AN: Characters and elements from the following will appear henceforth:
Homestuck, Torchwood, Adventure Time, Toonami
Thank You.
The player was still unclear how precisely the Inventory worked. Over the years he'd heard different explanations: a space between spaces, beyond the fourth wall, or as Sam has always called it "The Omnidimensional Accretion Nexus". What he did understand was that the guests who gathered inside came and went to all sorts of places. Different worlds with different rules. He'd been startled upon his first visit to encounter a talking rabbit and cartoonish luchadore with boxing gloves. Enough so that he didn't question the rabbit's "freelance police" partner, a talking dog in a suit and fedora. Or the robot claiming to come from a future, distant world, along with Glados herself, an AI wired into the building with dubious accounts of how precisely she'd gotten here. He hadn't dug much into it. The place itself seemed to contain its own inherent weirdness filter. You just sort of shrugged your shoulders and went with it.
And that is precisely what he did when Glados introduced her recommendations for staff.
Two of them were obviously human. Two young blondes, who most definitely were not 21 yet, had been hired as bartenders. Glados assured him that drinking age laws were irrelevant in pocket dimensions when he'd raised an eyebrow to this. Furthermore... despite appearing to be precisely the same age and resembling sisters, the two claimed to be mother and daughter. When he'd asked the "mother" named Roxy for clarification, she simply told him it was complicated. Regardless, the two knew their beverages, and he decided she and Rose would be fine tending the bar.
The other two new hires were... not human. And certainly not anthropomorphized animals like he'd encountered before.
"So um... you're aliens?"
":33 Puursicely!" Responded the smaller of the two. She was a grey-skinned girl, wearing a black outfit with a dark green coat, as well as a blue hat with the face of a cat covering short and messy black hair. It had holes where the ears of the cat would be, which exposed yellow and orange horns that certainly resembled cat ears. Definitely alien, but the horns and grey skin were the only characteristics greatly differing from humans. The other of the two was of the same alien race, but was quite large. He had seen such muscles only twice before. Tall and muscular, also wearing a black outfit but with a sleeveless shirt and long straight black hair. His horns were of a different shape and the yellow eyes color he presumable shared with the smaller one were covered by black sunglasses that were cracked and falling apart. ":33 Is that a purroblem?" She queried.
"Well, uh... no." The player glanced up at Glados, who offered no response.
"- We are already compatriots to the Rose and Roxy humans whom you have hired and they will surely vouch for our qualifications." The large one spoke. "- I am Equius Zahakk and this is Nepeta Leijion. She shall play a host and I shall server as this establishments security officer and..." He searched for a word, as if it was one foreign to him he'd only just learned.
"He's the bouncer." Glados interrupted. "We're going public, but not to just anyone."
Weirdness filter. You shrug. You move on." His four new employees chatted animately with each other while sitting at the bar, while he sat at the poker table going over his guest list.
Sam and/or Max - Unreachable. Perhaps they were off time traveling again like the stories they'd told at the table.
Brock Samson - undercover or dead. The guy who answered the phone changed his story multiple times.
Ash Williams - Said he was busy picketing the production of an Army of Darkness remake that had turned him down for the part. Whatever that meant.
Claptrap - Borderlands 3. That's all he said before hanging up.
Strong Bad - Well, the player just didn't care much for Strong Bad.
Tycho - A vague reply of "busy" that night.
Thus far his only RSVP had been from Mr. Heavy Weapons. That was everyone he knew personally. Mail invitations had gone out to others on the list according to Glados, but given the nature of this place he wasn't sure of the efficacy of mail. He quickly visualized the awkwardness of him sitting at the table alone with the Russian, without enough players to run the tournament. Glados ducked down next to him.
"Don't worry. Where there's a will, there's a way." She told him. "And when there isn't a way, there is always suicide." The player shot her an annoyed look. "I'll shut up now." She ascended back towards the ceiling.
Opening day began with little fanfare. There was about as much business as any new bar would experience upon opening, with traffic quickly picking up Saturday afternoon turned to evening. The tournament was set to start at eight and thus far no one had shown up looking for it. Around seven, Equius came over the walkie talkie.
"- Um... there is a... very handsome human man headed downstairs." He stuttered slightly as if ashamed to admit it. "- He is here for the tournament." The player looked up at the descending elevator. Inside stood a tall man, who looked to be of European or American descent. He had short brown hair, handsome features, and was wearing a dark blue military coat, though it was hung open and bore no adornments.
"Captain Jack Harkness." Glados read off the file to the player. "The man who can't stay dead. Leader of British para-intelligence organization codename Torchwood. Averted both the 456 Catastrophe and the Miracle Day phenomena." The player had never heard of those before.
"What were those?"
"My historical records for his world are incomplete." The cage opened and Harkness walked slowly into the Inventory, looking up among the rafters and observing people in the room.
"What do you mean he can't stay dead?"
"Accounts vary but claim he is approximately 2000 years old and had been killed no less than 13,000 times, but suffers from spontaneous immortality that returns him to life minutes after each death." He crossed the room, nodding at Nepeta before bee-lining towards their table.
"Ya know, I dated a robot once. The sex was great, but the cuddling left something to be desired." He opened, looking at Glados.
"The captain also has a reputation for attracting and being attracted to almost everything." Glados said matter of factly, before rising up to the ceiling and away from the conversation, leaving the Player and Jack alone.
"You clearly know who and what I am, now who are you and what am I doing here?" Jack said, taking up a more serious tone. The player shrugged.
"Poker Night. I assume you got the invitation?" Jack pulled an envelope out of his coat pocket.
"And how did you find me via mail when I've been in hiding for years?"
"Glados did it. I'm not sure how." He glanced at a device on his wrist.
"This area is full of rift energy, but nothing is detected from outside. You've got an alien bouncer working out there in broad daylight, and a robot in your ceiling. What's your game?"
"Robot is such a simple term." Glados dropped in behind him. "I prefer to be called an AI. Or if you insist, Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System." Jack turned to face her. "Put simply Captain, the Inventory is a pocket dimension. A gathering place for exceptional individuals such as yourself for safety and leisure."
"What do you mean exceptional individuals?"
"Y'know, like heroes and stuff!" Interrupted a new voice, young and enthusiastic, who had just entered the conversation. The newcomer was short and young, probably around fifteen years old. He work a blue shirt and shorts, a green backpack over one shoulder, and a white hat/hood that made his head resemble that of a cartoon bear. His face was painted with unbridled enthusiasm. "Hi, I'm Finn!" He held out his hand to Jack. Jack reached out and shook it.
"Hey Finn!" Spoke another voice from behind him, this one belonging to a yellow dog walking on it's hind legs. He had droopy ears, large black eyes, and very thin limbs. "Ya notice something odd about this place?"
"Whatcha mean Jake?" Finn turned to face him. Jake stretched upwards so that he could look at Jack and the player from over Finn's shoulder, before whispering in his ear.
"There's a bunch of people like you here! Humans." Finn gave a stupefied look for a moment.
"Yeah, I guess they are. Neat."
"But I thought you were like… supposed to be the last human?"
"Well, I mean PB did say anything was possible here." He shrugged.
"What do you mean last human?" Jack questioned the dog. The player was impressed at his unflinching demeanor in the face of his first non-human anthromorph. Of course, Jack had seen thousands of anthromorphs before, although the player didn't know that.
"Uh… last human in the Land of Ooo." Finn turned back around to him. "But since this isn't Ooo, I guess it makes sense."
"Ooo… is that a planet?" Jack questioned.
"I… think so." Finn hesitated. "Yeah, we saw it from space once. Definitely a planet."
"So your an alien."
"No I'm a human."
"Gentleman." Glados descended between him. "Neither of you precisely qualify as "human". One is an alien altered by temporal science, one is a mutant, and the other is a dog." Jake banged on the side of Glados' body frame.
"Hey! Watch who your calling a mutant!" Jake protested. Glados turned and shot Jake a glare.
"If I didn't have an incoming trans-mat to process, I would punish you for that." The frame slid off to another part of the room.
"C'mon Jake, behave yourself, we're guests here." Finn nudged him.
"Yeah ok…" Jake sighed. "So what's this about a Poker game?"
A third participant arrive in a flash near the stage, entering via some form of teleportation. At a glance, the dark cobalt metal that made up the bulk of it's body gave the appearance of a spacesuit, but when it spoke it became abundantly clear the being was robotic.
"Evening Glados." The robot spoke.
"Tom, so glad you could make it. How is Sara?" Glados replied, as if they were already acquainted.
"Oh you know… keeping things ship shape. Been doing a lot of rebuilding and redesign work lately." Tom replied, gesturing with his hands to make up for lack of facial expressions. There was no mouth, and the vision center was behind a dark visor in a helmet.
"That's nice. I became rather worried when you two were… deactivated…" Glados hesitated.
"I'm not gonna let that happen again, trust me." Tom strolled into the center of the room towards the table with the others. "Alright, let's play some Poker."
"We're still waiting on one more…" The player told him. A few moments later, the player's phone rang. The heavy's drunk singing voice was the assigned ringtone, and he answered it before the end of the first line. "Hello?"
"PLAYER! MY FRIEND!" The heavy's voice came out of it. "YOU ARE SPEAKING NOW? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?" The heavy was shouting, the sounds of explosions and gunfire in the background.
"Uh yeah… I was gonna explain when you got here. We still on for Poker tonight?"
"No." He heard a *nom sound through the phone and presumed he was in the middle of one of his beloved sandwiches. "There is emergency. Giant army of metal men. Fake heavies. Fake medics. Treacherous metal spying men. Team needs ME." There was a louder explosion, closer this time. "Perhaps next week, da? I must go now. Kiss nice computer lady for me." Another explosion. "MEDICCCCCC!" The call died.
"Who was that?" Jack questioned.
"Mr. Weapons send his love." The player told Glados. "But he had to cancel."
"Then we are short a player." Glados began to survey the room.
":33 AC couldn't help but overhear you need a sub player." The player glanced at the troll girl with the cat obsession.
"You play?"
":33 AC doesn't know anything about Poker." She smiled. ":33 But AC knows someone who loves to gamble!"
About 10 minutes later, Jack, Jake and Tom were all seated at the poker table. Finn had come along for reasons of "adventure", it was Jake who was going to be playing. The entrance elevator descended one more time, and another of the grey skinned aliens stepped out. She had long black hair and thin rimmed black glasses. Behind them, her first eye was the same yellow as the others, but the other had seven much smaller irises. She wore a light grey jacked over a black outfit like the other trolls; as for her horns, one resembled an open claw, the other a scorpion's stinger. She walked up to the table, her sharp teeth glinting behind her blue lipstick. As she walked she tossed a blue d8 up into the air before catching it again. She took the final seat at the table.
"Vriska Serket." She said as she dropped her ante onto the table, a bundle of a strange and colorful currency the others didn't recognize. "Alright chumps, let's make one thing clear. I have all the luck. All of it." The antes all vanished and were replaced by piles of chips.
"The name of the game is Texas Hold'Em..." Glados dealt the first hand.
