How long will my misery go on for? I thought to myself as I prepared to tell Esme that I was leaving .for now. Alice morosely walked up to me, her eyes looking down and her face even paler than usual. Edward. Do you have to leave? None of us want you to be alone. Especially now... Alice thought as we walked slowly around the edge of the forest near Tanya's.

We had been here for three weeks though it felt like three years and yet I still couldn't get Bella out of my mind. I can't think about her even though I miss her so- I groaned and sank to the ground unsteadily and stared at the grey clouds that blanketed the sky. Alice stood over me, her eyes concerned as she tried to look at my future. But there was nothing. Only black. Darkness. I avoided her gaze.

"Esme is coming. You might as well tell her now. Don't worry. She will understand." Alice whispered as she held out her hand to help me up. My body didn't fell weak exactly. But it felt exhausted though I could never sleep. My dead heart felt like it had disappeared and my entire existence felt like a waste. Even before Bella knew who I was, before I even met her, even when I was changed, I never felt like this. Like I didn't care if I lived or died. If that is what we do.

"Edward, Alice says that you have something to tell me. " Esme walked up to me and enveloped me in a hug. I hung there limply, using her support to keep me up as my eyes smarted peculiarly. Esme drew back an inch or two, to look me in the eyes.

"Oh Edward I know that it hurts but we all know that you are doing the best thing for her. Please don't hurt." Esme whispered too low for human ears to hear but it was fine for my vampire hearing. I looked at her pure, innocent face, which was full of love and compassion, then turned slightly to look and Alice, the chirpy, annoying, but sweetest sister I had ever wanted and then back to Esme. Could I really leave my family because I couldn't keep myself together? Because I couldn't be normal? I had no choice.

"Esme, I am leaving here. For now. I can't just sit her and think about-"I hesitated as my breath caught in my throat. "- about Bella. I need to do something anything instead of letting the misery wash over me! I am so sorry Esme." By this time the rest of the family had gathered around and stared at me sullenly. Everyone knew that this was going to happen. Tanya hung back, her strawberry blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, but I couldn't see her face. She looked at the ground and her thoughts were sad as she believed that is was her fault that I was leaving.

"Do not worry Tanya. Cousin. It is not your fault. Never think that. If anything you have helped me. And I am sorry that I am leaving you all but I think that it is the only way. Because I can see that my sadness is bringing you all down especially you Jasper." Jasper looked at me and a swirl of tranquillity overwhelmed us all. I smiled at him and he grinned back. I owe you so much Edward. But I know that this will pass and all will be well. Jasper thought as he turned to Alice and held her hand. I turned to glance at Rosalie and Emmett. For once Emmett was quiet and not grinner, his thoughts sombre as he relived the way I had been with Bella. Rosalie looked down as my eyes met hers. Maybe I was too harsh on them both. Maybe he does need her. Rosalie though. Carlisle looked at me, grief that I was so unhappy emanated from his thoughts. I stepped forwards, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Carlisle. Father. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for believing in me. That is all I could ever ask for. Thank you. All of you." And with that I ran into the forest no knowing where I was going, when I would come back, or if I could come back at all.