Author's Note: Thank you to all the readers who left positive and encouraging words. A number of those were guest readers and this site does not allow for me to send a reply so I shall mention it here that kind words and support are very inspiring and always greatly appreciated. :)
Chapter 2
"How long do you think he'll stand there for?" Peter took a sip of his coffee and nodded in the direction of the front bay window. They'd been home for well over an hour and after showing the little fella around the house, his bedroom, the bathrooms, the backyard and anywhere else he would need to access, the entourage finished up in the living area where Neal made his way across to the window at the front and Peter, El and Rachel converged on the dining table.
"He's likely to stay there for as long as you let him," Rachel spoke as from experience. "You and El need to be the ones to make the call here, Petey. Neal's not in any position to make these decisions for himself so he needs you to guide him and make those choices for him. If you think he's been standing at the window for too long, just go and take his hand and lead him to the couch or out to the backyard. Take him for a walk around the block, involve him in whatever you can. Have an expectation that he'll participate even if you know he won't. Eventually…" Rachel looked over her shoulder at the topic of their conversation, "he'll start joining in because it's simply become part of the routine and he'll do it without thinking."
"What about tomorrow, when we bring him back for his appointment with the psychologist? Will the doctor want to go through his concerns with us?" El seriously hoped the doctor was going to give them an instruction booklet and some worldly advice at some point during the appointment.
"He may touch on it briefly but the sole purpose of the check-up will be to assess Neal's mental well-being. It won't be necessary for you to be there Peter unless you want to of course. Irrespective, the appointment will most likely only last for ten minutes or so. There isn't a lot Dr Barton can do with Neal in his current state."
"No," Peter had already decided, "I'm going to pick El and Neal up and bring them in."
"Okay then, I guess I'll be seeing you all tomorrow then around ten. If you have any worries," Rachel pushed up from the chair and slung her handbag over her shoulder, "you know where to find me. I've got to collect Jessie from swimming squad and take her to get new joggers for school. It's incredible how fast these kids grow out of their shoes."
"You're leaving?" Peter hadn't heard much after he watched Rachel don her handbag, his brain shifting into panic mode the moment he realised they were about to be left alone with the little guy. He'd had a similar freaked out reaction when they picked up Satchmo from the private breeders – it was a daunting feeling to be suddenly responsible for another living being. It had felt a lot like being out on a rather thin limb of a very tall tree without so much as a thread of rope for a safety line. Of course, the feeling of anxiousness regarding Satchmo hadn't lasted, just a day or two until Peter found his feet and his confidence and before long, he felt like he'd been looking after dogs his entire life.
Remembering those early days with fondness, Peter turned his eyes to his faithful yellow Labrador who was also over by the window. Satchmo had taken more interest in the little person than Neal had in the puppy, much to both his and El's disappointment. Elizabeth had so hoped that the youngster would show at least some semblance of animation when Satchmo greeted Neal excitedly by trying to lick his hand but Neal simply reacted with the same glazed over look he had in eyes when they had given him the tour of the house – perhaps everything was all just a bit overwhelming for the little chap – after all, there was an awful lot of that going around.
"You are going to feel overwhelmed," Rachel turned to face her friends like she could read their concerned thoughts. "It's going to feel like you're out of your element and you're going to have serious doubts. It's a natural reaction for new parents, particularly for those taking on a child with high needs. I know you'll be fine but if you need me, I am here for you both, anytime day or night, please don't hesitate and remember… this is my department, my area of expertise so there's a good chance I can point you in the right direction." Rachel reached up and kissed Peter on the cheek then wrapped her arms around El for a comforting hug of support. El didn't want to, but eventually relinquished her hold and showed their friend to the door. She locked up and turned back to her husband, almost too nervous to look over in the direction of the bay window… not only scared that their little boy wouldn't be there, but scared that he would.
Peter saw the look in his wife's eyes and hoped he didn't have a mirror image to match. He stepped over and wrapped El up in his arms, holding her tight and smothering her in warmth. As he stood there listening to El take deep calming breaths, Peter realised it was their first real moment as parents - the first time they'd been left alone with the little guy. They were responsible for him now, just him and El. Peter thought that perhaps he should say something, make a speech, break open the champagne, ring friends and tell them, "It's a boy!" But none of that felt right. In all honesty, celebrating was the last thing he felt like doing. He had a mental list of priorities in his head and he would have to see to those before any jubilation could take a stand. He turned his eyes while still holding El tightly and looked over at Neal. The little boy continued to stare out the window, not interested in the dog at his feet, not showing any concern that Rachel had just walked out the door, not seemingly bothered by the fact that he had just been deposited into a strange new home and left alone with two adults he barely knew. Neal looked more like a life-size children's doll propped up against the window than a little boy. As far as Peter was concerned, his top priority would be to bring this little boy back from whatever dark place he took shelter in when the last remnants of his imperfect world crumbled to his feet five and a half weeks ago.
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"Is there anything I can get for you sweetie?" El tucked the youngster in with his bright blue racing car blanket and a cuddly toy wedged under each side. After Neal's bath, she had helped the little guy into his Mickey Mouse pyjamas and then sat beside him on his bed to read Muffy the Squirrel and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Neal hadn't appeared at all interested in the stories, but El had been reluctant to pick anything that may trigger unhappy memories for him. She had planned to read a chapter book so they could read a little bit each night together but almost every chapter book she had initially selected dealt with some issue or problem that Neal may possibly relate to. El leaned down and kissed her boy on the forehead, "Goodnight cutie, and sweet dreams."
Peter reached around El and ruffled the little tykes black curls, "Goodnight partner. Sleep tight."
Neal didn't reply, didn't react, didn't move, and didn't so much as lift his eyes to look at the two adults making all the fuss beside his bed.
Peter took El's hand and squeezed it tight before moving towards the door and flicking off the light. "We'll be just down the hall Neal. Come and get us if you need anything."
El followed her husband into the master bedroom and dropped herself onto the bed, "What do you think hon? Do you think he's ever going to respond to us? Do you think he knows what happened to his mother? Do you think we are the best thing for him? Do you-"
"El," Peter sat down beside his wife and placed his arm around her shoulder. "Rachel went over this with us. Remember her saying that with the way Neal's mind is operating at the moment, it may be some time before we see any affection returned and we should try, as difficult as it may be, not to feel disappointed or disgruntled when there's no response to our attempts to make him happy. This is his first night in strange surroundings, we have to give him time to get to know us. Honestly, I think the little guys doing pretty well all things considered."
El snuggled up to her husband's shoulder, "I guess you're right."
"See, you're already making more sense," Peter chuckled. "Admitting that I am right is the first step in the right direction."
El slapped the top of her husband's thigh, "Don't get used to being right, mister. It's a rare occasion and probably only happened because I'm not at the top of my game."
"Oh believe me, I won't," Peter kissed the top of his wife's head. "Now, why don't you have a nice long hot herbal bath and I'll keep a listen out for the little tyke."
"I'd be silly to say no to that plan." As easily as she could have stayed there quite comfortably all night, El pushed herself off Peter's supportive shoulder and moved towards the bathroom. "Oh, can you check he's not getting too hot under the blanket."
Peter was in the middle of lying back across the bed when he stopped himself halfway to the pillow and smiled, "Sure hon." Anything to keep the peace. He climbed off the bed and stretched his legs before heading down to Neal's room.
Neal's room… Less than a week ago the spare room at the end of the hall had simply been referred to as the guest room - not that many guests ever used it. El's parents had on a handful of occasions when they visited from interstate and Peter's sister stayed over once when she came to NYC to watch a Broadway show with her boyfriend but other than that, the room pretty much was mostly used for the storage of winter clothes and coats throughout the summer.
When they received news from Rachel that there was a little boy in need of a placement within a week, Peter and El went to work on the room with great haste. The drab light chestnut coloured curtains were pulled down, replaced by a vibrant blue check material with dinosaur prints and a matching static cling mural along the main wall. They took the queen size bed down to the basement and replaced it with a white wooden panel kid's single and tossed a car track play mat carpet square over the beige Berber carpet. There were still heaps of improvements to be made to transform it into a little boy's room and El would be sure to see to those finer details in due course but for now, the room was good enough for one little chap who wasn't really noticing anything anyway.
Peter stepped inside the room quietly not wanting to disturb Neal and snuck over to his bed but all the stealthy leg work went by the way side the moment he noticed the blanket pulled back, one cuddly toy lying on the floor, the other gone altogether and one empty pillow. Peter rushed back to the door and flicked on the light, his eyes darting around the room. Relief washed over him as he spotted Neal perched up on the windowsill, staring out blankly into the lights shining dimly over the fence, mostly from the house that backed onto the Burke's backyard and their immediate neighbours.
"Neal," Peter gave fair warning as he approached the little boy so as not to startle him. "Hey Partner, what are you doing out of bed?" Peter tucked his hands under Neal's arms and lifted him up off the windowsill. The window had a fixed security screen but still, Peter didn't think it was good practice to sit on the ledge of any window least a screw worked its way loose!
Neal continued to gaze out the window, even as Peter carried him back towards the bed. For all his reaction, or lack there of, it was as though he was still alone in the room.
Peter went to lower the little boy back down onto the bed but stopped when he suddenly became aware that this was the first time he'd actually held 'his son' in his arms. It left him feeling warm and joyful all over and he wanted it to last just a little while longer so instead of returning Neal to his bed, Peter walked over to the recliner in the corner – one of the final remnants of the old guest room furniture and lowered himself down while still cradling the boy. He wasn't sure how Neal would respond, but he certainly wasn't expecting the reaction he did get. Instead of pushing off his knee or sitting bolt upright and staring off into space, Neal leaned into Peter's shoulder and cuddled up against the older man's chest. Without conscious effort, as though it was the most natural thing in the world, Peter rested his hand against the side of the youngsters head and began rocking back and forth gently in the chair, and then, like he'd being doing it all his life, he began to hum a tune he remembered his mother using to put him to bed with when he was little and couldn't sleep. After a couple of rounds of the soothing lullaby, Peter felt the little guy give way to sleep and as he drifted off, his tiny arm dropped down by his side.
Peter was happy to revel in the moment for as long as he could and was still rocking hypnotically when El, having finished her long hot bath, came in to investigate. She stood in the doorway and brought her hand up to her chest, sucking in an emotional breath and not caring to wipe at the tears that leaked from the corner of her eyes. It was a tender moment she never thought she'd see, not after everything they'd been through, not after accepting they would never have a baby of their own, not after deciding to adopt a child with severe emotional issues. El had all but given up on moments like this ever being a reality and yet, here they were. She walked over and lifted the little boy's arm back onto his lap and kissed Peter on his forehead. There was nothing she could say, walking into the room and seeing their little boy sound asleep in his daddy's arms said it all so she stood beside her husband and let her tears of joy do all the talking.
