Chapter 1: The Gnawing

Hilary was pregnant. Five months pregnant to be exact. Peanut, their unborn babe's nickname, wasn't planned. They were too thrilled to care about timing. She smiled reflecting on her boyfriend. Boyfriend. She almost gushed. It had been a long long while since she acquired a genuine solid boyfriend. A concealed, hush hush boyfriend at that. Devon topped the rest. He had her head so far up cloud nine, she couldn't see straight. All she wanted was him, lying beside him, giggling and smiling around him, loving him.

Four months ago, they moved in together, renovating a charming four bedroom cottage near Sharon's ranch. Hilary wanted to split cost determined that they were together in every way including financially. Although not scoring a vast inheritance, she had money saved. It seemed perfect time to invest and share in the investing. They hadn't known she was already a few weeks along when christening every room with love words and sensuous promises of provocative tomorrows. In mid-March, she missed her period and merely thought Mother Nature late. Until morning sickness came. She told Devon it must have been a stomach virus. Before going to work she purchased a pregnancy test and performed instructions during lunch break. She had pregnancy scares in the past, with significant others prepared to quit and run. Naturally, she was scared of Devon turning away, saying he had his fun with her. Falseness was one thing, but reality proved true. She knew, she felt pregnant. Pink positive plus sign stared and could not be unseen.

"Devon, we're going to have a baby," she practiced in the mirror. "Devon, honey, I'm pregnant."

Front door opened. He came inside, wearing a navy blue three piece suit, turquoise blue shirt and synchronizing tie. Two plastic bags of delicious smelling Asian dinner filled nostrils and hit queasy stomach.

She swallowed nerves, prepared for the worst.

"Hey Baby," he said, kissing her cheek.

"Hi," she managed out, turning and running into the bathroom, puking spattered brains out.

He was waiting when she came out, face freshly clean and teeth brushed.

"It's not a stomach virus that you have," he stated, not questioning. "You're pregnant aren't you?"

She nodded her head, too afraid of looking at him. Moving in had been a pivotal first step. A baby was a bigger one. A permanent circumstance that would change both of their lives.

"How long have you known?"

"I just took the pregnancy test this afternoon. I scheduled a doctor's appointment for tomorrow."

"Hilary look at me."

Her pride screamed no, but she bravely glanced up anyway.

He was grinning ear to ear.

"Devon, you're-"

Suddenly, he swooped into personal space and picked her up, spinning them about in giddy fashion, laughing and shouting, "we're going to have a baby! We're going to have a baby!"

He put her down. Affectionate kissing and delightful embracing ensued. He leaned down, touching and talking to her belly. She had cupped gentle softness of his bald head, treasuring electric currents of his excitement surge inside her, a different joyous intimacy.

"Are you sure this okay? If you're not ready..."

"Are you kidding me right now? I am over the moon, Baby. Over the moon!" He led her to velvet grey sofa, stole hands, and stared meaningfully. "Our love created this child and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you. I love you so damn much, Hilary. I vow to love this child, to love all the others after this one. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," she said, sniffling, trying not to become too emotional. "I hear you, Devon. I love you and I want this. I want us to have a family together. You, me, and our children however and whenever they come to be."

They made love slow and delicately, committing to each other, taking arousing happiness to highest passionate rhapsody.

His attentiveness, his desire to do anything for her never wavered, blooming sweetly as midnight runs to get pina colada sherbet and ground yellow mustard kicked in. While growing up, she imagined motherhood. She wanted to be Rose prior to Rose letting alcohol dissolve good parenting. She wanted a child to know love every single day.

However, something threatened their world. It wasn't solely Devon's family putting her on edge, intuition panicked, shooting off worrisome red flags. A warning within rocked her core, suggesting their euphoric bubble would burst in a most horrific way.

Cane knew. As did Sharon. Only a matter of time before Neil and Lily joined the mix.

Sharon came by the check upon Hilary, having heard about an unexpected hospital visit.

"How are you feeling?" Sharon asked, bringing in a silver tray. Iced lemonade filled large clear glass pitcher and rounded butter cookies centered red plate. She insisted on preparing, instructing Hilary to take it easy.

"Better," Hilary replied, reaching for two cookies. She was in good spirits after Hurricane Lily wreaked havoc and didn't want to reflect on the gruesome memory. "It makes me comfortable to keep the secret. I love us and feel safe in us. But I can sense that Devon wants to tell his family- Lily, Neil, everyone."

"Really? Even after what Lily did?"

"She's his sister and I don't want to come in between them."

"You two are in love, I'm sure they will accept eventually. They must understand the heart wants what it wants right?"

Hilary flashed back to Lily slipping into aggressive violence. Ms. Winters Ashby didn't stop at flinging insults anymore...

"You think? After all, I nearly destroyed them."

"Well, so they won't fully be welcoming. Look at me, I also fell for a rich boy. Nikki could not stand me and Victor and I used to have a friendship. Everything has changed. They tolerated on some occasions, especially once our children were born."

"I'm so sorry, Sharon."

"Don't be." She touched Hilary's hand in a kind gesture. "It's going to be okay."

"I doubt they will ever accept me," Hilary sighed.

"Well, just be lucky the most important person did," Sharon said. "I'm happy you found love, Sweetie. Getting to see you and Devon together is a sight out of romance movies- the good kind of romance movies. This baby will be proud to have two wonderful, well grounded parents."

"Thank you so much for saying that."

They sipped lemonade and browsed professional photography session. Hilary composed Father's Day scrapbook present.

"These are gorgeous shots," Sharon bemused, turning pages, blue eyes widening at black and white ultrasounds nestled between sepia pictures of a beautiful expectant family.

"Thank you," Hilary beamed, proud and humbled. "I'm not the world's best scrapbooker, but I do try."

"Oh I wouldn't peg you for a novice."

"You're too kind. Thank you for the lemonade and cookies."

"Anytime. I'm literally next door you know?"

Next to Sharon, Jack was the only person who knew she was pregnant.

"Should I ask who's the father?" He asked three weeks ago.

"We're not ready to reveal him yet," Hilary sighed. "How did you know?"

"The constant hand at the belly. Trust me, I've been around plenty of pregnant women to notice the signs. He must be very special."

"Yes very."

"Will you two get married?"

Hilary flushed from swift daydream of walking down floral decorated aisle to a waiting Devon.

"Oh. Was that too personal?" Jack asked. "I'm sorry about that."

Since then, Jack started being extra careful at work, making sure she drank plentiful water, took prenatal vitamins on time schedule. He even ushered her out of the door yesterday afternoon. Wooziness overcame a simple filing task.

Of course, Devon came home straight away and massaged her feet.

Home. Their home.

She was still getting used to the idea.

After Sharon left, Hilary found some time to organize data Jack emailed her. Although he instructed bed rest and folic acid, she worked anyway.

Yet while retaining order, focusing on tasks, thinking about a splendid future with Devon, pesky unease refused to die. Something just wasn't right. She didn't want to frighten Devon, but unexplainable malice poisoned what should have been happiest visions.

It wouldn't be long until skeletons rose from below the grave.

/

"I think this is the longest relationship since Roxanne," Lily commented, testing silver fork on a large piece of crisp arugula. "Are you that afraid of saying who she is?"

"Just give him time, Sweetheart," Cane said, raising a conspirator brow that said, "c'mon tell her or I will." Devon shrugged off minuscule threat. Although he loved the Aussie like a brother, it irked him to be rushed into telling a secret that wasn't his alone to confess. Then again, six months passed by, each day seeming like truth would come. They could be revealed. Hell, his family thought he still lived in a private suite. Not in a charming cottage between thin willow trees and perennial wildflowers.

Lily's behavior at the Jabot fashion show worsened. He watched his sister humiliate Hilary. She muttered nasty comments about the designer's navy blue dress not fitting due to constricting measurements and that Hilary should be lucky a tailor was there to altar "disrespectful" weight pain. It pissed him off. Earlier, he soothed Hilary's fragile state of mind. He sighed, watching her stare at other models, especially the star Esmerelda. The curly coifed beauty made sure to keep walking pass Devon and giving him sultry bold stares. Ah, but it was Hilary who took away Devon's capability of being alive. He naively convinced Hilary he would not stare at her the way he did whenever they were alone, but the sexy blue dress heated voracious impulse. His heart and mind filled with insatiable need that refused withering.

When it came to Lily, however, last week's pool incident was the final straw. Devon wished that she and Cane had stayed in Paris. Stayed away.

"Lily, what the hell has gotten in to you?" Devon screamed. "Have you no idea what you almost did? You almost-"

"Almost what?" Lily snarled.

He wanted to confess then and there.

Angered Lily gave him no chance to respond.

"Why do you keep defending her? She doesn't need you to play knight in shining armor."

"Lily, I love you, but you have got to lay off on Hilary. She has redeemed herself."

"Not in my eyes! Don't forget what she's done to us, to me, to Dad."

"I have forgiven her."

Lily's brows rose and hands immediately swept to her hips.

"Since when have you forgiven that skank?"

"Does it matter? All I'm saying is stop being cruel. And I told you not to call her that."

"No, Devon. She hasn't earned my kindness or my respect. Her reformed act may have fooled you, Jack, and maybe even Dad, but I will never trust her and neither should you!"

She rolled disgusted eyes and left him.

"The baby is fine," said Dr. Gillian Murphy, Hilary's OBGYN. "If she had been shoved any harder..."

"I understand," Hilary said, wiping tear stained face.

Once she had gone, Hilary snapped.

"Your sister almost made me lose our baby, Devon!"

"I know. I know," he said, massaging her shoulders.

"This is too much," she sighed. "Too much."

"Don't sound like that. Lily's behavior was inexcusable today, but don't make it sound like you want us to end, Hilary."

"I'm not... it's just. If it were me alone, I could defend myself against her, but with this baby..."

"Maybe it is best to stay low for a while."

And that was how Cane found out. He saw them leaving the hospital, holding hands, closely intertwined.

"I knew it," Cane snarled, confronting Devon alone. "I knew you two had something when we saw you at the bar before you got arrested."

"Don't tell anyone," Devon growled. "It's still so new for the both of us."

"New? This seems to be going on for months."

"And what if it has?"

"You're saying that I have to keep you and Hilary being in a relationship a secret from my wife? Do you know what this would do to her? I promised not to hide anything ever again."

"Yes. I will tell her in my own time."

Now Devon looked at his darling sister, a mother, a devoted wife, sitting across GCAC's fine table, wearing red tank top dress, her long loose hair curling about her thin shoulders. They had always been close. She had his back. He had hers. They were best friends. Yet he had a new obligation, a growing family to protect, one he helped create. He couldn't let anything or anyone come between the love of his life and their happiness. Not even Lily. It cut him like a knife, knowing that she could never forgive Hilary. Malice could extend to him if she found out...

"My man!" Neil entered the fray, reaching out and offering a handshake.

"Hey Dad!" Devon greeted.

"Still quiet on the girlfriend?" Neil looked to Lily and kissed her cheek. She nodded and rolled her eyes, smiling all the while.

"I don't see why this is a big deal," Devon said, scooping up the last of grilled zucchini.

"It is a big deal," Cane inserted. "After all, this may be the love of your life right? Why keep it hidden?"

Devon chewed, frowning at his brother-in-law.

"What do we have to do follow you or something?" Lily asked.

"No," Devon laughed.

"Better be careful, Son," Neil said sternly, flagging down a waiter. "You never know who's watching."

The comment gave Devon a sense of unease. Plus his father's eyes seemed to be filled with an incredulous air of suspicious intrigue. Devon smiled and shook his head anyway. His mind recalled Hilary's admitted discomfort.

"How are you holding up, Dad?" Lily asked. "Since you and Leslie..."

"Oh things are fine. I'm doing great."

"No desire to?" Devon gestured his head towards an older couple indulging in champagne.

"Not at all, Son. Not at all."

"So proud of you!" Lily exclaimed, touching Neil's shoulder. "Don't worry you will find a great lady someday."

"Oh I do have my eyes on someone," Neil said, staring coolly at Devon.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense Dad," Devon said, chuckling. "Who's the lucky lady?"

"You'll know soon enough."

"So cryptic," Lily said laughing.

"Yeah," Cane chimed in. "What's with you Winters men."

"Hey, you're technically a Winters man too," Neil teased.

"As much as I enjoyed this lunch, I do have to go," Devon announced.

"What are your plans?" Lily asked. "Ice cream and snorkling?"

"No."

His phone vibrated.

"Mint chocolate chip ice cream, crunchy peanut butter, and avocados please xoxoxo," Hilary texted.

Whatever she planned to make did not sound delicious, but it made him grin. Peanut had a crazy appetite.

"Okay," he texted back.

"Sharon was here," she said.

"Did you two get into any treble?" He quickly amended, typing on mini keyboard fast."Whoops, I mean trouble* :)"

"Why would we be in trouble? You think the worst in me."

"Babe, you know I love you- when you're trouble."

"Are you sure? Because I can be treble too."

"Hahahahaha. You're cute."

"I know."

"Earth to Devon," Lily said, snapping her fingers and laughing. "Stop being rude. Get off your phone and say goodbye to your family."

He smiled and hugged her, kissing her cheek.

"Yes. Where were you just now?" Neil asked, barging in, leaning close to peep at Devon's phone. "Looks like your special lady put a spell on you."

"She's pretty amazing," Devon said, slapping his phone shut.

"Is she now?"

"Yes."

He smoothed out short sleeved white polo and bade them farewell.

"Honey, I'm home," Devon called, carrying in grocery bags of requests.

"Devon," she called out, greeting him with a ginger kiss. "How was lunch with Lily?"

"Same ole same ole."

"Still asking about your mystery girlfriend?"

"I feel the walls closing in Hilary."

He collapsed in her arms, breaking down from internal struggle. She held him tight, her welcomed touch healing inner woe, offering him solace and comfort.

Most importantly, love. True love.

/

"There's a glow to you, Hilary," Neil had said, close enough to smell fragrant allure.

"Oh thanks," she responded, flushing and looking so radiant it struck him like speeding train wheels hitting tracks.

He stroked bearded face, sitting in dim lit office, watching her leave early in brilliant broad daylight. He had watched her all day, slyly of course. He noticed that she declined Gwen the accountant's offer of lunch. The twosome always ate lunch together. He saw her with the box.

"What's that?" He asked, handing her a manila folder containing Jabot's Forester Creations proposal, a secret plot he concocted to get him and Hilary alone.

"It's nothing," Hilary said, quickly hiding pregnancy test and taking the file. Neil purposely stroked her hand, almost groaning aloud from sensation. She must have felt it too, having snatched herself from his grasp immediately.

"Thanks Neil," she said, dismissing him.

An inkling told him to do it. To do the unthinkable. No one else was around when he entered Jack's office and dived into Hilary's trash can. Black gloved hands reached inside and black eyes leaped through contents. The lavender box contained the discarded pregnancy test. Slim white instrument with its daunting pink plus sign immediately crushed in leather grasp.

Brows knitted together so hard, they almost permanently joined.

He dumped Leslie. Dumped her cold and hard months ago on Valentine's Day.

"Neil, why are you doing this?" Leslie asked, tears glistening, too defiant to fall.

"I want to move on," he said, bored with theatrics. "With someone else."

"Someone else? You're cheating on me?"

"Not exactly."

"You bastard!"

She took off the expensive ring and flung it in his face. He only smiled, catching it with ease.

"What has happened to you, Neil? How can you be so cold, so unfeeling?"

"I'm sorry, Leslie. I truly am."

"I can do better than you anyway!" She retorted, wiping her absent face and smoothing her silk black bob.

That she did, marrying some young light skinned doctor much later.

Unfortunately for Neil, Valentine's Day also signaled the night an ugly ire invaded his chest, so ugly and volatile, he felt like Superman being struck by kryptonite. His own son. His own hotheaded, temperamental, billionaire son.

After all he had done for Hilary, readily forgiving her, recommending her to Jack. She repaid him by sneaking around his back, banging his son.

It had been easy to get Hilary's room key. Play the doting boyfriend eager to romance his lady, surprise her with chocolates and an over sentimental Hallmark card. He planned to confess that he had always wanted her, always even when she was spiking his drinks with alcohol and tempting Cane from his marriage. Cane proved his loyalty. Devon did not.

Room had been supplied with candles, chilled wine, upturned sheets. Sight made his brows rise. He recalled attempts, even before breaking up with his fiancee, to coax Hilary into seeing the light.

"Feel like catching a movie and a smoothie?" He asked.

"I have plans tonight," she replied. "Just me, wine, and a book."

"Want to grab a burger?" He asked the next day. "It's on me!"

"I have to call it a night," she said. "Jack has given me so much work, I'm too exhausted to even keep my head up to eat."

Rejection stung. He refused to give up. She felt sorry for herself, wanted to make amends and prove her worth.

In the room, however, a romantic scheme met his view. She returned. He stayed in the closet, watching her. He heard shower spray, saw her come from the bathroom clad in a thigh length robe. Her scent wafted into his hiding place, strangling him, arousing him. He wanted to come out, offer her the world...

Until the door rang and she giddily raced over to answer it. Their young, forbidden professions of love killed him. Devon killed him. Murdered remains of his fatherly love dissolved in a pit of rage.

They both lied. Those lying liars!

Memories of the closet ate him, consumed him. In delirious mind, he heard her moan for him, enchanting ferocious animalistic side threatening to explode when she said his name in the workplace. Times arose where he wanted to wipe files clear off the desk and take her right then and there. She taunted him enough.

But they couldn't be together. Not with that little problem in the way.

Jealousy ate sanity, growing and growing, itching and clawing. Inner lesion palpating to an inner rotting cancer.

He had done terrible things. Hurtful things. To a lot of people. Affairs were terrible. Some he felt guilty about. Others not so much. He had conservative morals, but ravenous, incurable appetite for women was nothing to apologize for. Women stroked that liberal libertine side of him. He was a man. A weak man.

Hilary seemed to be the end of the search. The light at the end of the tunnel. He would have her.

He had never hurt anyone as much as he was imagining inflicting pain on his competition. He had hoped for emotional, maybe even psychological consequences, but that unexpected baby...

Something had to be done about Devon. About the baby.

So he could have her. Then they would make a baby of their own.

"Moses would like that," he whispered to an empty room.