I laid face-down on my bed, drained both physically and emotionally after the ball last night. I had been this way ever since returning home, confined in my room without a word, nay, barely a thought. It hurt too much to think, filling me with uncertainty about the one I most loved and leading me to tears as a result. More blood had been taken then I had originally thought, so I was weaker than estimated, or maybe it was just my now feeble will. I wasn't sure what it was, but either way, I wanted to numb it all. My pain, my doubts, my fears. I wanted to go back to loving him unconditionally like before.

"Yuu?" There was a soft tap on the door and Kaien came in, carrying a trey of soup for us to share.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees, "Zero's not here anymore, is he?"

He sat the soup on the floor next to the bed and sat next to me, holding me in his arms like a father would his daughter, "Zero never came back,"

I dropped my head on his shoulder, "It hurts,"

"Your neck?" He asked, turning to look at me without disturbing me.

"No, not that much. I mean Zero. I told him that I loved him, and he left," I rasped, my throat dry from all of my tears.

He shook his head, "He left to protect you, not becuase he hates you,"

I frowned, "That's not what I mean. I mean, I'm upset that he's not here, but part of me is glad. I'm not sure what I feel anymore. I mean, part of me still cares for him, but now that I know that's one of them......" I trailed off.

"Yuu, that's normal after what you went through with your mother," He patted my head comfortingly.

I shrugged him off, "That's not right. I do hate vampires because of that, but I've made my peace with that situation. I'm confused because I hate what he is, but I love who he is, and I'm more mad that he didn't tell me from the beginning than anything, at least, I think that's my problem,"

"You're quite the woman, you know that? When you lost your mother, we all though that you'd lose it, but you proved yourself to be stronger and more capable than all of us. After your father snubbed you to protect you, I honestly thought that you would take it the wrong way and grow to hate him, but you love him more than ever because you understand what he did and why he did it. And after the incident.....Oh, so that's why you hate him, isn't it?" He grew more serious by the word, causing me to awaken from my slump.

"What did you say?" I panicked, afraid that that nearly secret incident had one more person in its deadly clutches.

"You heard me. You fell for him, didn't you?" He asked like a normal parent would have asked.

I lowered my head in shame, "Yes. I fell in love with with him, and I thought it was mutual, but it wasn't,"

"That's normal, especially for someone in our line of work," He nodded, knowing from personal experience.

"But is it normal to happen twice? Love, I mean, not the vampire bit," I looked at him for answers.

He sighed, "Depends on the type of love. True, everlasting love is once-in-a-lifetime thing. I believe that Zero could be that person, if only you can get past your insecurities,"

An idea hit me, "Would it be wrong to try both at once?"

"That is for you to find out," With that the conversation was done and he gave me my bowl of now cold soup.

*********

Zero

*********

How could I have been so stupid?! First Yuuki then Yuu. I just can't be trusted around girls, can I? I misread the situation and I lose a close friend and valuable partner. Yuu didn't deserve being lied to like that, I was so block-headed for thinking that! She should have known, she needed to know.

"Kiryuu," Yagari Touga walked up to the tree I was slouching under, his arms firmly crossed and a we-need-to-talk scowl across his face.

"Shisho," I nodded, acknowledging him and his lecture.

"You really messed up this one, kid," He shrugged and sat to me, keeping his distance and weapon ready should I attack like the monster that I am.

I hit my head against the tree, causing it more harm than me, "I know,"

"I'm not the type to lecture on personal matters, especially matters involving women and feelings, but I have to," The western-looking vampire hunter looked worse than I had ever seen him before, so serious was his expression.

"I really do care for her," I couldn't help but say, the feeling being pent up for years without any worded acknowledgement.

The older man nodded with a knowing sigh, "She's special, that girl, so take care of her unlike her old man did,"

I looked at him in great shock, "Yuu's your daughter?!"

"Her name's Yagari," He looked at me, amazed that I never knew that before.

"Shisho, will she forgive me?" I asked the one person who knew her the best.

He blinked at me, "For being vermin, possibly. For lying, who knows? I'll never understand women,"

********

********

I set the empty soup bowl down, looking at my ragged appearance in the glass picture fame above my bed. I wished the picture frame was empty, because then I wouldn't have to fight with looking between myself now and myself with Zero, beaming without a thought on how damn difficult my life was going to become. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I ran my fingers down smooth black stands of hair that desperately needed to be washed. The dress I was wearing was crumpled and wrinkled on my body but still looked nice for the most part.

"Zero, I promise that things will be fine between us, no matter what it takes," I smiled sadly, running my finger across his picture as I got out of bed.

*******

I sat in the bathroom after my shower, wrapped up in my towel still, looking out the open window at the sunny and blissful day. I knew that I should have finished getting dressed, but the warm sun was lulling me to sleep. The warm rays tingled on my skin where they instantly dried me.

"Yuu?" I heard my name being called softly.

I thought I was dreaming, so I answered back in still a gentler tone than the voice, "Yes?"

Next thing I knew, Zero was sitting in the open window, staring at my almost naked body. He quickly covered his face, but not before I woke up and ran into the next room. I slid down the back of the door, blushing and scared of my predicament. On one hand, I wanted to forgive Zero and possibly move on with him, but on the other, it was just too soon. I know that only moments ago I was ready to face him, but now that I actually am at that point, I can't do it, not yet.

"Yuu? Are you alright?" Zero asked softly from the other side of the door.

I turned my face toward the door, crystal diamonds sliding down my cheeks silently, "Please leave,"

"Yuu, you're crying," He said as a refusal.

I shook my head even though it was a pointless gesture, "Just go,"

"I need to talk to you," He slid his hand under the door and left a letter behind.

I looked at the letter but didn't touch it, "I'm not ready,"

"That's what the letter is for," He explained coolly, as if we were face-to-face, joking around as friends without a single problem between us.

"I want to hear you say it to my face," I pushed the letter back to him, "Later. Can you do that for me?"

He was silent as he took the letter back, "I promise that I'll be here every second of every day until you're ready to talk,"

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, "I'm not as strong as that, as you. I'm weak, and frail, and mortal,"

"Mortality, what an under-appreciated gift," Zero muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and crawled back to my room on all fours like the cowardly dog that I am, "I'm so sorry,"

************

I lay on my bed, unmoving in my towel, barely breathing between my wet outbursts. I felt so scared, so alone, even though I had no reason to be. I was terrified, afraid of every sound and every shadow. Humph, some hunter I am, quaking in fear at the slightest hint of motion.

"Yuu," Shisho called through the door as a way to tell me that he was entering the room.

I didn't move as he closed the door behind himself, didn't blink as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me. He merely looked at me for a second, gauging my current state. Obviously he decided I was well enough, because he he sighed in an "you're-about-to-get-an-earful" kind of way. I looked at him wordlessly, curious as to what he was going to say.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm not pissed, because I am. You're stronger than this, and we both know it. You did great with your mom's death, and I remember how close you two were. You handled you first heartache better than a veteran could after fifty years. You've forgiven me for abandoning you, and I still can't forgive myself for that," He shook his head as if in denial.

I moved my head from the flat bed to his leg, "Papa, I have nothing that I need to pardon you for, and never have. I know that you loved mama, so it was extremely hard for you to have to kill her. I understand, I underwent that same torture with him. I loved him, even though he was scum that needed to be killed, a vampire. I spared his life for my love, but it was killing me in so many ways, so I had to choose between him and myself. But he made it easy on me, he told me that he was just toying with me, that I was merely food for the taking. He told me that I was stupid little girl that needs to grow up,"

"I never knew what happened between the two of you, but I figured as much. You fell in love with him, he broke your heart, and as a woman scorned, you begrudge all vampires," He summed it up perfectly.

"So what scares me is not the fact that Zero is a monster, but the idea that he'll break my heart!" I sprung up happily, my funk over.

"I'm not saying that-" He grimaced as I hugged him merrily.

"Thank you, father, thank you!" I beamed.

He nodded his head and got up, "Get dressed, would you?"

I blinked and looked down. I was still in my towel. Oops.

I grinned cheekily and chuckled to hide my embarrassment, "If you hurry and leave,"

He rolled his eyes as he departed, "I knew leaving you with that man was a mistake,"

*************

"K"

*************

Yuu......Are you safe? Are you happy? Are you alright after what I did to you then? After all this time, do you still remember me? Am I the man you knew well enough to fall in love with? Or am I the monster that you need to kill, the one that hurt you? Yuu, as long as it's by your hand, I'll take any punishment lifetimes over, even though I deserve far worse.

"Mourning over her again?" Yuuki Kuran asked about the woman she's never met yet knew very well.

I frowned, hating to be like this and hating even more to talk about her like so, "Don't,"

She agreed instantly, fearing my tone and meaning no ill will, "My apologies,"

I pardoned her, too distracted by my sorrow, "Just don't do it again,"

Strong a vampire as I am, I'm too weak to handle the pain I feel from losing Yuu, even if it was by my doing. I loved her then, and I love her now. I will still love her after this cursed land has been dealt its final fate, after I lose my very soul and reason. I am forever bound to Yuu Yagari by my heart alone, and I wouldn't change that for the world, no matter what it causes me.

**********

I looked out a window at the moon, watching it shine brightly on a pair of lovers. They both looked so young and seemed to have the world before them. They embraced tightly as they sat under a sakura tree, shadowed from the moon's bleaching rays. He handed the woman a fallen sakura blossom, pinning it behind her ear, whispering some rubbish about how he much he loved her and how everything around them paled in comparison to her beauty. She smiled and kissed him, pulling him slowly closer.

"Peeping?" Aidou Hanabusa joked, walking up behind me from his meal.

I looked back at him from the couch I was stretched across, "I wouldn't do something so lewd,"

He stalked around the couch to face me, "Why don't you get her back?"

I was silent for a moment, "Because I'm no good for her,"

"Since when? You're the perfect guy! Anyone'd be lucky to have ya," He shook his head.

I sighed and pulled the worn velet box from my pocket and stared at it thoughtfully, "She's the only one I want,"

He plopped down, shoulders slumped in defeat, "Have it your way,"

I didn't look back at him as he left, I was too busy staring at the black box in my hand. The silver band inside was inscribed specially for Yuu, denoting my love for her. The ring was an engagement ring, free of jewels and outside markings. I had gotten it the very same day I had intended to give it, the very same day that I had to break Yuu's heart.

"Yuu, I want so badly to make you mine forever," I muttered to myself before continuing, "I want to see you, to know how badly I hurt you, but I'm too afraid. Afraid that you moved on, that you died, that you would forgive me,"

Ruka sighed behind me and left without a word, though I know what she was thinking as she watched me torture myself over my own sacrifice. She would tell me that if I was not going to stop, that I should at least try to hide my pain. She'd remind me that I was a man, and men need to be strong and not show their pain to anyone. She's right.

*********

Yuu

*********

I hastily dressed, caring even less than usual about how I looked as I sped to meet Zero and talk to him. I was so excited, so happy, so relieved, I felt as if something was horribly wrong, but I pushed the feeling back in my mind, dubbing it as fear of abandonment.


I'm so sorry it took so long!! I never meant to take that long of a break, but here we are. Also, I have changed my mind about an editor, mainly due to not understanding how to do it, but also because I have a rather strange schedule. I am sorry, so if anyone is upset, please forgive me! Shishou means master, just in case anyone forgot.