Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. but I hope you like my fanfic. ^-^
Back to Zero
a 1xR, 3xR fanfic by Ines kanoyan
Romance/Drama
Chapter 2: Can't cry hard enough
I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
She silently gazed across the emptiness that was the ocean that lay before her. She closed her fists tightly around the cold metal railing that prevented her from becoming one with the blue oblivion beneath her. Inside her she felt like wailing, letting out emotions struggling within her. But outside, nothing comes out of her-no tears, not a trace of sound, not even a contortion on her face. It was as if, she was devoid of all expression or maybe her body was used to the pain or even overwhelmed that it cannot recognize the terrible feeling.
'Heero,' her soul cried out. And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
It had been like a dream. When she woke up on her 20th birthday, it had been unusually hazy, as if the skies knew how she would feel upon receiving the news.
'A commercial space shuttle from L2 colony entering the C-16 space port crashed onto the sea,' was the news on 8 o'clock morning show. '200 people including a former Gundam pilot Heero Yuy was said to be among the casualties. A thorough search and rescue operation is being conducted at the time…'
Everyone immediately called, not to greet her a 'happy birthday' but to assure her that everybody was doing his/her own way to find him. They all found it hard to believe that he would be gone just like that. He had survived self-destruct systems and several mobile suits and to die by a plane crash is not something Heero Yuy wouldn't survive. Gonna open my eyes There it goes, up in the sky
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Though Relena would like to always, always believe in him, she found it hard to believe in fate. It was a bigger force than anything; it may have been her constant enemy. It may have been the source of war, of vengeance, of greed, of pain-of everything. Though she would like to believe that Heero was invincible, he is not. He is real, he is alive and like all living things he can and will die.
"Nooooooo!" Gonna look back in vain And now that you've gone
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Relena stared again at the vast ocean in front of her. Along its shores, fate brought them together and now, within its depths, fate has separated them. She didn't know what to feel, what to think, how to view everything that had happened. Why? Why now? Why here?
She swallowed hard. Her mind was reeling, her heart, she wasn't sure if it was still beating. If it were, what for? Everything is all too mixed up.
'Let go,' she heard inside her. Let go of what? There was nothing; what did they really have? What did she really have?
'Nothing, yes. Nothing.'
But why does it feel like there is a hole within her? Like something that got lost, that broke apart-why does it hurt so much? Why does it ache, she could feel it throbbing, like every beat was a burden, like every pump was taking a part of her soul away… There it goes, up in the sky And now that you've gone
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Three months had passed since she met with the rest of the gang. She knew very well that they were all worried about her. Although they all found it hard to accept the fact that he can actually be killed in a plane crash, she knew the reason they hadn't given up on the search for him was because of her. They were all protecting her, assuring her that he is still alive. She wouldn't allow them to be like that, just as she had once requested them off her security detail to give them a chance to lead their own lives; she would assure them that she can accept facts.
It had been a long discussion but Relena made sure that she was as strong as she can be and she wanted everything to be normal again. Duo had been the most stubborn, as usual; he and Heero were very close. He may be Heero's best friend, if they would both admit it. He was saying things like, "He can't die, he wouldn't allow himself to die, and he hasn't given you your present yet!"
Quatre was saying something like, "But, it's like giving up, Relena…you don't give up that easily,"
To which she answered, "Its called acceptance, not giving up."
Relena wouldn't forget the sadness that echoed in their eyes. She knew that they too were struggling to accept the fact that he is gone but hearing it from her might have sealed all their hopes.
"Let's just believe that wherever he is, he is at peace knowing that he has his mission accomplished. As he would always say, right?" she had tried to sound bubbly, hoping it would lighten things up a bit. But they knew her too well.
One person had noticed too well how she had been struggling to appear strong in front of them. He had noticed it then, when she requested all the Gundam pilots to be allowed to lead their own lives, even trying to convince them not to involve themselves much on Preventers missions. He had felt as if she were taking it to herself to protect them in return. After all, the war is over, that was their niche. Now there is peace, she was there strength, this is her battlefield. But just like them during the war, when they had been weak or scared at times, he knew this was the time she needed them much like how they had needed her then during the war.
It had been easy to convince Lady Une to put him as head of Relena's security detail. She was terribly worried for her, she felt she needed someone to protect her; to at least watch over the vice foreign minister.
"I will protect you in my own way." Trowa said to himself, on his first day as Relena's personal security.
-to be continued-
A/N: Short chapter but please review!
song used:
"Can't Cry Hard Enough"
Bellefire
