Okay, second chapter. My first one obviously sucked, because nobody reviewed. That means I suck. You guys make me feel sucky. NOT NICE!!!! If no one reviews, I will be forced to hunt down all you ghost readers and plant a Mary Sue in your head. COME ON PEOPLE!!!

I'm done. You can start reading now.

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In Naruto's Apartment…

"Nice place you got here."

"Heh. It's okay."

"Down to business. As your body guard, I have prepared a list of potential threats. Since I am the only person in the Leaf, and probably all of Fire country who can read English, I will tell you all of them." Laurali took a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"First Threat: Akatsuki. I have this one taken care of. Sec—"

Naruto Interrupted, "How?"

" I sent over my twin sister and her legion of Mary Sues to take them out. All the hot guys are evil, didn't you know? "

Naruto blinked and sat back in his chair. "My self esteem has just been trodden on,"

Laurali didn't even blink. "Second threat: Sai."

"How is he a threat? He's mean, cold and inconsiderate, but mostly harmless."

Laurali narrowed her eyes. "He is not a direct threat to you, but he is to my sanity. I mean, come on! He is so blank! I can't read him at all! His word choice is appalling and overly penis-themed! It's disgusting! And he has terrible Fashion sense! I could make that outfit look better!"

She paused, and smiled a cruel smile that made Naruto shrink in terror. " And I will! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Laurali jumped out the window.

"Can I borrow this, art-dude?" Was heard through the open hole in the wall most people call a window.

"What do you mean—AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Laurali jumped back through the window, holding her prize. Then she smiled her little smile again, and ran into the other room.

Naruto looked out the window.

Sai was standing in the middle of the street, in tighty whiteys.

Naruto burst out laughing.

Two minutes later…

Laurali thrust open the door.

"Well? How do I look?" (A/N: Think Sai with white hair and boobs. BIG Boobs.)

Naruto's nose stared bleeding.

And he passed out from blood loss.

"AH! I JUST KILLED MY OWN CLIENT!"

This was not good.

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At Sakura's house…

"Sakura! You have to help! Naruto's dead! And there are a bout five perverts at your door, waiting for me."

"OMG! Naruto's dead??? And there are Pervs at my door??? And—Wait a second, who are you and how did you find my house?"

"I'm Laurali, Naruto's new body guard. Your name and address were on the fridge."

"Oh."

"Well, is he dead or unconscious?"

Sakura never got to answer Laurali, be cause at that moment the Pervs broke through Sakura's door.

"Helllllloo Hot Mama! Come give me a kiss!" One Pervert said. Let's call him… oh wait. He's Jiraiya.

"PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!" Laurali screamed, jumping through Sakura's window. And breaking the glass.

"HEY! THAT'S MY WINDOW!" Sakura yelled.

"I can pay for it!" Laurali yelled back.

Sakura just shook her head. She was going back to bed. Naruto could wait.

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Okay seriously. REVIEW. If you didn't like it, tell me what you didn't like. Just so that it doesn't happen again, tell me how to fix it. PLEASE.