Okay, here's the next chapter!! Yay! :D lol!
First, a big thanks again to Hermione's Shadow for helping me again and for editing this chapter for me. I really appreciate it. :)
Also, there is a slight spoiler for Truth or Consequences, and even smaller one for Hiatus.
And of course, I don't own NCIS, it belongs to CBS, please don't sue me, yada yada yada......
He stared as he tapped the side of the styrofoam cup, causing the black liquid inside to ripple, mesmerized by it's movements.
'Why?' It was all he could think, over and over. 'Why would Tony do that?'
He had thought back through the past few days to make sure he hadn't overlooked any unusual behavior from the agent. But, try as he could, he couldn't remember a thing. Tony had been his usual annoyingly cheerful self.
Of course that past day or so he had been a little more subdued and run down, but they all had. After working three days straight none of them had the energy to tease one another anymore.
'Maybe we made a mistake.' He couldn't help but think. 'Maybe we should have payed more attention. Maybe there was more to it than a case of being tired and run down. Maybe it traveled deeper than that.' After an hour in the hospital waiting room, left with nothing more than his thoughts, McGee was sick and tired of all the 'maybes'.
"Agent McGee?" a voice asked and his head snapped up in response.
"Yes?" he asked, straightening his chair.
"You're the one who one rode in with Agent DiNozzo, correct?" The tag on his white coat introduced him as Dr. Wagner.
"Yeah, I am." he confirmed, "Is he okay? What exactly happened?"
The doctor paused briefly and McGee felt as if he might be sick any moment. Whenever the doctor paused before answering, it never meant anything good.
"He's not okay, is he?" he asked, his heart dropping to land in his stomach.
"Oh no, he's fine." Dr. Wagner assured quickly, "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that your friend was in danger. But technically I'm not allowed to give out any exact details to someone who is not next of kin."
"Well, who's his next of kin?" he asked quickly, desperate to get information on his friend.
Flipping back a few pages on his clip board, the man replied, "Leroy Jethro Gibbs."
"Gibbs?" He asked.
He quietly chastised himself when he realized he hadn't called any one else yet to let them know of Tony's situation. He was in trouble.
"You know him then?" asked.
"Yeah...yeah, I know him." He responded.
"Would you like to call him? It can be easier hearing this kind of news from a friend instead of a stranger." Dr. Wagner asked.
"Uh, yeah, I'll call him." As soon as he said it, he regretted it. Gibbs was going to go ballistic. 'Guess it's better he takes it out on me than some poor, unsuspecting nurse,' he mused as he searched his pockets for his phone a second time.
He cursed as he snapped the phone open to realize that the battery had died.
With a heavy sigh, he started searching his pockets instead for some change to use the payphone. He really didn't want to hear the response he was surely going to get from Gibbs, calling him in the middle of night, after a three day case, to tell him that his senior field agent, that Tony, had tried to kill himself by overdosing on a pain meds. It certainly wasn't exactly what he had been planning to do tonight.
He chewed on his lip and tapped his foot as he listened to the ringing of the phone, all the while praying Gibbs wouldn't shoot the messenger. He would like to live to see his fortieth birthday.
"Gibbs." came the gruff answer after only two rings, though it was still obvious the older man had been asleep.
"Boss, it's McGee."
"McGee?" Gibbs asked, confused, "What the heck are you doing calling in the middle of the night? It had better be good!" he growled tiredly.
McGee bit his lip again briefly before saying the five words he knew would get Gibbs to listen to him without question: "Boss, it's Tony, he's hurt."
And sure enough, when Gibbs responded, his voice was no longer filled with exhaustion. "What happened?" he demanded gruffly but McGee knew he was no longer angry. Just worried. Though Gibbs would never admit that.
Taking a deep breath he outlined the situation for his boss, starting from the point he had been on Tony's door stoop to the time the doctor had came out of the ER room. He didn't add in his thoughts of Tony attempting to commit suicide because he knew there was no need. While it was very unexpected from Tony there was no mistaking the evidence that was against the man.
After he finished his story all he heard on the other end was silence and for a brief moment he wondered if Gibbs had hung up on him again but realized that wasn't the case when he heard Gibbs bark "Be right there" before he slammed the phone down.
Sighing and closing his eyes for a few seconds he put the phone back on it's cradle, returning to his seat and his now cold cup of coffee.
He just couldn't understand it. Why would Tony try to kill himself? He'd admit, the man's life was no walk through park, but then who's was? He knew from a few stories Tony had happened to share on occasion that the man's childhood hadn't exactly been the happiest. And the past few years had been particularly rough for man he knew. But Tony always seemed like he had a good handle on things.
Sure, he had rough days like everyone else, but nothing that would cause him to take it this far he hadn't thought. Besides, Tony was always strong, he always seemed to take everything life threw at him in stride and he dealt with it. It was one of the things he admired about the older man.
Even when everyone and everything was falling in around him, Tony always managed to be the rock for them all. He was the one who managed to take the edge out of the day with his teasing and humor. He had been the one to hold the team together when Gibbs had left. He had been the one to start the vengeance mission against Ziva's supposed killer and lead them to Somalia.
Yet, there must have been signs, right? There always was. McGee had seen enough suicides in his time as an agent to know the victim always showed at least a few signs, no matter how hard they tried to hide them, they were always visible. So why hadn't they seen them with Tony?
'Maybe we weren't paying close enough attention,' he thought bitterly, 'Maybe none of us knew him as well as we thought we did. Maybe there were signs and we just didn't notice and because of that we were almost too late.'
He huffed, burying his face in his hands, angry with himself. He had thought he and Tony had been partners. brothers even, maybe. Why hadn't he picked up the signs? 'More importantly' he thought, 'why didn't he talk to me?'
He knew Tony wasn't one to share personal matters. How his date went last night or what movie he had watched over the weekend, sure. But never anything deeper than that. Even his childhood stories were kept to a bare minimum.
'I thought he knew he could talk to me, though. He mused, He's my friend, why didn't he tell me something was wrong? And if he couldn't talk to me, why not someone else? Why not Gibbs? Okay, so maybe Gibbs isn't the most obvious choice to talk to. But if Tony needed to talk to someone, Gibbs would have listened without any qualms. Would have helped him with anything. He could have went to Abby, Ducky, Ziva, Palmer. Why didn't he go to someone?!' By now his anger at himself for not noticing the signs sooner, had quickly morphed into anger at Tony for not going to someone for help. 'You can't notice signs that aren't there!' he thought angrily.
'Tony should have known better! Should have known to try and talk to someone first. Should have realized what it would do to the team if he were to off himself!' He knew his thoughts were slightly irrational, but darn it, he didn't care.
He was just so ticked at Tony. Ticked that he didn't stop to think about how his death would affect everyone. And especially ticked that he hadn't trusted any of them enough to come to them and tell them that he was having problems.
They were all partners, they were all friends. Didn't Tony know by now that he could trust them with something more than just watching his six on the job? Didn't he realize they would watch his six no matter what he was facing?
So caught up in his anger, he didn't even notice the silver-haired figure approaching him, which caused him to jump when said man placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You okay, McGee?" Gibbs asked, surveying him with careful, concerned eyes.
"Yeah Boss, I'm fine, just thinking." he assured, a tinge of red creeping up to his cheeks as he realized he let himself lose his guard and allowed someone, even though that someone was Gibbs, a former Marine sniper, sneak up on him.
Gibbs nodded before turning to his next concern, "Where's DiNozzo?"
"I don't know, boss. They won't tell me. Said they need to inform next kin of first. All they would tell me is 'he's fine'." he said, giving his boss a quick succinct update, like he knew his boss would want. "Pretty much all any of them would tell me." McGee muttered bitterly to himself, not realizing his boss was still listening so he didn't notice the understanding smirk slip across the older man's face.
Gibbs simply patted his shoulder before walking over over to the nurses station to demand information on Tony's condition.
Fifteen minutes of medical garble, placating words and one frightened nurse later, Gibbs finally convinced them to get Dr. Wagner out to the waiting room immediately so he could speak to the man.
From his chair about thirty feet away, McGee had to smirk slightly as the doctor came rushing out from the emergency doors to meet with Gibbs. His smirk, however, disappeared and his stomach clenched as he noticed the look on his bosses face as Dr. Wagner explained Tony's condition to the older man. Whatever he was saying about Tony, it wasn't good.
He really wished he knew what they were saying. He needed to know what was going on with his partner. So he was relieved, and yet still slightly nervous, when Gibbs gestured him forward and started leading him down one the white halls filled with closed doors that led to rooms full of patients.
"Boss, what did---"
"He said they were able to pump DiNozzo's stomach before things got too out of hand. They have him on an IV right now to flush his system. It was a close one, you hadn't found him when you did, McGee, he would have been dead."
Again McGee had to swallow past the awful lump in his throat.
"In-fact," Gibbs continued without pause, "Dr. Wagner said he only had a few minutes left before too much of the drug would have reached his system and he would have been a goner." This time Gibbs did pause for a few seconds before adding in a much softer voice than his usual gruff tone that he had been using "You did really good, Tim."
He just nodded his thanks. It sure didn't feel like he had done good. He felt like he could have, should have, done allot more.
"He said that DiNozzo is out cold for right now," Gibbs added as if he had never paused, "Probably will be for a day or two. Affect of the overdose. The idiots' lucky he didn't go into a coma." he growled.
McGee winced, he had known Gibbs would have figured it out. Would have realized what Tony had attempted.
"Boss," he started, mouth dry. He really didn't want to ask this, but he needed answers and he didn't know where else to start. "Why do you think---I mean, why do you think Tony---?"
"I don't know, McGee." Gibbs answered in a softer, contemplative tone, "Doctor said they put his wrists in restraints for now, just in case. Didn't want him trying it again." By now Gibbs voice had grown so quiet, McGee could barely hear him.
As they reached Tony's private room, room number 438, he steeled himself. It always unnerved him to see one of his teammates, particularly Tony who was always so buoyant and full of life, lying in a hospital bed.
He winced internally when Gibbs opened the door and he could see Tony, IV in his arm, cannula in his nose, and black, velcro restraints on his wrists.
He found it hard to believe that this was the same man who had been teasing him about his 'poor taste in movies' as they left work. It was just too difficult to wrap his head around the fact that the usually teasing, good natured agent in front of him had tried to kill himself less than a few hours ago.
Gibbs' shut the door after McGee and went to take a seat on Tony's right while McGee, following Gibbs' actions, took a seat on his left.
They both sat in silence, staring at the man in front of them, watching the even rising and falling of his chest. Comforted for the moment that he was still breathing.
"Did he tell you, McGee?" Gibbs spoke suddenly, forty-five minutes later.
The younger man jumped slightly in his seat, surprised his boss had addressed him so suddenly.
"Tell me what?" he asked, confused by his superior's question.
"What was bothering him." Gibbs answered simply, never taking his eyes from the still man in the bed.
"No." he replied, feeling slightly defeated, he had hoped Gibbs would be able to answer that question, "No, he never told me." he added with a sigh.
Gibbs simply nodded, not saying another word. But now that the conversation was started, he didn't want to leave it unfinished.
"Boss?" he asked, making sure he actually had the other man's attention.
"Hmm?"
"Did you notice anything....odd lately? I mean, did you notice if Tony was acting any different?"
This time it was Gibbs' turn to sigh in defeat, "No, McGee, I didn't. Seemed normal to me. Well, at least as normal as DiNozzo can be." he said with a slight hint of humor, attempting the lighten the dark conversation that had started.
McGee smirked slightly in agreement; knowing too that if it had been a normal situation Tony would have protested loudly to Gibbs' remark, causing Ziva to hit him and insist Gibbs was right, which would lead to a fight that Gibbs would let slide until just before it got of control and then he would rein them back in by smacking them both on the back of the head, making sure to give Ziva the lighter slap, just to tease Tony in his own way.
'Ziva', he thought suddenly.
He frowned. They still hadn't called anyone else. The others were still asleep, blissfully unaware that one of their own had nearly died tonight.
"Boss, shouldn't we call the rest of the team? Let them know." he asked.
"No." Gibbs answered quickly, "Let 'em sleep; we'll call 'em when he wakes up. All they could do now is wait and worry, there's no point."
He nodded, Gibbs was right. As always.
With a heavy sigh, McGee settled back into his chair to catch a few hours of sleep. It was going to be a long night.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) Please let me know what you thought! A review always brghtens my day.
