Chapter 2: The Calming Effect
The forest surrounded me. Trees swayed as the wind whirled past me. The birds chirped and everything seemed right and peaceful. It was as if there was nothing wrong with the world, even though there was so much wrong with it.
Rays of sun burst through the gaps between the branches and leaves, shining down on me. The brightness and warmth were unusual for Forks, but I welcomed it. It was days like this that I felt most safe. The creatures to be feared couldn't come into the light without revealing themselves to unsuspecting humans and divulging their secret.
I shivered at the mere thought of them. There was a time when I would have stayed in the darkness with them, but that time was long gone. I was seeing them as they really are now.
Vampires.
There was nothing to fear as I began to make my way out of the forest. I could walk in peace, and my mind didn't have to be in a frenzy. I was happy for the first time in a long while.
Then the birds fell silent and the light dispersed.
Everything in me screamed that something was out of place, something was gravely wrong. It was enough to halt me in my place for a brief moment before I broke into a full sprint to the exit of the forest. A cold sweat broke out over my body, but my only concern was getting out of the darkening forest. The forest wasn't safe when devoid of light.
I didn't let myself stop, always pushing myself forward even when I fear I would fall flat on my face if I didn't slow down. One small part of my mind tried to convince me that if there were vampires out here, I would already be dead, but I ignored it and continued running.
A figure waited at the exit of the forest, shrouding in the last of the darkness. He smiled at me, but it wasn't a nice smile. His eyes were darkened to a nasty black, narrowed into slits as he watched me draw closer. It took me a moment to actually stop.
"What's the matter, Bella? Not happy to see me?" he asked. He smirked and strode closer, only ten feet away. It wasn't nearly far enough. "And here I thought you would come running into my arms, just like you always did before."
I trembled. "Edward."
I jerked up with a gasp, my eyes flying open. My throat felt like it was constricting, closing more and more as I struggled to breathe. The fear was slowly ebbing away as I came to the realization that I was sitting in my bed, in my house, and not standing ten feet from Edward in the forest that immortalized all my terrors.
"Just a dream. Just a dream. It was just a dream," I told myself, my own voice coming out shaky.
I pushed the covers off of my body. The cool air made me shudder, but I ignored it and got out of bed. The coolness of the floor and the lack of warmth around my body helped me wake up. The warmth always pulled me back into a dream-like state. There was safety in reality.
Looking at the clock, I realized it was only five in the morning. I still had two hours before I would need to get ready for school. Instead of crawling back into bed to try and get some more sleep, I went into the bathroom to take a shower. It wasn't that I necessarily needed one at the moment, but it kept me from going to sleep and drifting back into that treacherous dream.
No, not a dream. A nightmare.
Edward returning would destroy everything I've worked hard to do. I pieced myself together, with a lot of help from Jake, and my dad and Billy. I couldn't let him take this sense of security from me that I built for myself since his departure.
He shattered me when he left. I'll never be the same as I was before, but I can still live my life in relative happiness. He would take all of that away from me. I refuse to let Edward destroy me again.
I'm broken, but not shattered.
Solitude became my friend at school.
Everyone knew what happened between Edward and I. At least, they believed that they knew what happened, even though their guesses couldn't even come close to the truth. The truth would terrorize them. It would make them hide under their beds, as if that could stop a vampire from attacking.
I sat at the back of the cafeteria, alone at a circular table. Since I began to think coherently after months of numbness, I made sure to always sit on the opposite side of the cafeteria of where the Cullens used to sit. Maybe I was past my numbness and desperation to hear Edward's voice, but that didn't mean I was eager to rip open the holes me left in me.
Everything was what had become normal.
I picked at my mashed potatoes, and it was because of that that I didn't hear them approach. When I looked up as shadows were cast over me, Jessica and Lauren were standing on the other side of the table, with these sadistic smiles on their faces that they seemed to think looked disarming.
I was blunt. "What do you want?"
"Rude, much?" Lauren sneered.
"Yes, you are."
Jessica rolled her eyes, but then she smiled and tried to look nice. "Do you mind if we sit with you?"
"As a matter of fact, I do mind," I said.
"Well, well, look who's so distrusting. Not everyone is out to get you," Lauren said.
"Oh, I know not everyone is out to get me, but you are," I shot back. I narrowed my eyes at her. "But fine, sit down. You'll pretend you don't have any ulterior motives, and I'll pretend you're not a total bitch."
Lauren glared. "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry, did I say something that isn't already well known?" I asked. Maybe I was the one being the bitch now, but it wasn't like she didn't deserve it. Before she had a chance to shoot back an insult, I added, "You can say anything you want to, Lauren, but I've heard it all before. Nothing you say is new, since you've already been saying it for months. Here's a little piece of advice, Lauren; get a life."
"I certainly have more of a life than you do, Miss I Never Leave My House," Lauren retorted.
"What kind of life is trying to break others apart? Like I said, you're nothing but a bitch, Miss I Can't Feel Satisfaction Until Everyone In My Path Feels Misery," I told her. I stood up, grabbed my bag and left the cafeteria.
"Maybe I'm a bitch, but you're crazy, psycho bitch!" Lauren called after me. When I looked over my shoulder at her, which was a clear mistake, she added, "Just because you dated Edward when no one else even got a single date with him, you think you're better than everyone. The truth is you're just a miserable loser. I bet you even believe your beloved Edward will come back. Like he would ever come back for the likes of you."
The cafeteria fell silent as I hurried out, with only Lauren's snorting laughter filling my ears. Flashes of my nightmare came back to me, starting with the image of him standing there. Even when he wasn't here, Edward wreaked havoc on my life.
I sat in my truck for a little while before finally deciding to just leave. There was no way I could go back in there after everything that happened. That was how I found myself pulling out of the parking lot and skipping class.
I drove, not really knowing where I was going. One road led me onto another, and another, and another. Time passed by, but I just kept driving. The only thing I thought about was the road. I pushed back every other thought, not focusing on Lauren, the bystanders, or Edward. I wasted enough time on Edward for months after he left.
Enough was enough.
The La Push sign flashed in front of me. I didn't realize I was in the area until I was already entering. My heart took me here without me realizing it. It did make sense though, since I always felt calmer at the cliffs. The crashing of the waves against the bottom of the cliffs reassured me in a way.
I don't know how long I sat at the cliffs, but each minute that passed continued to calm me, until I was laying down and just looking at the stars. I was so at peace that I could have fallen asleep right there, lulled by the gentle breeze and the darkness curling around me from all angles.
Whoa, whoa, hold on! Stars? I was looking up at the stars, yet I didn't even realize it had gotten so late. Just as I was sitting up, I felt a gaze on me. It might sound odd, but I knew who it was before my gaze connected with his.
I smiled and said, "Paul."
"It seems like I always find you here," he said, as he walked closer. He settled down beside me, much like he did the night before. "Tell me, Bella of the Cliffs, what is it that you're thinking about tonight?"
"Who says I need to have some issue to think about to sit at the cliffs?" I asked.
Paul smirked. "I never said you had an issue."
"Well, I walked right into that one," I muttered.
"Am I going to get an answer?" Paul asked.
"A bit of the same and a bit of new… developments," I told him.
Paul rolled his eyes. He stared me down as he said, "That tells me almost nothing, and you know it. All that gives me is the same issue with Jake, but there's more to it than just that. Honestly, I could have guessed as much."
"Except you didn't," I said.
"You know, you can tell me," he said, but there was a smirk tugging at his lips.
I glanced at him and bit my lip. Paul had proved to be reliable and honest so far, but I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to lay my troubles on him. He seemed to want me to, which was questionable on its own.
Jake always described Paul as being an aggressive, uncivil, man-whoring dirtbag who only did things for his own personal gain. I had yet to see that side of Paul, and I was really questioning if it existed. Then again, he could be doing that purposefully if he truly only does things for his own gain like Jake says. Being an aggressive man-whore certainly wouldn't get him very far.
He sighed and laid down, similar to the night before with his arms crossed behind his head. It seemed obvious to him that I wasn't going to be sharing anything anytime soon. What he didn't know was that my resolve was weakening.
"Frankly, I don't think Jake is the one for you. He doesn't deserve you," Paul said.
I glanced at him through my eyelashes, only to find that he was still watching me. He was calmer than I expected him to be. Even though we had a moment much like this yesterday, it felt strange to be talking civilly with someone who was said to have a violent temper. Maybe it was just my depressing mood or the way the blowing wind brushed around them, but I felt like I could confide in him.
With a sigh, I eased down on my back as well and stared at the stars above them. I could feel Paul's gaze on me, but I merely focused on the starry sky, watching the radiance of it. It felt like we were back to last night, as if I never left and we continued talking the night away. A sense of comfort was spread over me, and the stare that would normally unnerve me from anyone else calmed me.
"Jake bailed on me."
"Well duh. Is that supposed to be new?" Paul asked.
I glanced at him, but it was more of a glare. "This isn't supposed to be a normal thing."
"Except it is," Paul stated, with what seemed to only be mild interest.
"He spends all his time with Ellie. I just don't get why he's completely abandoning me for her. He's allowed to have a girlfriend as well as friends that are girls. It's like she's becoming his life," I said, a scowl forming on my lips.
Paul snorted. "Something like that."
We continued to talk through my problems, and Paul never showed any signs of annoyance with me. He cracked jokes at my expense, only to lightly tease me after to make me feel better. I was finding it easy to talk to Paul. I never imagined that I would be having a civil conversation with Paul Lahote, at least from what I knew about him from Jake. In fact, I could tell Jake didn't like him very much.
Maybe I'll be hanging out with Paul some more, I thought, imagining how annoyed Jake would. I couldn't help but wonder if he would even notice. It didn't seem he noticed anything about me anymore.
Paul glanced at me, catching my attention again, but his next words made my blood run cold: "It's really too bad you're in love with someone so oblivious."
I jerked up and stuck my finger in Paul's face, a glare on my face. "I am not in love with Jake!"
"Actually, you are," Paul said. He easily flicked my hand away. "I don't know why you deny it so much. The sooner you accept that you're in love with him, the sooner you can get over him and put all this venting behind you."
"I miss Jake's company, and that's it. I'm not in love with him, that's just ridiculous," I said. I huffed and sat back down.
"It is ridiculous, but you still managed to do it," Paul said. He shrugged as I shot him another glare.
"Jake is my friend, or at least he's supposed to be. He's the only one who's always been there for me, and I guess I'm just not ready to let that go, even though apparently he is." I hesitated for a moment before adding, "He helped me when I was at my lowest, and I guess I'm just afraid that without him I'm going to sink back down to that level."
Paul stare was no longer amused and joking, but serious. His voice was quiet as he said, "You don't need to be afraid, Bella. Maybe you don't have Jake, but I can always be here for you, if you want."
"Thank you." I smiled. I took a deep breath and blurted out, "I had a dream last night, a nightmare. It was about Edward coming back, and it honestly terrified me."
"You don't need to be afraid," he told me. He moved closer and put his hand on my shoulder. "I won't let him hurt you, if that's what you're worried about it."
"It would be just like him to show up again when I've finally put my life back together again," I grumbled.
"So it was just a dream then? That's what has you all nervous and agitated?" Paul asked. When I didn't say anything, he said, "Ah, so there's more."
I sighed. "There's this girl at my school, Lauren."
"Lauren Mallory?" Paul checked.
"Yeah. Do you know her?" I asked.
Paul shrugged and said, "We hooked up a couple of times," as if it was nothing.
"Of course you did," I said. I rolled my eyes.
"What about her?" Paul asked, getting us back on track.
"She made a few jabs about Edward and I, and that I was the reason Edward left in such a quick haste. I don't want him, but it still stung," I told him.
"I know Lauren, and that's why I can say that she's nothing more than a self-absorbed, conniving, vindictive little bitch. Don't listen to what she says," Paul said.
I laughed.
He smiled and said, "That's better. You should be laughing, not frowning or crying. Laughing suits you a lot better."
First of all, thank you for all the positive feedback on the first chapter. I really love reading your comments. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the previous one, or maybe more. Also, I'm not sure exactly what my updating schedule will be like (kind of hard to tell when I'm in the middle of midterms), but I'll have a chapter up at least once a month if not more. The story might seem a little slow right now, but a lot of beginnings are, so I guess that's normal. Not to worry, it will pick up soon enough.
Until next time,
- MissTwilightWriter
