The tea went quickly though sipped through pursed lips at irregular intervals.
The three sat in silence, and any casual observer could have seen that Mrs. Potter was absolutely bursting with questions about the boys' final school year, but she was a respectful woman and took their silence as a sign that neither had any intention of sharing stories that night. Tomorrow, perhaps.
"Mum, I think I'll go and unpack my trunk," James said, pushing his chair back abruptly from the table and breaking the uncomfortable silence that had snuck through the door upon their arrival.
"Alright, love. You two must be tired," the woman said softly, trying to sound cheerful. "My goodness, have I forgotten already what it was like when I left Hogwarts for the last time?" James smiled and kissed her on the cheek before turning and slumping up the stairs.
"I think I'll head up too," Sirius pitched in, feeling guilty about leaving the lonely woman by herself, yet also feeling the urge to yawn tugging at the back of his throat as their long day began to catch up with him. Getting through and out of Kings Cross had been a nightmare, security way up after so many recent attacks, and with so many students unsure of who was coming for them, the platform had been unusually crowded.
Mrs. Potter nodded, her thin lips now struggling to stay up at the corners, and stared back down at her half-empty teacup.
Sirius backed out of the kitchen before turning and bolting up the stairs to catch up with James who had already lugged his heavy trunk up the steep case and was trying to fit it through the doorframe of his bedroom.
He said nothing as Sirius passed him, his own trunk in tow, and listened as his friend set it safely on the floor of the next room down the hall. James grunted with frustration as he struggled with the buckles which had become caught on the doorframe in his efforts.
His trunk was slightly larger than Sirius's and was not nearly as easily maneuverable.
"You're never getting it in like that, mate," Sirius laughed and helped his friend to reposition the heavy trunk, narrowly passing it through the doorframe.
James nodded his thanks and dragged it the rest of the way into the room, placing it at the foot of the bed.
Sirius followed and plopped himself down, not hesitating to prop up his feet, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You alright?" He spoke quietly, not wanting to sound imposing, but wanting an answer. James simply looked up at him, saying nothing.
"Yeah. 'Course I am," he shrugged, looking away again. He hated it when Sirius asked him that kind of question. He hated people prying.
He was supposed to be a confident, independent Gryffindor. He had been Head Boy for God's sake! People expected him to be worthy of that. Sirius's silly inquiries only made him face the fact that he wasn't all of those things. He wasn't perfect; sometimes he had the qualities of a bloody Slytherin. But that's not what others saw, and he wanted to keep it that way.
"Alright, then," Sirius continued. "So what we doing tomorrow? Unpacking still? Though you told her you'd do it now, so I s'pose…"
"What are you getting at?" James shot. "What do you think I should be doing? And, why, may I ask do you think you can dictate that?"
Sirius sat up slowly, shocked at the sudden outburst.
"I- well I don't think I'm getting at anything; I only want to know what the plan is, since you have expressed how adamant you are that I stay. And no, I don't think I can, or should, be dictating that." He didn't want them to be fighting first day back, especially since he had no intention of staying, an argument now would just make it hurt more. For them both.
But James shook his head and looked away.
"Sorry," he mumbled, quite sincerely. "I guess- I guess I'm just tired."
"You and me both, mate. I think I'm going to agree with your mum on this one. That train ride was exceptionally long."
"Huh, you can say that again. It felt like it'd never end." James gave a small smile.
"Oh, yeah; I bet Lily felt the same way!"
"Shut up!" Sirius laughed out loud, only to annoy James more, who came at him with his wand, jokingly holding it to his friend's chest.
"Hey, careful with that thing! I hear magic's a dangerous privilege!" Sirius exclaimed in a high pitched, stern feminine voice, quoting Professor McGonagall.
"Get out of my room, Minerva." James shoved Sirius off the bed and kicked him through the door.
"Yes, M'am!" Sirius saluted, stumbling around the corner and into his own room.
Falling into bed soon thereafter, Sirius began to contemplate the reality of all his plans.
Could he really make it on that small fortune left by Alphard? Who knew. Maybe, maybe not. If he found a job and saved a bit- well that would work, wouldn't it? He certainly hoped so.
He simply wished he was less wary of the whole thing. He'd never quite felt like this before, such a feeling of helplessness and unknowing…would he be pulled back by the rest of his family? They certainly wouldn't want anything to do with him- would they?
No, he decided. They've probably forgotten all about me by now. I wasn't ever really there to them anyways.
Reg was always the good child, the good little Slytherin. He would be fine. Sirius's little brother didn't need him there anymore to protect him.
Well, no use keeping himself up with it. He might as well sleep. Who knew how much longer he'd be here? Might as well embrace it for once in his life.
And he slept more soundly that night than he had in many a month.
