Ichigo's eyes opened slowly, daylight pouring in from the window onto his face. He groaned as he rolled over to find Renji still asleep, his head only inches away from his own.

Still resting on his side, Renji's arms were curled into a bow under his peaceful face. His hair seemed to glow in the new daylight, waves of scarlet spreading around him. Ichigo stared for a few more moments at his sleeping friend before tentatively raising his hand to touch the almost beckoning sea of red.

Renji moaned softly in his sleep as Ichigo's hand ran down the length of his hair, his touch soft but deliberate. He didn't think he'd ever been as fascinated by anything as he was by the peaceful look on Renji's face when he was asleep.

I remember the first time I touched his hair like this. The thought came to Ichigo from somewhere deep within him and he narrowed his eyes as he pushed it away.

Pulling his other arm up under his head, Ichigo closed his eyes for his return to sleep, his hand still tangled into the satin tangles of Renji's hair.


Renji woke up a few hours later, squeezing his eyes to fight the inevitable consciousness. When he finally opened them, he could see Ichigo's hand near his face, his long fingers tangled around his red hair. An odd sense of familiarity settled into his stomach as he lay there, unmoving.

He studied Ichigo's face for a moment, watching his eyes move under his lids as he dreamt. His breathing was slow and even, his mouth occasionally twitching with unspoken words.

Renji gently pulled his hair away from Ichigo's grasp, careful to not disturb him. When he'd arrived the night before, it was evident that Ichigo hadn't slept for days. Renji knew he needed this time to recover what the fatigue and the sake had drained from his body.

Rising, Renji shook his head as he saw the mess they'd made of Ichigo's living room. Pizza boxes were lying open on various parts of the floor; empty bottles and paper plates with half-eaten slices covered the table.

I'll worry about it after I take a shower, Renji thought as he slowly made his way from the living room. He took one last glimpse at the sleeping orange-haired man and grinned. He's going to be SO hung over.


He could see the flesh above him, feel it quivering as he dug his fingers into the decorated skin.

"Ichigo." The other's gasps were quick and hot against his flesh. He could feel the softness of the red hair flowing across him with each push.

His senses overcome, Ichigo cried out, "Renji…"

"Ichigo…"


"Ichigo!" Renji was on his knees, shaking Ichigo's shoulders roughly, violently trying to coax him out of sleep. "Ichigo, wake up."

Ichigo's eyes opened with surprise as he saw Renji above him, his eyes wide and filled with worry. "What's wrong?"

"You tell me. You let out one hellova scream," Renji stood, readjusting the towel wrapped around his waist.

Ichigo felt his stomach tighten at the thought of the memories that filled his dreams and shook his head. "Nah, I'm good. It was just a dream."

"One of those nightmares you were telling me about?"

"No. No, just a dream."

Renji continued to stare. "You sure you're alright?"

Ichigo sat up and circled his head around a few times to relieve the knots that had formed from sleeping on the floor. "I said I was fine, didn't I?"

"Alright then," Renji turned and headed into the hall. Ichigo watched as the water from his damp hair made its way down the tattoos on his back.

"Ichigo…"

He shook the thoughts from his mind and stood, grimacing at the pain that swelled in his head. "Fuckin' sake."


After helping to clean his disastrous living room, Ichigo had a long shower and a couple cups of coffee. Finally, he began to feel better.

Renji had situated himself in front of the TV and was watching some corny game show as Ichigo struggled to finish his article. Working for a new magazine meant fewer restrictions, but it also meant that he had to work harder to earn a name for himself.

It was a boring piece, a background summation of an up and coming political figure, but Ichigo just couldn't get into the context. Usually, when he did a piece like this, he had an opinion of the person he was writing about, but this guy was simply boring.

Luckily, this was the last thing he'd have to write for a while. His boss told him that under no uncertain terms was he to return to the office until he'd dealt with whatever was going on with him, and that she could not afford to have him completely burn out on her.

Typing out the final sentence, Ichigo smiled at his triumph. No one could bullshit better than he when it came to filler, but DAMN, he didn't want to do that again. He saved the file and emailed it to her, adding a big "Thank you," at the bottom of the message.

He pulled his glasses off and set them on the desk. Pulling his arms up, he stretched his back over the top of the chair and sighed heavily.

"Hard work being a writer, huh?" Renji's voice suddenly pierced the silence. Ichigo lost his balance and the chair fell heavily to the floor. Renji's laughter filled the room as he stepped over and offered a hand to his struggling friend.

"Dammit. Why – How can you always sneak up on me? Ain't I supposed to be able to sense you, or some crap!" Ichigo stood and straightened his shirt.

"It's easy to hide in a gigai," Renji said simply. "Eh, Ichigo. I could really go for a drink."

"Didn't you do enough of that last night?"

"One can never have enough sake." Renji turned and headed down the hall. "Come on. Let's see what we can find in that store down the street."


The atmosphere in Kurosaki Ichigo's apartment that night was somber. After finishing their first bottle of sake with dinner, Renji spoke of life in the Soul Society. Ichigo listened as Renji complained about some new recruits that were pissing him off, but overall it seemed all was well.

The mood continued as Renji inquired about the dreams that had been affecting Ichigo so greatly. Ichigo felt his stomach tighten at the initial mention of his dreams, flashes of his most recent one rushing into his mind. He pushed them away and told Renji all he could remember.

"The first week, I just kept waking up, shaking. Like I was cold-" he started, taking a swallow of his sake before continuing. "Then, I started having dreams about the hollows, and the arrancar, and all this shit that's just been festering in the back of my brain, I guess. But, there's this pain along with it. Like someone is ripping out my insides, just slicing me. When I wake up, it's still there."

"What do you mean, still there?"

"I seriously can't move. The pain is just so – overwhelming. There was one night that I woke up sweating my ass off but I felt like I'd been buried under ice, and I couldn't even open my eyes until it went away. I just feel drained and weak…" He stopped, unable to articulate the feeling of complete helplessness that he felt just thinking about the nightmares' effects.

"It sounds pretty rough," Renji said, staring down into the glass, swirling its contents around slowly. After a moment, he looked up at Ichigo. "Maybe we should head to Urahara's tomorrow. See if maybe he can figure out what's going on."

"I'd thought of that, but I wasn't exactly comfortable with it."

"Because of your decision?"

Ichigo nodded sullenly, "Yea. I guess. I still see, ya know? I've always seen. It's just now I can't do anything about it when something happens. Makes me feel like I don't belong to that world anymore. Hell, I know I don't."

"Ichigo. We all understood why you made this decision. Hell, even Kuchiki-taichou approved. Besides, we're not a part of this world, and you are. Don't you think we understand you have a right to live this life?"

"Byakuya just didn't want me 'corrupting' Rukia anymore." Ichigo said with a smirk.

"Oh, you mean the manga addiction and the compulsive shopping? Yea, I could understand that," Renji laughed. "But Rukia would've discovered those things without you eventually. I think she was born with the ability to sniff out a sale or something."

Ichigo laughed in turn and shook his head. He was glad for the break in seriousness, at least for now. "Hey, Renji." He put his drink on the table and stood. "I feel like breaking something."

"Oh, yea?" A wicked grin twitched Renji's lips as he recognized the look in Ichigo's eyes.


They'd found the perfect spot. The field was unoccupied, and it was far from any housing areas where people may see them. Renji stayed in his gigai, considering the fact that Ichigo had not been in spirit form for so many years.

Ichigo had brought along the katanas he usually had on display in his office. After tossing one to Renji, Ichigo unsheathed the short sword and reveled in the feel of the wrapped handle on his palm. It was an odd, reminiscent sensation, especially with Renji there, but it felt good.

"Oy, Ichigo. Don't think I'ma go easy on you," Renji shouted from the other end of the field.

"Wouldn't want it any other way," Ichigo shouted back, tossing the sheath to the ground as his legs broke into a run.

The swords touched with a brutal chiinng as Renji pushed Ichigo back slightly, grinning in the darkness. "Aww, come on Ichigo. You're no fun!" Renji laughed as Ichigo fought to push him back.

Determined not to let Renji defeat him, Ichigo jumped high into the air. His foot landed squarely on the surprised shinigami's chest, sending him flying back.

Stumbling, Renji watched as Ichigo charged at him again, this time with his katana at his side. He could feel the electricity pop in the air as Ichigo's reiatsu surged. Ichigo swung with force, using his body to follow through with the blade. Renji barely blocked the move, but was quickly on the offensive. Shoving Ichigo away, he readied himself, then stopped -

Ichigo's grasp on the katana loosened and it fell to the ground, a blood curdling scream forcing its way out of his body. Renji felt the sudden surge in the air as an angry wave of spirit energy circled him. He could see the savage reiatsu radiating from Ichigo's entire frame.

Ichigo fell to his knees, clenching his eyes shut to force away the sudden pain that was taking hold of him. He could see nothing, hear nothing, and the panic rose in his chest as he fought against the feeling.

As Renji stepped closer, he braced himself against the stunning strength of the energy around him. As he got closer to Ichigo, his body tightened against the pressure and he forced himself to make the final step. He knelt down slowly and placed his hand on Ichigo's shoulder. He felt a shot run through him, and instantly thought of his Captain's bankai. The pain was intense, seeming to cut him from the inside out. He groped to reach Ichigo with his other hand, and pulled him tight as they both screamed in agony.

As quickly as it began, it was over. The two of them left breathless and trembling on the grass, Renji still holding onto Ichigo, unable to let go. "What – the – fuck – was – that?" he huffed in between gasps.

Ichigo shook his head. "The dream," he said, breathless. It was now that he realized that Renji was holding him. Without thinking, he gripped the arm that held his chest and pulled him tighter.

They sat in silence as the pain faded from their bodies. Renji pulled away and sat down on the grass. "Ichigo, what the hell is going on?"


There was a soft knock on Ichigo's bedroom door before it slowly began to open. He rolled over and saw Renji standing in the doorway, bracing his weight against the frame, a braid hung over his bare shoulder.

"Can't sleep," he said simply. The light shining into the room from Ichigo's window illuminated his tired eyes.

"Me either." Ichigo rose and sat up in the bed. "I just keep going over and over what happened. I can't figure it out."

"I think I have. At least, part of it."

Ichigo watched in silence as Renji moved to the floor beside his bed. "When we were fighting, you tapped into your reiatsu. I could tell because that first attack was shit." He gave a little grin as he saw the snarl form on Ichigo's face. "My point is - you channeled it. Reiatsu doesn't just go away, but the only time it is seriously active for mortals is when they are asleep. I think it's connected somehow, the sleeping and the fighting. I just don't know how. Something is affecting your spirit energy, or manipulating it somehow."

Ichigo stared at his friend. It was a logical conclusion, but how? And why hadn't he thought of that? As the shadows danced around the room, the two sat in silence.

Renji had wrapped his arms around his cocked knees, and was staring into the darkness.

Ichigo looked over at him and studied his profile in the shadows for a few moments. "Renji, I wanna ask you something."

"What's up?"

Ichigo swallowed slightly, moving his eyes to the sheets. "Do you still think – about that night?" He could feel the blood rush to his face as he forced himself to say the words, but it was a question that had hovered in the back of his mind for nine years and he didn't know if he'd ever get the chance to ask again.

A moment passed and Renji nodded. "Yea, I think about it." He turned his head to look at Ichigo. "Do you?"

Ichigo felt his fingers tighten in the sheets as the memories came into his mind's eye. "Yea, I think about it a lot."


9 years ago

They were battle weary and exhausted as they climbed up to Ichigo's window. Stupid hollows just kept comin' out of nowhere, Ichigo thought to himself.

Plopping down on his bed, he groaned with irritation as he saw Renji lay flat out on his floor. "Do you really have to do that?!" he shouted.

"What?" Renji's arm was over his eyes.

"Go to Urahara's, I don't want you sleeping on the floor in my room!" Ichigo kicked him in the side and laughed when the red-head stood up in anger.

"What the hell'd ya do that for?!" he barked, baring his teeth.

"You're a bastard, that's why. You wanna do something about it?" Ichigo stood and pressed closer to Renji, egging him on.

"Yeah, I think I'll beat your ass."

"Go ahead and try it, you tattooed freak."

"You son of a-"

The battle was on. Hits landed repeatedly on tired bodies as their curses were spit into the air. Ichigo wrapped his arm around Renji's neck to choke him and stopped, suddenly realizing that he'd just pulled Renji's face dangerously close to his own. A surge went through him as he felt the heat radiating from the other's skin.

"Renji – I –"

He had no time to form words in his confused mind before he felt Renji's lips on his. Eyes wide in surprise, Ichigo felt Renji's hand moving up his chest. The feeling was exquisite, the warmth from Renji's hands causing him to shiver, the gentleness of the touch relaxing him into the kiss.

Ichigo reached a trembling hand to touch the vice captain as he explored his mouth. When Renji's mouth moved to Ichigo's neck, Ichigo dug his fingers into Renji's back with force, the sensation too great. Ichigo tried to steady his voice in between gasps, "Renji, what –"

"What?" Renji murmured against his flesh before biting into the skin at the base of Ichigo's jaw. The shuddering gasp that escaped his lips was violent, surprising him. When Renji pushed his hips into him, he could feel his hardness through the fabric of his hakama. He ignored the doubt and questions that wanted to play out in his mind, settling on the strong thought that resounded in him – This feels so good.

"Nothing." He struggled with the obi as Renji hungrily dug into his neck, his tongue running down its length to his collarbone.

With a huff, Renji sat up and discarded the untied uniform as Ichigo freed himself from his own. On their knees, they stared at each other, naked to the waist.

Renji unconsciously licked his now swollen lips, and Ichigo felt himself pulse. He moved toward him as Renji pulled the tie from his hair, letting it spill around his shoulders. Ichigo buried his hand in the softness and ran his fingers through, a moan escaping Renji at the touch. The vice captain reached for Ichigo, pulling him to his chest.

His hands still buried in the red mane, Ichigo allowed himself to be pulled into the embrace, his fingers clenching in the scarlet softness as the kiss deepened. The heat was intense as they groped, trying to pull each other even closer. Renji's hands were running over the flesh of Ichigo's sides as Ichigo lightly bit at the shinigami's lip.

When Renji reached to pull on Ichigo's hakama, he stopped and pulled away. There was a sudden softness in his eyes as he stared at Ichigo. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, searching Ichigo's eyes for something.

"Yea," he said after a moment, smiling at the expression on Renji's face.

When Renji kissed him again, it was not rushed. Ichigo held Renji's face in his hands as he felt the soft fabric of his hakama slide to his knees. When Renji's fingers closed over him, he gasped with surprise, moaning into his lover's mouth as they eased to the floor.

Slowly stroking, Renji sat up and looked at him. Ichigo was confused by the look on his face as he studied him, but quickly understood. There was only this moment between them. There was no more aggression, no more fighting, no walls between them.

Ichigo arched his back as Renji watched him, his eyes growing darker as his need burned within him. When Ichigo began to groan, his eyes closing tight as he neared his orgasm, Renji stopped, and smiled over him.

"What'd ya stop for?" Ichigo demanded, a stupid smirk on his face.

"Not yet." Renji lowered himself to bite Ichigo's bottom lip quickly before sitting up and removing his hakama. "How do you want to do this?" he asked, scanning the room for something.

"I- Uh- Hmm." Ichigo didn't know what to say.

Renji let out a quick chuckle before standing and walking over to the desk. He picked up the small bottle of lotion that Rukia had left during her last stay and returned to the floor. He slowly spread Ichigo's legs and moved close to him. Ichigo could smell the scent of jasmine as he watched Renji pour the lotion onto his fingers and reach between his legs.

Ichigo shivered at the contact, Renji's fingers slowly massaging him, covering him with the soft wetness. When he felt Renji's finger enter him, he tried to bite back the cry. Renji stopped, reaching over Ichigo's leg to brace himself. He planted a kiss on his neck before continuing to push his finger deeper.

With each flash of pain that Ichigo felt rush through him, Renji was there with a flash of pleasure; licking and sucking his neck and collarbone, kissing his lips.

Renji moved slowly, opening him further before moving another finger inside of him. His mouth hovering over Ichigo's wanting lips, he curled his wandering digits, sending a blinding force through Ichigo's body. He felt his body tighten and arch into Renji's hand, his legs shaking slightly as the sensation slowly passed

"What the fuck was that?" Ichigo asked breathlessly. Renji simply smiled and nipped at his jaw before rising to his knees.

Ichigo groaned as Renji entered him. The smell of jasmine flooded his senses as the feeling of fullness devoured him. His hips wouldn't stop moving, the feeling of Renji pushing into him was too painfully pleasurable.

His movements still slow, Renji pulled his length almost completely away and moved back in. Ichigo's hand flew to Renji's shoulder, pulling him closer.

Renji put his hand under Ichigo's chin and pulled his face to meet his gaze. "You ok?"

"Uh-huh. OH, damn."

Renji pulled away again, almost completely and grinned when Ichigo let out a slight whimper. He arched his hips upward and pushed against the tightness, Ichigo's eyes closing tight at the sensation.

"Fuck," Ichigo groaned into Renji's chest.

Renji braced himself and started to move faster, his hips grinding into Ichigo's with each thrust. Ichigo's hands were in his hair now, over his shoulders, unable to control the constant arching of his back as Renji connected their bodies fully over and over.

"Renji… Oh…" Ichigo pressed his mouth against his, sucking on his tongue, the taste so sweet against his hot breath as his erection pulsed and throbbed between their moving bodies.

"Ichigo…" Renji growled against his lips as he pushed violently, sending their bodies across the carpet. Ichigo held on to his shoulders, biting his lip. He felt the softness of Renji's hair sweeping across his face, his chest as Renji trailed kissed down his body, forever pushing into him.

Renji came up and claimed Ichigo's mouth, mimicking the movement of his hips with his tongue. Ichigo closed his eyes and relished in the taste.

"I've wanted this," Renji whispered when he pulled away from Ichigo's mouth, his lips hovering over Ichigo's ear. "I've needed this so bad."

"Oh, God." Ichigo felt a surge in his chest, a sudden heat that spread through him as he clutched Renji's arm. "Don't stop." He buried his face in Renji's shoulder. "Please, don't stop."

"Ichigo…Mmmm. I'm getting close…"

"Renji…" Ichigo groaned as their bodies pressed and Renji thrust into him again.

"Fuck…" Renji rode into Ichigo with force as his orgasm filled the body beneath him. The spasms coursed through Ichigo, turning his cries into Renji's name and sending him over the edge and into a world of blind sensation.

His body weak, Renji lowered himself to the floor beside Ichigo. Without hesitation, Ichigo wrapped his body in his arms and pulled him close, their bodies molding together in an instant.

The feeling of Renji's body on his was too comfortable to spoil the moment with words so he nuzzled his face into Renji's shoulder and closed his eyes. He couldn't explain why any of this had happened, but Renji was right, they'd both needed it for a long time, even if they didn't realize it.