Chapter 2
The lead was worthless, taking up almost an hour of precious time. Back at headquarters, Kate turned to Rachel.
"I'm going to go see Rick, I'll be back in a few minutes," she said. She didn't even stand there long enough for Rachel to reply. She just needed to see him, to assure herself that he was okay-for now, at least. She approached the glass and saw that he was sitting on the bed with his back to her.
"Castle?" she called. He turned around quickly.
"Hey," he said, standing up and walking over to her.
"Hey," she replied.
"How did it go?" he asked. She shook her head.
"It was a dead end," she said, watching his face fall. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault, Beckett," he said. She nodded.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. He shrugged.
"Completely normal," he said. "Bored out of my mind. You think you can get me a notebook or something?" Kate nodded.
"Yeah, I'll see what I can do," she said.
"Thanks."
"Sure." They stared at each other in silence.
"Do you, uh, do you want me to call Alexis and Martha?" she asked. Castle shook his head.
"No. No, don't. Not yet," he replied. Kate nodded. More silence.
"I wish I could...hold you, kiss you, hold your hand. God, I wish so many things," Kate whispered.
"No," he said. "Don't say that, Kate, please don't," he begged. "You will. Soon. I know you can do this, Beckett. You'll figure it out. You've figured out some seriously tough cases. Hell, you and I stopped a nuclear bomb once, remember?"
"Yeah," she said. "But this time I don't have you to be crazy and reckless and pull out all the wires."
"You don't need me to," he replied. "You were always a great cop, Kate. The best." She raised her eyes to meet him through the glass wall.
"But I was better with you," she told him. He smiled almost sadly at his fiancee'.
"Then we'll be unbeatable for the rest of our lives," he promised. "Until we grow old together and I'm pulling your beautiful gray pigtails." Kate managed a small smile at his words.
"Now, you go be the badass agent I know you are," he said. "And when all this is over I'm going to kiss you like you've never been kissed before, Miss Beckett." Kate nodded.
"I'm going to hold you to that, alright?"
"I fully expect you to," he said.
"I love you, Rick." She found herself wanting-needing-to say it and hear it as many times as possible-just in case.
"I love you, too," he replied. He raised his hand to his lips and kissed his fingers, blowing a puff of air over his hand in her direction. He was blowing her kisses. God, this man! She fought back tears as she caught the kiss and blew one back to him.
"I'll be back soon," she promised, and he nodded. She turned and walked away, not wanting to look back at him for fear of falling apart completely.
Back upstairs, Kate informed Rachel of Rick's request for a notebook and pen. The other agent assured her that it would be taken care of. They worked almost mindlessly for the next couple of hours, checking and re-checking financials and phone records, rap sheets and medical reports. Around six that evening, Kate pushed away from her desk.
"Taking a break?"Rachel asked. Kate nodded.
"Yeah," she confirmed. "I'm going to go downstairs for a little bit." McCord nodded absentmidedly, her attention already back on her work.
Kate arrived back at Rick's room to find him sitting on the bed,s cribbling furiously in a notebook with a ballpoint pen. There was also a new addition to the roon; a chair, sitting near the glass. She noticed an identical one nearby on her side.
"Hey," she said softly. He looked up. Despite the awful circumstances, his eyes brightened at the sight of her, and her heart clenched.
"Hey," he replied, rising from the bed to approach the glass. They both sat down in their respective chairs, Kate drawing her knees up to her chest.
"Your eyes look tired," Castle observed. "Reading a lot?" Kate nodded.
"Yeah, going over records," she said.
"Anything?"
"Not yet. But we'll get there," she replied.
"No, I know that. Of course you will."
"You still feeling alright?" Kate asked, and Castle nodded.
"Yeah. How long should it be before that changes?" he inquired.
"You've hopefully got about 14 more hours before it starts to affect you," she told him.
"Okay. Kate, have you eaten?" he wanted to know.
"Eaten?" she repeated.
"Yes. When was the last time you had food?"
"Um...I don't know, breakfast? Maybe?" she replied. He frowned.
"Kate, honey, you have to eat."
"Rick, I-I'm not hungry."
"You have to take care of yourself," he pressed. "For...for me." He paused. "If I can't take care of you, I need to know that you're taking proper care of yourself."
"If you..." she took in his words before understanding the full meaning, looking panicky all of a sudden.
"Rick! Please, don't go there. You're going to be fine, you're going to be here to take care of me. You're going to make me eat and force medicine on me when I'm sick and drag me away from work when I need to sleep and won't go home. You have to be there for that, Castle. YOu have to. i can't do that without you, I can't do...life without you, I can't. I need you to be here, pulling my pigtails and being my crazy, recless partner who pulls out all the wires and throws himself in front of bullets meant for me. I need you, Rick." She was starting to cry and he felt as if his heart were shattering into a zillion tiny pieces.
"Oh, Kate," he whispered. "Shhh, please don't cry. I'm sorry, Kate, I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."
"No, you're right. That's the scariest part is that you're right. In less than two days, Castle, you might not be here at all."
"No. No, Kate, baby, please don't. Please. I can't stand to see you like this, please?" He wished so much that he could take her in his arms and hold her close and run his fingers through her hair and hug her tight and tell her it was okay, that he was there, and that everything would be okay.
"Kate, please," he pleaded softly. "Don't cry. It's going to be okay, honey. Please, Kate. It's okay."
"I hope you're right," she murmured.
"I really want to give you a hug right now," he said.
"Yeah. Me,too," she replied. Rick smiled.
"Promise me you'll eat something," he said.
"Okay," she agreed. "I promise."
"Thank you," he said. Kate nodded. Soon after, she left, going back upstairs. When she left to pick up dinner for herself and Agent McCord, Rachel stood and headed for the elevator. She pressed the button marked 'M'-Medical. Castle looked up as Rachel approached the glass.
"Hey, Agent McCord," he said, cautiously.
"Hi, Mr. Castle," Rachel replied.
"Castle, please," he told her. Rachel smiled faintly.
"Okay, Castle," she amended.
"What can I do for you?" he asked, realizing a moment too late that there really wasn't much he could do.
"I just wanted to come see how you're doing," she replied.
"Oh. I feel fine," he told her. "I mean, nothing feels different."
"Good," Rachel said.
"How's Kate?" he inquired.
"She's...compartmentalizing very well. Working her ass off, of course. But she's worried. she's upset. She's probably feeling guilty."
"Where is she right now?" he asked.
"Out picking up dinner," Rachel replied, and he paused, hesitating.
"How is she, here?" he asked finally. It took Rachel a minute to figure out exactly what he was asking.
"She's good at this," she told him. "She has the brain for it, for sure. She's crazy-smart. Brilliant, even. And driven." Here, Rachel paused. "Almost too driven. There's something there. she's doing this for some deeper reason. It's definitely not just a job. I don't know what it is, but she's avenging something. She's on some kind of a quest, and as long as she holds that fire where it belongs, it's helpful for her." Rick nodded.
"Be careful," he said. "It's really easy for her to let that fire consume her." He paused. This was so much harder than he had expected it to be. "Rachel, I know that you guys are going to do the best you can here. But let's face it; there's a really tight time limit. And if you don't manage to get that antidote, I need to know that you're going to be here, or at least that someone will. I need to know that you won't let her go back down that hole. I can't tell you right now what the hole is, or who it involves. But you'll know. When she starts to slip, you'll know. And I need you to please promise me that you will try to keep her safe. Because the person on the other side of this?" Castle shook his head. "He's bigger than you can imagine. And he may get bigger still. Sometimes, she thinks she's superman. And she's not. You have to promise me that you'll go with her."
"Go with her?" Rachel repeated.
"Yeah. Down the hole. There's no use trying to stop her. the best thing anyone can do is to back her up. Promise me you won't let her go at him alone." Rachel McCord looked him dead in the eye, and she saw the one thing she's always wanted but never found staring back at her;unconditional love. This man was more in love with Kate Beckett than Rachel had ever encountered. She had never seen such love and devotion. He was willing to do anything for Kate, even if that meant putting himself in danger to stand with her. To be her partner. Agent McCord was suddenly struck by the wrongness of this whole situation. The man standing in front of her could die in less than two days, and yet his imminent worry was whether or not Kate would be alright, whether or not he could depend on Rachel to be there for his fiancee'. He didn't seem particularly worried for himself at the moment. If he was, he was doing a damn good job hiding it. Rachel swallowed the newfound obstruction in his throat.
"Okay," she said. "You have my word." A look of immense relief crossed the novelist's face.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," she replied. "I have to go. Kate will be back soon." Rick nodded and watched Rachel walk away, wondering what life without Kate would be like. Or, maybe, he amended, death without her.
