-1A/N: know I haven't updated any of my stories in a long time but my account was acting weird and I don't know I just haven't been in the mood to write for some reason. But now that GG is over for good I feel that I need to, so I'm sorry.
Reminder: I wrote this before LL got "back together" so keep that in mind.
It takes place a month after Mia's wedding. (Gilmore Girls Only)
So on with the story!!
I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend Kaci, thanks for the help!!
Despite Everything
Chapter two…
As I heard the faint but annoying tap of my heels against the road I mentally processed what I had just done. I walked into his diner, not to mention unannounced, sat in his chair, ordered his coffee…and then I fled. Then it hit me…What if he didn't read it?
I had written it small. He could have just left it or thrown it out without noticing. I remember thinking if that was the case, then all that strength it took me to get into that diner was a waste.
Damn it! I cursed myself quietly.. I sighed… I decided my first thought was wrong, this was Luke, after all he notices everything there is notice. He had to have read it. I forced myself to think..
But on the other hand what if he didn't get it, what if he thought that I meant I was sorry for walking away (which I was) and not for how much I hurt him.
That I knew.. I knew that everything I did hurt him… and to be honest, I wouldn't have blamed him for never trusting me or letting me back in.
But I had to try right?
I was pretty sure that he got what I meant, he does know me better than anyone ever did.. I then realized that I was crying, crying like I had every night since we separated..
I missed him so much that I was willing to do anything to gain his trust back.
I just hoped that he would forgive me.
I wished it could be that easy but I knew that it wouldn't.
I came to my driveway and stopped dead in my tracks.
"Rory?"
She was sitting on the porch stairs. She smiled.
"Mom!"
I ran toward her and we hugged tightly.
"What are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too." she rolled her eyes.
"I didn't me it like that, I meant what are you doing here standing before me. I haven't seen or heard from you in days, so I imagine you either got sucked into a black hole which led to a parallel universe or you were trapped inside-"
Rory interrupted, "Sorry I worried you."
I smiled. "A phone call would have been nice, I've tried calling you but you never answered." she stopped, "so you better have been on your death bed."
"Are you saying you wish I was dying?" she was in shock.
"No…" I replied carefully, "I am looking for a very good explanation."
"And I have a very good one that your going to LOVE." she said sincerely.
"Good, but I have a feeling I'm going to need some coffee, while listening to your long explanation so lets go inside."
"Sounds good." Rory agreed.
I walked toward the front door, I wrapped my arm around Rory and smiled.
"It's nice to have you back kiddo."
"Happy to be here." she grinned.
I unlocked the door, and we walked in. Paul Anka greeted us.
"Hey there, buddy!" Rory told the dog, while patting his head.
I walked over to the couch and sat down waiting for Rory to join me. She sat down and we both adjusted so we were facing each other.
"Okay Missy, Spill." I instructed pointing my finger at her.
"Well as you know I'm applying for work, and I've been up like every night since Mia's wedding searching the internet.. looking for new places to apply within the area-"
I gasped. "Rory you have already applied to everything remotely close to here."
Rory sighed, "I just want to keep my options open, I mean do have any idea how hard it is to have Paris as a roommate?"
"I can only imagine." I answered.
Rory nodded, "Knowing her she will get into all of the medical and law schools she applied for."
I began shaking my head, "Rory, just because your feeling discouraged right now.. It doesn't change the person you already are, and the person you will become. You know you are more than qualified to get into the places you applied to. I know you may not think this right now, as much as it pains me to admit it.. I believe you are ready to take your terrifying journey into the world."
"You really think so mom?"
I only nodded because I could feel the tears coming.
"Thanks mom, you have to know that your opinion matters most to me, knowing you have so much confidence in me, it means more than you know. I'm glad you know I can do this."
"I always have."
We hugged. She embraced me tightly.. I suddenly thought back to when she needed me, like this anyway.. It reminded me of her first day at Yale.
She hopped off her bed and hugged me. Tightly like now.
"Oh, whoa, oh, honey, honey."
"Look at this, look at this."
"Look at what?"
"Four hours at Yale and I'm already homesick."
"Well, that's okay."
"All I could think of the minute you left was "I want my mommy." I haven't thought that since I was two."
"That's natural."
"I'm eighteen. I can sign contracts, I can vote, I can fight for my country. I mean, I'm an adult. Adults don't want their mommies."
"Yes, they do, honey. I'm not a good example, but -"
"Everything's so foreign. I have to share a bathroom. I've never shared a bathroom with anyone but you. So I'm gonna be running into people in the bathroom, we're gonna have to make small talk. I don't know any bathroom small talk."
"Um. . .gee, your hair smells terrific?"
"You didn't socialize me properly. You made me a mama's girl. Why don't I hate you?"
"Why don't I want to be away from you? It's going to be very hard to be Christiane Amanpour broadcasting live from a foxhole in Tehran with my mommy. I guess you're just gonna have to learn how to operate a camera 'cause I'll need you there with me."
"I would do that."
"And how did I end up at Yale? I mean, I let Grandma and Grandpa manipulate me right out of Harvard and into Yale. That's how strong-willed I am. I know nothing about Yale."
"Not so - you've memorized its entire history."
"How can you be so fine with this? You left here without a care in the world."
"That's not true."
"You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I paged you - turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do something to make me hate you."
"Uh. . .go Hitler!"
I smiled at the memory.
Rory had always needed me, it was a scary thought to know that someday soon she would not. I never wanted to let go of that hug, but when we parted she had tear stains on her cheeks.
She laughed lightly, "Look at us."
"I know its going to be hard when you are gone for-"
Rory looked at me questioningly.
I didn't want to say for good because as of right now we didn't know where she was headed.
I stood up, with a slight smile.. "Coffee?"
She nodded and followed me into the kitchen.
"I'll dot it, mom."
I sat the table, and within seconds a mug was in front of me, Rory sat down across from me.
"Okay, mom what is going on with you?" she approached cautiously.
I had to tell her what was on my mind.. Although, I didn't want her to jump to conclusions. I had to tell her something, I knew that because it would be to difficult no to.
"Mom?" I was so wrapped up in thought I forgot she was still waiting for an answer.
"Well.. I kind of have something big to tell you." Rory's eyes lit up as she waited for me to continue, "Rory, I went into the diner today."
"Mom, that's great."
I shook my head, "No Rory.. "
She raised her eyebrow and gave me a strange look.
"What are you talking about, of course it is!" She explained it like I was missing something very obvious.
I shook my head once more, but before I could explain myself she began talking.
"Mom, you haven't been in that diner since the break-up, it was good for you to go in their and take the first step, you will be on your way to repairing your relationship in no time at all, I mean think about it, you obviously thought about it and went in when you were ready. Its only a matter of time-"
I stood up, "No Rory, STOP!" she looked at me with confusion, "Rory, you don't understand."
"Then help me understand." She responded so quietly I could barely here her.
I took a large gulp of my coffee and started to say what I wanted to all along, "Rory, it was awful." I stopped to look at her, her eyes were apologetic. "The thing is, that I didn't think about it, I don't even remember walking there, I just ended up there." Rory nodded, "It was a mistake, because I wasn't ready, I just want things to go back to normal, and I wasn't thinking and I had to do something.. I did something drastic, and I can't take it back. I was so uncomfortable, Luke looked at me like I was some kind of mirage. It was so hard, so hard to talk to him, I hated it.. Its got me thinking that things will never get back to normal." I sighed, glad I got that off my chest.
Rory looked at me like she was preparing herself to say something, and oddly I already knew what it was.
"Mom, you shouldn't have done it if you weren't ready.." she paused, I know she regretted she said that, I could tell by her eyes. She continued in a gentler tone, "I know it was a mistake, but now the whole town is going to know."
I nodded unable to speak anymore, I buried my face in my hands.
