A/N: Here is the second chapter (RE-WRITE!). It's angsty and a little harsh (from Tsunade's side anyway XD) but this was what I feel should have (and possibly could have off-screen) happened to between Sakura and Tsunade after the Kage Summit Arc. It needed to be addressed and as much as Sakura is already aware of her own mistakes, having this happen makes a lot of sense. And yes, because I follow what I believe matches with canon, one-sided SasuSaku is implied in this chapter which I hope you're all okay with. :) I did say SS would be included sometimes, but this is still an eventual NS fanfic.
Disclaimer:I'm not Kishimoto-sensei. If I was, Sakura would already let go of her feelings for Sasuke, Jiraiya wouldn't have died, and Tenten would have more screen-time/ninja ability besides tools.
OCCness warnings, Contructive criticism, & spelling/grammar error spots are always welcome! :)
Confrontations
~~Sakura~~
Sakura trailed uneasily after Shizune, keeping some distance from her senior as a million different thoughts rushed through her head. Shizune's serious and sympathetic look was not something even Sakura could ignore. Tsunade's passive-aggressiveness have finally seeped through and turned into actual aggression. That's the feeling Sakura was getting and she didn't like it one bit.
I can't believe I ignored the signs ... I'm usually sharper than this! She berated herself, frustrated and genuinely terrified at the idea of facing off against Tsunade's temper. Maybe she should've done something earlier to placate Tsunade? Help her organize agreements with the alliance after all, even if the blonde woman treated her impatiently? Or what if that have made things worse? Sakura didn't know, but she did know she still felt stupid.
But even with her sense of foreboding, she still felt utterly confused. I don't get it. Tsunade's mad and I have no idea why. She reflected, frowning. Sakura always adhered to Tsunade's wishes and spoke carefully around her. She wasn't like Naruto, always shooting his mouth off because damn the consequences. I couldn't have said something tactless so ... what is it? What's wrong with Tsunade? What did I do? Sakura nearly wailed in her thoughts, feeling more desperate to know with each passing second.
Sakura's terror quickly made her brainstorm any possible explanation. Did I forget to help Lady Tsunade with the paperwork? No, not that. Even if I've been avoiding her a little, I haven't forgotten that. I didn't say something stupid, no way. I'm not Naruto, am I? She ran out of sake? Never. She always has a full stash with her. Besides, why would Lady Tsunade blame me for that? Sakura assessed and denied quickly, a scowl on her face forming afterwards for the last stupid suggestion. Even Tsunade shouldn't be that unreasonable.
After going through all the mundane options, a surge of frustration zipped through Sakura. It didn't make any sense! She had hardly even seen Tsunade this past week and a half. Sakura hadn't talked too many people either, not even Naruto (though she'd be lying if she said more than part of that wasn't on purpose).
Tsunade had been growly and bad-tempered, but she hadn't done anything to encourage it or soothe it. It was literally working in silence, giving a polite goodbye, and then leaving. That had been her past week with her teacher. What else?! What did I do wrong?! Sakura questioned impatiently as she put her hands on the sides of her head, her fear of her teacher nearly rivaling her frustration at being yelled at over something she didn't even know of.
A few minutes of walking with Shizune in silence and Sakura was just about ready to pull her hair out. Her mind was still a complete blank and now her terror of Tsunade was slowly overpowering her indignation. However, a memory occurred to her and the pink-haired girl's frustration dissipated in shock. Wait. Maybe I didn't do anything to her ... maybe it was something else. Maybe it was ... Sakura trailed off, her emerald eyes widening in realization.
Right, then, and there, everything started to fit together. If it wasn't those, then it could only be one thing. There was absolutely nothing else that made any sense. Is it ...? That time ... She forced herself to consider, horror and dread bombarding Sakura as she finally realized it. What else would Tsunade be so angry and passive-aggressive over to the point she refused to mention it for so long? Why else she would she call a meeting with her now?
Immediate grief and guilt crashed on Sakura on all sides. Denial was flitting through her thoughts and it was so tempting to just embrace. No, no. Please, Lady Tsunade! Don't do this to me. I'm already hating myself enough for what I did. I don't need to be lectured about the Land of Iron again! Sakura protested miserably, her expression filling with distress. What was the point? Sakura knew she screwed it up. She knew it every day. Even her semi-changed relationship with Naruto was a reminder of that. Why did Tsunade have to chew her out for it when her conscience beat herself up it enough?
Strong shame and self-loathing coursed through Sakura, feeling as if was enough to carry her off her feet. Her emotions were so volatile and guilt-ridden, it became a struggle to keep walking. Her footsteps slowed with her dark feelings until she stopped completely and just stood in place with her fists clenched to her sides. Somehow knowing her Hokage was about to unleash her fury just refreshed how terrible she felt about everything she did.
I ... everything I did, for Naruto, for Sasuke-kun, was a failure. I couldn't do anything! Sakura reflected miserably, lowering her head further as she tightened her fist. But poor Naruto ... my confession was so wrong. He didn't understand and I don't ... even I don't understand it! The pinkette complained sadly, her expression full of misery and heart-breaking pain. I got in the way again and now Naruto ... he has to do everything by himself again. What did I do? Sakura put herself down, distraught. He doesn't understand my confession ... he doesn't get how I feel. And now ... why do I feel like I hurt him again? It's all my fault and now Lady Tsunade's ...! Sakura's emotions raced.
At this point, Shizune started to notice she was ahead of Sakura. She paused, turning around halfway with that same serious look in her eyes. "Sakura ...?" She called to her questionably.
Sakura hardly heard her. Her gaze remained fixed to the ground. There was no denying it now; the earlier temptation was gone. She knew with a clarity she had to face Tsunade and she knew that, as much as she hated the idea, it was necessary. But still ... Sakura's memory of her failure had never felt so strong since that day. What can I say to her? What can I say to have her understand? Do I even want her to understand?
Suddenly, a hand slid on top of Sakura's shoulder. The pink-haired kunoichi jumped slightly, snapping out of her grief-filled daze to witness the concerned and sympathetic expression of Shizune. Seeing the understanding look in Shizune's eyes made Sakura realize that Shizune already knew what she had done in the Land of Iron.
Though for once, she didn't feel more guilty. Instead, she smiled weakly at her. Even though Sakura still didn't feel entirely better, she was grateful to see the older medical ninja's show of support
"Sakura ... are you-" The dark-haired woman began.
Before she could finish, Sakura quickly shook her head to stop her. "It's not important. Really." The medical ninja denied. Even though she knew Shizune knew about the Land of Iron, she didn't feel any more comfortable talking about it. Taking a deep breath, the pinkette continued. "Let's just hurry before Lady Tsunade starts getting impatient." She changed the topic, hoping her voice sounded firm enough for Shizune to buy she was alright.
But by the sad and worried expression in her eyes, Sakura doubted it had been convincing. However, the older woman understood and didn't push any further. Shizune turned and started walking back down the Konoha streets, closer and closer to Tsunade's newly rebuilt Hokage office by every step. Sakura hesitated a second longer, then pushed aside her reservations and trailed after Shizune.
A tense silence hung in the air as they trekked through the streets. Sakura's head was lowered, her emerald-green eyes full of unhappy resignation. She scarcely paid attention to where her feet were taking her, too lost in her own mind. The medical ninja wanted so much to believe her suspicion of Tsunade's anger towards her was wrong. But what were the chances of that? I don't know why I didn't see this sooner ... with everything I did to screw up the mission, it'd be amazing if I did get away with it without a lecture.
Ever since returning from the Land of Iron, no one had mentioned her attempt to kill Sasuke behind everyone's back. Most of them even acted like she had never done it. And more importantly ... no one outright blamed her for anything. Maybe Kiba was the only exception to that. In some ways, she was relieved and she was guilty. Sakura had went against orders and betrayed them in some way or another, hadn't she? It was strange how ambivalent she felt over their silence.
Sakura wondered if they all understood what she did or were just too nice to say anything. What was going through Naruto's head over it? Kakashi's, even Sai's? What did they think? Kakashi had to take over the burden and then so did Naruto ... again. And Sai? She knocked him unconscious with sleeping poison when he tried to stop her. When he had been only trying to help, just like everyone else.
The worst part was Naruto though. He wasn't giving away any of his feelings and she sincerely had no idea what he was thinking on what happened; he was acting "normal". As normal as he could anyway if you take away the fact there was a strong possibility he had been avoiding her. Sakura didn't know for sure on everything, but she did know she felt like crap and once again had a very real fear she had hurt his feelings. Again.
Her concerns still weighing heavily on her mind, Sakura sighed and raised her head. She vaguely became more aware of her surroundings when Tsunade's new Hokage office was in sight. It wasn't like the old one. It wasn't as large or well-made but it was enough for now and better than how it started off in the wake of the village's destruction.
Still following after Shizune, Sakura held her breath as they reached the door and she was seconds away from facing her mentor. The trip there had seemed longer than usual, though the medical ninja concluded that was probably because of her anxiety. Shizune reached for the doorknob, but paused to glance at Sakura with a sympathetic and gentle look in her eyes. Feeling uncomfortable over her expression, Sakura avoided her eyes. Pity didn't make her feel any better.
Finally, the older medic pushed the door open and walked inside the office. Shizune stepped in first and Sakura followed after her uncertainly, somewhat hiding behind her senior as she peeked over her shoulder cautiously. She was not ashamed to admit she was afraid. When it came to Tsunade, Sakura felt she had every right to fear a lecture from her.
As expected, Tsunade was seated in front of them in her chair behind her desk. She had three jonins already here, observing their Hokage in part seriousness and part nervousness. Among them was Shikaku Nara, Shikamaru's strategic and genius father. Sakura observed anxiously the angry scowl on her master's face, but from the uneasy expression of Shikaku her particular annoyance wasn't towards Sakura ... yet.
In Tsunade's frustration, she didn't appear to notice the two other women yet. Her gaze was fixed fiercely on Shikaku. "This is unacceptable." The blonde haired woman was saying. "We are becoming Allied Shinobi Forces and Raikage has yet to send us updates on his preparations for war. How do we expect to work together if we don't know each Kage's strategies?" The Fifth Hokage complained, glaring at Shikaku. "What the hell is taking him so long?! Even Onnoki's already cooperated." Tsunade pointed out impatiently.
Shikaku grimaced. "I'm sure you don't need to worry, Lady Hokage." He attempted to reassure her, keeping his voice level. "Like us, the Raikage's also figuring out how to separate his army into joint units. With five nations and thousands of ninja, you'd need to be thorough with war supplies, strategy, whatever. You can never be too careful." He reasoned, softening his expression afterwards. "Just try to be patient."
Tsunade scowled at him, his reasoning doing little to sooth her volatile temper. Then she turned away from the Nara and growled under her breath; Sakura swore she even heard muffled curses for a second.
The medical ninja observed anxiously. So I was right. She is having trouble with this alliance contract. Maybe that's why she called me over here? She wondered, hope flaring as she imagined the relief she would feel if it was true. However, somewhere in her heart, she still doubted it. Knowing Tsunade, there's a good chance she was over-reacting. And an even better chance that she had every intention of shouting her lungs out the second she acknowledged her presence. And she's already irritated ... patience's never been Lady Tsunade's strong suit.
As if her thoughts had called to the blonde woman, Tsunade's gaze slid past the jonins and rested on her two students. Her anger sobered, becoming more serious. "Shizune. I see you brought my apprentice like I asked you too." Tsunade stated almost drolly, her amber eyes unreadable as her gaze travelled over the black-haired woman and then Sakura who flinched as it rested a moment longer on her.
There was a pause. Tsunade's expression didn't change. "Shikaku, the rest of you, leave us. We may talk about the Raikage later." The blonde-haired woman declared matter-of-factly, not taking her stare off Sakura. The younger medical ninja felt too intimidated to meet her master's eyes, unnerved by how indecipherable it was.
The jonins nodded their heads. Shikaku looked relieved, as if he didn't want to deal with the testy Hokage any further. "Understood, Lady Tsunade." He agreed, his expression becoming more serious. "I'll go and make sure our shinobi know which unit they'll belong in, just in case." The Nara informed her, bowing respectfully towards the Hokage before gesturing to the other jonin. He excited out of the office quickly, the other jonin following suit.
Tsunade's eyes followed them briefly, then rotated blankly back to her two students. There was a heavy silence and Sakura observed her master with bated breath. The blonde-haired woman sighed suddenly and clasped her hands together in front of her with her elbows on her desk; her usual pose. Sakura saw a flash of emotion in her face, but it was masked. "Shizune."
"Yes?" Shizune prompted uncertainly.
"You leave as well." Tsunade ordered matter-of-factly. The deceptively youthful woman paused, her gaze resting back on Sakura with sharp intensity. "I would like to talk to Sakura alone." She elaborated in a hard tone, leaving no room for argument as she narrowed her eyes in displeasure. The pink-haired girl inwardly winced, realizing with even more that her discussion with Tsunade was in no possible way going to be pleasant.
Shizune's face fell, looking dismayed. "But ...!" She protested half-heartedly, frowning. "Lady Tsunade ... whatever Sakura did, please you mustn't be too-" The black-haired desperately tried to defend her, sounding almost imploring.
"Shizune!" Tsunade interrupted sharply, looking angry. Shizune shut up immediately, but still stared at her in protest. Not unaware of this, the Fifth Hokage glared at the younger woman. "I gave you an order." She reminded her harshly, her voice filled with authority and underlying threat.
The dark-haired woman stared at her sadly, then lowered her eyes to floor. " ... Yes, ma'am." Shizune said in defeat, not seeming surprised that Tsunade was reluctant to listen to her or let her stay.
Sakura glanced at the black-haired woman. Trying to reason with Tsunade was rare to work. Not even Shizune would be able to get through to her. Shizune's disappointment in not being able to stay was making Sakura uneasy. Just how angry and disappointed was Tsunade? She didn't really know. Was Shizune's behavior an indication it was even worse than it seems?
However it was, Sakura didn't want the dark-haired woman to feel bad. "It's okay, Shizune ..." The medical ninja told her, making sure her voice sounded reassuring. "I'll handle myself." Sakura stated more firmly, forcing herself to give a small smile. Little terrified her more than Tsunade and the consequences of her own mistakes. There was a part of her that even wanted Shizune's comforting presence on this, but this was just one of those things she had to deal with.
Shizune stared at her and then Tsunade doubtfully, but didn't argue with either of them. The older medical ninja turned away from the Hokage and walked towards the door.
Just as the dark-haired woman was moving past her, Shizune paused when they were side-by-side. Sakura stared at her questioningly, but before she could say anything Shizune leaned over. In whispered words so quiet Sakura doubted Tsunade could hear them, she stated gently, "What Lady Tsunade says to you, just know that it's only because she cares, no matter how harsh she may seem."
Sakura shot her a surprised look, but before she could react Shizune was already at the door. Giving one more hesitant glance over her shoulder, Shizune opened the door and walked out, shutting it with a click.
Unsettled over Shizune's words, Sakura turned uncomfortably back to her master. I guess this is it ... what can I say to her? She couldn't help thinking for what felt like the hundredth time. What could she say about the Land of Iron? It was shameful to be here, lectured by Tsunade because of her own screw-ups. And with that fresh wave of guilt, Sakura refused to directly meet her eyes. She was afraid of what she'd see there in their amber depths.
A silence stretched between them. Tsunade hadn't moved, an unreadable expression on her face again. Sakura still avoided looking at her, but the medical ninja knew she wasn't going to ignore this anymore. I have to get through this ... whatever Lady Tsunade tells me, I deserve it. She acknowledged resignedly, her emerald-green gaze both determined and sad.
Another pause. Sakura bit her lip anxiously, then raised her eyes slowly to her master. Working up the courage she hadn't thought she had, Sakura bravely took the chance to speak first. "Um ... what is it you wanted, Lady Tsunade?" She finally questioned unconfidently, cursing the waver in her voice that gave away her nervousness.
Tsunade said nothing, keeping her hands clasped in front of her with a strange glint in her eye. The medical ninja's dismay was revived when she saw a glower on the woman's face. " ... I trust you don't need to ask that question, Sakura." She stated as a fact, but her seemingly level-sounding voice was undoubtably filled with barely suppressed anger.
Sakura nearly flinched, but said nothing. Tsunade had every right to be angry and she felt too upset to even bother defending herself right now. There were times when even she had no idea what she was thinking in the Land of Iron. Or if she was even thinking at all. The Fifth Hokage now confirming her suspicions wasn't something she was even sad over; just tired. She had already expected the barrage of anger and accusations she knew was coming.
Tsunade carried on. "You knocked out your squad with poison, you lied to everyone about your intentions, and on top of that you nearly killed yourself." She listed matter-of-factly, still maintaining a level but angry tone.
Then Tsunade snapped completely. She rose up from her chair with her hands on the edge of the desk as she clenched her teeth. "How could someone as smart as you be such a fool! You defied direct orders. Taking on Sasuke by yourself! Are you so eager to die?!" The Hokage erupted. Sakura bowed her head shamefully. "I had no authority over Danzo's decision to eliminate Sasuke, but I still expected more from you!" Tsunade retorted indignantly. "You endangered the lives of both yourself and your comrades. What could've possibly possessed you to be so stupid?!" The blonde told her, not a hint of harshness lost.
Sakura raised her head. Seeing her master's absolutely furious expression left her ashamed and helpless. What she had done back then had seemed like a good idea ... at the time. The pinkette knew she had to say something. "I had to!" Sakura blurted out before she knew it, her eyes wide with desperation. "Naruto does so much! Risking his life constantly to bring Sasuke-kun back! Always hurting himself! I couldn't do that to him anymore!" The medical ninja confessed, clasping her hands together in front of her as she begged her to understand.
"Naruto can take care of himself." Tsunade argued back unsympathetically, startling Sakura. "Whether Naruto thinks he can save Sasuke or not is his business. I'm not going to get involved." The blonde Hokage ruled out, her amber eyes sharpening with angry meaning. "But if this is about him, then why go after Sasuke?! You could've died, Sakura. How do you think Naruto would feel then?!" The blonde Hokage pointed out impatiently in meaning, her scowl darkening.
Sakura lowered her head, her emerald-green eyes shot with grief. There was nothing she could say to deny the truth. "Lady Tsunade, I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong, but ..." Sakura trailed off, searching for words to explain. "I just ... I had to take the burden for once. I had to do something right, not just drag everyone down." Sakura admitted, looking at her more desperately. "I had be useful! Help! And-" She cut herself off again abruptly, not wanting to reveal the other reason she had done it. And to save Sasuke-kun from himself ... She finished wretchedly.
Sakura would never admit the Sasuke reason out loud to anyone, least of all Naruto. Deciding to kill the dark Uchiha who caused her so much pain to protect the safety of her beloved teammate had been one of the hardest things she ever had to do. As much as it broke her heart, Sasuke didn't deserve to be put above Naruto. For Sakura, Naruto deserved everything and not even her love for Sasuke could compete with that. How could it? How could it when Naruto was the one who always helped her and was a truly good person? What was Sasuke?
But it had been ... "easier" to tell herself she'd save Sasuke from himself too if she had killed him. At least he wouldn't cause any more pain and sink any further into darkness. At least the Sasuke he once was wouldn't be destroyed irrevocably. That way, Sakura could believe she was helping both Naruto and Sasuke. Hardly anyone mattered to her more than Naruto and Sasuke, no matter how confusing her feelings for both of them were. But her Sasuke pain and disappointment ... it never went away.
Tsunade was even more furious. "Excuses! None of that matters!" She spat bitingly, her grip tightening on the desk. "Being a shinobi does not mean doing everything on your own!" She carried on venomously. " You should've trusted in your comrade's abilities. Fighting by yourself against an enemy who is clearly stronger, only ends in death for any ninja." The blonde woman declared hotly. "I'd have thought you knew this already! Reckless!" Tsunade continued reproachfully.
Against her master's criticism, Sakura was speechless. She bowed her head in regret and humiliation. Every word of it was true and she deserved it. But it still hurt to know that once again she had made a wrong choice and that nothing she did in the Land of Iron helped anything. She had hurt Naruto. She had failed in helping Team 7 and once again ... she could do nothing for either Naruto or Sasuke. Sakura was back to watching, unable to do a thing.
Tsunade suddenly gripped the edge of her desk so tightly, Sakura heard a flurry of cracks from the wood sound at once. The pinkette looked up to see the even more infuriated look in her amber eyes. The Fifth Hokage clenched her teeth. "From the reports Kakashi gave me, who was the one who would've gotten herself killed if Naruto hadn't been the one to save her? Who became the burden yet again?" She criticized without reservations, her gaze full of angry disapproval.
Sakura's eyes widened, pain and hurt seeping through her like an open wound. The burden. Those words, spoken so harshly and bluntly, cut Sakura right to the core. The burden. That's all I've ever been. I can only do the most simplest and unimportant things. If I even try to do something right, I screw it all up. She thought bitterly, her old insecurities coming back to haunt her. It was so true. So, so true that Sakura wished to deny it with every fiber of her being but couldn't.
How had what she did in the Land of Iron been any different from what usually happened? How did she accomplish anything she wanted to accomplish? Team 7 getting fixed didn't count because it still wasn't fixed now. What made it worse was that once again, Sakura had to put it all on Naruto. As grateful as she was for him giving her hope for Team 7, Sakura couldn't stand how she had no choice but to do nothing. Sasuke would never listen to her and Naruto still had to do too much. Sakura would never be able to express into words how much she hated that.
The medical ninja looked down, feeling more useless with each passing second. I can never help anyone, especially Naruto. The one I want to help the most. Sakura reflected bitterly, a wave of sadness and pain coursing through her as unshed tears started to glimmer in her eyes.
For the past four years, she had always wanted to do whatever she could for Naruto. Anything that would ease his burdens, his responsibilities, his pain, whatever it was. It was as much a natural instinct to her as breathing. But no matter what she did, it never satisfied her. It either didn't work out at all or only helped him a little. And hurting his feelings ... she could never handle hurting his feelings anymore. Why can't I ever help him? Why does he have to go through so much? I wish ... I just want him happy. She reflected, a tear sliding down one check in her misery.
Tsunade didn't seem to register Sakura's tears and if she did, ignored it. There was a pause as the woman stared at her with a unreadable look in her eyes, that was quickly defined by her disapproval. She narrowed her amber eyes at her student. "And that's not even the only mistake you made that day ..." She started, causing the medical ninja to look up. "Kakashi told me everything." Tsunade finished seriously, her voice full of unsettling significance.
Finally Sakura's brain caught up to her emotions. Her emerald-green eyes widened in horrified realization, her tears falling down and disappearing as only one explanation coming to mind. No ... it can't be. No way ... She thought, frankly stunned and too mortified to comprehend it. Tsunade couldn't possibly be referring to her confession to Naruto in the Land of Iron. Why? Why would she need to mention this to her?
There were a lot of things Sakura believed she could handle. But this? No. Sakura couldn't even handle it when she thought about it. It was just so confusing and made her feel so bad and none of it gave her an answer. It made her wonder if she had hurt Naruto and then it made her wonder what she felt for him. But her relationship with Naruto was not something she was capable of addressing right now and she couldn't take the idea of Tsunade forcing it.
Sakura didn't know what happened, but suddenly her horror manifest into something else. "You can't know!" The medical ninja denied without thinking. "Why did Kakashi-sensei tell you something like that? D-Doesn't he know that sort of thing's private?" Sakura argued a bit unsteadily despite the edge of annoyance.
"I hardly consider that private, seeing as you did it in front of an entire group of people." Tsunade reminded her sharply, unimpressed.
Sakura's sudden defensiveness ebbed away, shrinking from her as she saw the point. What's wrong with me? Why did I have to say something so stupid? She thought in defeat, having absolutely no idea where that sudden anger and complaint had come from. Maybe it was because that was reason she was about to have to deal with this now too.
It was gone quickly. Tsunade really did know about her confession to Naruto and now she was back to be horrified and wanting to be as far way as possible. Please, Lady Tsunade. Don't do this to me. Please, don't bring it up! I can't deal with it! Sakura begged in her head desperately, a cascade of guilt, confusion, and sadness coursing through her as tears started to come back in her eyes. Don't mention it. Please, just don't mention it now. Not now. The medical ninja reiterated pleadingly. After dealing with the Hokage's lecture on trying to kill Sasuke, how could she deal with this?
Tsunade's stern gaze did not falter. Her wishes wouldn't be answered. "Sakura." She began, a sudden seriousness to her tone. "How could you do that to Naruto?" The blonde-haired woman demanded, scowling slightly. "You of all people ..." She continued on, trailing off as a distant look entered the Fifth Hokage's expression.
Sakura frowned in bewilderment. There was still anger in Tsunade. She could see it clearly. However, she also saw new emotion flash in her eyes. There was sadness flickering in her gaze and some other emotions the young medical ninja couldn't name. Disappointment? Defeat? Sakura couldn't tell. It's because of me, isn't it? She connected sadly, hating the idea of this woman she respected so much being disappointed in her.
Finally the woman continued. "You told Naruto you loved him, and for what?" Tsunade referenced critically, her amber eyes full of indignation. "Telling Naruto that in that type of situation ... how could you do that to him?" The blonde repeated more meaningfully, her face stamped with strong disapproval on behalf of Naruto.
I don't know! I just ... I was just trying to help him! Sakura wailed, overcome with confusion and guilt. She knew how awful it was and the worst part of it was she was so convinced it had hurt Naruto. I don't know, Lady Tsunade. I don't know what I was thinking, but it wasn't like I really lied. I mean ... I did, but ... I don't know if I did! Sakura thought in conflict, feeling terribly pained. This was so confusing she was even starting to confuse herself.
Sakura raised her head, her expression the epitome of misery. "Lady, Tsunade ... I'm so sor-" The medical ninja attempted to say, having no idea what else she could do.
"Don't." Tsunade silenced, sitting back down in her chair. "I'm not the one you should apologize to." The blonde-haired woman countered seethingly, the barbed meaning in her tone raining down a whole heap of shame and sadness on Sakura once again. "No matter your intentions, good or bad, lying to him and manipulating him is not the way!" The blonde argued fiercely.
Sakura hung her head. There was absolutely nothing she could say to defend herself again and she didn't want to. She remembered the momentary awkwardness between her and Naruto and how much she felt like he had been avoiding her. The idea of her entire plan backfiring and how much she could've hurt Naruto during that day in the snow after everything else she had done to him brought tears that were already streaking down her face.
Lied? I lied to him? Sakura repeated to herself, confused. What part was Tsunade saying was the lie? Was it not caring about Sasuke? Or was it saying she loved Naruto?
It was hard for Sakura to admit she didn't know if she had lied about loving Naruto. She truly had no idea. At one moment, when he had been her arms, she been happy. Even almost at peace. She had meant everything she had said to him, but was the actual love confession true? That was not something she could answer and hadn't been able to answer in general the past three years.
But Sakura didn't know if Naruto knew that. And she had even less of a clue now with all the mixed signals he was giving her in their last conversation. Sakura didn't want Naruto to be hurt over something that wasn't as simple as he was making it, but she didn't really know what he was feeling. A large part of her was still convinced he didn't think she loved him, but she didn't know for sure.
Meanwhile Tsunade was still glaring at her apprentice. "Sakura, Naruto of all people!" The blonde Hokage pointed out angrily, leaning forward from her chair with her hands on the side of the desk.
Sakura looked at her mournfully, then looked away. Tears still streaked her face as she felt more crappier with each passing minute. She knew this conversation wasn't going to be easy right from the start but it was turning out even worse than she feared.
Tsunade paused for a bit, a serious but thoughtful look on her face. She was weighing in her mind if she should say her next statement, considering how personal it would be and how she knew that one ninja in particular wouldn't want her to say it out loud to Sakura. Oh, the hell with it. Sorry, Naruto, but I have to tell Sakura this. It's the only way she'll learn anything. The Hokage resolved.
The blonde-haired woman's expression hardened. "Are you that blind, Sakura?" Tsunade began harshly, causing the pinkette exhaustedly raise her head as she expected more of this agonizing lecture. "Don't you see how much you mean to Naruto? Everyone but you can see it." She admonished meaningfully, looking serious.
Aware of the surprising shift, Sakura's eyes widened. She already was anticipating Tsunade's point; she didn't even need to go further. No. She couldn't be going through this again. It was too much for her. Have I been that oblivious? Sakura wondered despairingly. Everyone knew all along but her? Just how stupid was she? Naruto was hiding his feelings from her for that long and she was the only one who didn't notice? How pathetic and ignorant did that make her?
Unaware of Sakura already knowing what she was trying to say, Tsunade paused and stared at her with hard eyes. "That little idiot really loves you, Sakura!" The blonde woman declared fiercely, her tone thick with emotion and meaning as she gauged her reaction carefully.
Immediately, fresh tears sprung up and rang down her face in waves. That was it. Tsunade had to say it and make her feel even worse than she already felt. It was just like when Sai told her the truth a short while back. I know that already! Do really think I don't know that? She thought with a hint of annoyance despite everything. closing her eyes as she cried. I couldn't be anymore sure of it if he came out and told me. Sakura added sorrowfully, feeling so anguished as this lecture only got worse.
She remembered how recently she hadn't known about Naruto's feelings. And for so long ... for so long Naruto was hurting over her feelings for Sasuke and she didn't even see it. But no matter what, he took every chance to encourage Sasuke would come back and he did it so she could feel better. How could he act like that? Did even care how much that would hurt? How long had he tortured himself by believing she would never return his feelings? Did he still believe that now?
Tsunade leaned back in her chair, some of her earlier anger vanishing. "There. Even though Naruto wouldn't like that I told you, it's the truth." The Fifth Hokage said more calmly, closing her eyes dismissively. Then she snapped them open and looked at her tear-streaked student. "That's why confessing when you're not ready, regardless of your intentions, would only hurt him more." Tsunade reasoned matter-of-factly.
Sakura hardly heard her over the sound of her own guilt-ridden heart. 'Hurting him more' ... that's all I ever do, right? I just make him suffer. She put herself down bitterly, feeling so sad and upset as her insecurities revived. After everything I've done ... all the stupid, hurtful things I've said ... that stupid promise ... how can be stupid enough to love someone as horrible to him as I am? Sakura asked herself, her emerald-green eyes pools of grief and disappointment.
It was something she couldn't comprehend. Sakura had to always hurt his feelings because of whatever she felt for Sasuke. It had to be unbearable to put up with, but he never showed it. He always thought of her before himself and it killed her.
What had she done for him in comparison? She hadn't really helped him at all. He still faced all of his burdens and never gave her the chance to make it easier for him. Even now, she couldn't get over Sasuke for him. While she knew her relationship with Naruto was complicated and she could have feelings for him, she still couldn't get over Sasuke and that was exactly the source of his pain.
For the life of her, she couldn't understand how a person like him could like a person like her. Naruto was such an amazing person that deserved so much better than someone who hadn't really helped him and hurt him so much because of Sasuke. She would probably never understand why he put up with so much for her. Sakura didn't think she was worth it, but she still wished she could do something for Naruto that would just make everything it up to him.
Sakura was brought out of her reverie when she heard a loud, tired sigh. Tsunade looked tired and distracted, pulling out a bottle of sake from under her desk. The medical ninja watched in defeat as the Hokage got a shot out and filled it with sake. On normal circumstances, she would lecture the Hokage for drinking so much on the job because it wasn't professional, but right now the kunoichi was too emotionally drained to care.
Tsunade filled up her glass, pausing with the bottle in hand. "You and I are a lot alike, Sakura." The blonde-haired woman said softly as she put down the bottle. Sakura frowned, detecting an unspoken meaning in there she didn't understand. Then Tsunade looked up, a weary but serious expression on her face. "Holding on the past ... it doesn't always make you happy." The blonde Hokage suddenly said, a distant and sad light to her eyes. "And, in some way or another, it interferes with your future." Tsunade stated sagely, her voice filled with meaning as if she had experienced it firsthand.
Sakura frowned slightly, opening her mouth for clarification but the older woman wasn't done yet. Her amber gaze suddenly hardened, looking nearly fierce. "Don't make the same mistakes I made. You'd have far too many regrets." Tsunade advised urgently, full of meaning and importance.
The pink-haired girl's frown deepened, puzzled. She could see the emotions written plainly on her master's face now. She wasn't angry, but she wasn't normal either. Despite her teacher's usually rough exterior, her amber depths held sadness, grief, pain ... regret? Where had that come from? What was Tsunade trying to tell her?
Too many regrets ... what's she talking about? Sakura wondered, genuinely confused. "Lady Tsunade ... what are you-?" The medical ninja attempted to ask, not understanding what could make the woman go from completely angry to suddenly sad.
Tsunade sighed again, cutting her off mid-question. "You'll understand ... at some point." The blonde-haired Hokage responded evasively, but sounding to Sakura like she wasn't as confident about it as she was acting. And, unknowingly, Tsunade was thinking exactly that. I just hope you don't see it too late ... I don't want you to go through the same thing I did. Tsunade thought sadly, a tiny shard of pain stabbing her as she thought back on her own mistake.
Sakura was unsatisfied with that answer, still not understanding where this had come from. Shizune's voice ringed in Sakura's ears: 'Whatever Lady Tsunade says, it's only because she cares. No matter how harsh she may seem.' She recalled, catching the meaning and frowning. Holding on the past ... regrets ... Lady Tsunade's trying to tell me something, but ... She thought in bewilderment. She didn't push. She was too worn down emotionally to even try to figure it out or demand for an answer from Tsunade. She felt miserable and Sakura swore some tears were still falling out of her eyes even now.
Tsunade gave her a long look, finally paying attention to tear stains on her student's face. "Sakura ... go home." She suddenly ordered dismissively, sounding exhausted but firm. "What you did in the Land of Iron can't be changed now. And I hope that you've at least realized not to ever do something so reckless and stupid again." She added more sharply, giving a stern and sharp glare in warning.
Sakura stared at her wearily, then avoided her eyes. " ... Yes." The medical ninja agreed half-heartedly, the entire weight of this conversation finally hitting her and wearing her down completely. The idea of going home seemed so much more welcoming than she ever expected before this argument with her teacher.
"Make sure to rest. I'll be needing you in the morning for a C-rank mission." The Fifth Hokage revealed matter-of-factly, her tone and expression now very formal.
At this, the medical ninja snapped a little out of her daze. "A C-rank?" Sakura repeated, surprised in spite of herself. Tsunade just decided to tell her this now? "What is it?" She questioned, curious.
"I'll explain all the details tomorrow. Just make sure you're here by 6:30. We can't afford to waste a minute more." The blonde-haired woman explained seriously, showing such composure it was as if she had never been so furious. "But right now ... your main concern is resting. We can't have you worn out for this mission." Tsunade reiterated, giving her a stern look.
Some part of Sakura was still curious to know what it was, but the thought of laying down was far more pleasing to her than asking for details. It was good that Tsunade no longer wanted to lecture her and at the very least she had something to do to keep her busy tomorrow instead of feeling like she had nothing to do. It was a relief, but it didn't make her guilt and sense of crappiness right now any less strong.
Giving in quickly, the medical ninja finally made an effort to wipe away her tears. "Alright." She agreed with a distant lack of energy. Tsunade glanced at her seriously, a miniscule frown on her face for a second as if she didn't like how completely dead Sakura's agreement sounded. But the medical ninja didn't care and didn't give it a single thought.
Continuing to wipe away her tears, Sakura turned away from her master and moved towards the door. Finally, this torturous lecture was ending and she could take a break from such a intense backlash that just threw all of her mistakes in her face. Sakura felt absolutely awful. So I feel even worse than before ... I deserved every single, moment of that. But at least ... at least tomorrow I can make myself useful.
~~Tsunade~~
Tsunade stared after Sakura's retreating form until she vanished behind the door. The blonde woman watched the spot she had disappeared a moment longer, then let out an exhausted sigh. All the rush of anger and disappointment the Fifth Hokage had endured seemed to have drained out of her, leaving her thoughts and feelings restless.
Tsunade picked up her shot and chugged down a glass of sake easily. The liquid burned satisfyingly down her throat, mildly numbing her exhaustion as her conversation with Sakura raced throughout her mind. Recalling the unsettling and stressful situation, the blonde woman filled up her cup of sake and downed it again to ease her distractions.
She understood her student had her heart in the right place in the Land of Iron and that she only did what she thought had been right. Tsunade also wanted to have absolutely no involvement with what Danzo started when that manipulative man tried to take over the village in her absence. Sasuke's fate didn't look good, but she didn't want to pass judgment yet no matter what the rival countries were saying unless she absolutely had to; though that had more to do with her consideration for Naruto's objectives than anything else.
Still, it irritated her to know that Sakura had gone through such extremes all for the sake of Naruto and the rest of Team 7. It had been reckless and impulsive, very unlike Sakura. It couldn't be any more obvious to Tsunade that the pinkette hadn't thought it over with a clear head at all. Just what had happened to her to have made her so unreasonable? She wondered with a slightly frustrated frown, bewildered at the situation.
Tsunade knew she had been harsh, but how else would Sakura listen? Defying orders like that and going up against Sasuke alone was a complete suicide mission. It could've possibly jeopardized the lives of everyone, even Naruto. Sakura had nearly died twice from the reports all in the same day. It angered her to know that Sakura would put her life at such a risk.
Another thing Tsunade felt strongly over was what Sakura did to Naruto. She didn't care to know her intentions for confessing, though it was plain as day to her that even Sakura didn't understand it. As much as she understood the pinkette, Tsunade felt sympathy for Naruto's sake and irritation at Sakura's actions. She hadn't wanted Naruto's feelings to be hurt if he didn't believe the medical ninja's confession, but she just knew somehow it happened. Naruto was tough of course. He'd deal with it fine. But that didn't mean he had deserved that no matter how good-intentioned Sakura had been.
The deceptively youthful woman breathed in irritation, feeling torn between Naruto and Sakura. Oh ... whatever. I just hope Sakura learned her lesson this time. Tsunade decided, her inner monologue a resigned grumble. She didn't want to be mad anymore. The guilt and misery in Sakura's eyes proved to her during that entire conversation how much she regretted it. That meant she wasn't likely to do it again.
And as for Naruto and Sakura ... whatever they do from there is their problem. Both of them need to get a backbone and sort it out. Tsunade reflected confidently, downing another cup of sake as she wondered how confusing these teammates' relationship must be ever since Sakura's confession. She already begun to notice a change in their relationship far before this confession so Tsunade couldn't say she was honestly surprised. The situation was shocking, but not what happened.
But Naruto's an idiot ... and Sakura's too busy confusing herself to know what she's doing. She elaborated, not a single trace of doubt in her mind what their problems were. I wonder if these brats are gonna get anywhere ... She thought to herself, pausing mid-drink with her amber eyes distant. One thing's for sure. Tsunade certainly didn't want the two of them to not see what the nature of their relationship was forever.
Suddenly there was a creak from the door and Tsunade swiveled her head half-heartedly. It was Shizune again, half-hidden behind the door as she eyed her master nervously. She had an uncertain look on her face and hesitated for a second, clearly wondering if it was okay for her to come in to speak with her.
"What is it, Shizune?" The Fifth Hokage asked distractedly, taking another swig of her sake as she closed her eyes. She was already starting to loss track on how much she was drinking.
Shizune hesitated again, then walked in and stood in front of her. "Lady Tsunade ..." She began seriously, getting Tsunade's attention as she raised a brow at her. She paused again, then put her arm in front of her chest and frowned in disconcertion. "It's ... well, it's Sakura. I just saw her outside on her way home." The dark-haired woman confessed, glancing back behind her. "She looked awful! Like she had been crying. I haven't seen her that bad since ..." Shizune suddenly trailed off, remembering how heartbroken and miserable Sakura was when Sai told her Naruto's feelings. Then she glanced back at Tsunade, looking worried. "Lady Tsunade. What exactly did you say to her?" Shizune questioned, looking like she almost didn't want to know.
Tsunade paused, putting her sake on the desk with a serious but distant look on her face. "What she needed to hear." The blonde-haired woman stated firmly, taking great care to remain evasive. Not many would understand why she had felt the need to be so harsh, least of all Shizune.
The memory of Sakura's motivation to do such reckless things roared to life. Again, she looked back on Sakura's confession. While she didn't believe even Sakrua truly understood why she had done what she did under such stressful circumstances, Tsunade liked to think she had firm grasping of it herself through her knowledge of Sakura and her own observation.
Aware of all the complications Sakura had just thrown on herself, the blonde closed her eyes and sighed. "She has a lot of problems, that girl. " Tsunade began wearily, putting everything together. "Sakura's probably so confused about her own feelings, she doesn't like to think about them at all." She stated sagely, still lost in thought. "What she feels for Naruto ... for Sasuke ... she'll just have to figure it out on her own. We can't force her to come to grips about anything." Tsunade finished. But even as she said it, a part of her was still afraid Sakura wouldn't see it until it was too late.
Shizune didn't seem to need specifics. She already understood, but she still had a doubtful expression on her face. "Then I guess that's all we can do." The black-haired woman acknowledged, sounding disappointed as she turned her head back to door where Sakura had disappeared.
Tsunade didn't respond. She re-filled her sake bottle again to the brim, frowning. But the problem with that is ... both Naruto and Sakura are so stubborn. It'd be a miracle if either one of them ever brought it up again. Or anything like that. The Fifth Hokage recognized cynically, feeling a small burst of annoyance at the reminder as she chugged another sake cup. Damn emotional crap. I'm getting too old to play matchmaker ...
A/N: I'm really proud of this chapter. It's much longer and I'm more or less pleased with how it came out. The Sakura/Shizune bonding part wasn't planned. XD Just kinda popped up. I wanted to do this argument because I felt like it was lacking in the anime/manga. Sakura did mess up horribly and as much as I know she's the type to already be aware of that and blame herself, Tsunade throwing it in her face was realistic even if she unintentionally revived Sakura's insecurities. She would clearly be angry with her and lecture her about everything, even the confession for the sake of Naruto. Though it's always upsetting to see Sakura sad.
This chapter's more important than it looks. It sets up a lot of Sakura's future development in the story, foreshadows some events, and starts to make it clear what's one of the barriers for NaruSaku's endgame in this fic. If you can guess what it foreshadows and what it's saying, well I guess you could find out for sure later in the story. :P
NEXT CHAPTER:Sakura's C-rank mission gone wrong. After following Tsunade's order on an important mission, the medical ninja gets thrust into unexpected danger and consequences ... some with potential to affect her entire life.
