Author's Note: Sorry that it has been a while. I will try to update it more often but I wouldn't hold my breath. I tend to go through phases of inspiration in between long periods of writers block. I hope you enjoy. :)

I Don't Want To Go

It had been two days since Tony collapsed. No one had seen him after he locked himself in his room and no matter how many times Steve, Bruce or someone else tried to get him to come out they felt like they were just talking to a door. Many times Steve asked Jarvis if Tony was okay and the answer was always that he was but there was no further information that was relayed. The evening of the second night, after the majority of the team had picked at their food, they were sitting in the living room. They were not expecting anything different to happen but as they sat there, they heard the locks to Tony's room unlock and the subject in question walked out into the room. When Tony walked out of his room the others looked up to see if he was okay. The sight that met them was slightly shocking. The usually, pristine dressed billionaire was clad in an old sweat shirt with this hood tossed over his messy hair and sweat pants that were wrinkled. His skin looked akin to paper and his eye sockets were sunken in from lack of sleep. The worst part about it though was his eyes. The light that usually lit Tony's brown eye was gone and they looked glossed over with severe pain.

"Tony." That is all Steve said as he stood and walked over to his hurt team mate. When the large blonde neared the dark haired man, the hooded figure flinched away. "Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." The Stark attempted to smile to reassure the Captain but it came across more like a grimace. "Are you feeling up to talking?" At this, Tony shook his head. He defiantly did not want to talk about what was going on. If Death was going to play games with him, he wasn't going to drag anyone down with him. "Tony." Steve sounded like a father chiding his son.

"I said no." All the others cringed at how raw Tony's voice sounded. It was almost like he had spent the past two days screaming. Judging from how well Stark tower locked down they wouldn't have been surprised if that was actually the truth. None of them wanted to think about it though. As much as Tony could be an annoying jerk at time, the others couldn't deny that he was a large reason why they stayed together as well as they did. Whenever there was a tense situation, Tony never failed to make some stupid joke that they could all shake their heads at.

"Alright." Steve said and backed off, wanting to give Tony room. They all tried to do their own thing and let Tony go about his but they couldn't help but shoot glances at him as he meandered his way around the kitchen, trying to find something he could eat that wasn't going to make him sick. Finally he gave up and started making his way back to his room. "We'll be here if you need us." Steve said concerned. The other simply waved his had as if he had heard and then disappeared into the lair he had been in from the past few days. When Tony was gone Steve turned to the AI hopeful to get more information this time. "Jarvis, I thought you said he was okay." There was a slight tone of impatience but not enough for the AI to react in a negative way.

"Master Stark has suffered some severe emotional and mental trauma during this last episode. If my calculations are correct, he should be fine within a few days. His appearance is a sign of his healing." As usual the AI gave his proper answer but there seemed to be a hint of doubt in his tone. He too had tried to get Tony to go to a hospital but Stark refused.

"Thanks Jarvis. Will you let us know if he needs help?" Steve was still concerned that Tony was not alright.

"Of course, Captain." And with that silence resumed in the tower. The others glanced at one another, trying to gauge what every one else was thinking. It was clear that the tension in the building was high due to this new development with Tony but they were trying to do their best to stay calm. The last thing they needed was another person becoming upset.

Several hours went by after that and many of the avengers had gone to their own rooms for the night but like the previous nights, Steve stayed out in the common area. He wanted to be there if Stark needed him. Although he was usually a light sleeper, that night he fell into a really deep sleep. This resulted in the billionaire genius being able to slip out of the tower undetected.

"Steve. Steve wake up!" The blonde super soldier groaned and rolled over on the couch, trying to ignore the pestering voice to his right. "Steve!" It then felt like someone hit him in the arm. Within seconds the blonde was sitting upright and ready to fight. "About freaking finally! Tony is gone!" Although he had been sleepy moments ago Steve was now wide awake and on alert.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?!" Steve looked up into the face of Clint who was standing really close to him. "Jarvis, why didn't you notify me that Stark was leaving?!" He yelled into the relatively empty room.

"I am sorry, Captain. You never requested that I do so."

"Did it ever occur to you that Tony might not be in the best state of mind right now." Steve let his frustration out even though it was probably a bad idea.

"I can assure you that Master Stark was in perfectly good condition to make his own decisions. If I had not thought so I would have notified you immediately." The AI sounded annoyed at Steve's anger toward him.

"Okay." Steve paused trying to get himself under control a bit more. "I apologize. Thank you for the information."

"Of course, Captain." With that the conversation with the sentient voice ended and Steve called the avengers together on an informal mission to locate Stark and bring him back safely. It was early morning when they set out into the city to locate their comrade.

Tony stood on the side of a building starring out at the water of Manhattan. It looked peaceful in the morning. Everything seemed quiet and nice. The sun was still rising and most people were asleep. It was just him and the world. There was a moment where he thought he should use his suit when he left but he needed a break from everything to do with the Avengers. Instead he climbed into one of his antique cars and drove out of the tower's garage. He just needed a break. A break from saving people, a break from the responsibility, and a break from...life.

Tony sat down on the edge of the roof and stares out at the city. Although he was looking at the scenery, his mind was thinking over everything that had happened to him. From the time he was young, things had been going wrong around him. First it was his mother dying, then it was his father. After he grew up a little more, he was kidnapped and tortured in a cave in Afghanistan, then he got back and his long time friend Obadiah Stain had tried to kill him. After finally recovering from that, the Arc reactor poisoned him while he had being attacked by a crazy super genius Russian. The final straws were the Chitauri attack on New York and the explosive humans that attacked him and Pepper. He couldn't deal with anymore. So many people had been hurt or killed because of him and he wasn't going to let it happen anymore. He couldn't let it happen anymore.

Tony stood up and looked at the street down below. It looked so far away, but not as far as he had fallen when dropping from the portal. For a moment he wondered what it would be like to fall again. Memories of all the things Tony was trying to get away from rose in his mind again and he shook his head trying to clear them. He wanted to get away from these memories of death but by looking at the ground just brought then back.

Sighing, Tony turned around and walked back down from the roof. He didn't know how long he had been up there but when he first arrived it had been as dark as the city could get and while he stayed there the sun started to gradually show itself. If Tony was going to be honest with himself, he had no idea what part of town he was actually in. Although he had traveled around the whole city, at the time he was in his suit meaning that Jarvis was keeping track of his location. Now he didn't have Jarvis and he hadn't payed close attention to where he had gone while driving.

Now that he reached the concrete, Tony climbed into his vintage car and started to find his way back to the Avengers Tower. A few minutes passed once Tony was on the road when he got a phone call. It was Pepper. She rarely hung around the tower so he wasn't surprised that she hadn't freaked out on him about the incident yet. To his knowledge no one had told her but part of him wondered what the others may have done after he went 'missing'. That is at least what Captain America would say happened to him.

"Hello?" He gave a rough answer into the phone.

"OH MY GOD! Tony are you okay?" Someone called me and said you went missing. And that you had some sort of panic attack and were sick for two days! Tony, why didn't you call me?!" She was talking a mile a minute and steadily grew from concern to slight anger.

"Pepper, I am fine I just wanted to go for a little drive. I will be back at the tower shortly. There is no reason for anyone to worry." He tried to reassure her even though he had no idea where he was. Maybe not taking his suit wasn't the best idea he ever had.

"Tell that to the others. They are sending out search parties trying to find you. Tony you need to be honesty with me, what is going on?" She had her mother hen voice on.

"I told you Pepper, I am fine. I just needed to clear my head." The conversation started to tapper off after that but Tony didn't remember much of it. He started to space off. Somewhere in that time he said bye to Pepper and hung up but his brain was really starting to shut down. There was no way he should have been driving at that point but it never occurred to him to call for help as he continued.

"It was your fault!" Pain exploded in Tony's head as the familiar voice shouted in his mind. "Your the reason she is dead." Pain enveloped every part of Tony's body. He felt like he was drowning at the same time as he was burning and being crushed to death. The dark haired billionaire was completely lost to the world.

"He what?!" Steve almost yelled into his phone. They had spent the entirety of the morning trying to locate the elusive creature called Tony and when they finally found him, where was he? No where other than the hospital. According to the information that Steve was getting from the person who located Tony, he had fallen asleep at the wheel and got into a nasty car accident in a very distant part of New York. This information set off a lot of warning bells in the captain's brain. For one, Tony always takes his suit when he was going somewhere. Secondly, Tony NEVER would have fallen asleep while driving. Driving was his forte. He was even able to drive a race car without any practice for the first time, during a race. The third thing that lifted a red flag was where Tony had crashed. He was in a very bad part of town. One that the billionaire would have never gone to willingly or at least while he was in control of the vehicle. "How is he now?" He asked as he started to head toward the hospital that Tony was now located.

"He is pretty beat up but the doctors say it doesn't look like anything serious. As minor as his injuries are though, Tony hasn't woken up yet. He was unconscious on site and is still out." Natasha sounded concerned for her team mate and that way saying something. Natasha never showed emotion.

"I will be there as soon as I can. Does Barton know." Natasha gave the affirmative for both. "Okay, you call Banner. I'll get in touch with Thor and Director Fury. I'll meet you at the hospital." They said their good byes and then made the calls to the other Avengers. They had all been very worried about their sarcastic team member but now they were even more worried.

It took about thirty minutes for everyone to reach the hospital but when they did all four of the Avengers plus the director crammed into the tiny room to wait for Tony to wake up. They were told that it shouldn't be long but there was a lot of tension in the room causing the four white walls to be deathly quiet.

"I don't want to go." Tony said, struggling to get up from the ground as the giant black hand pinned him down. "I have more that I want to do! I have to help people!" He struggled to raise his arms but they were forced down again and he groaned. His whole body hurt and it felt like he had a few ribs cracked.

"You said you wanted it to be over though. So I am answering your wish." The black figure that was floating over Tony grinned at him from under it's pitch black hood.

"Not like this. I never wanted it to end like this!" He again tried to shove the hand off but the air was crushed out of him instead.

"Are you sure? How many lives have been sacrificed to save your own. Do you really think it is worth it.?" Phantom images of everyone who had dies due to something Tony did rose from the darkness.

"I don't want to go. I have stuff that I need to take care of. Friends I need to..." Tony thought a little longer and his face went blank. Was he really worth sacrificing all the lives of his friends? Could he allow himself to live when he knew it would just get more people killed?! "Fine... If you want me, take me."

"As you wish." The darkness swooped in on him and he felt every pain that he ever experienced plus all the pain that those who died in his place felt. He felt the bullet wounds Yinsen had, he felt the pain his mother felt when she died. It was everything all at once, everywhere. Tony yelled at the top of his lungs. It was the only thing he could do with all the pain coursing through his body.

The heart monitor flat lined and all the Avengers were shoved from the room as doctors and nurses rushed in, trying to resuscitate Tony. It was a nightmare. The doctors tried several times but nothing seemed to work. Each time, it seemed to work less and less. Tony, the charismatic, sarcastic, play boy hero, was dieing right in front of them and all the Avengers could do was stand by and watch as the visual representation of their bond was slipping away. Their team was falling apart and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

Each one of them was sending silent prayers to the heavens, wishing for Tony to be okay. "This is the last attempt. After this there it is not likely that he will be revived." The doctor was just saying it but everyone that was around was able to hear him. "Clear!" The doctor yelled. A shock was sent through Tony's body. Everyone held their breath waiting for the critical beep of the heart monitor, telling them that Tony was alive and alright. As much as they were hoping the beep never came.

Darkness filled the world. Silence permeated everything with not even the sound of breath to break the deadly quiet. Tony was lost, floating in an abyss of nothingness. He tried to yell, see if anyone was around but his voice didn't make any sound. He could feel his vocal chords straining but no sound was coming out at all.

"Stop shouting. Your so annoying. This is what you wanted and I gave it to you." After the silence the presence of a voice scared Tony half to his second death. This is not how he pictured death to be. He though he was going to have a happy eternity with loving family and friends that he had lost long before.

"Why am I the only one?' He asked. Part of his mind was telling him that it was his fault all of them had died and that is why he was living in nothingness.

"You are the only one because your friends aren't letting you go. They are keeping you in their minds so you are going to be trapped her for all eternity until everyone of them dies." There was something sinister about the way Death said that. It was almost like he was planning on killing them all. Tony couldn't let that happen.

"Let me see them." He said and he tried to thrash. It felt like a giant hand was wrapped around him again.

"As you wish." The darkness suddenly changed to images of all his friends. Each one of them was ruined. They looked as if they were on the brink of death. Is this all because of me? Tony refused to let the team fall apart because he died. As much as he wanted that though, there was nothing he could do to stop it.