CHAPTER 2: BATTLE OF THE GENDERS
In Dr. Flora's medical chamber, she carefully peeled several brown leafs off of Slim's eyes, one by one, having performed the operation to sooth Aphie's pee out of them.
'There,' she said sweetly, peeling off the last leaf and tossing it aside. 'All better.'
'Slim blinked and opened his eyes, shaking the remaining pee off of him. Straining his pupils he saw Dr. Flora – but in gold!'
'Augh!' he yelped. 'Everything looks yellow!' Dr. Flora turned back to him.
'I studied for three years,' she stated. 'I can fix this!' She grabbed a damp pupa shell, flattened it out, and gently brushed it over his eyes, one by one. Now, Slim looked again – and saw her in bright emerald.
'Augh!' he yelped again. 'Now everything looks green!'
'Well, what color do you want?' she asked, trying not to look irritated.
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stick insect sarcastically, 'all of them!'
She sighed in frustration before quickly looking around. She placed her hands randomly on her desk, the floor, and even Slim, before she finally grabbed as many different food juiced as she could. Pouring a bit of each into the remnants of the pupa shell, she forced Slim to lie down, brushed the shell gently over his eyelids a few times, and finally discarded it.
'Ah, there we go, 'relaxed Slim, sitting up, as full color returned to his sight, 'that's better.'
'Okay,' said Dr. Flora, clasping Slim on the shoulder and smiling at him. This continued, uninterrupted, for a few seconds. 'Bye.'
Slim flinched a little visibly. He cast his mind around for words.
'Are you not going to give me something to soothe my itchy and irritated eyes?'
'Slim,' inquired Dr. Flora in a curious voice. 'Have you ever thought of becoming a doctor?' Slim paused a little at this, unsure of what to say. 'Because you look and talk... like a doctor.'
'Oh, he's always wanted to be a doctor,' commented Gypsy, buzzing through the open door, an old bug magazine clasped in her hand, having stayed in the waiting room for the last 20 minutes. Dr. Flora turned around and inquired her with interest.
'But more importantly,' continued Gypsy, 'did you know that a daily 20-minute flight increases weight loss, eyesight, wing strength, and mutant powers?' Both of the other insects in the room reacted slowly to this piece of news.
Just as Gypsy took another magazine from the rack and placed the first one back, into the medical chamber wandered Thorny, Tuck and Roll, still attached to each other by their antennas, with the two pill bugs being so short that they were balancing on the side of Thorny's head, who was not best pleased.
'Bi brava eka!' snapped Roll, slapping his hand at Tuck, but hitting Thorny's cheek by accident.
'Eska vitcha yoka!' snapped Tuck back, slapping his hand forward too, but also hitting Thorny on the face. Thorny gestured with his hands at Dr. Flora.
'A little help here...' he asked desperately.
'Don't worry,' replied the good doctor, 'I've got just the thing!' She reached to the side, while Slim smiled happily – and pulled out a sharpened real-size pencil. Thorny jumped backwards, knocking the pill bugs' heads against his own again, which caused him to wince, while Slim leapt to Dr. Flora's side.
'Whoa, whoa,' he said, pushing the pencil down where it wasn't pointing at anything. 'Just untie them, and give him some cream for his sore cheek.'
'Ok,' said Dr. Flora irritably, 'that'll work too!' The three new patients nodded slowly, still a bit fearful, before Tuck and Roll returned to fighting each other but hitting Thorny.
'Ymri!' yelled Blip from a corner of their room behind the circus wagon, where he and his brother firefly were searching frantically for something. 'P.T. is coming to count his money! Where is the grass binder?'
'Check under the front wheel,' said the wolf tarantula, peeking around the side of the wagon.
'Flash and Blip both moved to beside the wheel. They both reached under with a hand, and yelped in pain. Ymri, smiling divisively, strode over to the pair.
They stood up, a termite trap bound on a finger each of their hands. They tried to ignore it while they turned around.
'Well played,' commented Flash, as Ymri arrived in front of them.
'Let's end it now, while it's even,' suggested Blip.
'Agreed,' said Ymri simply. He put out a hand each, and shook both of the fireflies free hands simultaneously, all three glad that they were putting it behind them.
10 minutes later...
Completely covered in soot, Ymri collapsed onto the floor, where Blip and Flash were bound and gagged together with loose spider web. Most of the contents of the room were upturned or downright broken, while the fireflies struggled to free themselves, to no avail. In front of them was a very angry P.T. Flea.
'In my circus,' he began shortly, while Ymri looked defeated and the flies didn't give up struggling, 'we have a "No Pranking" policy.
'Mmmmhhh!' strained Blip and Flash, colliding with the wagon in their attempts to free themselves.
'I can't understand you two because your mouths are taped shut.' P.T. didn't find this situation very funny at all, and Ymri could tell. The two lighter bugs let out soft moans that could still be distinguished.
'That's why I'm going to stay and help you all stop your pranking ways.' The fireflies resumed their struggling upon this news, while Ymri threw his arms up into the air in obvious frustration.
10 more minutes later...
P.T. was sitting across from the three members of his crew, who were now sullen-faces and grumpy, all with folded arms.
'Because you've no respect for each other's jobs,' said the flea, 'I'm gonna recommend the Role Reversal method; the classic corporate exercise which teaches mutual respect.'
'So all we have to do all day,' said both Flash and Blip and the same time, 'is play tunes on several drums at the same time and assume a role in this circus as Vice President?'
'Oh yeah,' stammered Ymri, 'I do not even know what they do.'
'We do this!' The fireflies smacked him on the head from both sides. They instantly broke into a brawl, which P.T. broke.
'Active!' The boss' words stopped the fight. 'The Role Reversal is now active.' The flea leaned back against the wall and calmly gestured forward to the pair.
'Fine,' said the spider calmly.' He picked up the flies' butt cones, stuck it on his rear abdomen awkwardly, and turned to face them.
'Oh Ymri,' he over-mocked, 'P.T. wants his money now, and blah blah Blah BLAH –' The pair interrupted him by swiping his hat off his head. They both struggled for it, and ended up ripping it apart.
They paused for one second before placing a half of both of their heads.
'Blip and Flash!' they mocked towards Ymri. 'Go get the others. I've got work to do!' They all broke into a tongue spitting at each other, where the words "blah" and "stupid" could be distinguished.
'See,' smirked P.T., now happy. 'Isn't this better?' All three of the others froze instantly, and just stared at P.T., as if to say "what?"
The Ivys crept forward into the main colony clearing which was empty save for a few ants. One of them had a small crate, another several rotten kernels, and the third a catapult from one of Flik's harvesting machines. They looked around nervously, keeping their guard up.
'Fresh food!' They looked around to see a pretty female ant manning a stall with several small raspberry fragments on it. She gestured to them with her hands. 'Free fantastic samples?'
'Free samples!' cried the Ivys happily. Dropping their pranking materials, they jogged over to the stand. They rapidly took a sample each and chewed it, while the female ant looked on with a slightly suspicious smile.
Suddenly, the first Ivy dropped her happy look, as did the others. Looking at each other, they started making frantic noises while keeping their mouths closed, but still looked like they were trying to speak.
'Aww,' said a voice from somewhere. Francis and Heimlich suddenly popped up from behind the stall, drawing the attention of the Ivys. The ladybug tapped on a small piece of yellow squishy food while he spoke. 'Did someone accidentally add in a lot of sticky stuff?' The Ivys began trying to speak even more frantically.
'Yah, non toxic, ef course,' grinned an enthusiastic Heimlich (out of his bumblebee suit), which stopped the Ivys fretting. The blue female ant laughed slowly at them, pointing, and then stood up.
In what seemed to be slow motion, she put her hand on her face, pulled – and a blue mask came off in HIS hand, revealing it to be Flik. The Ivys instantly froze upon seeing who it was.
'Ve warned u des wuld get ugly!' The Ivys stomped in frustration, and walked away, still trying to speak frantically. Once they were out of earshot, the three male bugs whooped in joy, slapping as many hands together as they could.
Out of nowhere, an agitated Mr. Soil stepped in front of them. Upon seeing them, their states instantly turned to one of mild fear, as he was drenched in a droopy yellow liquid.
'Why,' he yelled at them, 'is the 2nd grade classroom covered in bee honey, and my abdomen covered in puke?' Indeed, his rear end did have remains of an ant's vomit on it.
'We have no idea, Mr. Soil, sir,' said Flik slowly, waving his hands down. The three of them tried to look innocent.
'Bye!' said the tough ladybug, turning and flying towards the Clover Forest, with the other two leaping and running.
'I know you're up to something!' he yelled after them as they vanished from sight.
The Ivys, meanwhile, were making their way down the inside root spiral of the anthill, still straining to speak, before –
'Ha!' The grasshopper which now worked in the circus did jumped out in front of them, having a bug's version of a banjo slung around his neck.
'You got pranked!' Molt sang in an annoying voice, swiping the strings repeatedly, which were off-key. 'You got pranked!' By this point, the Ivys were staring at him angrily. 'You got P, R, A, N, K –'
Molt's banjo was split on his hand, the orthopteran a bit dizzy in the head, while he sat on the seat in the medical chamber.
'I can solve this problem,' Dr. Flora said curiously, Slim still beside her. She reached out a hand to the end of the banjo, placed the snapped string back into position, afterwards swiping her hand across the strings, which now resonated on-key.
'Perfectly tuned!' she stated. Molt smiled and got up towards the door. While the doctor looked happy, Slim was less so, watching as Molt banged his banjo-holding head against the door.
'Uh,' said the pessimistic stick insect slowly, 'don't you think we should unwind the strings and remove the banjo from his thorax?'
'Slim, you have a gift.' She rested her hand gently on the shoulder of his lower arm, as she couldn't reach any taller then there. 'How would you like to stay and be my assistant?'
'But I... haven't have any health training,' he stammered, as Molt finally made his way through the door by turning sideways.
'Don't worry about that, honey,' said Dr. Flora sweetly. 'None of the accidents around here are too serious. And I'll help you if anything goes wrong!'
Slim smiled a little nervously, before edging his way out through the door, where Gypsy was still reading magazines.
'Hey Gypsy, do you mind staying a while?'
'Are you kidding?' responded the moth, slamming her hands down on the two piles of magazines beside her that were as tall as she was now. 'I am in magazine heaven! I just learned how to give my antennas a facial!' Truth be told, her antennas did have white cream spread over them. Slim shrugged in approval, while she redirected her attention to reading her magazine again. The stick insect looked around briefly, before going back into Dr. Flora's medical chamber.
'The berry-apult,' stated Dot. In the anthill corridor directly outside the clown trio's room, Dot and Atta placed a small (big to them) raspberry berry on a bug catapult which was definitely made from twigs of one of Flik's harvester machines, while Rosie leaned upwards from the ground.
'The guys get off the root spiral to rush into their room for shelter...' continued Dot.
'They'll trip on the web,' continued Atta, pointing to the third strand stretched above the ground behind Rosie, 'and get a face full of splattered defeat.'
Chuckling, the two royal ants slapped a hand together, while Rosie casually swiped a hand over the trap. 'Boys are stupid,' chuckled the black widow spider.
Yet just down the other end of the corridor, around the corner, Flik was pressed tightly against the wall, with Heimlich and Francis waiting behind him. And they had heard every word.
'The berry-apult?' remarked Flik almost in disgust to his comrades. 'That is stupid.'
'Brilliant!' said Francis.
'I know!' said Flik back.
'Ok,' spluttered Heimlich. 'Vut now, we tern de tables on dem! And den de prankers become de prankees!' All three of them made a knuckle touch with each other before sprinting the other way. They would definitely prove the pranking was too dangerous for girls!
Back where the three girls were, the trap was now ready, as Rosie finished tightening the rope so it would work without question.
'Now,' said Dot confidently, 'all we have to do is hide, and watch the show.' But just as they were about to turn around to hide –
'Boo!' cried out the male ant, ladybug and caterpillar, leaping out directly behind the female hymenopterans. They whipped around in shock, while Rosie stumbled backwards, and accidentally bumped against the wire.
The red berry was instantly flung forward, and hit Rosie straight in the face. Her whole thorax and most of her arms were now splattered in deep red.
'Oh yeah!' cheered Francis, clubbing Heimlich on his shoulder. 'Deep freeze!'
'Waaahhh!' cried Rosie, as some of the raspberry liquid dripped to the ground. All five of them watched as she turned around and ran away and out of sight, wailing. Once she was gone, Atta and Dot turned around to the other three, slightly pissed off.
'Hey,' grinned Heimlich in defense, along with the other while the other two also looked sheepish, 've told u dat pranking was dangerous!'
'Well,' retorted Atta, gesturing where Rosie had vanished, 'does your Lord Prankerton say you're not allowed to make sure that someone is okay?'
'No, he does,' sighed Francis unhappily. 'It's called the Slim Amendment.'
'Let's go,' said Flik in equal frustration, the three of them moving off.
One quick Ant Island scouting later...
In only a small amount of time, the three of them found Rosie in the island's Clover Forest. She was sitting on the ground, wailing into her hands.
'Rosie,' sighed Flik, the three of them looking at her. 'You okay?'
Rosie continued what she was doing for about two seconds before she suddenly looked up, now laughing with a cheeky smile.
'She's stopped crying,' said Francis in alarm, the three of them stepping back as the spider stood up, grinning despite the berry juice that still covered her body.
'It was my idea to sacrifice one of us, so we could take out all of you,' she explained, just as Atta and Dot came up beside her. Both were holding a spare raspberry berry, and Dot also had the clown's trio prank book.
The three boys looked left – Quick leapt out from behind a clover stem with a berry in hand also. Reed sprang up from behind a small rock with two small berries. Daisy leapt down from a clover above with one in hand. And finally, Cora did a dive-roll into the area, carrying a particularly big berry above her.
'Yep,' said Heimlich nervously.
'We're doomed,' squealed Flik, Francis and Heimlich simultaneously.
A lot of thought went into the pacing of these scenes to make it feel more like a TV episode. Did it work well?
