print? Where?" Voldemort snatched the scroll from Wormtail and read towards the bottom of it. And sure enough, written in minuscule lettering just so that you wouldn't catch it the first four or five times was written:
Do not torture the Muggle. It is their choice whether or not to give their gift to you, and the only way to receive it is if the Muggle decides you deserve it and gives it to you in joy. So don't waste your breath. Bye bye, now.
"Darn it, I can't do nothing!" Voldemort yelled angrily.
---
Far away, at Hogwarts, a cry of pain could be heard from Harry.
"Harry, you've been doing that all night," said Ron, yawning. Harry's squeaks and yelps had been keeping him awake, and Ron was not enjoying it at all.
The other three boys were deeply snoring, ignoring completely the fact that two of the boys were still up and alert.
"Sorry, Ron," Harry said, putting on his glasses and rubbing his scar. "It's been giving me sharp jolts all night; I think Voldemort may be up to something..."
"He's always up to something, Harry."
"I know, it's just...it must be very frustrating to him..."
"Just put some ice on it and go back to sleep," Ron told him.
"But what if he's coming? What if he's planning to kill Dumbledore?"
"We already know he's planning to kill Dumbledore," Ron said exasperatedly. "We already know he's up to something, we already know all that stuff. Now unless you can tell us what he is planning, stop stating the obvious!" With that, he flopped back into bed and threw the covers over his head.
Harry scowled. Ron couldn't understand. Dumbledore couldn't understand. Why didn't they? How could they? It was so irritating how they'd just misunderstand him entirely and pass him off as what they assumed. He lay back down and tried to go back to sleep.
---
"Don't worry, Master!" Wormtail reassured Voldemort. "We'll get that gift if it's the last thing we do! We'll find a way to do it without torture! We will!"
"No, Wormtail, you don't get it," Voldemort said, glaring at the fine print. "It's just...in order to get it...we're going to have to be..." (There was scary music again, though no one had said "The Dark Lord") "...nice."
"Well, you are the Dark Lord"--now comes the scary music and everything--"and we all know that you can do anything!" Wormtail said. "Just believe in yourself!" A small rainbow formed behind him. The sky became all blue and happy, and ponies were trotting merrily outside. There were puppies barking and sleeping with kittens. (Not in that way, perverts!) It seemed as though the world was at peace.
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP!" Voldemort shouted. Suddenly the sky became total gloom-and-doom again, the puppies and kittens dropped dead, and the ponies ran away. "I need help, okay?!"
"There is a rehabilitation center just a few blocks from here if you want, sir..."
"Ugh." Voldemort sat down at the table and proceeded to headdesk repeatedly. He pounded his fist in time with the ramming.
Wormtail looked on, quite scared, wondering what was wrong with his master.
"I--hate--my--life--I--hate--my--life--"
---
"Ow--ow--OW!" Harry yelled. It felt as though he were banging his head against the wall, and might as well have been.
"What's wrong now, Harry?" Ron demanded sleepily. Harry still hadn't gone back to sleep, so of course Ron wasn't able to, with all the racket.
"I--ow--just feel--ouch--pain--ow! Whatiswrongwiththisdarnscar?!" Harry said.
"You're probably having a migrane." Ron yawned. "Go to Madam Pomfrey or something, she'll have a good idea what to do..."
"Gah..." Harry slid out of bed, and not bothering getting out of his pajamas, he walked sluggishly to the hospital wing.
---
"How...to...be...nice."
Voldemort had somehow managed to attain a computer and was now Googling how to be nice. Wormtail was standing behind him, reading nervously over his shoulder.
"Let's see..." Voldemort leaned closer to the screen. "Number one: Smile a lot. Number two: Be kind to everyone. Number three: Always say hello. Number four: Compliment people. Number five: Be polite. Wow, this being nice stuff is a lot easier than I thought it would be," he said incredulously. "All I have to do is smile and say hello? Hmm."
He stood up and went to the mirror. Voldemort grinned at it and said in his most despicably polite voice, "Hello, little child."
The mirror cracked into a million pieces in response, but Voldemort did not care. He turned to Wormtail, smiling still, and said, "Let us go meet our little Muggle, shall we?"
"Oh yes, Master, let's," Wormtail said.
With that, they Apparated, and were sent off to the girl's house. Little do they know, it's going to be just a bit more difficult than simply saying "Hello" to get the gift when this author's writing...
Author's Note: Second chapter, there you go! Now, review, please?
