Chapter 2: Can't Help

Disclaimer: Doctor who isn't mine.

Just one trip. Clara promised herself. One trip and I'll have him drop me off strait away.

He had taken them to see the end of the world. She and the Doctor were probably below on that planet somewhere. She learned then that everything ends. Not everything ends. She sneaks a glance at the Doctor. Not love. Not always.

The Doctor has gotten himself involved with one of the tree people. It's a woman who seems a little too friendly with him for Clara's taste. Of course, he attracts women like flies to honey. She thought, somewhat scornfully. Clara felt that it was her duty to stay with him and make sure he didn't do anything stupid, even as Rose stepped out to phone family.

Clara almost choked when the woman, Jabe, mistook her for his wife, and she saw red when Jabe tread into forbidden territory.

"And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two. Perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left." Clara realized quickly where Jabe was going with her monologue. The Doctor was keeping his eyes locked at his feet.

Stop, you idiotic woman! Can't you see that he doesn't need to hear this! Clara raged internally.

"I scanned you earlier. The metal machine had trouble identifying your species. It refused to admit your existence. And even when it named you, I wouldn't believe it. But it was right. I know where you're from." At this point, Clara jabbed her sharply with her elbow. Jabe looked up to see fire and brimstone in her eyes.

"Forgive me for intruding." Jabe amended contritely "I just wanted to say how sorry I am."

The Doctor had let a single tear escape by the end of her monologue, and Clara's heart broke, just a little bit. She couldn't help but go to him and put a hand on his shoulder. The Doctor's head snapped to look at her and she met his gaze, her eyes radiating warmth and love.

It was then that Clara realized she was a fool. There was no way she could leave the Doctor, not on her own free will, not while he needed her.


You do not belong here.

The voice was not spoken aloud, but directly into her mind. Clara's blood froze, and then she noticed the Face of Boe, sponsor of the event, looking at her.

Clara chanced a glance at the Doctor, it wouldn't be long before he wanted to leave but Rose seemed to be keeping him occupied for now.

Please don't say anything. Clara frantically thought. He needs me.

She heard what sounded like a chuckle reverberate through her mind. Then his voice turned sad. Pehaps he does. Still, there are severe consequences to altering the past.

Please, I just want to help him. Clara begged. I- I-

She couldn't continue that thought. She still couldn't admit to herself what she knew in her heart to be true.

You love him. Boe finished for her, and Clara bowed her head in admission.

Be careful Clara Oswald. If you make the wrong change, you could be erased from existence, but I will not stop you.

Even while the mental presence withdrew, Clara felt a sliver a fear in her heart. Nothing had happened yet, but did she run the risk of making one wrong move and being erased from existence?

But then again, her head was buzzing with half remembered lives. Some of them were from Galifrey. Already, some relevant memories were coming to light.

She could do this. As long as she was smart, she could make this work.

Right?


It turned out that it wasn't the Doctor, but Rose, who first became suspicious.

This Doctor, 'didn't do domestic', even though she knew in a few hundred years he would be playing blind man's bluff with the two kids she was baby-sitting. Regardless, this version of him obviously didn't care about his companion's home lives, and actively avoided any conversation about that subject.

That suited Clara just fine, it made it easier to hide her true past, but then he returned Rose a year late. The Doctor didn't pick up on the fact that Clara didn't seem keen on contacting family, but Rose noticed.

While the Doctor was leaning in close to the telly, trying to catch every detail on the spaceship that crashed into Big Ben, Rose pulled her to the side. "Clara… don't you have any family? Somebody to phone?" She asked haltingly "You've been gone a year, aren't there people who will be worried about you?"

Lie.

"I had a mum, but she… she died when I was little." Clara's voice genuinely broke; the pain of visiting the exact date of her mother's death was raw.

Rose's eyes grew wet. "I'm sorry. For prying." She apologized. "My dad died, years ago." Rose favored her a bittersweet smile "I don't even remember him." Then they were hugging, both of them half-crying messes. Clara could practically hear the Doctor scoffing from across the room.

"Shut it you." Clara ordered, but her voice is fond, not biting.

"I didn't say anything!" The Doctor protested innocently, too innocently. Clara smirked and Rose stifles a laugh.

"Humans." The Doctor muttered. Then he mentioned something about getting some fresh air and ducked out.

Clara immediately became suspicious. "He's going to the Tardis, isn't he?" Rose asked, echoing her own thoughts.

Clara gave a long suffering sigh "We better go after him. Who knows what trouble he'll get into without us there to watch after him?"


Clara had that look on her face again.

She got that look a lot, especially when she was looking at him. He could scarcely pilot the Tardis without feeling her eyes burning holes in the back of his head.

The Doctor felt smothered.

It was more than the domesticity of the Tyler household. It was more than the usual lull after adventures. It was more than the weight of his guilt pressing down on him.

It was Clara.

"What is it?" He asked her. The brunette startled, blushing cutely.

Cute? The Doctor berated himself internally.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"You've got a look on your face, stop it."

"I did not have a look on my face." Clara denied vehemently.

The Doctor held his hands up in surrender. "Fine! Fine."

He had taken both of them to see the end of the world to help them understand. Everything ends. His world was gone. He was alone.

But it seemed like Clara knew without even being told. When Jabe had brought up the fate of his people, Clara had been right there, her eyes shining with comfort, kindness, and...

And love.

That was the look on her face, and it was smothering, oppressive, like being enveloped in a thick warm blanket.

He was torn. There was a part of him wanted to run for away from her. She had an uncanny power to see right through him, and that scared him to his core.

But then he remembered the promise he made himself all those years ago. Fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind. And all he wanted to do is let go, to give in and accept the love she was so freely giving.

He shook himself. After 900 years he'd thought he knew better. Clara was kind and caring, and far too good for him. When she figured out what he had done to his own people, and she would, she would never look at him like that again.

His companions always left (well, the lucky ones did), Rose and Clara would be no different. He couldn't get too attached. He knew that. He knew that.

That couldn't stop the surge of fondness he felt whenever Rose's eyes alighted with curiosity, or the way his hearts skipped a beat whenever he and Clara so much as touched, or when she looked at him like that or...

His thought process derailed as he realized where it was going. He was so screwed.


A/N: Sorry for the long update time. I didn't feel like writing after Kill the Moon, for obvious reasons. Regardless, I'm back with lots of future plans. Enjoy!