"I wanted to sit down with you. We saw the episode Sunday. Me and my wife."
"Did you like it?"
"Me? I don't know from pretty boy shows. I go by what Marcy likes."
"So?"
"She likes that guy with the curls and the teeth. I could tell by the way she shifted in her seat. You know what that means, don't ya?"
"Yes, I can imagine."
"So based on that focus group of one, and trust me, Marcy's never wrong, she always captures the…what do you creative types call it? The zeitgeist, that's it. Here's my notes. You got a pen and paper?"
"Ok, I'm ready."
"One. Why couldn't the wind blow the sarong up? You missed a big opportunity there. "
"Two. Can he wear the sarong all the time? It could become a signature with him. Females 18-49 would tune in hoping he'll catch a stiff breeze."
"Three. Dump the shoes and get him a pair of those gladiator sandals that lace up the leg. Russell Crowe wore them and look where he is. This blond guy's got the gams for it. Don't be stingy with the viewer. Are you afraid to make money or something?"
"But the actor is a very serious talent and-"
"Four. Why couldn't he have had sex with that babe on the island? She could have jumped him while he was passed out. Gal on guy rape hasn't been done that much. We could be talking Emmy here. That could be another signature. The guy that brings out the brute in every woman. Make a great promo. Ooh-ooh. Here's another idea for a signature. Every episode when he falls asleep, some woman sneaks in and jumps his bones. And then, he wakes up and doesn't remember it and thinks he's still mourning his wife. Great place for a weekly guest cameo. Cross- promotional opportunities. Maybe someone from the Big Bang."
"I don't know if-"
"Five. When you did that cross-cut between him dancing and the girlfriend reading his letters? Wouldn't it be much much better if the girlfriend's in bed with some guy instead of reading? You know, some big dark-haired hunk so females 18-49 can keep the two guys straight in their heads. The old girlfriend deserves to have fun too. It'll make all these feminists happy. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander and all that shit."
"The whole dynamic that we're trying to create is-"
"Six. He reunites with this girlfriend he wrote all the letters to, yes? They're in an empty room together after two years, yes? Marcy was loving that. But wouldn't it have made sense for him to slip her a little tongue? Then the other girl could walk in on him frenching the old girlfriend and both girls could storm off in a huff and wind up becoming friends and maybe teaming up against him to catch him with a third girl. That's drama."
"We could toss your ideas around."
"One more thing and I'll let you go. This old girlfriend? Couldn't you have given her a cop outfit that fit? On other shows, they wear them tight and sexy with cleavage. You know, the hot sheriff in the hick town starving for love? Along the same lines, she shows up to meet her old boyfriend wearing some kind of baggy trench coat. Another blunder on wardrobe's part. Any woman would have worn a short tight dress with five inch heels so he would eat his heart out at what he was missing all those years. That would be much more realistic. This is an easy fix. I urge you in the strongest terms to show me this actress wearing something that shows a little leg next week. The female 18-49 likes to show a little leg."
