A/N: Smut ahead. You have been warned.
That night, the thunderstorms roll in.
Surrounded by the incessant clamor of raindrops and distant thunder, Thor lies awake on the sofa. He spends the whole night trying to convince himself that this is just a big misunderstanding. That Loki has simply interpreted Thor's brotherly affection as something else entirely. That Thor has just been careless by falling into the old patterns of interaction that he had enjoyed with Loki in their youth.
But harder to explain away are Thor's own feelings towards Loki, which have quickly spiraled out of control since the kiss. He finds his mind so muddled that he can hardly sort out the tangle of conflicting thoughts. He has always loved Loki as a brother, nothing more. So why in the world, now that the initial shock has worn off, is the first thing he feels immense relief? As if a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders? As if he's been waiting centuries for the exquisite clarity that kiss? An irrefutable physical expression of love from Loki? Is that not what he has sought for so long? To know once and for all that Loki loves him?
But to love him in this way? Not as a brother, but as a lover? It would be so simple if Thor could just tell himself the kiss felt wrong. But if he must be honest, then he has to say that it felt perfectly natural. Obvious even. So obvious that he seriously doubts that Loki has misunderstood anything at all. Perhaps Loki is, in reality, seeing everything much clearer now. Suddenly, it feels as if parts of Thor's heart that have long been cased in shadow have come to light.
His chest tightens as he glances at the door to the bedroom where Loki is sleeping. He finds himself wanting to go inside and be near Loki, to hold him in his arms, to feel the warmth of his body... Thor closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. By the gods, how could he have been so blind to these feelings?
Well, what to do now? Thor has all night to try to figure it out, yet his mind keeps running in circles. Thor desperately doesn't want to hurt Loki. But without knowing how Loki truly feels, any action seems impossible. So instead, he tries to put it out of his mind and sleep, yet his fretful thoughts refuse to cease, keeping him awake throughout the stormy night.
By the time morning comes, Thor still can't decide what to say to Loki. He considers trying to avoid him instead, but somehow can't bring himself to do something so childish. So he sluggishly gets up and makes breakfast for himself, vaguely hoping that Loki will forget the whole thing ever happened or at least act like he has.
But Loki being Loki, he would never let Thor get out of such an awkward situation so easily. When Loki emerges from the bedroom, he walks straight over to Thor where he sits at the table eating. Ever optimistic, Thor doesn't acknowledge him, still hoping that he will continue on to the kitchen without trying to talk to him.
"So," Loki says carefully, "About what happened last night..."
Thor remains silent, staring at his food, not daring to look at Loki.
"I just..." Loki starts with some effort, "Um... wasn't sure if you liked it or not..."
Thor closes his eyes. It's painful to hear such an unabashed plea for approval from Loki. Surely, if Loki had his real memories, he would never be caught dead uttering a statement like that.
Thor desperately wants to explain everything to him, to make Loki understand his hesitation. He wants to tell him about the false memories, their history as brothers... everything. But what would happen if he did? Most likely, Loki simply wouldn't believe him. Worse yet, what if that would somehow break the spell? What if it would put Loki in danger?
Loki clenches his fists in frustration. "Look, if you didn't like it, that's fine. Just fucking tell me and quit the mixed signals crap!"
Thor still can't say anything. He just can't. So he even surprises himself when, as Loki starts to turn away in irritation, he jumps up to grab Loki's arm and keep him from leaving.
Loki glares back at him with venom in his eyes. "What?" he hisses.
Thor grimaces at how painfully self-conscious he feels touching Loki right now, as if even this innocent gesture is now tainted.
This whole thing is getting way out of hand. Thor fears what will happen if he lets things continue as they are. He must deny his feelings, for his sake as much as for Loki's. "I... didn't..." the words stick in Thor's throat as he glances around uselessly, looking anywhere but at Loki. "I didn't like it," he finally manages to say, reluctantly forcing himself to look Loki in the eye.
"God, this is embarrassing," Loki mutters, looking disgusted, "Why do you even bother trying to lie?"
Thor shoots him a miserable look that's half desperation and half annoyance. Of course Loki would mock him at a time like this. How had he expected anything different?
Loki pauses for a moment, his gaze piercing as he practically challenges Thor to change his story. But Thor's anger is already bubbling up from Loki's comment, and he refuses to say anything else.
"Fine," Loki says at last, his voice cold and tense. He scowls as he tears his arm away from Thor, "Let me know when you grow some balls."
Loki hides away in his room for the rest of the morning, and Thor is glad to avoid further confrontation for a while. He's physically and emotionally exhausted and collapses on the sofa trying, mostly unsuccessfully, to catch up on his lost sleep.
It's almost afternoon by the time Loki emerges from the bedroom, walking over to sit calmly in the armchair next to him. He casually tosses his notebook on the coffee table and gives Thor a pleasant smile, "I'm going to get some groceries. Do you want anything?"
Thor sits up quickly, his brow furrowing in confusion at Loki's complete reversal in mood, "You're not mad anymore?"
"Of course not," Loki says, standing and stretching, "Why would I be?" The corners of his mouth slowly curve into a playful smirk.
Thor starts to panic. Dear gods, no. He knows that smirk. Nothing good comes from that smirk.
Loki turns and sweeps away out the front door, humming happily to himself.
Thor is left alone and speechless, terrified to think of what Loki is up to now. His eyes are suddenly drawn to the notebook that Loki has conspicuously left right in front of him. It looks brand new, never been used. With a distinct sense of dread, he picks up the notebook and opens it, his eyes glancing over the handwritten words on the page.
My breath is warm and moist on your skin as I press my lips to your neck-
Thor's breath hitches. Wait... is this what Loki wants to do to him? With morbid curiosity, he continues reading the excruciatingly detailed account of a make-out session up to the part where Loki describes unzipping Thor's pants before he quickly slams the notebook shut and throws it out of sight. Growling in frustration, he curses the fact that he's already hard, his erection straining against the front of his jeans. Why does Loki have to torture him like this? He was trying to put a stop to this for Loki's own good!
With an angry grunt, he pounds his fist on the coffee table and springs to his feet. He paces the apartment anxiously for several minutes trying in vain to get the images of what he just read out of his head. But his lust-addled imagination simply takes over, and suddenly he's tempted to pick up the notebook again and just keep reading. Ignoring the urge, he shakes his head vehemently and finally sinks, defeated, into one of the dining room chairs, holding his head in his hands as he leans over the table.
He hears the front door open and watches Loki stroll into the kitchen carrying two bags of groceries. Loki does an excellent job of pretending that Thor doesn't exist as he moves about the kitchen, putting away the food he bought and then preparing a sandwich for himself. Thor can't help letting his eyes rake over Loki's body, catching every movement of it beneath his clothes. He starts to feel like a voyeur, like he shouldn't be here watching Loki like this, but he can't help quietly drinking it all in. The way Loki's hips tilt as he stands at the counter, the way he runs his fingers through his hair before opening the refrigerator, the way he turns slightly towards Thor as he licks the excess mustard off his fingers.
He feels reason slipping away with every torturous movement Loki makes. His nerves are already frayed from lack of sleep, and the lingering pulse of arousal still courses through his veins. Words aren't going to fix this now, all that's left is action.
Loki's about to cut the finished sandwich when Thor gives a quiet command, "Wait."
Loki pauses, his eyes flashing up to glance at Thor before slowly putting down the knife. Thor strides over to him with heavy steps. Loki calmly turns around to face Thor, spreading his arms behind him and leaning back against the counter.
And Loki is smiling. Damn him. But it's not the smug smile of satisfaction that Thor expects. It's a genuine smile. Bright and innocent. Thor's heart skips a beat. He'd forgotten the pleasure of seeing Loki happy.
It would be so easy for Thor to fall apart then, to break upon Loki like a wave crashing to shore. He feels as if all he's ever wanted is standing right in front of him, ready for the taking. But Thor's last sliver of reason forces him to resist a moment longer. Instead, he reaches out to touch Loki's cheek, his fingertips ghosting feather-light across his skin. It's almost as if he's afraid Loki will shatter beneath his fingers if he touches him with the burning intentions that now possess him. He makes a final plea, his voice low and quiet, "Promise me you won't regret this."
Loki is breathless as he replies, "Yes."
Thor's hand moves to the nape of Loki's neck. His voice trembles with conflicting emotions as he whispers, "You don't know what you're saying-" Thor only adds the word "brother" in his mind.
Loki stands perfectly still as his playful smirk returns. "Yes, I do," he purrs quietly, "I'm saying that if you don't just fucking kiss me already I'm going to tear this place apart and burn it to the ground." Thor knows from the glint in Loki's eye that the threat is probably more real than even Loki himself realizes.
Thor takes a shuddering breath. The few moments that he hesitates feel like an eternity teetering on the edge of this point of no return. Surely these are Loki's true feelings. Surely Loki's spell wouldn't force him to do anything against his nature. He clings desperately to that hope, because he can't resist any longer.
Slowly, tentatively, Thor leans forward to press his lips gently against Loki's. Loki's body remains stiff and still, barely reacting to the kiss. All Thor can feel are Loki's lips parting, ever so slightly, his warm breath escaping in quick, almost desperate, puffs along Thor's cheek.
Frowning slightly, Thor pulls away after a moment, unsure of how to interpret Loki's stiff refusal to reciprocate the kiss.
Loki looks sternly at Thor, "You call that a kiss? I'm fairly certain you can do better than that."
"You should learn to still your tongue," Thor growls gently.
Loki cannot hold back the wild grin that spreads across his face as Thor swoops forward again claiming his mouth fiercely, completely devoid of timidity this time. Loki's body relaxes as he leans into the kiss and his hands slowly rise to grasp Thor's shoulders. Thor's fingers tighten on Loki's neck as he steps closer, closing the distance between them. Feeling Loki's body pressed against his, breathing in his scent, Thor's lust takes over.
He presses into Loki's mouth, tightly gripping one of Loki's wrists and roughly pinning it with a swift motion to the cabinet above his head. Thor hears a pained sound from Loki and pauses as he realizes that Loki is trembling. Thor immediately releases his grip and pulls away slightly to look into Loki's uncertain eyes. Thor tries to rein in his raging desire as he gently runs a reassuring hand over Loki's head. "I'm sorry," he says softly before placing a gentle kiss on Loki's lips. Loki makes a pleased sound and wraps his arms around Thor's neck encouragingly.
Careful not to use his full strength, Thor wraps his arm around Loki's waist drawing him close to deepen the kiss as he runs his other hand through his dark locks. When Loki gathers the courage to flick his tongue out to taste the edge of Thor's lips, Thor returns the favor tenfold, slipping his tongue along Loki's and delving into the warm heat of Loki's mouth. Loki moans needily against Thor's lips, his breath coming in quick spurts as he tightly grips Thor's shoulders.
Thor growls softly as he turns his head to attack Loki's pale neck with his lips, and Loki's head falls back, his eyes closing as he moans openly. Completely lost in lust, he clings to the back of Thor's shirt as he starts to grind his hips against Thor. Smiling slightly, Thor raises his head to softly whisper in Loki's ear, "Eager, aren't you?"
Loki presses his burning face into Thor's shoulder and grumbles something vaguely resembling "shut up." Thor chuckles and gently licks along the shell of Loki's ear, earning a small whine from Loki.
Thor's hand drops between them to feel the front of Loki's jeans, and Loki presses shamelessly against his hand through the thick material. "Please," Loki breathes, gripping the back of Thor's shirt even harder. Thor takes mercy on him, gently kissing Loki's neck again as he unzips Loki's jeans and slips his hand inside.
Loki tries to smother a cry in Thor's shoulder as Thor takes hold of his painfully hard member. Loki trembles and pants desperately. It only takes two strokes from Thor's hand before he comes, surprising both himself and Thor.
He looks up at Thor, blushing madly, "Shit... Oh, shit, I'm sorry." He quickly reaches over to grab some paper towels and wipe off Thor's hand. "I don't know why... it feels like I've been waiting forever for this."
Thor can't help laughing at him. Never in a million years did he imagine he would see someone as proud as Loki in such a state.
"Don't laugh," Loki mutters, trying to hide his face in Thor's shoulder again, "It's embarrassing."
Thor balls up the paper towels and tosses them away, then he takes hold of Loki's chin and gently forces him to raise his head and look at him again. "It's okay," Thor says softly, "I'll give you another one."
Without warning, Thor picks up Loki, hoisting him up by his thighs, and Loki is forced to cling to his shoulders in earnest again to keep from falling. "Put me down, you stupid oaf!" Loki shouts as Thor carries him into the living room.
Thor is smiling like a madman as he sits down with a heavy thud upon the sofa still holding Loki astride him in his lap. Loki suddenly looks almost shy as Thor gazes at him affectionately and tucks a stray lock of Loki's hair away behind his ear.
Loki's hands fumble with the hem of Thor's T-shirt, and Thor leans forward slightly to help Loki remove it. Once Thor's chest is bare, Loki trails his fingers over the sculpted muscles reverently, his eyes wide in wonder.
"You act as if you've never seen my chest before," Thor teases.
"I haven't," Loki states, his brow furrowing in annoyance, "Should I be worried that you can't seem to keep track of that?"
Thor freezes for a moment. Damn it, he'd let his guard down. Recovering quickly, he gives a small smile and shakes his head, then manages to distract Loki again by kissing him as he unbuttons his shirt and slips it off his shoulders.
"You're so beautiful," Thor whispers as he leans back to let his eyes wander over Loki's flawless ivory skin.
Loki gives a sour look as his eyes flash to Thor's chest, clearly comparing their physiques.
"Do you doubt my words?" Thor says quietly.
Loki looks into Thor's eyes, but says nothing.
"Then let me show you."
Thor runs his hands over every inch of Loki's chest, tracing the gentle curves of his muscles with his fingertips. Loki closes his eyes to enjoy the sensation, letting out a gasp when Thor's lips and tongue join the exploration. Loki is hard again by the time Thor is done, and when Thor's hands move to touch him again, Loki's eyes flash open as he moves to stop him.
"Wait. I want to feel you too," Loki says breathlessly.
Loki's fingers fall to the large bulge in Thor's jeans, but then he seems to have second thoughts, looking almost fearful. When Loki continues to hesitate, Thor undoes his jeans himself and gently guides Loki's hand inside to feel his stiff member through his underwear. Thor's head rolls back as he moans at the touch, and Loki seems to find his courage again, slipping his hand under the band of Thor's underwear to feel the heated flesh underneath.
Thor feels dazed as he looks up to drink in Loki's face while they fervently stroke each other. Loki's eyes are closed, his pale cheeks flushed as he thrusts with abandon into Thor's hand. Loki's so lost in pleasure that he's barely able to keep up a steady rhythm stroking Thor's length, but Thor doesn't mind. The mere sight of Loki moving above him, transformed into a strange and beautiful breathless wanton creature, is enough to drive Thor's passion almost to the breaking point.
Loki pants wildly, his movements growing more frantic as he approaches his climax. Thor reaches up with his free hand to pull Loki into a searing kiss, swallowing the cry that Loki unleashes as he comes, trembling in Thor's hands. In that moment, Loki's grip tightens on Thor's member, and Thor tenses and finds his release as well, painting Loki's thin fingers with his seed.
Loki pulls away from the kiss to gulp down huge mouthfuls of air before finally opening his eyes to look at Thor. Thor's eyes are shining, overflowing with happiness as he lovingly caresses Loki's cheek. Loki suddenly seems shy again, and glances around to look for tissues or something to wipe off their hands. Thor grabs his abandoned T-shirt and starts using that to clean up, ignoring Loki's cry of protest.
Exhaustion hits Thor suddenly, and his head rolls back as his eyes flutter shut. Loki starts to get up from his lap, but Thor gives a displeased grunt and quickly traps Loki in his arms.
"No, stay," he whispers hoarsely. It comes out like some kind of desperate plea.
Loki seems surprised by the urgency in Thor's voice, but finally gives in and relaxes into his arms. Still holding Loki tightly, Thor tips them over sideways to lie down on the sofa together. It's a tight fit, but if they lie on their sides and stay close they can manage.
Thor lies with his eyes closed, holding Loki tight as sleep calls to him. With his bare chest pressed against Loki's, he feels as if he could melt into the gentle warmth of Loki's skin. Lured by the comforting rhythm of Loki's breath against his neck, Thor soon slips into a peaceful sleep.
A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I wanted to try to take the story a bit slower than in the first chapter and not just rush to the smut. :) Also, I had written most of the chapter when I realized that Loki was having a bit of an identity crisis (too much regular!Loki, not enough mortal!Loki), so I had to rewrite a bit, but I hope I struck a good balance with that.
