Shock
Disclaimer: I don't own the Code Geass Characters so please don't sue me for borrowing them
—
It was enough wasn't it?
Suzaku stared hard at the form curled before him sleeping peacefully as if nothing in the world could bother him. He'd carried him to the bed, surprised at how light Lelouch felt in his arms almost weightless. Lelouch's breath came soft and easy a deep peaceful sound that hovered in the air between them. It was enough it had to be. Suzaku shook himself cradling his head in his hands as he struggled to wrap his mind around what was happening. He took Refrain. His eyes strayed towards the syringe lying where it had fallen on the floor. He's using an illegal drug. This isn't supposed to be happening, Lelouch should have been watched carefully to ensure he didn't do something like this. On the other hand . . . Suzaku's gaze returned towards Lelouch, on the other hand if Lelouch really were Zero . . .. Suzaku let out a frustrated sigh running his fingers through his hair. Damn it Lelouch, what in the hell were you thinking?
"First Euphie and now you're going to sacrifice Nunnally's happiness as well? Does your selfishness know no bounds?" Suzaku whispered under his breath.
"That depends on what you see as 'selfish'."
His head jerked up at the sound of Lelouch's voice to find a pair of deep purple-hued eyes staring coolly back at him. Suzaku's eyes narrowed as he regained his composure watching Lelouch sit upright in the bed rubbing at his forehead. Lelouch's eyes scanned the room taking stock of the mess and the dim light coming in through the windows.
"You're still here?" Lelouch's voice sounded almost bored as he pulled one leg up wrapping his arms around it as he rested his chin on his knee letting his eyelids slide shut.
"Lelouch, that name—," Suzaku balked at the icy stare Lelouch showed him. There was something different about Lelouch—something he couldn't quite place his finger on. It made his heart pulse in an almost painful way. As if he were losing Euphie all over again.
"Why are you still here?" Lelouch whispered ignoring Suzaku's obvious question.
"I can't be concerned for a friend?"
Lelouch chuckled at the word 'friend' a cruel twisted sound that cut through Suzaku like a knife. The dark gaze Lelouch leveled at him set his back straight at the sight of it. Lelouch leaned forward until he was looking Suzaku straight in the eyes. Again Suzaku felt it, a strange shiver that pulsed through him until he was certain that this wasn't Lelouch he was speaking to.
"'Friend'? Is that really what I am to you Su-za-ku?"
Suzaku stood taking a step back in order to distance himself from Lelouch, it was dangerous—what he was doing was dangerous. Lelouch was an enemy, more than any enemy he was the man who had betrayed him. Who betrayed whom? Suzaku pushed the annoying thought out of his head trying to steady himself in the idea that Lelouch was and still is the enemy. He betrayed Euphie, he killed her. The thought set ice pulsing through the heat in his veins.
"Glad to see you agree." Lelouch chuckled seeing the change in Suzaku's posture and reading it the way he would the pieces on a chessboard, "Get out." He waved his hand as he sat back laying one arm on his knee as he looked away.
Suzaku fumed at the obvious dismissal his fists clinching at his side. Damn you. He moved without realizing what he was doing grabbing hold of Lelouch he easily pinned him back against the bed. It was easy, Lelouch had always been weaker than he even in their childhood and time hadn't changed that. People trusted you; they trusted you to lead them and you'd leave them to die. The thought angered him as he raised his fist striking against that calm face leaving a bright red mark against pale smooth skin.
Lelouch's head pulsed painfully as Suzaku hovered above him, eyes hidden beneath shadows, breath coming out in ragged gasps. His jaw hurt from where Suzaku had hit him but the pain was dulled into something that felt almost surreal. He almost felt like smiling, did Suzaku really think he cared a wit about what happened anymore? With or without Refrain, he wouldn't care—he could easily cast a Geass on himself to keep the effects of Refrain pulsing through him. It was easy, it was simple and it was the only light left for him. He didn't care about the Rebels, the Black Knights, Nunnally, his mother, Rolo or his present self for that matter. What did it matter if everything could be taken away from him? All of it was a lie written for him by Geass and enforced by the man sitting on top of him. For Suzaku to think that Lelouch was being selfish? That was Suzaku's problem not his, let the bastard think what he would it didn't matter, this world was nothing more than smoke and mirrors. Perhaps this way Suzaku could get a better look at Lelouch and see just how little he cared. This is what you wanted. The thought pulsed through him clearing the pain from his jaw.
"Damn you." The words whispered past Lelouch's ears as he stared up at Suzaku.
"You're heavy, get off." Lelouch replied watching Suzaku with calm eyes.
The words shook Suzaku to the core as he leaned back letting go of Lelouch but not moving from where he sat straddling the thinner boy. He stared at Lelouch unable to see his friend, the friend he had grown up with, the friend—he had betrayed to save the world. Lelouch stared at him there was nothing left in his eyes that remained of the man he'd called friend. This is what you wanted.
"You're heavy." Lelouch repeated with a sigh.
"Lelouch—,"
"Get—off." It wasn't an order, a suggestion, it was just words something Lelouch wanted to say at the moment. It didn't matter to him either way if Suzaku moved or not, it was just words that had to be spoken.
"Is that how it is?" Suzaku ground the words past his teeth but he didn't move staring down at Lelouch seeking answers.
Lelouch sighed, how much longer was he going to have to deal with Suzaku and the others? What did it take to chase them away? To show them that he didn't care anymore, life was so much easier for him since he'd stopped caring about all of them. If he'd been like this in the beginning he could have prevented—Lelouch stopped the thought before it could complete itself, it didn't matter anymore.
"What are you talking about," A smirk spread across his lips, "Isn't this what you wanted? You wanted this—admit it Su-za-ku, this is how you wanted things to end. I'm merely giving you what you wanted all this time."
The words took Suzaku off balance his mouth gaping open in denial—this certainly was not what he'd wanted!
"Don't make this about me. You chose to take that damn drug, you—,"
"Don't care what you have to say anymore." Lelouch cut in pushing up as hard as he could in an effort to dislodge Suzaku. Suzaku proved to be heavier than him and much stronger to boot. Lelouch sighed again it was beginning to become a habit. When had he ever thought these troublesome people to be friends they were more of a nuisance than anything else.
"What about Kallen? Do you even care about what happens to her?" Suzaku spat the words out furious at the Lelouch's calm demeanor he wanted nothing more than to hit the other boy until—. Suzaku stopped the thought there, until what? Until the old Lelouch came back? Until Zero resurfaced if he hadn't already?
"Why should I? It has nothing to do with me. Kallen's a big girl now she can take care of herself."
The words made Suzaku freeze as he stared down at Lelouch, again he found himself feeling as if he were meeting Lelouch for the first time in his life. The calm demeanor was more than just a facade—it was real and that thought scared the hell out of him. Without thinking Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by the collar pulling him up enough so that their eyes could meet. It sent a shard of pain lancing through his chest to see the look in Lelouch's eyes to know that it was real this time. This time? The thought was an odd one and he quickly tossed it aside. He wanted to see anger, shame, guilt, and remorse. Anything but the look Lelouch was giving him at that moment. Even if that look were shock.
Lelouch blinked as Suzaku's lips closed around his bringing his arms up to try and push Suzaku off but the other boy had a stronger grip wrapping his free arm around Lelouch's waist to pull him closer. This wasn't happening, the feel of Suzaku's heart beating against Lelouch's fingertips startled him. It was a steady pulse, a swift beating that made his own heart race in response. The sensation of Suzaku's lips against his own made his head reel between disbelief, shock and—pleasure? Lelouch pulled back trying to break the kiss but Suzaku's lips followed molding against Lelouch's as if they were the perfect fit.
Lelouch struggled to break free as a tide of emotion washed over him pulsing through the ice he'd left to settle against his veins until they reached his heart. He's good at this. The thought surprised him as his struggles lessened his arms falling limp against Suzaku's chest. He was content to let the other man lead, content to let Suzaku continue kissing him despite the initial shock. He did this with Euphie. The thought rocked through him enough to spur a renewed determination to knock Suzaku off of him.
Smack!
Suzaku reeled backwards from the full-faced slap Lelouch had delivered against the side of his head bells ringing in his ears. Sitting back his eyes watering from the surprising blow he barely registered Lelouch climbing to his feet and moving away. What had he just done? His mind felt jumbled as if nothing made sense anymore. Lelouch—Suzaku looked over at him as the pieces of his mind settled back into place, he'd kissed Lelouch. Far from shock the look on Lelouch's face was one of pure rage. The pale skin flushed a brilliant and stunning shade of red that captivated Suzaku's attention.
"Get—Out." This time the words were far from calm, Lelouch's voice shook as he spoke his breath came out uneven.
"Lelouch—,"
"GET OUT!" Anger rattled through the air as if it were a tangible thing settling in the space that divided the two of them. Suzaku moved as if half awake shutting the door quietly behind him, he leaned back against the hard wooden surface one hand reaching up to touch his lips. Lelouch's lips had felt surprisingly soft against his and—once he'd stopped fighting—they had molded to his own as if the two were made for each other. He can't be trusted! Suzaku pushed his fingers through his hair at the thought; he already knew that Lelouch couldn't be trusted. He knew all that and still—still he'd felt the urge to seal away that calm demeanor that Refrain had given to him.
As the door closed behind Suzaku, Lelouch felt his legs give way beneath him as he slumped to the floor unable to stand for much longer. His eyes darted across the room searching the floor until he found it. His relief, his escape, shaking fingers tightened around the base of the syringe gun as he riffled through his dresser seeking a new vial. He needed to get away, needed to forget the feel of Suzaku's lips against his own and the building desire to give into the pressure those lips demanded. His search for a new vial of Refrain was easy, the familiar motions of reloading the gun settling the frayed nerves left in the wake of Suzaku's kiss. The gun hissed as it sped cool liquid relief through his veins; Lelouch leaned back letting the drug take him as far away as possible unwilling to recall the sensation pulsing further south.
