Disclaimer: I do not own any Part of Once Upon a Time or Falling Fast by by Avril Lavigne.
I hope you know
I hope it lasts
I'm falling hard, I'm falling fast
We can go, no holding back
- Falling Fast by Avril Lavigne
Two
Had it really been less than twenty-four hours since she'd been in Emma's arms, foolishly content and deceptively happy. Her dreams that had felt so real had been chased away but her blinded desire to protect the only thing she had left in this world.
Her curse.
But it turned out that she had more than just one solitary reason to be on this earth.
Somehow even with her curse broken, she had more than she thought she'd had twenty four hours ago.
Somehow, somehow after everything she still had Emma.
Somehow Henry was still alive.
The cloud of purple smoke that tingled over her skin, meant that she had magic.
The angry chants washed over her, she also had an angry mob at her door.
Faces were a blur and the shouts were muffled.
She was powerless.
Emma.
There she was, pushing through the crowd.
She had Emma.
She had the two idiots. Somehow.
While they blabbed on about right and wrong, she focused on the steady gaze of her son, and her lover.
She had Emma.
She had Henry.
It doesn't matter what we do
You make everything seem brighter
I never knew I needed you
Like a sad song needs a sea of lighters
The wind still blows, leaves rustling against the pavement as they hurry along under dark sky. The air is tinged with an ominous dark energy, something that doesn't help her already trembling limbs. Regina pulls her blazer closer, her fingers shaking as they catch hold of the stiff material.
"Wait Regina, wait up," Emma stumbles after her on the way to the courthouse.
"We don't have time to wait." She breathes heavily, tasting electricity in the air, green and sharp.
They crashed through the doors of her office and Emma grabbed her arm, turning her quickly. She spun into her chest, fingers curling around her leather jacket, the material cold beneath her fingers.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine."
The blonde only held her tighter, "Regina we're about to go into battle or whatever, I need to know how you really are for our safety as much as your own."
"Of course that's all you care about, yourself." She snapped, but she didn't pull away, she was too appreciative of the way strong arms supported her on weak legs.
Emma shook her head, sadness pooling in her eyes. "How is it that you believe that and you don't believe that I could actually just care how you feel."
"Nobody cares. Past, present, future."
"Damnit Regina, I care." She puffed, "But since I want an answer from you, I'll ask you for my safety and the safety of my parents. How do you feel?"
Her fingernail rasped along the zipper of Emma's jacket, the sound was so raw it made her feel alive."I feel admittedly very drained, but the surge of adrenaline is keeping me on my feet .I'm suddenly starving and after being locked up for so long I'd love to brush my teeth. Happy?"
Emma crashed her lips against Regina's, swiping her tongue across her lower lip and then inside. Her hands came to fist in her hair, before her touch softened and she combed the slightly tangled curls with her fingers, her lips, her tongue moving languidly in their assault.
She rested her forehead against the other woman's, "I'm glad you're alive. We'll get through this and then I'll buy you a burger with the works and you can go home and brush your teeth. Deal?"
"Alright," She pulled away and Emma let her go. In a few steps she was at the safe and is carefully punching in the code.
Emma stands beside her, watching intently, "Just for the record though, you taste amazing. You don't need to brush your teeth. "
"Thank you dear, but that's not very helpful."
"I know, I know. I don't how to deal with serious crap so I make it a joke. " The blonde scuffed her boot against the marble floor, stepping to the side to let Regina swing open the heavy door.
Her face was hidden when she asked, "The kiss was a joke?"
"No!" Her gasp echoed in the large office, "The kiss was because you scared me, and I'm really glad you didn't die."
"My apologies Miss Swan. I'm glad I didn't die either. " She brings out the hat then, and puts it on the table. "Did Henry really ask you to protect me?"
"Yes."
Her voice is deep with sincerity, the single word of affirmation resonating in her bones.
The two idiots interrupt them then, and they're ready to fight, leading the charge.
"Regina you're not dying ok. Don't you even think about it." Emma presses a kiss to her hand and clasps it tightly for a few moments before they follow her parents down the hall.
Emma's calming presence beside her wasn't enough to combat the growing panic as she tried and tried again to make the hat work.
Then she was holding her arm and the sparks that had flown between them for months melted into a molten river that went straight to her heart and down her arms.
She felt the magic sizzle between them, at once setting her on fire and calming her nerves enough to allow her to concentrate.
The hat spun to life.
Then she was falling hitting cold floor.
She was alive, thank god.
Emma.
Emma was gone.
The loss she felt was overwhelming, and it enraged her.
Damn that infuriating woman, how dare she make her care.
How dare she push herself into her life so that she needed her.
She needed Emma.
And such was her nature, she lashed out at the only person there.
How dare she make her care.
I'm falling fast
I hope this lasts
I'm falling hard for you
I say "Let's take a chance"
Take it while we can
I know you feel it too
Regina disappears down the street, moving quickly through the cool air. Her cheeks were burning, from the warmth of the diner and from the warmth of Emma's smile. She doesn't look back, she can't let her see her care.
She cared about how Emma saw her, how Archie saw her, how Henry saw her. Did they think she was weak and pathetic? She certainly did, even though it took all of her strength, both physically and emotionally to carefully control her every waking moment.
She cared about how Emma smiled at her. Genuine. Free.
She cared about how her voice softened. Affectionate. Honest.
She cared about Emma.
She couldn't deny the stars in her eyes, that she was falling for the woman. However, this was the woman who would only continue to destroy her, corrupting their relationship with the past when she only wanted to move forward and controlling her son, who she only wanted to love.
She entertained thoughts of walking by the harbour to clear her mind, but her breath was coming in puffs as she sped along, so she stewed over their conversation on the way home.
Her boots treat heavy on the pavement, pounding out her frustrations. She passed by the bakery, a faint yeasty odour reaching her nose when she realised she was more angry at the situation rather than Emma.
Leaves crushed under her boots, dampening her heavy stride. She knew firsthand how easy words could sway a person, how manipulation and circumstance had created the evil queen. She couldn't fault Emma for being manipulated in much the same way, for being the product of her parents past, she knew of nothing else.
She rounded the corner, taking in the sight of her dark house. She didn't bother to leave the porch light on anymore, she didn't care enough to put it on for herself . The sinking feeling in her chest wasn't anger, it was disappointment that Emma wasn't strong enough to think for herself. She couldn't fault her for that either, she hadn't been strong enough herself until recently.
She was in too deep, she cared so much for the beautiful blonde and Emma couldn't even care about herself.
Regina slipped into flannel pyjamas she kept deep in a drawer, a reminder of times when she and Henry were happy and they'd spend snowy winter days camped in front of the fire reading together.
She was just boiling the kettle when there was a light knock at the door,
Emma was shuffling and shivering on the porch in only her sweater and holding a napkin covered offering in her hands., " I couldn't help but feel our conversation was left unfinished."
"I'm fine."
She smiled that genuine smile of hers, and mumbled with a woosh of air," Maybe tomorrow we can get together and discuss the whole Henry thing. I'm sure David will be sympathetic to you, he was here while I was gone. He trusts you."
"And you don't agree, you don't trust me?" She shivered from the chilly fall air, wrapping her arms about herself.
Emma slumped, fiddling with he napkin in her hands. Her words came slowly, confusion and sadness pooling in her emerald eyes. "You know what? I don't know anymore. I don't know what's right of wrong. What's up or down. I mean your mother she's totally crazy, one could say she's truly the evil one. You saved us and you're supposed to be the evil queen. And my parents people, they destroyed the giants life, and they're supposed to be good. That's just totally messed up. " She looked every bit a lost little girl when she raised her eyes to meet Regina, "So it's not that I don't agree or that I don't trust you, it's just that I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to do."
"Don't run." She noticed every look, every slight change in expression and the look in her eyes was one she'd seen before.
"I want to. But I won't. I'm here now." The young woman gripped the doorframe, as if that action alone would anchor her here.
Regina realised too late, that she'd revealed too much, she'd shown how much she cared. She gulped audibly in the quiet night.
Emma smiled that genuine smile and closed the distance between them. She kissed her softly, slowly plying her lips and Regina sighed, relaxing into her arms.
Lips parted, granting access to taste deeply.
They tasted of night and day, sweetness and spice.
It was the first kiss that was truly unselfish, of equal give and take, of mutual comfort and reassurance.
They stood in the hall, wrapped around each other gently exploring and testing the waters of this new tender expression.
When the cold from the open door got to be too much, they pulled apart just enough to close it.
"I squished the cake, " Emma whispered, pulling her close again.
"What?" A hysterical giggle bubbled up and out.
"I brought you cake but I ...uhhh," She opened the napkins to reveal the mess of crumbs and icing
Regina pressed a swift kiss to her frowning lips, "That was very sweet Emma, thank you."
"He said it was your favourite, its got butterscotch chips in it!"
"Mmm, I do love those."
Emma grinned, kissing her cheek and moving back towards the door, "Bye Regina, I'll see you tomorrow and we'll talk properly. "
"You won't stay?" She asked, confusion swimming in her gaze.
"No, I just want to do this right, us right." She gave a little wave before she shut the door behind her, "Enjoy the cake."
A moment of understanding and a plea to stay.
She'd asked for a chance.
A tender kiss and a piece of cake.
She was given her chance.
They were really here, in this place, ready to take a chance and move forward without outside forces of manipulation.
As she drank her tea and scooped up her cake crumbs with a spoon, her mind was no longer filled with thoughts of torment. She slept feely that night, hoping that it would last.
I woke up and saw the sun today
You came by without a warning
You put a smile on my face
I want that for every morning
She'd been a fool to think it could have lasted, it had barely lasted a day and they were falling back on decades of politics and grudges. It had been weeks before everything was calm again, before things had returned to normal.
Or as far as normal went.
Just when she began to think that they'd missed their chance, Emma surprised her, asking her to meet her by the water.
She marched through the fog. They spoke with words heavy with everything that had come to pass in the past few weeks.
Regina stepped away from the bench realizing that it was too late, they couldn't go back.
"Wait."
She convinced herself that it was a figment of her imagination.
"Wait," Emma called again. "Regina!"
She whirled, slipping on the wet boardwalk. "Are you going to tell me what you're plotting?"
"I can't. I already said too much, please," She pleaded, catching up to her.
" Fine, we have nothing more to say to each other then." She closed her eyes against her lie. She had so much to wanted to say but she picked her words carefully and said, "I'll have no trouble finding out on my own."
"Yes, I know. "
"And you still won't tell me? "
" I can't. I'm trying to please everyone."
"Why?
"I don't know, I guess everyone thinks that that's what I'm supposed to do." She toed the wet boards, tapping on a nail that popped it's head up.
"You don't have to do anything for me, nobody thinks that I'm sure," Her lip curled in a feral growl as she glared back at the town that had once upon a time been her safe haven.
Emma pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion, "Don't you see ? You're the only one I want to please."
Her glare quickly turned to a smirk.
The blonde rolled her eyes, "Not like that... well like that too but that's not the point. I mean I want to be a decent person for you not because I'm a saviour or a daughter or a mother but because I want to."
"Why?"
She shrugged ,"I don't know, for what could have been I guess."
"Alright."
She took a few steps forward, reaching out for her hand but then thinking better of it. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there after your mother...when my mother..." She trailed off, face red with anger.
"I wasn't in the mood for company," Regina shook her head, remembering the darkness that had engulfed her. The pain she'd inflicted on herself had been horrifying, but it had also been wonderful, a fitting way to say goodbye to the woman who had inflicted such pain on her in her youth. She let it out, she said goodbye. "It's alright."
She paled visibly, her skin the colour of the thick fog that surrounded them. "It's not, it was horrible of me. If we were..."
"But we're not."
"Right of course." She took her hand then, her brushing against her wrist. "Regina I'm really sorry for what happened, especially how it happened. "
"We don't need to talk about it. " But she didn't take her hand back, it was their first contact since the violent embrace in Gold's shop.
"Ok." She paused again, clearly not about to let it go. "It's just...I had a foster father and he was a low life good for nothing. I hated him, everyone did. But then he died and I mourned, because once he gave me a Spiderman band-aid when I fell down the front steps. She was your mom Regina, your Spiderman band-aid, and it still hurts like a bitch even though you're so glad they're gone. And it just hurts more because you shouldn't feel glad that someone had freaking died, but you do, you're so so glad that you can sleep well at night and not worry about yelling or breaking glass or..."
She reached forward and cupped her cheek, stopping her, "Thank you Emma." She smiled crookedly, "You do seem to have a interesting way with words."
"Oh... I ...I'll take that as a good thing." And then she angled her head, leaning down, her eyes locked on her own.
"Miss Swan, people could be watching." She whispered, but she already felt her knees going weak at the scent of her shampoo and the sight of faint freckles.
"I checked first." Then she slanted her lips against hers and they sank into a sweet kiss.
Their teeth clacked together in their eagerness and they laughed softly together.
The two women clutched at each other, making up for the past few weeks as their tongues slid against one another.
Long after their kisses slowed, they stood in the circle of each other's arms for some time, taking and giving the comfort they needed.
After Emma picked up the book from the bench, she leaned in for a final soft kiss, "Regina, just so you know, in case I wasn't clear just now. There is nothing between Neal and I."
"I didn't ask." But her gaze landed on the ground beneath her instead of meeting the blonde's.
"You were not asking very loudly." A gloved finger lifted her chin, "There is only one parent of Henry's that I'm interested in." She kissed the tip of her nose and sauntered away with a secretive smirk.
The balance was resorted, peace sang in her heart. Emma's words, her story, her kisses, brought such light to the grey cold day, to her broken heart.
What is it I'm feeling?
'Cause I can't let it go
If seeing is believing
Then I already know
Clouds came again after that day, the storms never stopped in their assault against her heart, her soul. The most recent whirlwind that brought them here, to a glowing diamond beneath the town.
This was the end. The end of the storms. The end of the light.
They never got their chance, she and Henry.
She and Emma.
Her words had anchored her over the past few days of betrayal and loss, they acted as a promise and a hope that when it as all over that they could try once again to explore this interest. First the betrayal had been crippling when she found out they were going to leave her in this world while they went home. She felt the pieces of her life shattering once more and instinct had her planning to keep her family together. Then, as the players in the game grew in number and her plans changed beyond her control, she was working with the very people she despised and the two people she loved most in this world. It was then that she really began to hope that this would end differently and that she could have that elusive chance.
But she was here, about to die so that Henry could live, he and his other mother.
The way her heart jumped ever time she saw her, the relief when she came back, the sizzling chemistry when they kissed.
Without the cover of anger and sex, there were only two lonely people with a common caring.
It was undeniable how she felt.
In those last moments, she held on to those feelings, wrapped them around her like a blanket. She was never letting go.
Then Emma turned back, "Wait Regina I..."
It was too late, the sharp energy already flowing into her, turning her inside raw.
But she saw it.
She saw it in her eyes, in the slump of her shoulders, the paleness of her skin.
She saw what looked an awful lot like caring in her eyes.
Not just a sizzling chemistry
Caring.
And it was too late.
She would leave this world at peace , knowing her son loved her and Emma, despite all odds, cared for her as she cared for Emma.
She held on to the precious thoughts even after she was left alone.
Knowledge was everything.
She loves me too.
A/N: Ahhh I love this song too, I just see the way Regina looks at Emma with the sad little genuine smile. I got to write a very belated bench scene - I'm so excited! Thanks for reading :)
P.S. I'll do two more songs after this :)
