John almost died today.
It was a thought that played unbidden on repeat in her head. They had shocked him with a defibrillator in the hopes of saving his life and it had almost killed him. Not to mention the huge alien bug that had attached itself to his neck.
There had been a moment when she thought he was a goner. She remembered him wanting to say his last words, and her reluctance to hear them. In that moment, the regret she felt for the state of their relationship was almost too much to bear.
But, he was still alive. And now she wondered what he had been about to say. She was smart enough to realize he wasn't going to say, "take care of each other" like he pretended. But she did wonder what he had been thinking in that moment.
He was released from the infirmary the next day and Elizabeth made a bee line for his room. Carson had informed her that he had been released on the condition that he remain close to his room and avoid intense physical activity, at least until Carson was sure there were no remaining effects.
When she got to his room, she felt her heart beating wildly in her chest and she shook her head at herself. She felt like the young girl she'd been when they met. He was a cocky flyboy and she was a brainiac law student who was looking for some fun in her life. Things had changed so much since then.
Without another though, she rang the bell to John's door and tried to still her heart. She heard him rustling within, heard a muffled "just a minute!" and then John was at the door, dark gray swets and his go-to black t-shirt covering his body. Seeing him up and about almost made tears come to Elizabeth's eyes and before she had the chance to think about it, she had him wrapped up in a hug, her face buried in his neck. He was a little shocked but his arms came around her after a moment and held her close.
Soon, he pulled her back into his room, closing the door, and pried her arms off him. Still holding her hands, he looked into her eyes.
"Hey, I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. Carson's the best doctor anywhere. He wasn't going to let me die."
Her eyes welled with tears and she blinked rapidly. "Oh John, it doesn't matter how good a doctor he is… When you were on the jumper, and you were… trying to say your last thoughts I… I just had so many regrets about where we are now!"
She looked at him deeply and then pulled her hands away, moving to pace around the room, her arms tight around her body. John remained by the door, a little shocked at her reaction.
"John," Elizabeth continued, "I… I don't want us to be alienated! I don't want to miss you every night. I don't want to fight with you. I want us to love each other and be together!"
They looked at each other across the room, Elizabeth with tears brimming in her eyes. John took a deep breath and it came out shakier than he had expected.
"I wish…" Elizabeth halted. "I wish we could find that passion we had when we met each other and we were young and you thought you were invincible and I… I thought you could do no wrong."
John gave her a sad smile. "You know it will never be that way."
Smiling a little, Elizabeth nodded. "I know. We're not young anymore. But… I want to be with you John. I don't want to lose you."
He looked at her from across the room, saw the sincerity in her eyes, and couldn't deny that he felt the same way. Yes, they fought a lot, and yes sometimes it hurt like hell to be with her, but he wanted her more than he didn't want those things. Of course, a big part of that feeling was probably due to the fact that he wanted her physically but, his mind wasn't thinking very clearly at the moment.
Walking over to her, he stopped right in front of her; looking at her beautiful face, her bright eyes. Taking one hand, he ran it through her auburn hair, felt her respond to his touch. He let his eyes slide over her body and then back to her face, connecting with her eyes. Snaking a hand around her waist, he felt the outline of her hip; let his hand creep upward to her back. Then, slowly, he connected lips with hers, feeling their soft warmth on his, hearing her breath increase in response.
He deepened the kiss quickly and felt her arms come around his body. It had been too long since they'd been together and he could tell she felt the same way. Pushing her back gently, he pinned her against the wall and felt her groan lightly in response to the weight of his body. Kissing her more intensely, he felt her hands push under his shirt. He broke away to look into her eyes once more, tracing one hand over her face.
"I love you Elizabeth."
She smiled. "I love you too."
OOOOO
The next morning, neither John nor Elizabeth felt regret at what had happened the night before. Elizabeth woke feeling more rested than she had in a long time. They decided to go for breakfast together before facing the day and found it quite enjoyable. Elizabeth was trying not to allow herself to hope, but it was hard when things were going so well. She should have known it wouldn't last.
Though they had a good time at breakfast, and were able to have an enjoyable conversation without fighting, they could both feel the tension hanging in the air. It was like their relationship was a Jenga tower that had been piled too high; ready to fall at any moment. They both knew it wouldn't take much to break the tenuous peace between them… and they were right.
