Title: Give Me A Reason
Author: TheNaughtyBits
Pairing: Harry/Remus
Rating: um, for just this part, T probably.
Warnings: None!!! Yay!!! (For this part at least. evil laugh)
Disclaimer: NOT mine!!!! I'm poor and I do this for fun!
Remus couldn't have felt better or worse when he got Harry's reply little under a week later. The werewolf was confused. He was happy about what Harry had said, nervous about its implications and felt terrible for taking advantage of Harry when he was, if not unwilling, then certainly unaware for the most part, and he felt beyond all usual boundaries of traitorous for leaving. Doubts and worries swirled about in his mind, chasing memory and fantasy, and leaving his mind in on seething, aching mess.
He hated himself for being such a coward, but he was determined for things to be perfect for Harry. He shuddered as those words swirled around in his head the memory dragging him bad, clouding in over his eyes.
"Stay with me? Please? Just a little while?" The voice so thin, fragile, begging him.
" I – I can't." He heard his voice ring out, cruel and cold, while Harry lay shamelessly on the bed, the evidence of the werewolf's crime chilling against his pale skin. Tears started spilling from those beautiful emerald green orbs, and marks started to show on Harry's skin, making him glow like an abused virgin.
"You never do." The accusation rang out clearly in the silence. "Just like you never let me take your hair down, and you never cum inside me no matter how much I beg you."
He sighed again. If he couldn't forgive himself, then how could Harry, when he found out. If he found out. If only it hadn't been so close to the moon then he would have had more restraint, at least that ordeal was over for now. Remus Lupin sighed again. So much was undecided.
Ever since he'd woken from the drunken stupor he'd drunk himself into after leaving Harry's flat he'd made a decision. The only clear decision among the festering cesspit of guilt and doubt that tortured him. He'd make things perfect for Harry. As long as the other boy was willing, he wouldn't leave his side ever again, except when the full moon but the raven-haired boy under threat.
With this decision though, he hadn't let himself rest, and found that when things were done the hard muggle way, he was often to tired to be kept awake by his thoughts at night, definitely an advantage. Therefore it was with Muggle ferocity that he attacked the cosy flat above his shop, cleaning it most thoroughly and painting it various shades of soft colours, and adding all the festive decorations he could find.
It was now Monday, Harry's train due to arrive tomorrow at five fifteen the day after and Lupin couldn't wait. There were so many reasons why he shouldn't let Harry get involved with him, starting with his furry little problem, and continuing on with the age difference and going on to the realms of the unseen. It wasn't just that Remus was old enough to be Harry's father; he'd been a close friend and confidant of Harry's father. What if Harry saw him as a surrogate father, or worse a replacement of Sirius?
He sighed and shook his head and removed the magically shrunken tree from his pocket with a glare. After three attempts to get it up the narrow curving stairway, he'd finally lost patience and zapped it with his wand, shrinking it to the length of his thumb. Now he smiled serenely, placing it gently in its pot before upsizing it, casually letting it grow just that little bit higher so it scraped the ceiling.
The doorbell rang, suddenly making him jump. Curiously, he frowned and when to open it, and gasped as it revealed a sheepish looking Harry Potter. Remus smiled and stepped back.
"Harry!" He smiled warmly. The dark haired man blushed.
"I…I got evicted." He said, by way of a greeting, still not meeting the werewolf's golden eyes. "I got your address off the internet." He explained, and shrugged, turning redder still. "I didn't think you'd mind…I don't have anywhere else to go." His voice ended on a whisper.
Remus didn't know how to respond. He wanted to hug the frail frame until the pained look went from his eyes, ask him exactly what the internet was, kiss that poor, abused lower lip until Harry stopped nervously biting it, ravish the boy and fuck him senseless against the nearest flat surface until he forgot his worries all at the same time. He settled for taking Harry's solitary suitcase and ushering him to the sofa.
"Tea?" He asked from the kitchen, lighting the oven with a delicate flick of his wand.
"Yes, please." Harry called from the next room. Remus winced at the sound of it. Since he had left, a scant days ago, the boy looked paler, gaunter and more starved than ever. Remus wondered whether the boy had eaten at all since he had left, opening the cupboard to find some biscuits, the back of his mind dryly noting that if Harry was going to stay, they'd need to go shopping fairly soon.
"Here you go." He walked back into the living room, handing Harry a steaming mug. "Have a biscuit." He put down the plate as well. Harry accepted the cup and took a biscuit. Remus's apartment was nicer than his had been, he thought. Smaller, but better kept in a nicer area. He smiled at the tree, the Dursleys had always insisted o the same battered plastic thing "so Duddy-kins does get a needle in his foot. ". It was always nice to smell a real one, just like they had at Hogwarts.
"I see you've decorated," He commented with a smile, dipping his biscuit into his tea. Inside, he was wondering why he had spent last night in a very cheap hotel, and the night before crouched in an alley. He had nothing to be frightened of with Remus, apart from his supposedly subtle interrogations uncovering the very deep and dividing affection the green-eyed boy kept kindled in his heart for probably too long.
Remus smiled.
"Thank you. I need to go shopping for food though, and you'll have to help me decorate the tree."
Harry nodded. "Thank you for letting me stay here."
"It's nothing. Everyone likes company over Christmas." Remus shrugged. "If you want to stay until New Years the festivities are worth seeing."
Harry nodded again and took a sip of tea. "I'd like that, thanks. Although, while I'm here…can we keep it…can we not tell people till after Christmas? I could really do with the peace." He went pink at his request and worried his lip again but Lupin just nodded.
"I'm having a party on Christmas Eve, but sure. It'll be our little secret."
Harry blushed at this, and tried to stop his mind from imagining all the other things that particular phrase could refer to. Like the small tattoo on his hip, or the way he dreamed at night or…
"Harry, Harry…" Remus watched amused and wondered where the boy's mind had wandered. He remembered that glazed look from the front of his classroom after he'd just finished drawing a diagram or writing something on the board. He just hoped the boy wasn't scheming a way out of seeing people. The professor finished his tea and stood. Harry ate the last of his biscuit and followed suite, a polite look of question on his features.
"I…we need to go shopping." He smiled apologetically. "I'm running low on food, and I want some special things for Christmas." Harry nodded, swallowing nervously. "Don't worry though, the muggle shops aren't far. I can't be bothered to go to Hogsmeade today, it's too late."
Harry nodded. "When do you think Diagon Alley will be up and running again? I need to visit Gringotts fairly soon."
"A few days before Christmas Eve. It was in the papers this morning."
Harry nodded again. It was slightly surprising how much the two wizards enjoyed shopped together, as once they'd found food; they patrolled the high street looking for presents for people. Harry sighed happily. He felt so much better being with Remus, happier, and altogether lighter as, unlike Fred and George, the werewolf didn't use magic on every single little task.
Remus stopped in front of a bank, and headed for the cash point. Unsure whether to follow, Harry stood where he was and looked up and down the busy street. It looked almost the same as London, except, well more festive. Perhaps it was the thicker snow or the fact that this street wasn't all designer boutiques that everyone wanted. Harry suspected it wasn't what was seen as the best place to shop, but he preferred it. It was quaint and so much more like Diagon Alley. He found it strange that he actually wanted to go there.
He turned round as Remus approached him blushing faintly. Harry fixed him with a questioning loo, but his ex-professor just smiled disarmingly, and started walked. Harry fell into step beside him and waited for the man to speak.
"I may need to open up the shop for a while." He informed Harry quietly. Harry nodded.
"Can I help? I can be quite persuasive when I want to be."
Remus blushed, suddenly reminded of the sultry voice from that bed. "Of course," He replied, his throat constricted. Harry smiled widely, and the two continued up the street.
True to his word, Harry was a very apt salesman. The shop sold both muggle and magical books, separately of course, and Harry guided several lost husbands to the perfect book for their wife's Christmas present, along with the advice to buy chocolates and lingerie as well. Remus watched him in between dealing with the steady stream of clients from the magical world with something akin to amazement. A muggle would come in, sweaty and panic-stricken and calmly Harry would inquire which book they wanted, and whom it was for, and either find the correct title, or something by the same author or of the same ilk. The customer would sigh greatly relieved; Harry would drop in a joke, and leave the person to browse. Then, somewhere between half an hour and ten minutes later, the customer would come to the till, purchase three books more than they intended and continue on there way. Living like this was very easy, and soon the morning came where The Prophet finally announced the grand (re)opening of Diagon Alley.
Harry smiled when he saw this. Living with Remus had made him miss the magical world more than he could have guessed, and as Harry wrapped himself in his beloved Gryffindor scarf and half-heartedly attempted to flatten his hair he was more excited than he cared to admit. They had agreed to arrive there at ten, half an hour after the grand opening to try and deflect any attention off Harry.
At the bottom of the stairs, Remus stood patiently waiting with a carved wooden box of green powder in his hand. His usual shabby coat and scarf in place, he smiled. If anyone else was in his place, the werewolf was sure they would have considered it a date. As it was him though, it was most definitely not.
"Are you ready, Harry?" The dark haired boy nodded. "Alright. I'll floo first, just encase there is any press around."
Really he wasn't too worried about the press. Since Rita Skeeter's book had been published, she had stopped her 'honest work' and focused instead on flaunting her newfound status and a supposed celebrity.
They arrived in the Leaky Cauldron to find Tom with his usual toothless grin, and the pub mostly empty, with a few of its guests enjoying a hearty breakfast, and the occasional early drinker. Remus smiled at the man, and together the pair passed through the pub. When they got to the entrance of the alley, Remus tapped the correct brick and together they proceeded. Diagon Alley looked busier than Harry had ever seen it, just the same except more lavishly decorated. Harry smiled as memories started returning to him. He had definitely missed the wizarding world.
