Authenticating… Replayer: Rivaille, Password: Heychou
Success!
Opening Session no. 05-26
Resuming Memory
There's blood. There's a lot of blood; Blood from the Titans, before it disappears, and the blood of Humanity. It doesn't disappear. I just won't. The rain will wash it away, but it won't go away just like that. It stains the world and colors it red. It could be like any other scene where Levi had to fight and kill Titans. This scene isn't special really. It's just another part of his life, another battle scene… or it could be, until there's this particular light breaking out in the sky. It reminds Levi of lightning, but it's not like Thunder. It's like five years ago, it's the same light. It starts from the earth suddenly and it rises up in the sky. The light coming from it is nearly blinding him, that's how strong it is. It's yellow-green, not like thunder. There isn't a sound when it breaks up the sky again. He doesn't know what it is... but it has happened before.
It is bound to attract him and it's no surprise he finds himself reaching the scene. He doesn't really think about what needs to be done, he has this strong sense of duty. He just acts. When he sees the three soldiers on the ground, he just knows that's what he needs to do. He reaches for his blades and everything else happens smoothly. It really doesn't take long for him to down the Titans and they fall in some kind of nice and neat pile just starting to go up in steam before the kids.
Again, more blood flows.
It is weird how that particular scene holds so many details while others lack some, but he feels the steam going off around him from the corpses of the titans he just killed. He feels the wind going through his cloak as he turns around to see the kids behind him. There are three kids, but one of them manages to catch his attention quicker than the other two. He remembers the way the kid opens his eyes slowly to look at him. The way his eyes go for the back of the cloak while mumbling something and then back to his face. They are a very unique green color. Levi does not remember them, but I do. Once again, his lips move, but it's small. He looks like he's about to pass out, that's what Levi thinks of him when he first notices the kid; the kid doesn't have any strength left in his body. Whatever he did, it took an incredible amount of energy and it drained him.
... whatever it is he did.
He's responsible for this; the lightning, the boulder, the titans… It could have been someone else really. I could be anyone else. It could be the girl, or the blonde boy, but he just knew already. Certainty. He didn't have to see it.
It couldn't be anyone other than him.
''Hey brats, what's going on here?''
-X-
As usual, the room is filled with the scent of coffee as they discuss boring stuff. Most of it doesn't concern me and I don't even know who's doing what… I find myself trying to find who's who at that round table. The tall boy and the beefy blonde right next to him are going through the memories of two boys in the same squad as Eren, but I still can't catch their names completely; Reiner and Bert-Something. They're the only ones worth my attention in here when they report their explorations, that's what I assume at first. I tell myself I should probably listen with attention as they speak of him. They report trivial matters and I quickly lose myself in my cup of coffee between my hands, but I do catch a few things from all this… and my own adventure in the Replayer.
Eren isn't a prodigy, he's just an ordinary boy with an overwhelming determination to fill in for the lack of talent. He isn't that good at fighting and he isn't a strategist either. He is far from being a prodigious hero like they want everyone to believe he is. Eren Jaeger is a messiah or a symbol more than anything; a symbol leading to a dream. A messiah opening the path, but he doesn't guarantee the outcome… or the path itself. It might be a hard one, but he wouldn't know. He's a dreamer himself, he dreams of the world more than anything. There's no way to know if the path is the right one, yet he takes it without doubt. Humanity's Hope does suit him, but he could also be its end.
After all, he is a Titan.
''Eren Jaeger's lover would probably be an interesting extra to the movie…''
''Wait… Who?'' Oh, right. I probably should have paid more attention after Bert-Something and Reiner made their shitty report. I thought this meeting was useless to me. I wanted to go back to the Replayer as soon as possible… I wanted to finally meet him. I was about to finally see him, but they had to call me in for a meeting now of all times! I'd make my own idea of him, through Levi, and it couldn't wait. To me, it couldn't.
But Hey, you know, this meeting might not be too bad after all. I also want to know about his lover from the guy sitting across the table…
Eh, Why do I care, again?
''Oh right, Rivaille doesn't know about this yet!'' explains my boss cheerfully and I don't even try to hide the expression on my face when she states all this in joy. I mean, yeah, she usually gets on my nerves easily, but it's slightly different now. I can't even explain it myself. ''There was a soldier in the Survey Corps with a particular sense of smell among other things; Mike Zacharius. Through his memories, we had access to his doubt regarding Eren's love life. We thought Eren had no interest in such things, but it seems we were wrong…''
A guy with the ability to smell stuff… saying he thought Eren Jaeger had a lover? I don't know if it's just me and my sick imagination, but isn't that weird? Is this related to the smelling ability? That would be kind of disturbing… He definitely wouldn't catch the smell of love, but the smell of sex… and I just don't know how to deal with this information. One part of me thinks this is useless information because Eren Jaeger was probably just like any other teenager; jerking off in his room. The other part, well, it turns my stomach around.
''Right… but who is it?''
''We don't know yet, we believe it might be his friend… the Asian girl.''
Oh… I recall the scene where I saw Eren in the Replayer. He had his friend and I remember the girl, that girl. Is that her? No. No way, I know it's not. Something in me tells me otherwise… but that's not all. It pisses me off. Why would it be her? It isn't right… There's no way!
''Alright.'' It's just that, there's no way to explain that feeling either, it doesn't even make sense to me. I can't tell them such a thing. It's just a hunch, an intuition. There's nothing about it. ''I'll see what I can find.''
I assure them, but I won't do it for them. I'll do it for myself… because I have to know. I have to certify it… She isn't Eren Jaeger's girlfriend. Never has been. Never will.
-X-
Authenticating… Replayer: Rivaille, Password: Heychou
Success!
Opening Session no. 05-28
Resuming Memory
''Answer you piece of crap, what do you want to do?''
There isn't any pause for the boy to actually think about his answer like Levi first thought he would. He didn't expect a long pause filled with anxiety, but he still expected a little one.. just for him to make a decision. Yet, there's nothing. Eren Jaeger doesn't need to think. He's already getting worked up in his cell, sitting and looking straight at Levi without any hesitation… As if the words aren't convincing enough on their own, the expression on his face and the fire in his eyes is overwhelming. That does it. That fire... No, it's Lightning. He's just like that yellow-green thunder striking through the sky when he transforms into a Titan. It's the color of his eyes. It's the strength of his emotions. Eren Jaeger is Lightning. One moment he's lost like a little puppy, the next he shows tremendous will. The will to fight. The will to kill. The will to win and to kill them all...
The will to unleash the Lightning.
''I want to join the Survey Corps… and just kill the Titans!''
It's like the words are absolute. There's no other way for him, it's as simple as that… and it leaves an impression on Levi. It might be the way the chain clinks when he moves forward in his bed to say that, adding to the scene. It might be the way his last words echo inside Levi like a Mantra. He can hear it a thousand times through that instant. I'll kill them all! It's like he heard that a lot… or will hear it a lot, but he isn't annoyed. All of them! Actually, if anything, it is nostalgic; that's what he thinks when he hears it going off in him. Slaughtering them! It's like he saw this scene before, like he knows Eren will tell him that over and over again; I'll kill them all! ALL THE TITANS, I'LL KILL THEM!
Of course, he believes the kid can be of use too. He can be a strong weapon for them and all that, but that's not all there is to it. If Eren Jaeger really is a hope for humanity… If he really saves them…
In the end, who is going to save Eren Jaeger?
''Oh? Not bad.''
He can't say if he will succeed at this, he just knows he'll make sure to see this through the end.
-X-
I'm not one to forget my responsibilities or anything. It wasn't like this as first. I wouldn't go home late even if something awesome was happening in the Replayer. I mean, the most interesting moment used to be the Battle Scenes with the Titans where Levi would kill them like a badass. Other than that, nothing much was happening in Levi's life. His whole existence revolved around Titans. The only other thing he had going on was a little ambiguous relationship with one of his subordinates; a little woman with short ginger hair. I mean, ambiguous because he probably didn't realize they weren't seeing the relationship the same way at all, it's not like I was interested in this little romance stuff… or so I believed, but it's more like I knew it wasn't going to happen somehow.
You could say Eren Jaeger changed my investments and interest in the Replayer…
It started with the meeting where I didn't want to be, right after Eren gets into Levi's life for the first time, but it wasn't that bad at the time. I wouldn't forget to go home… and make dinner for that. Not yet. I'd remember and I'd leave at the exact time. Then, there was Levi's acknowledgement of Eren in the dungeon and the scene at the court. That was it, Levi saved Eren. He took him in. It was a rough beginning, but it was still a beginning for them. It kind of switched something on inside me. From there on, I wanted to know him. I wanted to know the whole story; how it would unfold, who was Eren Jaeger's lover, how did he becomes a Titan, did Levi turn himself into a Titan as well when he learned how, did he ever learn how to do it, would Levi really kill him, what happened to Eren Jaeger after this mess? He did say he would kill the boy and I trusted his words, but there was more to it than just that. He'd take care of the kid, not just to train him and kill him when the time came. It was more than that… far more.
There were so many questions I wanted to know, but the truth is… I just wanted to know about them… and their fate.
I just couldn't wait, that's why I forgot about my life… until she calls. Hell, the first time someone called me while I was in the Replayer I thought it was a bug. There was this annoying ringing in the back, but it felt so far away... too far away. It's not until the Replayer spoke that I understood. It was just a phone call and taking it would even be possible inside the Replayer while resuming the memory. I have to admit though; It isn't that easy to continue the events happening in the Replayer while talking on the phone. It's like watching a good movie and trying to understand what's going on while talking on the phone. It could be like driving and talking on the phone too... It's hard to follow both effectively sometimes.
''If you're too busy with work tonight, you can pick her up tomorrow.'' She insists softly as I gather my stuff in a rush to leave work. She's kind. I know it probably doesn't bother her that much. She's just too kind and too good for a guy like me.
''No, I'm on my way to your place now.''
I close the Replayer and I admit that I'm close to having a change of heart and tell her to keep her for the night when I do, because I really feel like going back into their world. I'm not the only one in here thinking that way. You could expect the office to be empty when I walk toward the elevator, but it's not. If anything, it's the opposite. The floor I'm on is still filled with people logged into the Replayer and I don't have any doubt it's the same everywhere in the building. Even the cafeteria is filled with people when I walk past it, but I am not staying. I have responsibilities...
I have a little girl waiting for me at her mom's house.
''You can have dinner with us if you want; it's a quinoa salad… You know, the one with feta, tomatoes…'' I know the one; she doesn't have to go on with the ingredients. Hell, whatever she cooks it's always good… and I end up pulling my car into her driveway before I know it.
It might not be my house anymore, but it's not like I'm not welcome in it.
I don't knock and wait for someone to open the door for me. I couldn't quite lose the habit of it when I moved out, but I did take on the habit of knocking before opening the door. At least. I hear Petra call my name somewhere in the back of the house and then, I hear footsteps rushing towards me on the stairs. I hear Auruo's warning more than she probably does and she jumps the last few steps to jump at me. I barely get to see her smile, but I know she is smiling under those longs strands of black hair...
Mikasa.
''Daddy, I made a bracelet for you!''
She's my daughter. I have a daughter, that's right.
It isn't a complicated story or a dramatic one. There's nothing special about the four of us sitting at the table together to eat Petra's dinner. It's just the way life went for me, for us. Petra and I weren't meant to be together. I loved her, of course. I just didn't love her the way I should have been in love with her. In the end, we decided to divorce out of common accord. It was a good separation where we both stayed on good terms and found agreement quickly.
I mean, I even got to be friends with her new fiancé, Auruo, and that's a pretty good achievement in itself considering his jealous personality. He stopped seeing me as a potential enemy at some point. It's not like I've ever had the will to take her back or anything anyway.
As usual, Mikasa makes a mess with her meal, but it is to be expected from an excited seven-year-old girl like her. She always gets incredibly happy to see me, but it's probably because we don't get to see each other that often with the current way of splitting the time between Petra and me. Not that I mind really. I'm strict and it's not like I actually like kids in general and all that. If anything, I think they're messy, loud and kind of annoying at times… Eh, wait. Why does it remind me of someone other than Mikasa? Why am I fond of this person without knowing? Who is that... brat?
Wait, what brat?
I'd like to the able to say this is the only weird moment of the evening, but it's not. If anything, it starts a suite of weird events. It's like things start to entangle themselves together. They twist everything. They twist me as I try to make sense of it… It doesn't. It isn't quite like when you try to remember where you last put your keys, but it is similar. There's a strong sense of frustration when you try to recall something you should remember. Something, you do remember. It's there, yet it's not. It's like doing a puzzle and missing one piece. It's lost and you can't truly see the picture without it. It's bugging you. I know who that brat is and I know it isn't Mikasa, yet I can't say who it is. It's like I lost that piece. It's like I forgot that somewhere along the line.
Petra asks me if I'm alright. She says I'm making a weird expression, but I answer with an easy lie; I've been busy and I'm thinking about work because something's bothering me. You know, it's best to stay as close to the truth as you can when you lie. I didn't think about it, I just said that without putting much thought into it, but I'm pretty sure it is the closest thing to the truth I could have said. This might just be about work again… I am getting obsessed with it.
In the end, it's not bad enough to stop me from going home with Mikasa after the diner, a kiss from Petra and a wave by Auruo. I still manage to look like I can take care of my kid I guess because Mikasa enters my apartment with her stuff soon enough after Petra let me leave…, but not without a Tupperware full of food.
''Don't you think the pendant suits you?'' she asks while she puts the childish bracelet around my wrist. Sitting on the couch with her, my eyes leave the screen to look at her little work hanging on my wrist. It's not pink like every fucking bracelet around her wrist, but even the green looks too flashy. For a while, I'm more interested about the bracelet in itself than the little pendant she added to it. It's made of elastic bands and I don't really get how it is done, but they all hold onto another to make a large bracelet. It's mostly green with a little bit of grey and some dark blue. It probably took a pretty large amount of elastic to make it… and some time, but she gives it to me just like that. She turns it around my wrist to show me the famous pendant she keeps talking about and it hits me like a rock... that symbol.
''Hey, Mikasa, what's that pendant?''
I admit my voice is more forceful than I wanted it to be, but that's just how it leaves my mouth when I see the pendant she got me. I've seen that before and I know most of the people at the office did too. The blazon. The wings. That's more than enough to have me worked up over this and I'm glad she is far from a little princess type of girl, unable to stare back. In her case, it's the opposite. I guess she took that from me, or something. She doesn't just look like me, she resembled me a lot on a lot of personality traits... Like this one, among other things.
She raises her head to look at me; dark grey eyes reaching into me and she answers, like it's the most stupid thing I could ask:
''They're the Wings of Freedom, of course!''
