Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing.
This is for Curses - get well soon Hannah! Love you!
-------------------Songbird--------------------
By the time the nurse is finished with her nightly round I have been disconnected from a range of monitors and am only left hooked up to the IV drip. She changes a few of my dressings that I didn't know I had, I think I should really ask someone about my injuries but I honestly I don't care. I just want to get out of this damned room and into Olivia's. Nursie leaves the bed rail down, saying I can be trusted now to stay put given that I'm fully conscious. I smile. No way am I going to stay once the coast is clear.
I bide my time feigning sleep every time someone walks by…don't want to give anyone a heads up as to my plans. When it gets to be about midnight I get out of bed and head off to the bathroom, trying to be sure I can stay on my feet – I can. Which is just as well, crawling on hands and knees into her room might give me away, but make no mistake I'd crawl if I have too.
A quick look around and all's well. My IV stand and I head off to Olivia's room…I head in the direction Don nodded and hope it's the right way. Stopping outside the room I look through the small glass panel and sigh deeply, it's her, she's asleep and she's alone.
Quietly I push the door open and make my way in. The drip stand squeaking as its wheels run over the linoleum. Almost breathless I drop into the chair by her bed; I can't believe I'm exhausted moving just two rooms. Maybe it's the sight of Olivia who's making me breathless – wouldn't be the first time and I know it won't be the last either.
I lean back in the chair and study her face. There are a number of small lacerations, none of which look serious. Her hair is mussed and spread across the pillow. Her dark locks contrast against the stark white pillow, even in the near darkness of her room. There are no monitors and no IV, in fact, aside from the lacerations she looks just like Olivia – just perfect. My Olivia is just perfect...I allow myself to breathe but then I remember Don said she had a leg injury, maybe that's it. I scan down the bed clothes and there is no giveaway sign…no apparent plaster cast or brace, or anything else. Then I take another breath...breathing is supposed to be an automatic function and it is...except when I'm looking at her.
I jump when the door opens.
"Mr Stabler, you shouldn't be in here," says the nurse from earlier.
"I know but I just had to see her," I whisper.
"Okay, you've seen her now; let me take you back to bed." She takes my arm and helps me up. I don't want her to take me back to bed, I only want Olivia. Only want Olivia to take me back to bed…take me to bed…only want Olivia. My eyes go all misty, god, she's the only woman who can reduce me to tears by just being her.
"She'll be okay, Mr Stabler." Before I know it I'm back in bed…I'm alone but my heart is no longer broken. Olivia Benson is alive and well, I didn't kill her. I didn't kill my partner, my Olivia.
Friday
They said I couldn't go home for at least another 24 hours – apparently it has something to do with being unconscious so long. It's fine by me…I never thought I'd say that but it is. So long as Liv's two doors away and alive I'm happy to stay here. I want to go and talk to her but they said she was having some x-rays and scans done so I'll have to wait. Maybe she'll come in here when she's done.
The day seems interminably long…every movement outside has me thinking it's her and I'm exhausted by lunchtime. I spend the afternoon drifting in and out of sleep and then get visits by the kids. They all seem bright and bubbly and are chatting about school and friends and other teenage stuff. I must say the right things because when they leave everyone still seems happy and still talking to each other. I drift off again.
It's black outside when I wake again and I can't figure out just how late it is. Fishing around in my bedside draw I find my watch and am surprised it's already gone one in the morning. Easing myself out of bed I take my friend the IV stand for another walk down the corridor. As I open her door she stirs and for a minute I'm tempted to back out. I stand frozen to the spot and before long she's snoring lightly and I enter the room.
In my heart I have a desperate need to talk to her and instead of sitting in the chair I perch myself on her bed. I'm confusing myself here. I didn't want to come in if she was awake and now she's asleep I need her to wake up. To wake up and tell me herself that's she's okay...that she's fine. That she forgives me. Right now, I'd even take her telling me 'I told you so'. Anything …I just need her to say something, anything.
"Hey, El," she whispers, her eyes trying to focus on my face.
"Hey, Liv," I reply just as softly and lean forward to kiss her forehead. She smiles and instantly I know she's good, I'm good, we're good. I can't find the right words so I kiss her forehead again.
"You okay?" she asks, her eyes struggling to stay open.
"Never better," I answer. Never have I uttered truer words – right here, right now, I have never felt better in my life. "You?"
She smiles. "I'm good, El." She struggles to keep her eyes open and I can see she's exhausted.
"Go back to sleep, Livvy, I'll see you tomorrow." Leaning in to smooth her hair back I can't help but place gentle kisses on the lacerations on her face. I'm not sure if it does anything for her but it sure as hell makes me feel better.
