A/N: I MUST WARN YOU THAT THERE IS A BIT OF SMUTTY HET HERE! And it's my first time writing something smutty with a man and a woman, too. I know, three years of writing fics and I never wrote het like that. I'm such a loser.
Bear with me for a bit? It's a necessary evil, and you'll understand as you read it, SO PLEASE DON'T SKIP IT!
Also… In spite of me reading a lot of fics and books in English, I think I only read het smut once, and it was a looooong time ago. Sorry if the terms and words I use aren't exactly right in some way? But I tried to keep the descriptions simple.
BUT… there's also a bit of something interesting coming between the boys, so… yeah ;)
Not betaed.
The website is giving me shit, so sorry if something is in a weird format. I'll edit tomorrow.
Part II: Nagging Feeling
Two months later…
Closing his eyes tightly, Naruto bit at his lower lip as be moved his hips in a few tentative thrusts. Beneath him, Hinata was a trembling mass of heat, legs spreading wider to give him more access so their lower parts were more in contact and perfectly rubbing together, her small hands shaking as they caressed his naked back.
Bending down, Naruto pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her a bit awkwardly because everything was still very new to him, and while he didn't lack confidence, he surely lacked experience and everything he did was based on instinct rather than knowledge. He often mused about how he should've paid attention to the never ending lessons about women and sex Jiraiya had given him during their journeys together.
Naruto liked Hinata. She had a beautiful body and always smelled nice – of something flowery and sweet. Her heart was strong and unblemished. She was kind, and brave, and always eager to please him. It felt good, being loved and simply wanted like that, and it was something he had never experienced before.
The girl was shy and knew even less about this than he did, but somehow, she was always happy to go further and seemed to trust him completely. It made Naruto feel both wary and in control.
His bandaged hand was fisting a few strands of her soft hair over the mattress of his bed while the other ran up and down the outside of her smooth thigh. Hinata's skin was like pearly silk and he liked it very much.
He also liked that she always wore beautiful matching underwear just for him – it was a male fantasy of his coming to life.
Their tongues clashed clumsily, lips moving noisily, neither able to be very proficient in the heat of the moment yet.
Even with his underwear on, Naruto would feel the sheer heat emanating from between Hinata's thighs – the wetness there seemed to seep from her panties to his boxers and this turned him on immensely. There was no purer and more obvious response to him than that, coming from her.
Breaking the kiss, he took a few gulps of air before latching his mouth over the curve of her neck, pressing wet kisses there before lowering his head to her collar bone, then between her breasts, offering the spot a long lick.
"N-Naruto…" she whispered breathlessly, her nails digging on his shoulders now, hips moving a little to encourage his own movements and simultaneously ask for more.
Lifting his head up, Naruto looked at her, stilling his movements. In the semi-darkness of the room, he could see her beautiful face flushed, hair a complete loose mess spread out all over the pillow under her head, clear eyes sparkling with lust and sheer need, silently telling him what she wanted.
His heart was thumping wildly in his chest, adrenaline at realizing what could be coming next creating a pool of lust to coil in the pit of his stomach. As a man, the need for blissful release almost made him want to rip her panties apart right then and bury himself in her with everything he had, and yet, he had never done something like that before, and he knew it couldn't just go like that.
He contemplated her for a few seconds, breathing hard. Her fingers caressed his shoulders encouragingly and a small smile graced her lips.
He wet his lips, something inside of him shifting suddenly at the thought of actual sex. It wasn't fear, or hesitation, but it was definitely something. Only he didn't know what, exactly, that something was and it made him feel fidgety and uncomfortable. It wasn't like he didn't want this, it was just…
Something was off.
Swallowing hard, he ignored Hinata's inquisitive look and shifted his position so he was lying beside her, on his side, supporting his weight on his elbow. Not giving her time to ask questions, he kissed her hungrily again and grabbed one of her breasts, giving it a small squeeze. His fingers felt her erect nipple before he made his hand run down her body, over her belly and then lower, not wasting time in invading her panties.
She gasped against him, moaning as he made his middle finger slip between the soft lips there and feeling her obvious wetness. He took a sharp intake of breath as she moaned more, her hips convulsing a little, legs closing instinctually at the sensation before parting again.
Breaking the kiss once more, he looked at her just as he carefully made his finger slide inside the moist tightness of her vagina, the slickness there making the process rather easy for him.
Hinata closed her eyes, mouth parting in a silent cry of surprise and pleasure. Eyes never leaving her face, Naruto moved the finger inside her, slowly, but finding no resistance. He pulled out to the tip, then made the finger slide back in. He repeated the process a few times, experimentally, like he always did, and waited until her features began scrunching up a little. He knew it wouldn't take long from then on.
She released a shuddering breath as one of her hands grabbed his wrist with no real purpose than to touch him or probably motivate him. With his lips pressed close together, Naruto felt her body twitch slightly and he moved his hand a bit faster, making sure he sunk his finger inside her as deep as possible while simultaneously making his palm touch the sensitive clit just for effect (he knew she liked the added sensation, even if it didn't add all that much to it).
As the walls inside her constricted and pulsed around his finger, Naruto watched her face look almost pained as she came, letting out a string of soft, helpless noises that were almost melodic.
He stopped his ministrations as her orgasm slowly faded. She was panting heavily, her fingers loosening around his wrist. Smiling a bit, he leaned down and kissed her temple, removing his digit carefully and his hand from the interior her panties to place it on her knee instead.
"I thought… I thought you wanted to do it," she mumbled, opening her eyes tiredly and turning her face to him.
"Ah, you did?" Naruto muttered with an embarrassed smile. "I didn't think you wanted to do it yet…"
The lie was blatant to him and almost made him flinch. It was the third time Hinata had showed her willingness through body language alone, and the third time Naruto had distracted her by making her cum by other means.
"But, I don't really have any condoms…" he kept on, still sounding awkward, which was a relief to his own ears. "We should probably think about getting them, then, right?"
They had never really talked about it before, thankfully, and yet, since she had exposed the issue so obviously, he just had to find some sort of justifiable excuse, right?
Well, it wasn't an excuse, he really had never thought about buying condoms, anyway. Why, he had no idea. Guys were supposed to just want to jump into the action as soon as the opportunity arose, right?
He had no idea what was wrong with him.
"Yeah, you're right," Hinata said softly, raising a hand to touch his cheek, smiling gently at him again. Then, another blush painted her cheeks. "Do you want… shall I take care of you?"
Naruto's eyebrows shot upwards at that. For a moment, he thought about refusing it – he hadn't made her cum just so he could get something in return, and let's be honest, he did it on purpose to distract her. But he was still pretty hard, and she looked so hopeful that…
"Sure…" he said, with a small shrug. "Okay."
Her eyes lit up at once and she quickly moved to a sitting position, placing her hand on his chest to make him lie on his back. Then, she nimbly changed her location so she was kneeling between his legs. A little curious, Naruto watched as her shy, shaky hands grabbed the hem of his boxers and pulled them down to reveal his erection. She gulped, her face gaining an even redder tone, but her eyes were resolute. He thought she looked strangely beautiful, like a mermaid, her long hair cascading down her body, over her shoulders and curvy, perfect breasts.
Without another second of hesitation, she lowered her body so her mouth was engulfing him and he hissed a bit before closing his eyes, allowing himself to feel. It wasn't amazing, but it certainly felt good.
Vaguely, he wondered if Sakura did this to Sasuke, as well. He wondered if, like him, Sasuke was having issues concerning sex or if he had already done it. Because Sasuke wasn't like him, he did things when they needed to be the done, and Sasuke didn't hesitate.
Perfect Uchiha fucking Sasuke.
Somehow, it frustrated him. Everything about the relationship of those two frustrated him to no end, especially if his guess on Sasuke's feelings was right.
That fucking bastard.
He grunted a bit as he felt Hinata's tongue timidly lap at the head of his cock with her tongue.
Fuck that. He didn't want to be thinking about Sasuke right now.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed every thought of his best friend to the back of his mind and focused on cumming.
A few days later…
Naruto chewed persistently on his lower lip as he stood in a dark, secluded alley near Konoha's hospital with his back against the wall, his hands buried inside the pockets of his pants. Incessantly, his heel was tapping on the ground, signaling his obvious state of anxiety.
He couldn't remember a time of his life when he had ever felt this out of it, so completely all over the place that he had no idea how to even begin to get a hold of himself.
It hurt. He couldn't understand why it hurt, but it did. Surely, Sakura thought so, too, but for a whole different reason.
He didn't really know how to cope with his anger. Well, it wasn't as much anger as it was just… simple disappointment.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was not how he had imagined things to turn out at all, and yet, he felt powerless to fight it.
For some reason, fighting Sasuke was becoming harder and harder. He could fight him literally, but when it came to Sasuke being the stubborn asshole he had always been, there was no way he could simply force him to change his mind.
In a not so distant past, he had done it, yes. He had brought Sasuke back from the darkness and made him realize that there were other ways to go about his ideals. But losing his drive because of him, Naruto knew, was something that forced Sasuke to take yet another turn in his way of perceiving his own life and its meaning. And no matter how Naruto felt about the decisions that came with it, that was something he knew he had no right to interfere with.
Still…
He couldn't understand, for the life of him, why or when things had changed so drastically for them and in a way he hadn't wanted to in the first place at all.
Biting down on his already abused lip, Naruto shut his eyes tightly and clenched his fists.
He knew he was being selfish, but at the same time, that whole mess had been Sasuke's fault to begin with. All of it was Sasuke's fault. Sasuke, with his fucking ideals of redemption and what was right or wrong, thinking he knew what was best for everybody and himself…
Who was being the fucking hypocrite now?
A sudden shift in the air made him open his eyes as he felt the strong chakra signature make his muscles shiver slightly.
At once, he hurried off towards the main street, easily following the familiar source of energy he could perceive. It was far too early in the morning and the starts still filled the dark sky. Apart from the occasional noise inside bakery stores or other early functioning businesses, the streets were silent and empty.
Eventually, he was able to find the tall and recognizable male figure, clad in dark blue and black clothes and he sprinted faster towards the person until he was able to reach him and come to a steady pace beside him. He wasted a few seconds simply glaring at his companion.
The only thing he received back was an unimpressed sideways glace.
"What do you think you're doing?" Sasuke asked, seemingly unaffected by the glare, or even surprised by Naruto's presence.
"Did you do it?" Naruto asked, at once, not even bothering to hide the displeasure in his voice.
"I told you I would do it, didn't I?" Sasuke said blandly, frowning at him. "Tsunade wasn't pleased. It's my choice. You don't get to feel sorry for me, and you don't get to make that face."
Pursing his lips together, Naruto 'tsked' and looked away, shoving both hands inside his pockets again and hearing Sasuke's annoyed sigh at his actions.
For some reason, he became very self-conscious of the rough textures of the bandage surrounding his right hand and arm and immediately hated the feeling. It was stupid that he had to feel this way – that Sasuke had to make him resent his own limb – but he did all the same. Suddenly, he felt like it was pointless. If, almost three years after they had fought, Sasuke still thought he didn't need his fucking arm back, then why should he?
If he had known Sasuke didn't want his arm back, he wouldn't have allowed Tsunade to make one for him at all.
They had gone through the loss together. Whatever happened regarding said arms should be shared and overcome together. And yet, once again, Sasuke decided to take a completely different route from his, the damned fucker.
Irritated, Naruto chanced a glance at Sasuke's left shoulder. He was wearing an oversized black sweater, and the left sleeve hung loose and empty, swaying as he walked. The sight made his stomach churn for reasons he couldn't explain. His heart ached.
He had once told Sasuke that he suffered for him, and he hadn't been kidding. But Sasuke didn't seem to get it.
"Why are you doing this?" he whispered, angrily, looking down at his walking feet.
Sasuke's answer was quick. "Because I need to."
"That's not good enough of an answer, Sasuke!" Naruto snapped, turning his face to him fully. "Are you trying to punish me, is that it?"
He had no idea why those specific words left his mouth, but they had. Not only that, he had no idea that he had had that impression before, but apparently, all sorts of repressed things were surfacing without his consent.
Sasuke looked both confused and livid at this. "Not everything is about you, you moron," he hissed, as if somewhat offended, walking purposefully faster so he was a few steps ahead of Naruto.
"Bullshit!" Naruto yelled spitefully to his back. "It's not fair, you fucking bastard! You're the one who chose to do everything behind my back, and now I don't even get to feel sad for you?" When Sasuke didn't answer him, he, too, walked faster and reached out to grab for his friend's shoulder to stop him. "Just... stop already and talk to me, damn it!"
Sasuke did stop, furiously slapping his hand away and turning to him, and the firm, cold stare he gave him made Naruto's breath catch in his lungs, not from fear, but from hurt. Slowly, he gulped.
"Don't fucking touch me," the Uchiha said, his voice calm and collected, but dangerous, eyes narrowing as they stared into Naruto's unblinking ones.
For a few seconds, neither spoke. The streets were still blissfully empty, but already they could hear a bit of commotion in the distance as the village woke up; the sun was barely rising.
"What are you going to do now?" Naruto mumbled after a while, trying to keep his hands from shaking and the resentment from his voice. "Leave? Again?"
Sasuke's eyes seem to have gained a new level of intensity, and yet, the flicker of emotions there weren't something Naruto knew how to read.
"I don't belong here, Naruto. Maybe I never did," Sasuke replied, now a little less aggressively, adjusting his sweater with his right hand. In spite of his seemingly calm demeanor, Naruto could feel his chakra bubbling and his energy all over the place. Sasuke was angry.
"Why this? Why now? I don't understand you at all..." Naruto whispered. Then, before he could even stop the words from leaving his mouth, he asked, "Why her? After everything you said…"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you say you didn't want me to be alone?" he asked, almost mockingly. "I'm merely indulging you."
"And what does she think about your stupid assed decision of not getting your arm back?" Naruto hissed.
Sasuke's eyes seemed to darken at that, and the disgusting smirk he gave him made Naruto's blood boil inside his veins. "It's as much her business as it is yours," he said simply.
That made Naruto snap. Before he could control it, he had lounged himself at the other male, grabbing him by the collar of his sweater. Sasuke gasped in surprise but Naruto just pushed him backwards, hard and fast until he was violently slamming his friend against the nearest building's wall so hard Sasuke's skull hit the flat surface rather loudly. But he didn't care about it; if he had to break him up again to make him do what was right he would do it in a heartbeat.
"You fucking bastard!" Naruto grunted venomously in Sasuke's face, eyeing him with fury. "Fuck, you get on my nerves, Sasuke!"
Sasuke's face scrunched up in anger – an expression Naruto had been all too used to seeing in the last few months – but he didn't look intimidated in the slightest. Their faces were inches apart and Naruto felt himself shake with the sheer untamable rawness of everything he was feeling.
He knew Sasuke was just pushing his buttons. They knew nothing about each other at this point, and he knew nothing about Sasuke's relationship with Sakura. If he was angry on her behalf, upset that it all seemed out of balance somehow or just completely furious at Sasuke's attitude towards his body and his life, he didn't know, but everything happening since that war and their battle, Sasuke leaving, their fight… how everything just seemed so misplaced without explanation…
And it was all Sasuke's fault. Sasuke, who didn't talk to him anymore. Sasuke, who was never home. Sasuke, who claimed he only accepted him and yet was doing whatever with Sakura and avoiding him at all costs.
Naruto wanted to scream or punch him until he lost consciousness. Maybe he wanted to do both. The Kami help him, he just wanted to tear him apart and glue him back together.
"If you want to hit me, then just fucking do it!" Sasuke yelled, defiantly, something very akin to hatred filling his eyes. "Or what, are you hesitating because now we're supposedly 'all good' or something? You're such a fucking idealist, Naruto, it makes me sick!"
But Naruto couldn't find words to counter Sasuke's anymore. He didn't feel like he could even be account responsible for his actions anymore, and why the hell didn't Sasuke get it?
His vision only managed to catch Sasuke's mouth opening to let out another possible train of bullshit before everything went short-circuit in his mind. Next thing he knew, his mouth was literally crashing violently over Sasuke's. And it hurt like a bitch. His lips had somehow smashed on Sasuke's teeth and he was sure he had cut them badly.
Sasuke let out a loud, pained huff that made Naruto sure that he had also been abused by the contact. As if to prove it, Naruto felt something warm and slick flooding his bruised lips - blood - and he didn't know if it belonged to him or to his friend, and neither did he care. The pain made him convulse a bit, but his mind was too clouded for him to fully understand every insignificant detail of what was happening.
Sasuke seemed a little at loss, but he said something intelligible and agressive that Naruto couldn't understand considering their mouths were glued together. Before he could control himself, he tilted his head to the side and moved his lips demandingly over Sasuke's as he pressed their mouths closer together, feeling an almost visceral need to have Sasuke do something. He felt like he was somehow doing something he shouldn't be doing and challenging Sasuke in the worst possible way, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. In a way, he hoped Sasuke would fight him, punch him, or bite him… anything.
Anything to have him responding to him so they could finally connect once more, through anger, hatred, whatever it took…
Sasuke's body fidgeted a bit as he seemed to struggle with what to do, his hand grabbing for the fabric of Naruto's shirt over his shoulder and twisting it in his strong grip. His mouth was unresponsive to Naruto's, just hanging open as if shocked to stillness.
Unaware of what he was doing, Naruto pressed himself more to him, effectively pinning him to the wall. He bit down hard on Sasuke's lower lip, with every intent to hurt, feeling more blood gushing out from the open bruises there. Sasuke's body shook and he let out an angry breath before everything about him came to life and he was moving his mouth over Naruto's ferociously.
Naruto's very being seemed to catch fire as Sasuke deepened the kiss, their mouths touching hungrily and fighting for dominance, the bitter taste of their blood mingling in their tongues, filling both their senses and making Naruto go dizzy with all sorts of conflicting feelings. Adrenaline was pumping violently through him, blood quickly rushing down to his lower regions and he couldn't understand what he was doing at all, and neither did he feel like debating on it. Sasuke was responding, they were sharing something, and that was all that mattered. Everything else was nothing but a blur outside of the existence that was them.
It was a clumsy, overly excited kiss fueled by all sorts of emotions. Neither seemed to know what they were doing, and while Naruto himself was already experienced enough at kissing, he felt like he had no control whatsoever of how that particular kiss was being processed.
His hands released Sasuke's collar and travelled down over his flat chest before his arms surrounded him by the waist. Sasuke's right arm also moved to hold him around the neck and pull him tightly close as he angled his head purposefully for more contact. He could feel Sasuke's upper left arm reacting as if to hug him as well but no contact came from it and he moaned pitifully at it.
It hurt. Everything hurt so much he felt tears coming to his eyes. There was no delicateness in the way Sasuke kissed, but there was longing and an obvious desperation on both their parts and Naruto found that the more they drank from each other's essence the thirstier he became. Sasuke's taste was sharp and his scent was clean and specific. He knew for a fact that he never wore cologne, and yet, he always had that distinctive smell that brought Naruto back to his childhood. It was exhilarating and nothing like Naruto had ever felt in his life.
And it was as terrifying as it was unique.
Suddenly, he felt Sasuke reacting, quickly as lightening itself, and he was being roughly shoved away, stumbling backwards a bit. His mind was hazy for a few confused seconds but he was forced to focus as he felt the tip of something extremely sharp poke at the spot of his neck above his Adam's apple.
Breathing hard, he saw Sasuke in front of him, looking feral and threatening, lips swollen and red as a trail of blood feel from a particularly nasty gash dripped down his chin. Sasuke had a kunai pressed to his neck.
"Do that again and I swear I won't be answering for myself," Sasuke hissed, his voice was low and shaky. "You have no right to demand anything out of me, do you understand? You have no right to do something like this."
"You're in love with me, aren't you?" Naruto whispered, swallowing hard. He felt really shaken about what had just happened, but more than anything, the sheer pull they had shared towards each other had been overwhelming. "I know it, Sasuke; you can't hide that from me anymore."
Sasuke's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Is this the stupid conclusion you came up with?" he retorted, his stance becoming even straighter, clearly feeling defensive.
"What else could it be?" Naruto muttered, frowning. "The way you act, the things you've told me…"
"You're offending me," Sasuke spat, lowering his kunai. "In love? Me? As if I'd ever feel such a pathetic and frivolous emotion for someone like you."
"I can't even understand if what you just said is an insult or a compliment!" Naruto complained, his arousal fading rather quickly to be replaced by the now familiar frustration. "Damn it, Sasuke, just talk to me!"
Sasuke shoved the kunai ruthlessly back inside the small pouch he had around his waist. "Fuck you, Naruto."
"No! You should've told me how you felt, damn it!" Naruto contradicted, clenching his fists at his sides. Sasuke had responded to him, surely he couldn't have made the wrong assumption of his feelings, it just wasn't possible. "Why don't you just say what you want to say?"
"And then what?" Sasuke yelled bitterly, using the back of his hand to wipe at the blood on his lips, smudging it all over his chin and mouth instead. "What would you do about it, Naruto, huh? You didn't even think twice about wanting to stay in Konoha when I specifically told you I wanted you to be with me. If I tell you what I want, how I really feel, will your feelings for this fucking place be different?"
Again, Sasuke was surprising him with things he had no idea would be thrown to his face like that, and again, he felt stupid all of a sudden, not knowing how to reply. "I… I don't know, I just…"
"Why did you even do that?" Sasuke looked hurt, and Naruto knew that, somehow, he had taken the wrong step once more, even without meaning to. "Out of all the things you could've done, you kissed me. Are you fucking crazy?"
"I don't know!" Naruto said, truthfully, because, really, he didn't know anything about them anymore. "Just give me a break, okay? I don't know how I feel about all this, but that doesn't mean you just have to go and pretend you don't feel that way about me!"
Sasuke huffed, exasperated. "What way, you idiot?" he asked challengingly, but sounding tired.
"I don't know, but there's something definitely strange going on!" the blond man babbled, unsure of what to say. Sasuke rolled his eyes at him and turned his back on him – something he did a lot recently, it seemed – bent on walking away from him. "Look, we can work this out, we should talk about this…."
"Talk?" Sasuke stopped in his tracks and turned around to face him. He eyed Naruto for a few seconds. When he spoke again, his voice was of a smooth, deadly low tone. "I don't want to talk to you about my feelings, you dumbass. I want you to leave me the fuck alone and not go around doing stupid things you don't even know the meaning of. You have a fucking girlfriend."
"And so do you!" Naruto shot back. "You're being hypocritical!"
"I never said she was my girlfriend," Sasuke replied, as if the thought itself that someone would think so surprised him. "What did you expect me to do, anyway? It's already painful enough watching you being fucking clueless all the time and just taking one dumb step after another."
"Sasuke..."
"You made your choice, Naruto," Sasuke hissed venomously as he turned on his heels and walked away without even bothering to look back anymore. "Now deal with it."
Naruto watched him go, fury and resentment flooding him, knowing that no argument he could ever shout at his best friend would ever be valid enough in Sasuke's eyes.
Because Sasuke was right and he had screwed up, somehow. Again. And it seemed like there was no right way of undoing it anymore.
000
"I suppose you know why I asked you to meet me," Tsunade said, sitting at her doctor's office's desk just as Naruto was coming inside and closing the door behind him.
"Yeah..." the young man said tiredly, making his way to the chair across the desk from her and slumping down. "He really doesn't want his arm back, does he?"
"I'll keep the one I made for him just in case," the former Hokage said, rummaging through a drawer on her left and finally finding what she was looking for. "But, to be very honest, it would be very complicated to implant it on him now that his wound is completely healed. The skin has ever regenerated rather nicely, as well."
"But it would be possible to give him the arm in the future anyways, right?" Naruto inquired, with hope in his eyes.
"Yes, but it would take three times the trouble, and a long time for him to adapt to it and for the general arm to heal." Tsunade pulled out a metallic canteen and two plastic cups which she placed in front of herself and in front of her favorite protégé. "In a way, it was for the best. Without an arm, Sasuke's less of a threat. This will please the council, and the other villages that, as you know, weren't very happy about how easily he got away with what he did, even if they accepted it because ofyou."
Naruto laughed. "They're crazy if they think not having an arm will make him less skilled and capable."
"I know, that boy is really something," Tsunade agreed, wasting no time in pouring a bit of the beverage into both cups, glad when Naruto didn't protest. "His journeys have been pretty fruitful, or so I heard. He's been providing a lot of information for Konoha, and word says he's been doing a lot of charitable work for poor villages."
"Really?" Naruto seemed genuinely surprised as he picked up the cup and took a sniff of the beverage. He sipped on it and made a face, before taking another sip.
"How are you holding up?" Tsunade asked gently. She knew that those two were going through a hard time, and Sasuke not taking the path Naruto wished for him was surely taking its toll on the blond.
"I'm pissed off at him, but I guess I understand," Naruto mumbled, lowering the cup and resting is over his lap. "Still, I wish he'd stop this dramatic bullshit once and for all and accept that he can be a normal, happy person."
"I suppose doing what he's doing makes him feel accomplished enough." Tsunade also took a sip on her drink, instantly gratified at the feeling of relaxation the alcohol provided for her. Becoming a full time Doctor sure was as troublesome as being Hokage.
"You saved him," she proceeded carefully. "But there are things about him that will never be healed."
"I know, and it sucks," Naruto said with a huff. His blue eyes moved from hers to the window behind her. "Sometimes, I wonder if he even knows how to be happy..."
"Naruto, life is made of choices, and we all make the ones that are more convenient for us," Tsunade began, after a few seconds of contemplative silence. "I don't think he's ignorant towards happiness, I just think that, lucky as he is, he's also terribly unfortunate when it comes to what he wants."
"Huh..." Naruto sounded dispassionate, and it tore at her very heart.
"You two are strangely distant considering how much you care about each other," she observed knowing she had struck a chord when Naruto tensed up.
"We had a fight a few months ago and I don't think he got over it yet," he confessed, looking down at his drink. "I can't even try to make up with him, he's always away and when he's around, he's either with Sakura-chan or purposefully ignoring me."
Tsunade almost smiled but thought better of it. In a way, she wanted to help them, but at the same time, she knew it was none of her business and that, when it came to them, they would have to fix things by themselves, as they always had.
But this 'issue' of theirs sure was becoming a nuisance if so much time had passed and they still hadn't fixed it.
"I don't like the Uchiha brat, as you very well know," she said, with a sigh, leaning back on her chair. "But he has a strong connection to you, and even I can see that that bond is exclusive to you. Just because you saved him once it doesn't mean he doesn't still need your help."
Naruto nodded, looking at her with a pained expression. "I just... wish he could say things to my face, you know?"
"Maybe he's just waiting for you to take the step on your own?" she suggested. "I don't really understand what's with the two of you, but you went through hell and back for him. It would be a waste if you couldn't make peace because of a misunderstanding."
"I know."
Another moment of silence stretched out between them. Tsunade took a few sips on her drink and urged Naruto to do the same, which he did, almost automatically since he was obviously lost in thought.
"Have you ever considered going with him in one of his journeys?" she asked casually, making him tense up again. "Surely he wouldn't mind. Maybe that's what you two need. Maybe you'd be more accepting of what he's doing if you could see it for yourself?"
"Baa-chan, Sasuke is gone for months on end," Naruto complained, with a pout. "I have missions, training, and Hinata …"
"She'll still be here when you get back," Tsunade assured him, rolling her eyes at how simple minded he was. "And so will the village."
"Well, yeah, but… I don't know…"
"You never thought about it seriously, did you?" She chuckled softly as he looked to the side, lips making a pout again. "Kakashi would allow it, I'm sure." Shaking her head from side to side, she proceeded. "I know you're stubborn, and that limits your focus to things you know and are used to. But I think that, after all those years of chasing after your friend, you two didn't dedicate time to each other at all. And it's been almost three years since the war. Don't you think that's sad?"
"Yeah," Naruto admitted, for some reason blushing a little. "I mean, I do want to spend time with him…"
"You have to open up your horizons," Tsunade encouraged. "Life isn't all about Konoha. You'll have time to devote everything to it once you become Hokage. A little change of airs might do you good."
It wasn't as if she wanted Naruto out of her sight. Before the war, he spent so much time away, risking his life for the village and for Sasuke, always in danger, always fighting, always hurting… one would think that with him and the Uchiha brat having made peace, things would be good, and yet, Naruto was still hurting. She had hoped that, with Hinata now in the picture, Naruto could finally put his obsession with Sasuke behind his back, but it seemed like it was impossible, and even less if they were still not exactly on the best of terms for reasons she could only begin to speculate.
If all they needed was time together, they should have it. If Sasuke hadn't managed to kill Naruto before, he wouldn't do it now, for sure. She had seen the way Sasuke looked at him, and had managed to comprehend that there was a certain depth to what they had, even if she couldn't quite embrace what it was because, clearly, it was too complicated to be something positive. Thank gods for Hinata, she always thought. Still, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Sasuke, and since Naruto felt deeply for him, Tsunade had learned to interiorize that whatever the mess between them was, it was here to stay.
"I don't know. At this point, maybe he doesn't even want me to tag along anymore," Naruto retorted with a helpless shrug of his shoulders. He downed the rest of his drink in one go and shuddered before slamming the recipient on the table and crushing it. "There's so much I don't understand about him... anyway, I should go. Don't drink yourself to sleep old hag."
"As if!" Tsunade huffed, falsely affronted as he got up. "Take care brat, and come visit more often! Just because you have a girlfriend now it doesn't mean you have to forget your friends, yes?"
"I would never forget about you, old hag," he said, offering her a small smile and a wink. "I need you to babysit my kids someday."
She laughed at the irony of his statement. "Keep dreaming."
000
From the top of a tree, hidden in the dense foliage, Naruto was crouching down on a branch as he watched the couple standing in front the high gates of Konoha with lips pursed together.
He couldn't listen to what they were saying – not that he particularly cared – but he knew that any person walking by them on that sunny morning would be able to understand that those two were definitely together.
The image was foreign to him and made him feel uncomfortable beyond reason. It was nothing like his childhood, when he'd watch them from behind, resentment and jealousy filling him.
Now, the feelings assaulting him also included jealousy, but a different kind, and for a different person altogether.
Sakura and Sasuke were in front of each other, him tall and imposing as was usual of him, clad in his traveling, long black cloak; her, abnormally close to him, her hands unnecessarily adjusting his clothes, clearly taking every chance she could of touching him. She blushed as she talked to him, while he simply nodded, a very small, bland smile gracing thin lips – a courtesy Sasuke afforded to give to her for some reason.
Then, he said something to her and she smiled back, and when he leaned in to press his lips to hers, her face gained yet another shade of red, but when he meant to move away, she quickly surrounded his neck with both her arms and intensified the kiss. Sasuke seemed a little taken aback by it, but slowly, almost tentatively, raised his only hand to touch her waist, and this is when Naruto turned his face away.
It was stupid, he thought, narrowing his eyes at a spider that was crawling close to his sandaled foot. Why did it end up like this?
He knew he had been foolish – he had been the one completely oblivious all along, for some reason, misunderstanding Sasuke's words completely and his feelings, and still, they should've worked out things differently. Sure, he was pretty dumb in some things, but if Sasuke had simply expressed himself without speaking in riddles, maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If Sasuke had just asked… no, if he had told Naruto what he wanted and not had not given him options instead of making him believe he was trying to push him towards another direction…
And what frustrated him the most was that… Sasuke wasn't even in love with her. This was something he knew, in his heart, and no intense French kissing (he took a peak at his friends and he could see their tongues battling from where he was, which was absolutely disgusting, ew) would ever make him feel otherwise.
He closed his eyes and took a few, deep breaths, his heart beating furiously inside his chest.
No. The way he and Sasuke had kissed the other day… even if Sasuke had ended up threatening him… nothing could replicate that. The fire, the anger, the sheer longing… he had never felt that way for another person (not even Hinata) and even if Naruto himself hadn't expected that outcome, it hadn't shocked him all that much since it helped him understand things he often thought about, feelings he often experienced around Sasuke, urges he had towards him…
And just… how different everything felt from when he was with Hinata.
It had been painful but something sort of amazing, too. And it hurt him to realize that those feelings Sasuke had for him… Sasuke knew about them all along. And it hurt him to know that his naivety had hurt his best friend.
Even if Sasuke said he wasn't in love with him, those feelings he had were very exclusive to him. Just like the feelings he had for Sasuke. Although, he really couldn't explain them very well. He had tried, over and over again to understand what had possessed him to kiss his friend in the first place, but came up with no answer. He knew that Sasuke was attractive, but that had never been something that attracted him personally.
Maybe he had just wanted to test the other to see if his theory of Sasuke being in love with him was right?
Well, if he had to be honest with himself, he had felt some sort of emotional attraction to the Uchiha, and Sasuke's power, his abilities as a shinobi, his very intelligence… these were things that he found himself attracted to. But it had never been... well, sexual. At least he didn't think so.
Naruto still couldn't believe how stupid he had been. And now, awareness came too late, it seemed, because Sasuke resented him deeply and he had no idea what to do about it.
He didn't even understand why Sasuke was doing what he was doing or what his purpose was. At the same time, he was furious on Sakura's behalf and wanted to shake her out of her love-induced state to make her realize that Sasuke wasn't hers. Didn't she even stop for a minute to question herself about why was this happening all of a sudden? Or was she really so immersed in her fantasy all along that she had simply believed that, in the end, they would definitely end up together?
It seemed that way. Some said that there was no stronger power than the power of love, and apparently, it worked in her favor… somehow.
Then why didn't his and Sasuke's 'love' seem to go anywhere, even after everything they had gone through, together and apart?
And it was weird to think of it as 'love', because it was that exactly, but so much more. Maybe it wasn't sexual, maybe it didn't even have anything to do with what he and Hinata had at all, but their bond was definitely unusual.
Nothing made sense. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. How it was supposed to be, he didn't know either.
Naruto huffed. What the hell was he supposed to do? They had different goals, and if they didn't learn to compromise they would never be able to be friends and get along the way he knew they were supposed to.
Naruto chanced a glance towards the gates of just in time to see Sakura waving and Sasuke exiting the village.
Watching him leave brought a tightness to Naruto's chest he knew would follow him for weeks on end. Sasuke was leaving again and they were still in bad terms.
For some reason, more than anything, Naruto wanted to figure out what, exactly, bonded him to Sasuke that seemed to both pull them together and draw them apart at the same time. They couldn't go on like this, not understanding what they felt, what they wanted and how to cope with it. They had to find a way, they had to fix this no matter what…
Having Sasuke in his life, but not having Sasuke there… it wasn't right. In his world, it felt wrong and it didn't make sense.
That bond they had – Naruto longed for it with his very being, and Sasuke walking away from it as he was doing… that was unconceivable.
He simply… longed for Sasuke.
Awareness made him gulp. He really wanted… to be with Sasuke, right now. For a long time. They needed this.
With a jolt, Naruto straightened his back in sudden resolution – it was now or never. He needed to hurry because he didn't have much time. He had to go to Hinata, and then head over to the Hokage tower. He only hoped Kakashi didn't give him a hard time.
000
Sasuke heaved a sigh, bringing two fingers to his lips to absently rub at them for a while as he immersed himself deeper into the forest. His mouth was still tingling a bit from the intense kiss Sakura had forced out of him. It hadn't been unpleasant, but he had certainly not expected her to be this feisty considering how he had set the cards on the table for her. Still, in her eyes, he still saw that hope that, someday, she'd be able to make him love her like she wanted.
Lowering his hand, Sasuke sighed once more. Everybody believed that they were dating, and he found that denying it would be too troublesome. Who cared, anyway? It's not like people would ever understand if he did try to explain how things were between him and Sakura.
He had goals and things he needed accomplished. Sakura knew that. Those goals hadn't been primary in his mind about a year ago, but they were, now.
Naruto had his mind set about his future, and while, before that, Sasuke had kept a small flame of hope alive in his chest, now he knew it just wasn't worth it. No matter what, Naruto would keep moving forward, and because of that, Sasuke should do the same. It was only natural, wasn't it?
Naruto liked Hinata, Sasuke knew that very well, and, to a certain extent, this made him feel relieved, yet sad. There were things Naruto needed that someone like Sasuke couldn't give him, so it made him happy that Naruto had found someone who could.
Still, he and Naruto had been on each other's minds for so long that Sasuke didn't feel like he could be blamed for wishing that things were different between them.
Not that he felt differently about them in any way, Sasuke considered, looking up at the trees above him and absently appreciating the sun rays filtering through the leafy branches. He loved nature more than anything.
Sasuke knew, without a doubt, that the way he felt for Naruto was reciprocated, only Naruto didn't look beyond what was on the surface of their bond. He was goal driven and tended to chase what he thought was right and acceptable and what he thought was expected of him. Sasuke was a bit like that, as well, but instead of these traits of both of them meeting, they just clashed and worked against them.
Naruto thought Sasuke was in love with him. It almost made him laugh – what a ridiculous thing. 'Love' was such an understatement it was offensive to him. After everything they had gone through, after what Naruto had done for him, 'love' could, in no possible way, ever describe the way he felt.
Sasuke walked aimlessly for about half an hour, heading to nowhere in particular, as usual, deeply lost in thought, something that happened to him rather often lately. He had supplies for a few days inside his bag, so he knew he'd be fine until he found the nearest village.
It wasn't as if he understood it himself. He longed for Naruto and for their bond. More than thinking about it in a romantic way, Sasuke thought it was the exclusive way he saw Naruto that made him believe and somewhat that something intimate between them would be possible. he had debated on it for a long time during his first jurney and realized it had nothing to do with his sexuality.
Before Naruto had foolishly kissed him for no apparent reason, Sasuke had never even really thought about him in a sexual way. The fact that something like that had happened and that they had both reacted to it just proved his theory about how much more complicated their bond was.
It had been a rather… interesting kiss, though. His mouth still felt the strength of it, and it had happened a few days previously.
'Frustrating' didn't even manage to explain their situation anymore, and in a way, Sasuke had resigned himself to how things were. He had been selfish far too many times in the past, so he wouldn't be so anymore in demanding Naruto's comprehension. If this is how it was going to be, it was yet another reason for him to stay away. It was becoming harder and harder to deal with every interaction between them.
Sasuke! Wait for me!
He hadn't heard the words inside his brain, and yet, the strange sensation that ran over his body felt like a calling to his very soul. Naruto was conveying his emotions through their connection, and since it didn't happen often, Sasuke was caught off guard.
He stopped in his tracks abruptly, looking over his shoulder in surprise. Through his chakra, he could feel Naruto calling out to him, demanding his attention.
Blinking in disbelief at the forest behind him, he felt his heartbeat race as he felt Naruto's presence coming closer and closer with each passing second. Sasuke looked up on instinct just in time to see the loud idiot landing on the branch of a tree right over his head before finally jumping down from it and landing in a crouching position in front of him.
As Naruto straightened up, Sasuke watched his every move with his eyebrows quirked upwards inquisitively. Naruto was wearing a grey colored traveling cloak, and he was even carrying a large bag. The blond looked serious and determined.
"What the hell are you doing, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, just as Naruto proudly walked past him.
"Well, I'm coming with you," Naruto said as if it was obvious, not bothering to look back. Sasuke watched his retreating back for a while, dumbfounded, before following after him. He didn't try to keep up with his friend's pace, though; he just kept walking a few steps behind him, eyes boring holes into the back of Naruto's neck.
"Why?" he whispered, unsure if he should feel happy or just plain confused. "You just left Hinata in the village to come with me?"
"It's just this once," his friend said easily, with a shrug. "I'm not going to become a philosophical traveler like you, if that's what you're thinking." Sasuke could swear he detected a smile in Naruto's voice. "You once said you wanted to show me things. Well, I've been thinking that I want to see them, too. With you. Besides, I owe you this."
"You owe me?" Sasuke frowned. "So you're coming with me out of some debt you think you need to repay?"
Naruto turned around so fast Sasuke didn't have time to stop so he ended up bumping into him.
"I just said I wanted to do this with you," the blond one said, looking displeased at Sasuke's misinterpretation of his words. "Don't be an ass. I go because I want to." He poked Sasuke on the chest for emphasis. "We need this. I want to hang out with you. You've been an ass, and I probably lack some sensitivity to your mood swings or whatever, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you or that I don't care."
"I know you care," Sasuke replied, eyeing the other's features attentively. "But still, what do you expect to accomplish?"
"I don't know, but somehow, maybe this will be good for us?" Naruto said, with a small shrug. "Maybe we can settle things once and for all. I want to be a part of whatever it is you're doing out there that makes you feel accomplished."
Sasuke bit on his lower lip, staring into Naruto's eyes that refused to leave his. Somehow, with Naruto's chest pressed close to his and their faces mere inches away from each other, Sasuke wondered if the other male truly understood what he was getting himself into.
When Naruto's eyes lowered to his mouth, he was sure he was thinking about the same thing.
"This could turn out to be a really bad idea," Sasuke whispered.
Naruto smirked. "Well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"
TBC...
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