Hey - I just wanted to thank you guys for your really great reviews, Huds and Hooked you guys are the best. I uploaded a chapter that was incomplete, so if you read that I deleted it and uploaded this one... Please reread. Also there was a huge viewership to the first chapter, which took me by suprise...so all you guys out there reading, thanks... I hope you are liking the story... Please review and offer up any song ideas... I am looking for a song for Phil... xoxo cbd

Eddie: I Miss Everything, Colbie Caillat

I miss those blue eyes

How you kiss me at night

I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise

Like the taste of your smile

I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now,

I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

And after all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

I see your blue eyes

Everytime I close mine

You make it hard to see

Where I belong to

When I'm not around you

It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now,

I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

And after all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now,

I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

And after all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you


I love you, it's just three small words. God knows I have said them over the years. Saying them is one thing but meaning them is an entirely different story. You know that awkward moment where a girl you have been dating for a few weeks looks you in the eye and tells you she loves you. You sit there frozen like a deer in the headlights. She sits there waiting for you to respond as your mind races until finally, you mutter them back to her. Knowing you don't really mean it, but saying it is really your only option because not saying it back is a fight you just don't want to have with a girl you don't love. You end up feeling like a shit when you break up with her a week later, she cries, it sucks but its also a huge relief. It is what it is.

The kicker though, is when you actually love someone, really love her and you don't have the stones to say it out loud. You just sit there wanting to say it, planning how to say, when to say it, where to say it and then the moment comes and nada. Nothing. And the worst part is, Janet wasn't even expecting it, she never even knew how I felt. Looking back I don't think she really believed that we would last. Like there was a clock ticking down for us, she was just waiting for me to dump her. Me, I didn't really see an endgame for us. Which was scary as all hell but on the other hand its was kinda reassuring. Janet always made me feel like things were possible. Anyway it doesn't matter, we're over, done.


I have never cheated, I mean I have been the guy girls cheat on their boyfriends or husbands with. But I have never claimed love and fidelity only to lie and cheat. I never saw the point really, if you want to sleep around... say single. So I have never cheated but I have been cheated on. twice actually. Rory wasn't really that much of a shock, looking back. We were just kids pretending we were adults, at the time I thought I would marry her. It seemed like the thing to do, what was expected. But deep down, i knew once she went to college we would be over.

Now Janet is another story, she is the complete unexpected. I never in a million years would have thought Janet would be the person I would end up falling for. I mean, not only does she not look like the girls I normally date but everything about her is different. She is kind, despite the fact that the world has not treated her very kindly, she is loyal and fierce, real a fighter. She laughs with her whole being, every part of her. She is not afraid to be herself, even though she hates to be judged, it never stops her. She is brave, braver then anyone I know. She is honest, even when the truth hurts.

When she told me she cheated, at first I didn't really believe what she was saying. It just was so unlike her, but then her blue eyes filled with tears and I knew it must be true. I felt like I was punched right in the gut, and how that felt was still fresh in my memory thanks to Matt and his buddies. I could tell that every word she spoke was tearing her apart. It was written all over her face along with guilt and regret. Every word had the same affect on me, I felt gutted. First nick and his abandonment part two and then Janet the one good and true thing I had going telling me that she had sex with another man. I snapped, I did. I played on every weak spot, every insecurity Janet had. With my guns loaded I fired back at her. A small voice nagging me that I had Kissed Rory, that I had gotten the ball rolling. But the sheer volume of my yelling, and that little voice was easily silenced. I thought in my ultimate stupidity that here leaving would somehow make me feel better, but every footstep she took away from me only made it worse. I have missed her from that moment forward.


I have a role to play in this little life of mine, I am the guy that sleeps with girls, gets into fights, drinks beer... Except I am not really that guy, But I do a bang up job at pretending I am. The week after Janet confessed her transgression I was still so angry, crazy angry. It took every ounce of my being not to beat the living hell out of Rooster. He was lucky that I was nursing five broken ribs and was taking a page from Phil's playbook. I didn't leave the house much that first week, not wanting to see Janet not wanting Janet to see me.

I knew Rooster was in love with her, I mean it was as plain as the nose on his face. Janet of course was clueless for the longest time, never seeing her value. The part that was making me crazy was the off chance, Janet was in love with him. They had been friends for years(the way we used to be), he was always hovering around her (the way I used to), they hung out all the time(the way we used to). He was the expected choice, hell before I started dating her I always thought they would end up together, if he ever got the balls to ask her out. The fact that Janet was not the kind of girl who fell into bed easily, without thought was really sticking in my brain. Her lack of self esteem somehow never overshadowed her sense of self worth. Janet knew she deserved more but never able to ask for it. She was a strange mix of strength and weakness.

Ok, so I know that she saw Rory and I kiss, and I am a dick for kissing her. I get that, I really do but I can't imagine how hard that was for her to see. But would that be enough for her end up having sex with Rooster if she didn't have feelings for him. It was eating me up, the idea of them together. It was all I could think about. Where it happened, how it happened, how may times it happened. Owens need for an infidelity tour was not making perfect sense. I was done, that was it. I couldn't think about Janet anymore. I was drawing a line and I was on one side and Janet was on the other. I am Eddie Fucking Latekka, there are plenty of girls out there, girls who are not cheaters, girls who are not in love with guys named Jake or Rooster. Janet was my past and I was moving forward. And then I heard that Pizza Girl got a job at Sully's

"I am serious Eddie, Rooster quit. Sully offered me his job. I gave notice at Ridge Pizza Today. I start in two weeks."

"Wait, what are we gonna call you now? Sully Girl?" Phil looked up from his laptop, at the women he loved, a smile on his face. It was so easy for them, they just knew they were in love and that was enough.

"No Silly, although is does have a nice ring to it but I guess you will have to call me by my real name." Pizza Girl was an enigma to me, she was quirky, funny and hot but one of the only girls I ever met that I didn't want to sleep with. Not just because she was Phil's girl, I kinda felt like she was my little sister.

"Which is..." Phil rased his eyebrows and it was then I realized he didn't know her first name. They had been together for eight months and all he ever called her was Pizza Girl.

"Uh, Emily." She blushed when she answered him. It was sweet.

"UhEmily. What an odd name that is."

"Ha, ha. Very. Funny. Philly, now can we get back to Janet and Eddie please. Rooster and Janet got into a fight so he up and quit."

"Don't you mean a lovers quarrel?" My stomach turned, everyone in the Ridge knew they had slept together. Rooster couldn't keep his mouth shut. Bragging that he had stolen Janet away from me.

"Eddie, get your head out of your ass. Janet and Rooster are not together, not even a little. She is mad at him, and hurt he totally took advantage. I know the name Janet has been banned around these parts but I cant just sit here knowing what I know and not tell you." I had made it known that I didn't want to hear or know anything about Janet or Rooster. If anyone had even so much as tried to talk to me about it I would just leave. It was childish but I didn't give a fuck.

"You should let UhEmily speak Eddie, she has a wealth of information in that pretty multicolored head of hers."

"Ok UhEmily go." I sat back on the sofa, arms crossed on my chest.

"Seriously, The UhEmily is going to stick?" We all nodded, as she exhaled annoyed but not really "Well, she saw you kissing she who shall not be named on the porch, for which you are a huge asshat might I add." I cringed, not my finest moment. "She was upset and called Rooster, her friend..."

"Wait a minute, hold on... she has lots of friends. Why didn't she call you or Hannah?"

"Well, Hannah was busy with the engagement party and I am as much your friend as I am hers. Rooster is her only friend that isn't friends with you I guess. Anyway, she wanted booze he brought her some. She got loaded, now I have never seen Janet drunk in all the time I have known her have you?" She looked at Ikey, then Phil who both shook their heads no, her eyes finally rested on me. I thought back all the years I had know Janet. I had only seen her drunk once and she had good reason, it was right after her dad died. We were just friends then, it was a few months before Nick came back to town. It was her night off, and I remember thinking how I hated nights when she wasn't there. The place wasn't the same. She stumbled into Sully's right before last call, half in the bag. A few shots later she told me her dad was dead, that she barely knew him and now she never would. I drove her home, and she feel asleep in my truck. Looking back, that was the moment I feel in love with her. It took root right there and then.

"Rooster was sober?" I knew he was and that fact was only fueling my need to stomp him into the ground.

"Yes, from what I understand he was?"

"What you understand?"

"Well, Janet was hysterical by the time she got to this part. It was hard to you know, get all the details. Anyway the point is, she does NOT love and/or care for Rooster. What happened was a drunken mistake..."

"And Eddie knows a thing or two bout drunken hookups..."

"Shut it Ikey."

"Waaah its true, you want to sit here and wallow and be pissed that's fine. I ain't gonna stop ya .Hell I'm not even gonna judge ya. But the girl you love is out there and you can be with her. The rest of us are not so lucky, you know what I am sayin."

"He makes a good point there Eddie my Boy. I mean if it was just a drunk hook up, that can be forgiven. It sucks that it happened at all but it does not have to be the end of the world as you know it." Phil closed his laptop and handed me a CD.

"What is this?"

"It's the crown jewels of India, what does it look like. Its a mixed tape for Janet. Give it to her."

"Give it to her Eddie!" Emily chimed in, she would have made one hell of a cheerleader back in the day.

"I am not giving her a stupid mixed tape Phys. End of story." I put the CD in my back pocket, why I didn't just give it back to Phil I will never know. "Ikey were out of beer, beer run?"


Ok so I had some more intel. Janet and Rooster were not a thing, that alone made it easier to breathe. I mean maybe they were right, I had a drunken one night stand with Hannah, granted Nick had no idea that it happened but it did give me some perspective on the situation. Much needed perspective. And she didn't lie to me, it's not like months passed and it came out, she was upfront and honest from the get. Maybe I could forgive her maybe this could just be a bad memory.

"You were talking about Allison weren't you?" I looked over at Iket, slouched over in my passenger seat. I realized that he had a broken heart too.

"Yeah, I was. Not that it matters."

"You really loved her?" He just nodded, not wanting to say it out loud. I totally understood.

"You love Janet."

"Yeah, I do."

"That wasn't a question dude. It was a statement. She made a mistake, we all make em. If Owen can forgive me and Allison then you can forgive her."


I loaded a few cases of beer into my cart, my mind still on Janet. Who am I kidding, it was always on Janet. I couldn't escape her even if I wanted to and the truth was I didn't want to. I wanted to forgive her, I wanted to forget. I just didn't want to admit it, my pride was as broken as my ribs. And then I caught a whiff of Janet, her perfume and her shampoo, Vanilla, mint and a flower maybe Jasmine. I always wanted to ask her what it was but I never did. I was brought right back to that morning when she handed me a brown paper bag and sent me off with a smile and a swat. I looked up and there she was, her blue eyes fixed on me. She looked sad, tired and scared. She was wearing her Red Sox hat and my Patriots sweatshirt, she could have been a Duf student with no make up, hair pulled in a ponytail. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't. I took a few steps towards her and then the image of her in bed, what I considered our bed with Rooster came to the forefront of my mind. The tears forming in her eyes pulled me towards her but it was my pride that pulled me back. Damn it! I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Why did Rory come back to town? Why did I kiss her? Why did Janet sleep with Rooster? And why didn't I tell Janet I love her when I had the chance? All of those questions had the same answer... Because I am an idiot. I was as angry at myself as I was at her.

"Well that was... Ya know I don't even know what that was Eddie."

"Cork it Ikey."

"Cork it... yeah... whatever dude... Did you see her face, you should have just kicked her. It would have been less painful to watch."

"SHUT UP IKEY! I am serious." I punched my hand into the steering wheel.

"Fuck this, I know you and me are just barely friends again. But I would be the worst friend ever to just watch you and do nothing. You are going to Sully's tomorrow night and you are going to fix it Eddie. You are going to hear her out. Because when you guys all shut me out, and didn't even try to hear my side, you still have really, it was hell. When the people you care about the most look at ya the way you just looked at her. She doesn't deserve that and deep down you know it. You nailed Hannah Jane when Nick was still her boyfriend. I kept my trap shut, cause it only happened once and Nick got that ball rolling. What Janet did was no different. Actually it is different because she had the stones to come clean knowing you would be creased, knowing that you would dump her. I'm out Eddie. Sully's eight..." Ikey jumped out of my truck, slamming the door behind him. I wanted has slumped shoulders walked up Jefferson Road. When did Ikey become Yoda? How did that happen.


I walked into Sully's with Ikey, Nick and Owen in toe. I hadn't been there for two weeks and nothing changed, except that Rooster wasn't there. Janet was behind the bar, busy as I have ever seen her. Watching Janet work was as entertaining as any sporting even I had ever seen. She was fast on her feet, she always knew what you wanted to drink, she always kept the old drunks in line. She didn't see us come in and I was honestly relieved, I needed a minute and some liquid courage. Karen took our order and I watched as Hannah and Janet talked at the bar. Nick's eyes like mine planted in their direction. He was the only person I knew who was worse off then I was. Hannah had chose Ray and Aubrey had chosen Ronnie. The world was not right. She look over in my direction for a second, and I looked away, giving my full attention to Karen and the two shots I was ordering. When I turned back, Janet was gone. I scanned the bar for her finding her by the front door with Matt Lauche. My entire body tightened and I started to stand up. Owen put his hand on my shoulder, forcing me back down in my seat, reminding me that my rips were not even close to healed. Matt and I locked eyes and I wanted to tear his head off his body as he smirked at me. And then before I knew it, he grabbed Janet and kissed her, it happened so quickly as she slapped him. There's my fighter. Me and my boys all stood up in unison, a like had been crossed and there would be a reckoning. Janet ran off and we followed Matt and his buddies outside. My blood boiled as it pumped through my veins.

"Lauche!" My fists were clenched at my sides. Ikey to my right, Owen and Nick to my left.

"Ahh, Eddie. Fancy meeting you here. How have you been?"

"Fuck off, I am only going to say this once. Janet is off limits. You want to fuck with me, that's fine. I can take it. You go near her again and you have a huge problem."

"Actually you have four problems" Owen chimed in.

"Don't you mean five, I am sure Rooster would fight for her honor."

"I am sure he would Janet is the kinda girl you fight for." he opened his mouth to speak, I knew an insult of Janet was coming. I took a step forward. "You know Lauche, you're not suppose to be within a hundred yards of me. You are in violation of your probation as we speak. Now if we were to get into a fight, well that would get you right back in jail." His face dropped, knowing that all I would need to do is throw one punch and he would be over. "Like I said Janet is off limits."


I pushed open the door to the storage room and I knew she was crying. God I hated it when Janet cried, and apparently she had been doing a lot of it. It was unsettling, seeing her with a bottle of whisky in one hand and a shot glass in the other, and yesterday her shopping cart was full of wine. She only drank this much when she was sad.

"Hey." I barely managed to croak out. I was trying to calm the anger I had for Matt, still wanting to kick the shit out of him for leaving Janet in this condition.

"Hey."

"Are you ok?" It was a stupid, useless question. She was not ok. Nothing was ok.

"I'm fine Eddie." She was fighting back her tears and I felt actual pain in my heart.

"Janet, come on, are you ok?"

"No. ok. No."

"I am sorry that Matt kissed you. That son of a bitch. That had to do with me and you just got caught up in the mess. It wont happen again." The moment he kissed her flashed into my mind, and I clenched my jaw. Fucking Lauche.

"Yeah, I know." All I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around her, that was the only thing I could think to do. I knew it would make us both feel better, I knew it was what we both needed. I wondered if she missed me half as much as she missed her. I couldn't not hold her, just being so close to her in this little room/.I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her body to mine. When I felt her body relax, and her hands wrapped around my wrists, I knew that this had to stop. I couldn't be without her, but I just didn't know how. How do you forgive what you don't really understand.

"I don't know what do here Janet. I just don't know what to do."

"Either do I." I finally let her go, needing more time. For what I had no idea. The only thing I did know was that walking away from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do.


"You ok?" I sat back down at the table, not really knowing of I should stay or go. What would be better for Janet.

"Yeah Nicky, I am fine."

"You look like crap my friend. You look how I feel. Is Janet ok?"

"Not really no. This is all my fault isn't it?" Nick looked at me, and I already knew his answer. He had no poker face.

"Yeah I think it is. I mean not all of it but a sizeable portion is."

"Look Eddie, you both made mistakes, just like me and Allison." Owen glanced at Ikey, who slid down in his seat. I couldn't imagine how hard it was for Ikey to see Allison, hear Owen talk about her and feel all the guilt he must have been feeling. "I think we, you and Janet and me and Allison suffered from the same problem. We didn't say all the things we should have said and then it was too late." Owen was right, all of our problems were about words, things that were said and the things that weren't.

"Ikey, can you get a ride home. I think I am going to take off."

"Sure man no problem."

I drove around for a while trying to clear my head, trying to figure everything out. Why was this so hard for me. I finally found myself back in Sully's parking lot. It was just after one, Janet probably just did last call. I had an hour to wait, maybe less. She finally appeared, I knew she would try and stop me. That was so Janet, never wanting to accept help. I followed her home, not sure if I was going to stay and ask her all the questions that I had or just leave. I needed to know, wanted to understand how we got here. To this place I never wanted us to be.

I got more then I was really ready for, we fought, she said things, I said things. The more I found out about that day the more I felt like shit. Janet had spoken to Rory, she knew she was in the Ridge the entire time, so all my dodging and shadiness made it worse. I also had not idea that Janet was drunk on Moonshine, fucking Rooster brought her Moonshine. And then all the awful horrible stupid things I said to her in the hospital and then I told her she had emotional issues. I mean what the fuck was I thinking. And then I could feel her slipping away. Why couldn't I just say the three little words that I wanted to say, three words that she needed to hear. She was literally running away from me and my chest tightened, I knew that if I didn't tell her now, that I might never get the chance.

"I love you…"