***Warning: Self-Harm/Eating Disorder/Language***
Alfred awoke with another panic attack. He laid still starring at the ceiling for a few moments with glazed eyes. He gave a grunt when he was sitting up and reached over to his bedside table. He moved his hand next to his pillow to grab his phone.
Looking at the time all he was able to mutter in a groggy tone was "Fuck..." He sat there for a moment, thinking to himself, but decided to get up anyways. Throwing his legs over the bed he stopped to rub his face.
"Three in the morning..."
Staggering to his dresser he pulled out his clothes to go running before the school day started. He threw on some black shorts and a black, fit-tight, long sleeve shirt that is now loose on him. He took a moment to check himself in his dresser mirror until he walked his way into his bathroom.
Stepping on the scale he was weighing in at 140lbs(63Kg). Disappointed he just stared himself down in the mirror, taking in all the imperfections his body held. He stared pinching at the fat on his arm, to his legs, and stopping at his stomach.
All he could do was pinch the fat rolls between his fingers. Tears began to fall to the floor, he looked into the mirror, all he could see was huge person looking back at him in the mirror. That person was himself.
He quickly wiped the tears that fell, getting back his determination, he quietly made his way downstairs. Walking to the fridge, he glanced over the wonderful food in front of him, but took a water bottle instead. He left the hose without leaving a note.
Locking the door behind him, walking down the last step, Alfred set off running. Taking off to the park that is close to his house. He smiled and said "Hi" to the other passerby's, he stopped for a moment and took a sip of water, and went on his way.
Making it to the entrance of the park, he took another sip of his water, as he looked out to the huge opened park before him. Looking far back into the park is a huge beautiful lake, in the middle was jungle gyms and swings for the children, and had crosswalks all around. He headed down to the lake while taking in the scenery of the people walking and the children playing.
Alfred gave a small smile when he saw a little blonde boy run up to his mom who had long beautiful blonde hair that went down to her waist. The mother smiled brightly wrapping her son in her arms.
Alfred hung his head watching his feet step one foot in front of the other, he kept following the path until looking up. Coming to a curve in the sidewalk he started walking off the path to make it to the lake.
Standing in front of the lake he noticed the ducks swimming and how the sun's rays started to hit the rifles of the water to make it look like diamonds. He turned to his right and saw a gorgeous Willow tree and started walking towards it with a small smile creeping up on his lips.
Touching the trunk of the tree he slowly moved his hand down across it. He turned his back to the tree and sat at the base, looking up he watches the branches swiftly move through the small breeze that started up.
Closing his eyes he started daydreaming, leaning his back to the tree, he crossed his his arm. Staring ahead of him watching people walk in the park, but before he knew it he fell asleep.
Alfred immediately woke up sitting up quickly. Looking around he found out he was in his room- "Wait.." He spoke. He jumped off the bed quickly ran over to the mirror he had hanging on the closet door. He stood there for a moment in a daze wondering who was staring back at him. His eyes widened and screamed as loud as his lungs would allow.
He heard thumping down the hall once he stopped screaming. Someone started calling out to him in worry. Quickly looking to the door someone burst it open. A women? She had long blonde wavy hair, lavender eyes, and tan looking skin. Alfred eyes widen as he was in shocked looking at the women before him.
"Mom?"
"Are you okay, sweetie?" His mom came to him kneeling down on one knee observing the boy. She studied her son but quickly noticed everything was okay with his Captain America shirt and his blue PJ pants. "Alfred, sweetheart. It's okay. Everything's okay." She held her son closely.
Alfred was still in shock, unable to form any kind sentence, his mother pulled away a little bit as she shook him just to see if she can get him out of his odd trance. Alfred shook his head violently and was about to speak, but before he said anything he heard a soft voice call out to his mother in the doorway.
"Momma..."
Alfred and his mother look towards the doorway to see a little blonde boy who had lavender eyes and pale skin. In his right hand he was holding the paw of his bear while he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand. He was wearing a white shirt that had a plate of stacked pancakes, with syrup being poured into it, and white PJ pants.
"Mattie?"
Mattie looked at his brother with a small smile. "Did you have a nightmare again?" Matthew walked over to his brother and hugged him.
Their mother gave them both a smile as she joined the hug. "Okay, you two. Let's eat breakfast and then we'll go to the park! How about that?"
Alfred and Matthew eyes went wide with joy and their smiles became huge. Matthew nodded in excitement, but Alfred began jumping up and down.
"Alright!" The boy's mother stood up and walked out of the room with both of the little ones following her.
After breakfast, and getting everything together, the family was finally off to the park. Being there they were able to play on the playground, play on the swings, and able to chase or be chased by the ducks.
When lunch came around they gathered under a Willow tree and ate their meal. Looking out to the lake and watching the ducks, or they watched other people walking around and hanging with family
Alfred looked up to the beautiful tree and gave the happiest smile he could he loved how beautiful this tree was.. Matthew, who sat across from Alfred, he took a bite out of his sandwich. Their mother sat in between them while she took a sip of her water.
The wind started blowing just enough for Kumajiro to fall over from a failed attempt of a sitting position. Matthew then put his sandwich down to fix him.
"What would you two like to do for your sixth birthday party?"
Alfred and Matthew looked at each other, but started thinking. They haven't really thought about their birthday. They're just happy it's summertime and they don't have to deal with school.
Alfred lifted his index finger up in the air. "A superhero party!" He smiled as he felt like he made a wonderful idea.
Matthew shook his head. "Ice skating!"
Alfred looked over to his brother intrigued and nodding in agreement. Their mother smiled a bright warm smile. "We can do both."
Both boys cheered in happiness as they could not hold in there excitement for their birthday to come. Alfred stood up with his hand out waiting for his brother to take a hold. Matthew reached for his brothers hand and was snatched up immediately.
The boys ran around playing tag with each other while their mom sat watching them closely with a big smile across her face. Running around in circles the boys laughed happily with each other.
Alfred stopped in his tracks when he felt a vibration coming from his right pocket of his shorts. He started to rub his eyes as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket.
"Hello?" He said before he yawned.
"ALFRED!" Said boy jumped, with the phone dropping to the ground, when he heard his name being yelled over the phone.. He quickly picked the phone back up, slightly away from his ear, until the person on the other side of the phone calmed down.
"Dad?"
Arthur began to cuss under his breath as he started pacing around in the break room. "Where the bloody hell are you!?"
Alfred looked around for a moment to even fathom what happen and honestly to remember where he was. Then it finally hit him that he was still under the Willow tree.
"I'm at the park." He replied as he rubbed his eyes making his glasses push up his head a little bit.
"You did not think to leave us a note you bloody git!?" The voice of irritation said, "You think it's okay to give your Papa and I a heart attack!?"
Alfred stopped rubbing his eyes and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Dad-" Alfred was cut off by the angry Brit. "No! I want you home right now."
"Dad!" Alfred yelled. "Listen to me!"
Arthur was taken back for a moment. Sighing, he pinched in-between his eyebrows. "You know you are in trouble." He said in a low growl.
Alfred stood up and began his walk back to the house while talking to his father. "I decided to go for a run when I woke up this morning."
Arthur took a seat at the break table, "That doesn't explain to as to why you missed school." Alfred was taken back at the comment. He stop dead in his track, taking the phone away from his ear, he checked the time which read eleven forty-two 'It's almost lunch time' he thought.
"It's almost lunch time." The Brit stated on the other side of the the line.
Alfred scratched the back of his head trying to come up with the words to tell his father what had happened, but because Arthur is his father he knows anything small can set him off. Sighing heavily Alfred started telling his father about him falling asleep.
The Brit never commented back, but Alfred could tell his father wanted to yell. That still wasn't enough of a reason for his son to miss school. Arthur just sighed. "Alfred, just go home and do not do this again." He wanted to still argue with his son, but what good would it do at this moment?
Alfred was about to agree until he heard a click, he pulled the phone away to look at it, only to find out his father hung up on him. Alfred then began to run back home so he doesn't get into anymore trouble, then he already is, with his parents. 'i can't believe I forgot to write a note' he thought, 'I fucked up! Fuck!'
Alfred unlocked the door, picked up a package that was hidden behind a plant, and proceeded to bring it inside. Once he walked into the kitchen he was faced with a worried and angry Frenchman..
"Where have you been?" Francis asked as he was trying to sound angry, but it came out more of a worried tone.
Alfred rubbed the back of his neck and looked to the ground as he always had done growing up. He hated being in trouble and being a nuisance to his parents. Alfred started thinking on what to say until he felt arms wrapping around him tightly.
"I was worried to death, Mon lapin." He pushed lightly out of the hug still holding onto Alfred's shoulders. "We didn't know what happened to you. We were about to call the police!"
Alfred looked into his father's eyes with a sad look upon his face. "I'm sorry, Papa." Alfred stated. "I woke up early this morning not able to go back to sleep."
Francis gave a his son another hug, longer then the last, as he gave a nod. Pulling away he patted his son on the head and left his hand there. "Please don't worry us like that again." Alfred could only nod at the comment.
His father walked over to the coffee pot turning it on for his son then making his way to the fridge. Grabbing a plate he started heating it up.
"I wasn't thinking. I was running in the park when I sat underneath the Willow tree. I didn't know I dozed off.." He said as memories of his dream flooded back into memory. Standing there remembering all the boy wanted to do was cry, but advised against it.
He felt a hand touch his face Alfred looked to the source and saw his father in front of him. "Mon Fils, what's wrong?" Alfred shook his head and gave his father a big smile with lights shining in his eyes. "I'm good!"
Francis wanted to push his son for more questions, but he knew the conversation wouldn't move to far. He walked over to the microwave, taking the plate, and setting it on the back counter for his son.
Alfred was adamant that he wasn't hungry, but his father talked him into it. The boy sat at the counter looking at the breakfast he had with happy soulless eyes. 'Papa did go through all that trouble to reheat the food...' He hated himself with every bite.
He stood up from finishing his meal and walked to the dishwasher to place his dishes. He told his father he was going to take a shower. Turning the shower on and playing music with his blue tooth speaker.
Lifting the seat of the toilet up he started to make himself purge everything he consumed. Finishing the session, he cleaned his face and hands off, and sat down on the tile floor. With his back against the wall and his knees to his chest.
Flashbacks began to vividly run his mind. Seeing his mother and father together holding hands, happily, reaching out to Alfred and Matthew for a family hug. The time when they stayed up all night watching movies all night, or baking family meals together.
Alfred stood up dazed tired of thinking about the past memories that he use to have. He walked over to the drawer picking up his piece of metal and taking it back to the shower.
Putting the metal to his stomach he carved the word "STOP." He was numb to the pain, not feeling anything. He didn't even know how he wanted to feel about this. Blood slowly seeping through the lines.
He then started cutting random lines all over his stomach, some were deep, and others looked like cat scratches. The blood filling each line with red as it fell to the tub ground floor.
He smiled, once he was done, looking down at his stomach while the water spraying down on it to make it sting. He sat down in the tub to let the hot water hit him for a while.
_
Matthew checked his phone once he had free time between classes. Looking through his messages he saw his Papa told him Alfred was at home safe. Giving a big sigh of relief. 'I'm so happy.' he thought to himself as he put his phone back into his pocket. Matthew walked towards his circle of friends to give them the news.
"They found him." Matthew said as he came up to his circle friends.
"Ve~ Where was he?" Asked the Italian that gave his full attention to his Canadian friend.
"That I don't know." He said, "Papa never said."
"I'm happy Alfred is okay." Mathias added.
"He must have been at McDonald's this whole time." The Lukas chimed in.
"He might have!" Feliciano replied as he was looking over at Ludwig.
"Probably." The Canadian whispered thinking no one heard him, but Mathias did. Raising an eyebrow he wanted to say something since his friends face had a concerned look, but before he could the school Bell rang out.
The four were chatting among themselves while they walked to their next class. Matthew loved everything to do with English. He loved writing and everything that went into it.
Sitting at his desk with his friends around him he was ready for this test he had coming up. Closing his books as the teacher told his class to do, passing back papers, he was ready.
_
Arthur sat next to Gilbert while they dug into their late lunch. Gilbert was chowing down on some french fries while Arthur had his legs crossed over one another and his arms crossed. Staring down at his food just lost in thought.
Gilbert looked to his friend before he took a bit out of his french fry, putting it down he waved his hand in front of Arthur's face trying to break him of the trance he got himself in. "Earth to Artie!"
Arthur jumped slightly, not expecting anything like that to happen, he looked over to Gilbert. "It's Arthur, you git!" He scowled.
Gilbert started laughing at his friend while whipping a tear. "Hey, I know you're a deep thinker, but not that deep. Something's up." He pointed out.
Arthur shook his head but said nothing to the German. Standing up he walked away from his meal without touching it. The German man was worried on the inside but his face was showing curiosity while watching the Brit walk away. Grabbing the other man's food he followed behind the Brit.
"Arthur." He said seriously, "what's wrong?" Grabbing his teammate by the arm spinning him around. Arthur stood wide eye at the moment, but said nothing as he stared down.
"Is it about the boys?"
Arthur nodded at the comment while he brushed Gilbert's hand away. Giving a sigh he started talking. "Yes." Gilbert still looking serious, " I'm worried about Alfred." He stated.
Gilbert raised an eyebrow waiting for Arthur to continue. "Ivan told Francis and I that Alfred has been closing up more." Arthur looked at the ground with a sad look, "I'm worried if everything is now getting to him, but he won't let anyone in!"
"Matthew on the other hand seems to be copping well, but Ivan is still not certain." He kept going on to say, "He believes Matthew might now be starting to close his walls up."
"That is strange." Added Gilbert. Raising his hand to his chin he started thinking to himself for a moment. "He should be okay, you know how strong he is. He was closed off before and you finally were able to help him open up. It could, right now, be a phase."
"For Matthew, he's always been the tricky one. Though he was in the beginning the one who opened up. Maybe he's worried about starting college?"
"Maybe." Arthur could only hope his friend was right. "You're right. They both starting college soon so it could just be that."
"I hope you're right, my friend." Arthur stated padding Gilbert on the shoulder. He walked off towards his desk while Gilbert followed close behind.
Arthur sat down to start working on patient papers. Gilbert placed Arthur's food next to him, sitting down himself, he messaged Francis to see if everything was alright on his end.
_
Francis was sitting in a chair, legs crossed, while reading a book. There room was a decent size, once you walked into the room, to your right was a big bookshelf wrapping to the left of the wall to a big window that was centered in the middle of the room. Two chairs are set in front of the window, side by side, separated but I little round table. If you keep going right, the cherry wood door was the bathroom which their closets were. Then by the door there was a king size bed that was held by a wooden bed with two side tables with two drawers. Wrapping around to the other side of the wall were a few paintings, but nothing grand.
The Frenchman was sitting in the chair closer to the bathroom door with his legs crossed, with his small french pillow flag supporting his back. He was sitting quietly reading one of his favorite books until he heard his phone go off. Picking it up he saw a message from his friend.
Gilbert sent a message to make sure everything was going well, with a small smile on the Frenchman's face, he messaged back to let him know everything was fine. The German immediately asked about how Alfred was doing but even Francis, himself, couldn't answer that question. He wasn't so sure himself.
"I'm not sure." Francis messaged back.
"I can talk to him if you need me to, he likes talking with the awesome Gilbert!"
"You can try." Not certain that would work.
"I'm the awesome Gilbert! Why wouldn't he talk to me?"
Francis never replied back, instead he set his phone down on a table next to him. He stepped out of his room walking over to Alfred's. Knocking on the door he heard shuffling coming from the room. "Hold on!" Alfred yelled out in a nervous pitch. Quickly the boy cleaned up everything up, putting his knife under the pillow, and bandaging up his arms.
Francis stood there for a good moment until he heard the clicking of the door. "Yes, Papa?" He peaked out of his room looking to his father with a big smile.
"Would you like to come downstairs and help me with tonight's dinner?" Alfred gave a slight nod and followed right behind his father. "what are we having?"
"I'll show you." Making their way into the kitchen, Francis picked up the hamburger package, and turned around to show his son. "We are making homemade hamburgers!"
Alfred excited on the outside, but honestly in his mind he was screaming. 'Nope! I'm not eating that! Not going to!' Alfred opened the hamburger meat to mold them.
Francis brought up today's events, for Francis benefit, to see if he could open Alfred up a little bit. 'He's always calm when we make food together, he loves hamburgers, why wouldn't he open up?' Francis thought.
"So you fell asleep under that Willow tree?" Francis stated.
Alfred nodded, plate of raw burgers in hand, while they made their way to the grill to get it ready. "I did." He said as he turned on the grill. "I didn't mean to scare y'all like I did." He added.
"Don't worry, Mon Fils. It's okay. As long as you're safe." Francis said.
Once the grill was finally lit he finally placed the raw patties on the grill. Francis took in the scenery of the back yard with a grand smile. The grass was freshly cut, the pool was clean, and the shed to the right of the property was freshly painted white a couple of weeks prior.
Francis took a seat, a stone fire pit in front of him, and Alfred to the right of him cooking. Francis felt the small breeze hitting his face making his hair move in the breeze.
Francis wanted to continue the conversation, but was interrupted. "I thought you two were back here." Said a soft voice.
"Matthew!" Alfred said happily closing the lid of the grill.
"You really gave everyone a scare, you know that, right?"
Alfred could only look down with a slight shrug along with a soft sorry. He never meant to freak anyone out. How was he suppose to know that he drifted off? He was able to keep a smile plastered on his face while the three started chatting away for a bit.
Matthew went back inside to his room, not long after, he had some homework to finish up and a test to study for. He also had an essay to write for his Lit teacher and another for his history teacher.
_
Alfred finished setting the table as Francis finished filling everyone's glasses. Hearing the door, Arthur walked inside, putting his keys down on the vanity right by the door.
"Dinner's ready!" Alfred called out.
Arthur walked into the kitchen stopping at the entryway looking to his son who was laughing with Francis. He gave a soft smile watching there interaction. Alfred looked over towards his dad giving him a smile as he walked over to the made tea and pouring him a cup.
Francis walked over to to Arthur giving him a kiss on the lips. A slight pink dust covered his face as he was about to say something his son handed him a cup of tea.
"So." Arthur raised and eyebrow towards his son.
Alfred knew exactly what that 'so' meant, so he repeated the same story he gave Francis. Still not telling them about the dream he had. Arthur still didn't want anything to do with that story as he thought it was false. The Brit thought his son wanted to skip school.
Francis put a hand on his husband shoulder, and the Brit gave a sigh. "Don't do this shit again." Arthur went on, "We both know you run in the mornings and we're not mad at that. You never came home so you scared us." Alfred just gave a nod, but didn't reply. He didn't want to set his father off on a rampage.
"Now, go get your brother for dinner." Arthur shewed his son out of the kitchen.
Alfred ran up the stairs knocking on his brothers door. "Mattie" Knocked again. "Mattie!" Knocked again. "MATTHEW!" said brother swung the door wide open with an irritated look Alfred felt a sweat drop. "Mapple! What is it?" He tried to yell with all his might, but was unsuccessful.
Mattie can yell when he truly wants to, but he really didn't want to use his energy for that. Especially for Alfred. He was worried all day for his brother and already stressed out with all the school work he needs to finish up.
"It's time for dinner!" Giving a big smile, he took a hold of his twins wrist, dragging him downstairs, without him having any room to argue.
Matthew was finally able to get his brother to release the hold that he had on him. 'He really can't tell his own strength, can he?' He thought as he rubbed his wrist. The family gathered around the table and enjoyed into the meal that was made by Alfred with the help of Francis.
_
Francis and Arthur were sitting on their bed talking about today's events and what they should do about it all. They have no idea what's been going on with their son lately, and they need to get to the bottom of it.
"We can ground him." Arthur suggested
Francis shook his head just thinking to himself as he contemplating on what to say next. 'Maybe have a family meeting?' He kept thinking, 'Maybe I can take him out for dinner, or take a walk?' He look to his husband when he felt a hand touch his.
"I was talking to Gilbert today. He said he could be stressed about going to college."
"He's probably right." Francis agreed while placing his fingers on his chin. "The boys are going to New York for college."
"Ah, it'll be different. Will it not?" Francis looked over to his love who had a sad look to his face.
"What about Matthew?"
Francis gave a heavy sigh. "The boy could also be stressed. If something is wrong with the boy I know he will come to me."
Arthur agreed with a hum. "At least no matter what the boys know that we are here for them."
Silence fell between them and that was when he struck. Francis jumped on top of Arthur kissing his love on the lips, moving down to his neck, slight moans escaping the Brits lips. Quickly as it started the Frenchman got off the man and walked to the restroom with a smirk.
Arthur looked over at the man with a pissed reaction, but with pink dusted over his face. He was beginning to contemplate his life choices, but pushed it aside with an evil grin he ran after his husband.
