Thanks for the positive encouragement for this story. I'm so glad you all like it. Here is the next installment. Hope you all enjoy!
The Pain
I open my eyes to the sun blazing into my room, successfully blinding me. Great, a lovely start to another lovely day. I think I've been hanging out with Jane for too long, her sarcasm is rubbing off on me. Oh no, Jane. Just the thought of her pains me now. It's been two days since I left her a note on her fridge. I confessed my love for her. I gave her control over everything involving us and I'm not so sure that was a good idea.
I gave her the letter on Friday, it is now Monday and I haven't heard from her at all. Usually she would come over and watch a movie, maybe spend the night, but not this weekend. Today we'll have to see each other though. I mean we do work together. I just hope it won't be too awkward.
Slowly I push myself out of bed and head for the shower. I can't let my emotions towards Jane effect my normal put togetherness.
Once showered I get dressed in a lovely blue dress with matching heals and do my makeup immaculately as usual and head off to work.
Deciding to grab breakfast on the go I head to the local coffee shop, the one where Jane spilled coffee on that awful, woman and before I can help it I'm dialing Jane's number. Sadly it only rings once and goes to voicemail. She must not want to talk to me. The thought adds additional hurt to the pain I was already feeling. This day really is going to be a bad one.
I make it down to my morgue without seeing her and start the day. I have three autopsies to perform which keep me very busy. The next thing I know it's 6 o'clock and time to go home. Having lost track of time I never took lunch and I now realize that I'm starving. I have the urge to call Jane and see if she would like to join me for dinner but then I remember this morning and I think better of it.
I just end up grabbing take out on the way home, deciding to eat alone and wallow in sorrow. As I approach home I start to get a strange feeling in my lower gastric muscle. Something isn't right and as soon as I pull into my driveway I found out why.
Jane is standing on my porch, looking gorgeous as ever, but an expression of pain on her face. I feel as if my heart has dropped into my stomach, even though I know that's not scientifically possible. I shut off the car and sit to gather my wits. This conversation is going to be hard but it needs to happen. I grab my belongings and take the plunge, heading towards the woman I'm in love with.
As I approach I can visibly tell that Jane is tense. Her hands are at her sides and they are in fists. Her posture is rigid and statuesque. She has periorbital dark circles under her eyes so I know she hasn't been sleeping, the same as me.
"Hey, uh, can we talk?" Jane asks, as I get closer. "Yes of course. Let me just get the door." I say as I make my way past her to unlock the door.
Once inside I head to the kitchen and set my food down, as well as my bag and keys, before turning back to Jane. She's standing awkwardly just off the main entrance. I motion for her to join me on the couch as I mov to sit down.
We sit in awkward silence for a minute more before Jane speaks. "So I got your letter. And I have to say I was shocked when I read it." Jane says with a bit of hesitance.
"I'm sorry that I didn't call you at all this weekend. I had some things that I had to sort out. As you know Casey has left me with a very big decision to make and now I have to think about you as well." At Jane's words I feel a huge amount of guilt. I really had chosen a horrible time to drop the bomb on her.
"Jane I'm so sorry-" I start before she cuts me off. "No please don't apologize Maura. I'm glad that you told me. It wasn't fair to either of us that you were holding it in. I just have a lot to think about now." Jane says as she looks away from me.
As I sit and look at her something dawns on me. She said she has a lot to think about now. She hasn't said that she doesn't feel the same way.
"Wait, so what does that mean exactly? You know I don't guess but you made it sound that you might feel the same about me." I say with a little too much hope in my voice then I would like.
She hesitated a minute with a look of concentration on her face. "Maura, I've been thinking these last two days and I've come to the realization that I do feel the same, at least a little, but its so much more complicated than that." Jane says as she looks into my eyes.
"I've had feelings for you for a long time but I buried them deep down because you're my best friend and I shouldn't feel that way. Plus I never thought you would feel it too. And then Casey came back and I fell in love with him. He was normal, mostly, and Ma would approve so I went with it and now I have a huge decision to make. I'm really at a loss as to what to do." She was looking down into her lap by this point and I don't have a clue what to say.
"How long have you felt this way Maura?" Jane looks up at me once again and she's searching my eyes.
"I've felt this way for awhile now. I think the first time I realized I felt something more for you was when you shot yourself. I came so close to losing you that it made me realize my feelings. I tried to bury those feelings like you did, but now that Casey's back and you guys are progressing I felt as if I needed to let you know how I feel. I want to say that I can sit by and be the supportive friend while you marry him and move on, but I don't think I can. I'll always be your friend but if you choose Casey I'll have to distance myself. And I know that's selfish and maybe this whole thing is but if you've taught me anything Jane, it's that I need to stand up for myself and what I want. I need to protect me." Wow I don't know where that came from. I look down and realize that I've grabbed Jane's hands and I'm holding on quite tightly. I release her hands, worried that I'm making her uncomfortable.
Astonishingly Jane reaches for my hands and takes them. "Maura I….. I don't think you're being selfish. You deserve to be happy. But what makes you think that I can make you happy? I feel as if you deserve someone so much better than me, someone on your same level. I'm just a blue-collar cop from Boston. I'll never be able to provide for you like you want and deserve to be provided for.
"I can't afford the fancy things, hell I can't even guarantee I'll come home safe every night. You know how negligent I can be when it comes to my safety. I could never do that to you; have you wondering if I'll come home to you every night. It's bad enough that you're my best friend and you have to wonder that I'll be safe." Jane and I both have tears in our eyes by this time. The words she's saying are cutting me like a knife. She sells herself short so much it pains me.
"Jane please stop that. You are far better than you give yourself credit for. I know that your job is dangerous and apparently so is mine because we have gotten ourselves into trouble at times. But that doesn't make me love you any less. And don't you think I should be the one to decide whether I want to worry about you coming home to me at night? I've already thought this through Jane, rigorously. I wouldn't be me if I hadn't. I still chose you, sores and all."
"Warts and all." Jane says with a smirk on her face. "I'm sorry what?" I ask her, confused. "It's warts and all Maura, not sores and all." She even gives a little chuckle, which is super adorable.
"Whatever, you get my point." I make a point to stare right into her eyes and convey as much emotion as I can. I've now decided that I want to win Jane. I don't want Casey to have her. He doesn't deserve her, the way he comes and goes, stringing her along. It's not fair to Jane. I can make her feel so loved and I'll never leave her.
Staring back into my eyes, Jane starts to slowly lean towards me. Halfway to me her eyes close. Oh My God, Jane Rizzoli is about to kiss me, ME! Is this really happening? I start to close my eyes in anticipation when all of the sudden Jane's phone goes off, snapping us out of your trance. I groan while Jane moves to grab her phone.
"It's Casey." She says as she looks at me apologetically. "I have to take this, I'm sorry." Jane says as she gets up and heads out the back door for some privacy.
I throw my head back in annoyance. I'm really starting to hate Casey. Just when I was about to get what I have wanted for so long, he calls and messes it all up. I rest my arm on my face and groan, waiting for Jane to come back.
I hear the door open and look up as Jane walks back into my house. "He's on his way to my apartment. I have to go, I'm sorry Maur. I just can't do this right now, I hope you understand." She says as she grabs her keys and starts heading for the door.
"Wait, when will I see you again." Dammit there's that desperation again.
She turns briefly with her hand on the doorknob, a sad look on her face. "I don't know Maura. I'm sorry. I have to go. I'll call you later." And just like that she's gone.
As soon as she leaves the floodgates open up and I'm sobbing. Next thing I know I'm on the ground in a crumpled heap. Is this how I'm going to take this? Am I going to let Jane walk away from me, and act like she wasn't just about to kiss me? Or am I going to go and fight for the woman I love. I make a decision right then and there. Jane is mine and I will win her over if it's the last thing I do.
I get up and head to the bathroom to clean myself up. I go to grab my phone and keys and notice that Jane has been gone for almost an hour. I've been crying for quite awhile. I head out of the house and to my car. Once on the road I make a dash for Jane's house, ablate legally of course.
As I pull up I notice Casey leave. Good, now I can talk to Jane without worrying about him. I park my car and head up to her apartment. I grab the nob hoping for the best and luck is on my side as it opens. I walk in and notice Jane in the kitchen with a look of shock on her face.
"Maura what are you doing here?" Jane asks in a slightly higher pitch than usual. I ignore her question and just stride right up to her. I grab her face in my hands and crash my lips upon hers. The feeling is unlike any I have ever felt before. Her exquisitely soft lips feel amazing against my own. Jane has yet to respond, still in shock I suppose, but I hold strong.
I don't have to wait long, Jane finally deciding to join the party. She tangles her hands in my hair and kisses me back. It's not long before her tongue begs entrance, which I grant immediately. I know it might sound cliché but as soon as her tongue invaded my mouth I saw stars, fireworks and any other sigh of wonderment. It's the most amazing thing I've every experienced and I never want it to end.
Unfortunately luck's not on my side as I hear something I wish I hadn't. "Hey baby I left my….. What the hell is going on here?!" Casey practically yells as he catches his girlfriend and I locked in a passionate embrace.
At hearing Casey's voice Jane breaks away from me immediately, the loss creating a deeper pit in my heart. "Casey what are you doing back?" Jane asks, shock written all over her face.
"I forgot my phone. What are you doing?" he asks as he looks from Jane to me, before looking back to Jane.
The awkwardness is too much so I decide to leave. I never expected Casey to come back. This really puts a damper on my plans. "I'm sorry, I'm just going to…." I say as I head for the door.
"Maura wait!" Jane yells as I walk out but I ignore her. I hear Casey say one last thing before I'm out of hearing range. "Don't Jane. It's either me or her." I don't stick around to find out what she says. I need to get home. It's been a long, stress filled day.
Sorry cliffhanger but I just couldn't resist;) So let me know your thoughts. What will Jane do? Stay tuned and find out.
