Consideration
After a brief trip via Space Bridge, I arrived home safely. First on my agenda was passing on the case of parts to the appropriate party before venturing to my quarters. I was hoping Skywarp would be there. That would mean being able to get what was on my mind off as soon as possible without over-thinking. I knew what I wanted to do and it was simple. Skywarp would never suspect anything suspicious, as long as I was careful. How careful could I be though? Entertaining the idea of bringing another life into ours was going to be an emotional battle, and being bonded makes emotional caution difficult. No matter how hard I try to hide something, my beloved somehow always managed to catch on.
Arriving at my door, it opened automatically just as I reached for the keypad. Skywarp probably felt my approach and he now stood revealing his black, white, and purple self to me.
Cocking his head to the side Skywarp grinned at me. "Did ya miss me?"
"Oh, you know I can't go an hour without you." Sarcasm was quite evident in my voice.
"Of course!" The grin stayed on his lips as he stepped aside, giving me just enough room to squeeze by into our quarters. I pressed passed him and stepped in.
He followed and closed the door behind him. He reached to me and caught my hand in his. "How do you put up with me?" I could feel his playfulness of asking that question a millionth time.
"Don't know." I shrugged and pulled him close for an embrace. "If I ever figure it out… you'll be the first to know."
"I sure hope so." Moving his face close to mine he reached up and caressed my cheek.
I couldn't help but lean into his touch. "So….things go well on your little outing while I was here all by my lonesome?"
Pecking his fingers with a quick kiss I casually removed myself from the embrace. "They most definitely did." I walked over to our energon dispenser and helped myself to a cube. "Want one?"
"Sure." He looked quizzically at me.
"What?" I was quite casual, or so I thought.
"Most definitely did?" Skywarp laughed. "Something good must have happened up there."
I handed him an energon cube. "Is there a problem with that?" My defenses were creeping up and I did my best to put them at bay.
"Yes…." He slinked over to me.
Inwardly I cringed. Had he picked up on what I was trying to hide? "What's the problem with that?"
Taking the cube he whined mockingly at me. "Because, Love of my life… you shouldn't be out having fun without me!" I've been soooooo bored!"
Time held still for a few precious seconds. Skywarp had unknowingly made my plan the simplest in the universe.
"You poor thing, you!" I reached forward and patted his head.
"Tell me about it!"
"How about I do better than that?" I locked my gaze on him.
Skywarp seemed to want to whine again but stopped himself. A wide smile spread across his face. "Better? Is that a promise?" He was always such a kidder.
"A promise…" My spark ached at the thought of the recent promise I'd made to Silver. "…yes." Forcing a sly smirk on my face I walked two fingers up his chest as I spoke. "It just so happens that I need to make another run and would be delighted to have your superb company."
Looking quite happy with himself I knew he was readying a sarcastic remark. "Who wouldn't?"
It was the kind of answer I expected from him, one of the many reasons I loved him. He was always able to be sarcastic and playful with me which was normal for him and he always lightened my mood. Unless of course it was a serious matter, then he acted appropriately, mostly.
I couldn't resist having the last say. "Oh, practically anybody but me, my love." Both of us laughed.
Walking over to our couch I sat myself down. Skywarp followed and joined me. That was all too simple for me. We'd be back at Lighthand's in no time, and then I could judge what kind of reaction Silver had to Skywarp. What if that connection was only with me? What would I do then? Calming my rush of thoughts I sipped my energon and flicked on the large view screen on the wall. We had it patched into a local earth satellite so we could tap into the cable television the humans loved so much. I must admit some of it was interesting enough to provide entertainment, and right now I figured it'd help me keep my thoughts minimal.
"When do we get to go on our exciting outing?" Skywarp nudged me.
"Think you can wait until tomorrow?"
"That long?" He set his energon cube down and curled next to me to watch the screen. "I'll manage."
Even though my optics were on some obscure movie my thoughts began creeping back to Silver. He was having such a deep effect on me and it was troubling since I just met him. It shouldn't be possible for an attachment like that so fast, it just wasn't fair. I understand that certain people leave lasting impressions on others but it's not as committing as what was possibly happening with me. Considering the fact I was taking what I felt seriously, it would change my… our lives. This was no light matter here. I'd be bringing another life into ours, a relationship that'd last…forever. We'd have to learn how to care for a sparkling and how to fill his needs. Were we even capable?
Sinking deeper into my thoughts I was unaware of anything else happening until a loud mental voice spoke to me. Thundercracker, this is your conscience speaking. Blinking rapidly I snapped out of it to find the view screen turned off and Skywarp was now standing in front of me, his face lowered to mine with a concerned look. He had mentally interrupted my thoughts.
"TC?" He asked aloud. He waved a hand in front of my optics. "You okay?"
"I…uh…yeah…" Skywarp wasn't going to buy my answer. I knew maybe the fact I missed all the recent activity of the view screen turning off and him getting up didn't help.
"Like I'm going to believe that? One minute you were here then the next I had no clue where you went. What's wrong?"
That over simplified plan of mine was suddenly not looking so good. Now that I think about it I didn't know if it would be a wise thing to just throw him in the middle of that kind of situation just to 'see what happens'. The idea was innocent enough. I was now more afraid of the thought of a nasty backlash.
"You're not going to believe me if I told you everything was just perfectly fine?" Asking in a forced light tone I figured I might as well try one more time to ensure him everything was okay. I knew it didn't matter, our bond was strong and I couldn't hide this much distress from him.
Shaking his head at me he went down on his knees to stay level with me. "You know I can't. Normally you're moody, but not to this extreme."
"Gee…thanks." A hint of a smile tugged at my lips. He was always trying to make me feel better in those subtle ways, and now I was feeling guilty about the thoughts of being sneaky. I had a new resolve hit fast. Letting my bondmate in on the days events might be a better idea than surprise, and I might get some more insight. Preparing him was going to be a bit awkward. I took a deep breath. " 'Warp, every bit of my being was against me telling you something...but I'm going to do it anyways." Feeling strong curiosity, along with a bit of offense flare between us he remained silent for me. "Might I suggest you make yourself comfortable?"
"Should I be getting some high grade for this?" Standing up he moved to sit back next to me.
"No, you need to be coherent for this one." Warily I looked to him.
Sighing he leveled his gaze at me. "That bad?"
"It's not that it's bad. Something unexpected happened today…"
"…on you little errand I suppose?" He added.
I nodded. "Yeah, everything was fine with my pick up until I had to wait for the parts. Our contact, Lighthand, didn't have them ready for me."
"Please tell me you're going to say you just nearly died of boredom?" There he was trying again for me to smile.
This time I at least managed a small chuckle. "If it was only that simple."
"Complicated things aren't my forte." Smiling warmly at me he placed his hand gently on my leg. "Go on."
"He had a sparkling at his place." That came out easy.
"No kidding? It's been practically forever since I've seen one!" He sounded surprised. "Didn't think they still existed."
"Well, they do. His name was Silver." I smiled. "He waited with me the whole time."
"Silver, eh? Glad you had company."
"Yeah, that was a good thing, probably would have died of boredom without him. You should meet him… he's very sweet and…" Skywarp decided to cut me off again.
"...uh, that's nice and all, TC, but what's this got to do with what you need to tell me?"
Sighing I dropped my head. Here went nothing. "Everything."
"Everything?"
Through our bond I felt his confusion, and I'm sure he felt my hesitancy among many other emotions. "He, Silver, had an instinctive…attachment to me. I…uh…" No more words wanted to come out of my mouth.
Thankfully Skywarp didn't try to finish that one for me. Instead he removed his hand from my leg and placed it gently on my shoulder. "What'd this sparkling do to get you so worked up?"
" 'Warp, I don't know how or why… but when he came in physical contact with me I could feel something...something coming from my spark." I knew I had to keep this simple.
"Feel something? Like what?" Was that a hint of foreboding I felt from him?
I was the only one in the world with the luxury of remote patience from Skywarp. "Sort of like what you and me felt when we first met each other, that strange pull from within…" My voice trailed off and I was getting nervous. "…the one that we just knew we were supposed to be together."
Skywarp's voice became stern. "TC, you're not suggesting…"
"That there's some sort of deep connection with him? That fate is doing something weird with Silver in my…our lives?" There, I had brought Skywarp into my predicament. I shook my head but kept my voice even. "There's something there and… and I need to know more, and why."
Skywarp removed his hand from me and held a vacant look in his optics. "Our lives? You've only just met him. How do you know?" It was obvious he didn't like what I was saying and he was trying to figure out how to take it.
"That's the point I'm making! Did you question our feelings, or the sense of connection we felt?"
"That's different!" He snapped.
"How?" Both of our defenses were rising. "We felt it and acted on it!"
"I don't know! It just…is! Feelings or not I think we had more of a choice!" Skywarp couldn't seem to look at me after that.
"I personally don't think we did!" That might have been going too far. It was the only comparison I could think of…and I knew I had just insulted my bondmate with it.
Silence was my answer, and the conflicting feelings being shared through our bond was the only communication for a good ten minutes. Neither of us had closed ourselves off, both of us were reaching to the other for an answer. When you can physically feel what your partner wants to express and can't find the right words, it helps come to a resolve easier, or at least an empathetic understanding.
Tentatively I spoke again. "Skywarp… will you please consider what I'm trying to tell you?" With an effort I had calmed myself down outwardly.
He remained silent, but not for long. When he spoke up again he had lowered his voice. "I'm hearing you, I understand you, but don't know if I want to even think about what you're hinting at." He had turned back to me.
"Hinting? I'm being blatantly obvious."
With a raised finger he opened his mouth to speak and ended up laughing instead. This time I had the upper hand. Unfortunately I made myself crack a smile.
"You really feel ridiculously strongly about this, yes...you've got me right here." He placed a hand over his spark's location. After a few more light chuckles he placed his hand once again on my shoulder.
"You'd have to have been there 'Warp, to feel how it actually felt, not a second hand impression that you're getting from me. The feeling was so distinct I couldn't pass it off as just thinking 'Hey, what a cute sparkling. Can I keep him?' Don't think this isn't worrying me at all."
"I'm not thinking that, Mr. Obvious. What'd we do with a sparkling anyways?"
"You had to ask me that?" Leaning back on the couch I looked to the ceiling. "That's the part I haven't worked out yet. I'm sure we'd figure it out if that was the case. So…would you consider coming with me to meet him?"
Slowly he nodded his head. "Since it's causing you so much stress I guess I should. You know how this works, your stress is unfortunately my stress and I'd prefer to see you happy."
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it. "Thank you. There doesn't have to be any decisions right now. I think you just need to come and see if you pick up on any of what I felt. For all I know you won't and….then I won't know what to do." Depressing myself was a hard habit to break.
"Then we'll just be the way we've been for millions of years. Is that so bad?" He shrugged.
"No, my life has been quite complete with you. This is so hard for me… I'm torn on what to feel."
"Maybe you're just meant to help him find a happy home, not be his happy home. He'd be more than a huge commitment, you know."
Taking his optimistic suggestion I smiled. "Helping him instead of committing to him? That might be possible."
Skywarp was silent a minute before speaking. "I'll stand by you on this one since it means so much to you, but let's just be careful. What if we do end up taking him home with us?"
That questioned remained valid the second time. "Then we take it day by day?"
"I know nothing about sparklings, TC."
"We're in the same ship on that one…perhaps we should do some research?" Learning about the little life I was getting attached to might be useful.
"Yeah, guess that's a good idea. How about we do it now? There's no movies on that I want to see anyways." Skywarp was excellent about making some things sound convenient. He let go of my hand and got off the couch. He walked over to the computer in the corner and sat down in a chair. Skywarp was also good at changing from one task to the next with no second thoughts.
"Sure, that sounds good to me." I got up and joined him. "Let's see what's in the data banks."
We spent a few hours searching the limited Cybertronian data banks we had access to. Sparklings weren't of the utmost importance so we had to do some crafty digging. The knowledge we turned up wasn't very enlightening. Surprisingly enough I already knew about as much as we found out. I was right about my theory in the strange seams of Silver's armor and the odd spacing of the plates. His armor was designed to shift and grow as he did. The seams were very flexible and would easily conform to his changing size. There was no indication found as to why sparklings didn't have an alternate form. Skywarp suggested that'd be open for Silver to truly decide what he wanted to be when he grew up. Even though it sounded silly, and very human, I figured what he said made sense. When he was older and his systems were more developed he would find a form that suited him, scan it and adapt his body to it. It was in our nature as a Transformer after all.
I leaned closer to Skywarp. "I know you know, but you're taking this well."
Tearing himself away from the screen Skywarp looked at me. "I've got to."
Shaking my head at him I added. "No you don't. So… thank you."
Smiling a warm smile at me he answered "Connection with this Silver or not, I'm still connected to you and always will be. You do what you got to do." He closed down the information on the computer. "Don't think we'll be finding any more out tonight."
Sliding my chair out, I stood up. "No, you're right. There's probably no manual out there on raising young either."
Feeling some light humor coming on he threw in. "You could always take a trip and talk to some humans."
That was an idea. Not necessarily a bad one, just one that'd be the most awkward situation in my life. I could imagine myself with a data-pad walking a busy human city street looking for families and questioning them on how to raise children, I'm sure that'd go over well.
"I shall keep your suggestion in mind. For now though, it's been a busy day and I'm in need of some rest." Emotional battles were always more taxing than draining myself physically.
Following my lead Skywarp stood up. "Yeah, you need it." He reached up and caressed my cheek. "I'll be in shortly."
"Goodnight, love." Slowly I headed towards the room with our recharge berth.
Skywarp called after me. "Ah! One more thing!"
I stopped walking and turned back to him. "What?"
"Did you really want to go back to Silver tomorrow?"
"Are you ready for it?" It was probably a question I didn't need to ask but felt the need to.
There was honesty when he spoke. "As ready as I can be. If we wait then I'll have plenty of time to re-think and to go run screaming the other direction."
Laughing one more time at him I said my final goodnight, walked into our room and crawled into the recharge berth. I heard the sound of Skywarp sitting back down at the computer and clicking the keys…he was trying to find out more for us, I was sure of it. Knowing it would be a while before I was asleep I thought again of what happened today and sighed a long deep sigh. Fate would be helping make a decision for us and it was an uneasy realization to dwell on. After a short time Skywarp walked quietly into the room and I felt him lay down next to me on the berth. His presence calmed me and I finally relaxed letting myself drift off.
…
A/N: I want to thank those that have taken the time to come read my story. I rarely do any writing since it's not the strongest talent I have, but when I get in the mood I do enjoy it and like to share it for what it is, a story. Thank you for the reviews and input. I do take peoples suggestions into account for my writing.
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