CHAPTER HAS BEEN UPDATED!

Author's note: Hello again faithful friends...Just dropping a note to let you know that this chapter has been wonderfully beta-ed by the Amazing Kichi. Hopefully it will be easier to read. Enjoy the reading...(3-23-08)

Disclaimer 1: Batman and all related characters belong to DC COMICS

Disclaimer 2: Some MATURE LANGUAGE and SITUATIONS might be present so reader discretion is adviced.

Chapter 2: INTRODUCING: ME, TAKE DEUX

Once he finished reading the newspaper funnies, Joker headed back to his room leaving Blip to do his computer wizardry in the living room. That boy was probably one of the best computer hackers out there and Jokerwas happy to have him by his side. Not that he could not do the job himself but Blip was one of those guys that could work real magic with a keyboard and a mouse, leaving Joker the time for the creative process. Also, keeping Blip happy was easy. Just get the boy the latest computer toys on the market and a few Franklins and Blip would follow you to the ends of the Earth. He was also easy to mold for his needs, the boy just lacked a personality of his own. And the Joker could read that the kid craved his guidance. He could do no less than oblige.

The Clown Prince closed the door behind him and sat at the desk. He replaced the lamp so that it illuminated the surface and opened the small drawer on the right hand side where he saw a small stack of yellowed paper and a pencil stump. He took one sheet of paper setting it squarely in front of him and sharpened the pencil stump with his Army knife. Joker closed his eyes and felt the energy, his thoughts running at the speed of light. So many things he could do; so little time to do them all. His audience was expecting a masterpiece and he was not going to disappoint them. He bit his tongue softly and hunched over the table. "Time to do an early withdrawal …"

He giggled softly and started to jot down names.

GOTHAM CENTRAL BANK, FIRST GOTHAM NATIONAL… oh, so many choices…

Get schematics on building and security systems from Blip.

Load with Joker Juice.

Joker sighed deeply while he let his head rest on top of the table. "No,no, no.

How low can I fall?" He said softly with a sad heavy voice. "Me! Robbing a mere bank, it's unbelievable, unacceptable. Where is the fun in that?"

While still resting on the table he drew a tombstone at the bottom of the page with the inscription: "Here lies Joker, the genius who missed the spotlight, committing small, trivial crimes." then turned the page around.

"Let's try this again, shall we? Who can I blackmail in this town forsome fun?" He started to jot down names.

MAXIMILLIAN DAVENPORT, banker

BRUCE WAYNE, millionaire entrepreneur;

DOUGLAS

"Wait a minute! Didn't I tried this before and got tackled in the middle of the game? Change of strategy Dan Marino," yelled Joker forcing a cackle. It would have been fun to bring some more Joker Joy to the boring life of the rich and famous but he remembered that kidnapping Davenport was the plan that got him arrested last time. No need to get there again. In the center of the page Joker drew a very large and menacing bat with large horns, fangs and claws, drooling and staring at him with those empty white eyes. Hanging from one of the Bat's leg he drew a tiny screaming baby in diapers with a safety pin in the shape of the letter R holding a black cape around his neck. Under the bat he wrote 'Roses are red, violets are blue, boy blunder and bat-sap, can spoil your fun too.' Joker violently tossed the paper to the floor and grabbed a second sheet. He started writing again.

I hate bats. I think they are nasty creatures, transmit the rabies, and have no sense of humor. They also have a wonderful uppercut that can really make your head spin…

You know, I'll have to admit that the rabies is not that bad because, well, that one can kill you, but I still hate bats. I think it is the worst type of vermin, and I can't understand why people cheer for them.

"What does he have that I don't?" He said to himself

...It's not fair. I always do my best to captivate the audience and at the end, what? It's him who steals all my applause. I even dress better than he does for heaven's sake! Why is this overgrown rodent so obsessed with me? Maybe there is something in the genetics of bats that makes them hate funny clowns, and lack any sense of humor. Maybe we should re-engineer bats so they can laugh, maybe we should just neuter him. The last thing we need is a humorless bat reproducing around, don't we?/ Joker paused and sighed deeply, then went on. Did I just say I hate bats? Yes, I think I did, and before I forget, I hate birds too… especially Robins….

He wrote aggressively. There was lot of energy flowing into each sheet and papers started falling to the floor. One sheet of paper followed the other written on the front, the back, and any blank space available. Words followed diagrams, that gave way to cartoons, then again to words and he quickly ran out of surface to write. He swiftly looked around and saw that just above the bed's headboard was a small clear space. He was inspired and needed to write one more sentence. With a quick movement he jumped on the bed and started scribbling on the wall, but the pencil he had was blunt and too small to sharpen again. He grabbed his Army knife and started scraping the wall. The knock on the door distracted his concentration.

"WHAT?" he yelled. The door opened and Blip's spectacled face came through.

"Brought you the notebook...boss." Blip stopped at the door. The lighting was dim, but there was enough sun entering through the window cracks to figure what was going on. The floor was littered with sheets of paper written all over. Joker was kneeling on the bed panting, his open asylum shirt in disarray. In his hands he was holding the Army knife tightly and there was something carved on the wall behind him:

I HATE BATS

"Oh goody, I was in need of that." answered the Joker letting go of the knife, jumping off the bed and taking the notebook from Blip.

"Is everything alright, sir?"

"Peachy, why?" Joker saw Blip shrug and point to the wall. "Just letting the creative juices flow, that's all. Now if you'll excuse me…" He sat down at the table once again opening the notebook on the first page.

"By the way boss, Phil's crew emailed me and is accounted for, so there are about twenty of us still around… and the things they said…" Blip could hear the boss acquiescing softly. "Have not heard from Phil himself though, but I don't think he's gonna show up. Not after whathappened at Davenport's. They are also saying that the bat has been visiting some of your old associates asking for your whereabouts."

"That's to be expected. The Caped Crusader is a persistent detective and is obsessed with me." A sinister laughter could be heard building up while he searched in the desk's drawer frantically." Hmm … Blip do you have something I could write with?"

"Sure," Blip looked at the wall Joker had carved while pulling a pen from his shirt. Joker took it with a wide smile.

"Think for a moment. He corners me, beats the crap out of me, shackles me and throws me in a dungeon. Don't you see a little SM and Bondage pattern there? And don't let me get started on that twisted relationship between him and young Diaper Boy. It's just repulsive. A grown man hiring young wards for some nightly hanky panky… the police should do something about that pedophile."

"Well, haven't thought of it that way," said Blip slowly backing off the room. It was time for the boss to be alone. He was obviously going through a rough time and later he might in a better mood to talk to, because now he was not making much sense. "If you need me I will be in the living room. Need to settle some shipments for Terrence's gang, you know? I bought some coffee and donuts for breakfast. They're in the kitchen."

"Okey Doke. What… breakfast?" Joker asked turning to face Blip with a wide surprised look. "What time is it, Blip?

"Eight-forty-nine... a.m."

"Oh my… time really flies when I'm having fun." Joker started to laugh loudly. Blip smiled and exited the room closing the door behind him. He could even here the maniacal laughter from the other side of the living room. The laughter started to subside after he left the room and he returned to his laptop to complete the details of the next shipment for Terrence's Candy Man.

In the room, Joker was reclining on the chair, tapping the pen on the desk and eyeing the white empty pages of his notebook with a sense of longing when finally the muse hit him. He leaned over and started to write.

DEAR DIARY

JUNE SOMETHING, 2006, 8:49 a.m.

Life's not easy, even if you are a genius and I'm living proof of that. It doesn't matter what ingenious plan I elaborate, the Caped Manhunter always gets his ears in my business. I don't think there's a bone in my body that the winged monster has not broken already. I have tasted my own blood many times thanks to his habit of using me as his personal punching bag. I have been strong and withstood his punishment, I have been focused on my mission to bring terror and chaos to this darkened city, but why am I still failing miserably time after time? Why doesn't he get the message and leave me alone?

Joker stopped for a moment and gazed through broken glass. The day outside seemed bright and the sky was blue. This type of weather was a rare occurrence in a city that was most of the time covered in fog or heavy clouded skies. Maybe seasons were changing, Joker thought, maybe there was something good coming to him after all.

My name is terror, my last name mayhem. People see me and they run in fear which I have to admit is fun and I'm really proud of that. I am oved and respected by few; hated and loathed by most… except him.

He just doesn't care. I have to work so hard to make myself noticed by that overgrown rat that it's ridiculous and tiresome… why can't he laugh and just…DIE…like the rest of the people in this city.

Bats don't have a sense of humor…he's not going to laugh at your jokes.

"Whoa! I said that already, didn't I?" Joker said under his breath looking at the last written line. The letters were larger and bolder and the print was something different to his ornate, cursive style. Joker looked at the pencil in his hand then looked around suspiciously running a quick hand between his long green hair locks. "That's creepy and it's not easy to creep me out." He continued writing.

I need to bring down the Batman… but how?

He is no longer a man. The madness has engulfed him. There is only the bat and bats don't laugh.

Who are you? This is my diary and you are interrupting my line of thought so shoo! Begone!

Does it really matter who I am? You don't know who you are most of the time…

"I am the Joker, the Clown prince of Crime, the most renowned homicidal artist in Gotham and the world." He finally yelled rising and kicking the chair forcefully aside. He leaned over the table panting angrily.

And the bat's still out there waiting for you to make a mistake.

"Shut up!" Joker said waving the pen over the diary. "I'm not going to tolerate language like that. I don't make mistakes and Batman…well, he can kiss my ass."

I thought you wanted to destroy the Batman, Joke man?

"I also want my face in Mount Rushmore, thank-you-very-much! And the name is Joker! Either you get your facts straight or I'll kill you, and you know I want to kill someone tonight."

If that's what you want, you have been doing this the wrong way. You two are opposites of equal power. He's strong and humorless, you are not.

Joker backed from the desk and started pacing nervously, running his hands through his hair trying to remove the green locks from over his eyes. "Is that wrong? We're nemeses, antitheses, north and south polesof a magnet. The Ying and the Yang…he's the good son, I'm the black sheep." He went back to the desk and leaning over the notebook, started to write again.

You are still missing the picture, JOKEMAN. You never win because your battle is always perfectly balanced. Turn YOUR WEAKNESSES into YOUR STRENGTHS. And stop thinking from inside the box.

"My weaknesses… now let me see," Joker said tapping his head with his index finger. "I am more intelligent, handsome, ruthless, and well dressed. My only weakness is that I can't grow a Charles Atlas physique over night."

The pen is mightier than the sword, the mind, more powerful than the fist. Bats are methodical creatures, Jokers are …

"Insane, I know, I know. The Joker is wild and all that." Joker pulled the chair back towards him and reclined on it looking at the ceiling. "I like it, it's my sex appeal. No hesitation, or remorse; and reality is any color I want it to be. And the voices in my head"…Joker sighed. "Well, I like the voices in my head. They keep me company when I'm all by myself."

Think outside of the box, Jack.

"And how can I start thinking outside of the box? It's not that I lack imagination, you know?" Joker's voice was raspy and angry.

Think of chaos in a global scale. Butterflies flutter in New York thus someone dies in Tokyo and you'll earn your place in Rushmore.

"Not only a change in cast but, also a change in the program, from cable to Dish Net, that's what I need. I'm such a genius. The rest of you reading…idiots if you couldn't come up with this." Joker made a raspberry. "This is going to be my best performance in history, and just wait until I start touring."

Joker exploded in laughter, his body jerking and twitching like an epileptic seizure while tears of joy started to well on his eyes. Then the real dimensions of this new project presented themselves in front of his eyes and the laughter stopped abruptly. Joker closed the notebook.

He has always known that achieving his goals was not going to be an easy task but this… this was going to be the hardest thing he had to do to date. The change had to be complete if he was to succeed; to tip the scale in his favor. He needed to fight the bat in his own court, with logic; he had to force his brain to think like the detective if he was to overcome the beast. It was the only way because everything else he had tried had not worked out and he needed his city back, for his greatest performance. It would only be just for a little while, he reasoned; once the Ratman was dead there would be no reason to pretend anymore, he could be his jolly old self. Sanity couldn't be that bad for a little while, right? He would endure. He would triumph. He would beat the Caped Crusader in the battle of the minds and his defeat would be memorable, even for generations to come and Gotham would loose its bat…

Wait a minute… what will happen when there was no more bat? Who will be a worthy adversary for his genius if it wasn't good old Batsy? Joker's eyes widened with terror at the thought of living in a world just by himself, without the bat trying hard to mess with his plans so he could outsmart the beast every time. He held his breath. How could he live all alone in such a large city like Gotham? The solution was simple… he could move to Metropolis and antagonize Super-Dope for a change… after all he hated boy scouts too, and Luthor…well, Luthor was an idiot. Whew!

That was close. Now time was running out and he had to get ready. Batman was about to meet his equal.

"Blip, I need you." Joker called opening the door of the room.

"Yes, boss." Blip answered while drinking a can of soda.

"I need you to rent me a car, make it a big car, all terrain, tinted glass and pronto. I need to run some business out of the city. And bring me some theatrical makeup as well, along with dark hair dye, black will do."

"Where are we going?"

Joker cocked his head slightly. "You? Nowhere. This is something I need to do on my own. I also need someone I can trust to manage my business while I'm gone and see if you can find that useless idiot of Phil. I need to have a little chat with him."

"But sir, you might need protection, the cops will be in the roads too."

Joker smiled wildly. "Let me handle the pigs. Now if you want to make Uncle Joker very happy, stay home and when I come back we're going to kill ourselves a bat and a few birds, all right?"

"But sir…"

"Stay or I'll kill you." Joker smiled very wide. "Painfully."

Michael nodded. "When are you planning on coming back?"

"I'll let you know when I'm ready to come back. In the meantime, the muse has hit me and I need of your abilities to develop a little program for me. Your computing brilliance and my comedic genius… we are going to bring this town down on its knees, the whole country is going to hear the name Joker and never forget it." Joker's face was split by a malevolent wide grin. "Come in and I'll let you into my little plan."

Blip saluted and moved over the coffee table where he had set his laptop. Gathering all of the peripherals, cables, and computer he was ready to follow the boss into the bedroom. Joker grabbed his shirt, and rest of his clothes while humming 'Follow the yellow brick road'. Once back into the bedroom, he stopped by the notebook on the table.

"WOW.Dr. Arkham, you were right. Journal therapy REALLY works." The realization that for once the doctors at Arkham had provided him with a tool to destroy the Batman was too funny, and he could not contain urgeto laugh with all his might at the irony of it all.