Random Stupidity

by Ethra Esme

A/N: JK Rowling, etc.

Chapter Two

The Bad Touch


The girls followed Snape up from the dungeons (where they turned out to be) and through the halls toward the Headmaster's office.

They both realized they were wearing uniforms, and Ethra reached into her robes, and pulled out a long, black wand.

"Wicked!" She hissed. Addie hurriedly dug into her own robes and procured a longer, mahogany wand.

"Hell yeah."

Ethra looked from her wand, to Snape, grinning deviously, then placed her wand back into her robes.

"I won't ask." Addie sighed, running her hand along the wall, and accidentally groping a woman's portrait.

"BAD TOUCH!!" It screamed at her. Addie jumped away from it and Ethra burst out laughing.

Snape's head snapped around. "Stop whatever you are doing, girls."

"'Kay." Ethra smiled.

"So, um." Addie whispered to her pink haired friend. "I guess we're at Hogwarts. Funny thing is, now that I think about it, I do have memories of first year, being sorted, and whatnot."

"Yeah, me too!" Ethra whispered back. "How convienient for both us and the author.

How convienient indeed.

Finally, they reached the gargoyle in front of the entry to Dumbledore's office.

"Ooh! I know what the password is!" Ethra screamed histerically. Snape jumped and then bristled, glaring at her.

"No, you don't! And ten points from Slytherin for yelling. If you make me take points from my own house one more-"

"Carmalized Crawdads!" Ethra yelled.

The gargoyle didn't move.

Snape looked smugly at her.

"No, wait, let me try again. Lemon drop?"

Nothing.

Addie rolled her eyes. "It's probably something totally different like Scotch on the rocks or some other hard liquor."

The gargoyle moved aside.

Snape glared at Addie for a second, then moved forward onto the stairs.

Addie shrugged to Ethra. "Just a guess." They followed Snape to the stairs, but Ethra slipped and hit her nose.

"Son of a fuck!"

Snape turned sharply as the staircase twisted its way to the Headmaster's office. "Ten points from-"

Then he saw Ethra gushing blood from her nose.

He rolled his eyes impatiently and handed her a small purple squarey thing.

"What's this?" She asked, spraying blood all over Snape's face. "One of those Weasely twins' things. I confiscated it this morning. Eat it."

Ethra popped it in her mouth and everything went blank.

Addie looked at Snape, who looked put off.

"I think that was a "Fainting Pastille" or something, Professor."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Just as Snape uttered that out of character phrase, they had reached the Headmaster's office, and the door was open. Dumbledore looked up and smiled.

"Keep digging, Watson."

Snape blushed. Unlike most people, who blush a faint pink colour, he blushed a dark greenish colour.

Dumbledore's eyes passed over to the unconscious, bleeding body of Ethra Esme. He looked back up quizzically at Snape, and then dug in one of his drawers, pulling out two potions. He walked over to Ethra and poured them both into her mouth. She roused quickly and looked into Dumbledore's eyes.

"Wow...they DO twinkle. Repeatedly."

She pulled out her wand and performed that one cleaning spell that the author can't currently remember.

Snape pulled Ethra up roughly from the floor by her cloak. He shoved both her and Addie toward the Headmaster.

"I am currently busy at the moment, Headmaster. Perhaps you could deal with them?"

"Of course." Dumbledore looked from Addie to Ethra, and back at Snape. "What did they do?"

"Out of their rooms at night, language, rudeness to a Professor, groping a painting-"

"HEY! I didn't mean to-"

"And that one-" He pointed to Ethra "I swear she was looking under my robes."

"I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before, but most people wear stuff under their robes. Did you not get the memo?"

Snape narrowed his eyes at her, positively shaking with anger and glowing an a sickly green.

"That's quite true, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly. "Alastor Moody always wondered why-"

"Can I go now?" Snape asked sharply.

Dumbledore nodded. "Of course, of course."

Snape swept around gracefully to leave, and swooped into the door.

Addie and Ethra burst out laughing and Snape rushed out the door.

"Now, now girls." Dumbledore looked at them sternly. "You must show Professor Snape the proper respect."

"Right." Addie nodded.

"Okay." Ethra agreed.

"Now what are you girls doing out of- oh to hell with it."

The girls looked at him quizically.

"Just go. Have fun. Trying to create some sort of plot would be meaningless and a pain in the ass, and not to mention totally pointless. Like I said, have fun."

Addie and Ethra looked at one another, and then smiled. They ran up to Dumbledore and threw their arms around him.

"We love you!" They said together, and then skipped off merrily to their dormitories. They needed plenty of sleep for the day ahead.

Dog have mercy on Snape's pants.