The Old Turks- "The Young Turks" Parody

The parody of Cenk Uygur- The Dawn (me)

Disclaimer: Tekken is a trademark of Namco Bandai and "The Young Turks" simply belong to Cenk Uygur. Nothing is affected with the original idea and some elements that make up the original story by its respective creators.

A/N: I am here as the "host" of "The Old Turks."

Episode One: Androgynous People… hahaha.


The Dawn: Good day, people! This is one thing that I have to tell you… our first topic for today is all about androgynous people—like MAGNO!!

Guest: Leo Kliesen

Dawn: Hey, Leo.

Leo: Hey, there, Summer Dawn Ravenson.

Dawn: So, what would you talk about?

Leo: Hmm, about androgyny?

Dawn: What's that?

Leo: Being a boy and a girl at the same time.

Dawn: OMG—it seems that this is a very serious matter!

Leo: To be honest, I still really don't know if I'm a girl or a boy—but I'm infatuated in both Lili and Hwoarang—I really don't know, man! This is—so WEIRD.

Dawn: So, do you know someone who's androgynous?

Leo: Somehow I'm not sure—or it's a matter of fact that err—this is so pathetic. They tease me because I'm a lesbian—but come to think of it… I'm also infatuated in a guy at the same time!

Dawn: So, do you know androgynous guys?

Leo: Hinata is one. Forgot the surname, though.

Dawn: Why did you say so?

Leo: Hmm, I thought she was a guy, hehe.

Dawn: Ooh… so, who's next.

Leo: Kazuki Fuchoin… definitely NOT a girl.

Dawn: Yes, I know him—she's a girl, but a boy.

Leo: Hmm, he's like me—girl-looking, haha. Err, he's gay, you know.

Dawn: Why?

Leo: His hair's long.

Dawn: So, who's next.

Leo: Futaba Aoi—but she's obviously NOT androgynous. She looks like a hot, gorgeous hottie but—speaking of Aoi, her catchphrase is, "Physically male, but emotionally female."

Dawn: So, who else are androgynous?

Leo: Hmm, I know a lot but—there are some people who are guys but girls—but in fact, SpongeBob is one. Hehe, the eyelashes indicate the androgyny factor.

Dawn: So you mean that SpongeBob is gay?

Leo: No way!!

Dawn: So, what is your type of guy/girl?

Leo: Usually, not the appearance but it depends on how you can deal with a person.

Dawn: That's good of you… anyway who is your look-alike?

Leo: Hmm, well it might be Lili or Hwoarang, haha.

Dawn: Oh, really?

Leo: Duh—no kidding!

Dawn: So, why are your eyes green but they insisted that it is blue-green?

Leo: Actually, it's aquamarine, you know.

Dawn: So who is your crush?

Leo: Lili and Hwoarang!

Dawn: Do they know it already?

Leo: Yah.

Dawn: Any comments?

Leo: Hmm, no comment but Hwoarang keeps on laughing at me—but Lili? She says, "OMG—you're truly a lesbian from Hana Kimi!!"

Dawn: Yeah—if you're the only girl in a boys' school—that's quite humiliating, you know!

Leo: Hmm, yeah.

Dawn: Oh, is it true that you're a former lesbian?

Leo: Dunno… gah! No idea 'bout that!

Dawn: Is it true that you are really pregnant?

Leo: No way!! I never seen a gonad before! (Laughs)

Dawn: So, did you ever kissed Lili mouth-to-mouth?

Leo: Nope, and what's with the kissing scene!?

Dawn: How old are you?

Leo: Hmm, nineteen?

Dawn: But why do you look… twelve?

Leo: TWELVE!? OMG—I look more than seven years older!!

Dawn: Wait—do you look like your mom?

Leo: Hmm, yeah.

Dawn: So, how old is she before she was been slained?

Leo: Hmm, maybe err, thirties or forties, hehe.

Dawn: Uhm, why do you want to become a detective?

Leo: It was actually my task to find out if the Mishima Zaibatsu is under this situation.

Dawn: Where did you learn Hakkyoku-ken?

Leo: Hmm, back in Munich, my hometown.

Dawn: So, do you know German?

Leo: Yep.

Dawn: Err, how tall are you?

Leo: Five feet something—but a bit higher than anyone else (girls).

Dawn: Does it mean that you're taller than either Lili or Christie?

Leo: Hmm, almost.

Dawn: Is it true that Lili had a tattoo on her left thigh and it was dedicated to you?

Leo: OMG—NO.

Dawn: Uhm, did you and Lili got drunk at the same time when Hwoarang is still in a taekwondo competition in Monaco?

Leo: Nope. We're in France.

Dawn: So, do you smoke?

Leo: Before.

Dawn: How do you smoke?

Leo: I exhale smoke from my nose…

Dawn: What else?

Leo: Err, Lili doesn't smoke—I'm the only one smoking crack then soon I got into rehab.

Dawn: So, did Hwoarang had s-e-x with you?

Audience: (Laughs)

Leo: OMG—for goodness's sake, NO.

Dawn: Err, how many piercings do you have?

Leo: Two.

Dawn: Do you have a tattoo?

Leo: Weird question—yes.

Dawn: How many?

Leo: Err, it's right here in my thigh. It's dedicated to err—Lili.

Dawn: OMG—you really have a crush on Lili but—does Hwoarang get jealous of this?

Leo: Nope. He says, "At least she's a girl!"

Dawn: Did someone rape you before?

Leo: Raped? No way.

Dawn: Have you been into rehab?

Leo: Rehab? Nope.

Dawn: Do you strip? Uhm—you dance in a pole the explicit way.

Leo: Yeah.

Audience: (Laughs)

Dawn: How?

Leo: OMG—I can't.

Dawn: Why?

Leo: Because I smoke cocaine?

Dawn: O-M-G!! (Laughs)

Audience: (Laughs and applause at the same time)

Dawn: Thanks for watching, the Old Turks.


Commercial: No pattern, no form!

Lili: This is the best place to fight, don't you think?
Leo: Just relax, you can do it!
Lili: Hello... I'm standing right here!?
Leo: WTF!? What are you staring at?
Lili: You!
Leo: Why?
Lili: I thought you're gay.
Leo: Err, I'm a lesbian.
Lili: OMG.

During the fight...

Lili: Ohw-howwwww!
Leo wins...
Leo: No pattern, no form!

Leo: (Staring at Lili) You don't even wear polka dots!
Lili: It's in my ribbon, you-- bisexual hermaphrodite!
Leo: Ouch-- it really hurts, bitch!
Lili: Well, now you know where my polka dots are!?
Leo: NOPE!! It's in your (censored).
Lili: OMG... Eew...
Leo is leaving...
Lili: This sucks!!
Leo is carrying Lili like a sack!!
Lili: No, you bitch--whatever you are! Put me down, NOOOOOOO!!

This is, NO PATTERN, NO FORM MOVIE

COMING SOON


Please R&R!!

Nice criticisms are only accepted.