Mystery Danny Theater 3000

By Futuramakid

Mystery Meat transcribed by Skyechan

DISCLAIMER: I own neither Danny Phantom and related characters or Crow T. Robot and related characters.

Bold transpiring, non bold is on the screen.

Danny and the others exited for their first intermission. "Hey, this isn't that bad," Danny said, "with you guys, it's kinda fun!" "Yeah," Ron replied, "DP just isn't as bad as 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.'" "You guys are cooler than Patrick Swayze in Road House!" Crow said. "Thanks, I think," Danny said. The familiar alarms and sirens went off. "WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" they yelled, then entered the theater.

PART ONE

Title Screen is shown. Depicted is what seems to be a red monster with green eyes and Danny's ghost-fighting alias, Danny Phantom, flying through it and upward towards the top left. In the bottom right corner is Tucker and Sam looking shocked. The caption in the bottom left reads, "ALL NEW! In terrifying Meat Vision!"

Ron: Does that mean Mighty Mom and Dyno Dad are back?

The screen fades in to a street which pans right to a building with signs calling it "FentonWorks" on the corner of the intersection.

Tom: No, he doesn't. He can't catch a single ghost!

The shot suddenly pans out revealing the eccentric looking rooftop of FentonWorks, complete with various satellite dishes and tracking equipment.

The screen fades to a shot of who seems to be Danny's mother, in the kitchen. She puts on the hood of her blue jumpsuit and begins putting some final touches using a torch on a new invention.

Pan right. A girl with orange hair who seems to be Danny's older sister, glances up from a book she's reading to look at her mom with annoyance before sticking her nose back in her book again. Danny is busy eating cereal.

Danny's sister peers over the top of her book titled "Surviving Adolescence Through Therapy"

Crow: With family like that, it's obviously needed.

Danny: CROW!

before going back to reading it.

Cut to Danny, continuing to eat cereal, and then a shot of Danny's hand suddenly seeming to disappear. Cut back to Danny. His spoon suddenly drops through his intangible hand as he attempts to take a bite of cereal. Danny gasps before looking down at his missing hand. Upon realizing his hand is invisible, Danny freaks out and quickly hides his hand behind his back.

Cut back to his mother working on the invention.

DANNY'S MOTHER: Okay, two more days, and it's done!

Danny: Yet Dad walks up and uses it immediately.

She turns off the torch and Danny's father appears behind her, opening to a shot of him, Danny's mother, and Danny's sister.

DANNY'S FATHER: (excited) What did you say? (he grabs the invention) It's done?

Cut to a shot of Danny's father dramatically holding the invention in front of him.

DANNY'S FATHER: The Fenton Finder is done!

(insert stereotypical fanfare here:D)

Crow: (deadpan) Yay.

Cut back to Danny's parents.

DANNY'S FATHER: This baby uses satellites to lead you--

Cut to a shot of the front of the invention. Something seems to have appeared on the Fenton Finder's radar.

DANNY'S FATHER: --right to the ghosts.

Tom: Even the one right in front of you.

Cut to Danny.

DANNY: (worried) It uses what to track what?

Cut to the Fenton Finder. Beeping noises are heard.

FENTON FINDER: (in a woman's voice) Welcome to the Fenton Finder.

Pan out to reveal Danny's sister and Danny.

FENTON FINDER: A ghost is near. Walk forward.

Danny walks away from the invention while his parents move closer towards him, the invention beeping louder and faster as they move closer to Danny. Danny is backed into a wall. Shot pans out to show Danny's confused father holding the Fenton Finder and Danny's mother in front of Danny.

FENTON FINDER: Ghost located. Thank you for using the Fenton Finder.

Danny gives them a weak smile.

Cut to his parents.

DANNY'S FATHER: What? (looks over at his wife) Gah, that can't be right.

Danny: (DANNY'S FATHER) , because my inventions NEVER work!

Cut to Danny leaning against the wall, a weak smile still on his face. His whole body suddenly becomes intangible. He looks down at himself, shocked, after realizing this, and quickly manages to return to normal. He almost seems to give a look of defeat.

DANNY: Actually...

Cut to his parents.

DANNY: (offscreen) I need to tell you guys something.

Cut to Danny's sister, closing her book.

DANNY'S SISTER: That's not all you need, Danny.

She walks over to where her parents and Danny are standing.

DANNY'S SISTER: (while walking over) You need-

Crow: (DANNY'S SISTER) PANTS!

Danny: Crow!

guidance.

She lightly pushes her parents away from Danny.

DANNY'S SISTER: And parents who can provide-

Crow: (DANNY'S SISTER) Pants.

Danny: (is becoming visibly annoyed.) CROW!

it.

Cut to her mother's face.

DANNY'S MOTHER: Sweetie, I know what we do doesn't make sense sometimes, but you're only--

Tom: (DANNY'S MOTHER) the sane person in this family.

Cut back to Danny's sister who has her arms crossed and is standing next to Danny.

DANNY'S SISTER: Sixteen. Biologically!

Danny backs out of the shot.

DANNY'S SISTER: But psychologically, I'm an adult! And I will not allow your insane obsession with-

Crow: (DANNY'S SISTER) underpants.

ghosts--

She pulls Danny back into the shot, holding him close to her.

DANNY'S SISTER: --to pollute the mind of this impressionable little child!

She looks down at Danny, who seems a little weirded out by this conversation.

DANNY'S SISTER: Come, you abused, unwanted wretch.

Ron: Yes, that's how to make your brother feel good, call him an abused unwanted wretch.

(she hugs Danny to her) I'll drive you to school.

She glares at her parents before walking off, her arms still around Danny. Their parents are left in the kitchen.

Cut to Danny's mother.

DANNY'S MOTHER: (puzzled) Huh. That's weird. Jasmine never offers to drive Danny to school.

Cut to Danny's father.

DANNY'S FATHER: That can only mean one thing. That's not our daughter;--

Close-up of his face.

DANNY'S FATHER: --that's a ghost.

Shot of Danny's parents still in the kitchen. Danny's father suddenly runs offscreen.

DANNY'S FATHER: (while running off) Danny, no, it's a trap!

Danny's mother follows after him.

Screen fades into a shot of the outside of a school called "Casper High".

A schoolbell rings and the shot pans in towards the front door, fading to a crowded hallway in the school where most of the kids are heading to class. Danny, Sam, and Tucker walk through the hallway before going up the stairs on the right-hand side of the screen.

Cut to Danny, Sam and Tucker walking up the stairs.

DANNY: (while climbing) I think I should tell them.

Danny and Tucker exit the shot while Sam continues to climb up the stairs.

SAM: Why? Parents don't listen.

The trio comes to a stop midway up the stairs.

SAM: Even worse, they don't understand!

Cut to Sam.

SAM: (throws her head back and yells) WHY CAN'T THEY ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM!?

Pan to Danny and Tucker.

DANNY: Sam, I-I'm talking about my powers, my problems?

Cut to Sam.

SAM: (embarrassed) Oh, right. Me too.

Cut to Danny's face.

DANNY: It's been a month since the accident and I still have barely any control!

Cut to Danny, Sam, and Tucker.

DANNY: (somewhat upset) If somebody catches me,--

Danny seems to start sinking into the floor while Sam and Tucker watch.

DANNY: --I go from geek to freak around here!

Crow: (DANNY) And the best way to hide it is to phase through the floor.

Cut to Tucker's face.

TUCKER: (raising an eyebrow) Kinda like what you're doing right now?

Danny suddenly realizes his lower half became intangible causing him to sink and yelps before Sam and Tucker help him out. His feet and lower half return to normal.

DANNY: Gah, darnit! If my dad can invent something--

Tom: (DANNY) That makes pants.

Danny begins walking offscreen, Sam and Tucker follow him up the rest of the stairs.

DANNY: --that accidentally made me half-ghost, why can't he invent something that turns me back to normal?

The depressed Danny becomes intangible and walks through a snack machine without paying any attention.

Sam runs on screen and Danny's body returns to normal.

SAM: Danny, your powers make you

Crow: (SAM) The best looking guy in school. I should SO totally fall for you.

Danny: (laughs)

unique. Unique is good!

Cut to Sam.

SAM: (proudly) That's why I'm an Ultra Recyclo-vegetarian.

Cut to the trio.

TUCKER: Which means, what?

DANNY: She doesn't eat anything with a face on it.

Cut to Tucker.

TUCKER: Ah, who cares about that stuff. Danny, (holds two fingers up to emphasize) two words: meat connoisseur.

Cut to Danny and Tucker.

TUCKER: (sniffing the air) Last night, you had Sloppy Joes.

DANNY: (amused) Impressive.

Cut to Tucker.

TUCKER: Meat heightens the-

Ron: (TUCKER) Midichlorian levels in your blood. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

senses, and my all-meat streak is fourteen years strong.

Cut to Sam.

SAM: ...And it's about to end. (happily) The schoolboard finally agreed to

Tom: (SAM) kill all who oppose me! (evil laugh)

try a new cafeteria menu. I wore them down.

Cut to Danny and Tucker.

TUCKER: Wait...

Close-up on Tucker's face. He seems alarmed at Sam's news.

TUCKER: What did you do?

Cut to the Casper High cafeteria. Sure enough, Sam has made the schoolboard change the menu; a big banner states that this week is "Ultra Recyclo-vegetarian" week.

The lunchlady places what seems to be grass on bread to one of the students, and then to Danny.

DANNY: What is this? Grass on a bun?

Sam seems happy with the changes, Tucker however...

TUCKER: (thoroughly alarmed) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

Crow: (SAM) Destroyed the balance in our balanced cafeteria meals.

SAM: (pleased) Tucker, it's time for a change. (holds the "grass on a bun" in her hand)

Cut to FentonWorks.

Tom and Ron in unison: NO HE DOESN'T!

The shot fades to the ghost portal with the door open. A woman ghost dressed in stereotypical lunchlady garb walks out of the portal.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (calmly) Ooo, somebody changed-

Crow: (LUNCHLADY GHOST) Danny's underwear!

Danny: CROW!

the menu!

The lunchlady phases out through the roof while Danny's parents seem to be working on another invention, failing to notice the ghost at all.

DANNY'S MOTHER: Maybe this is a bad idea.

DANNY'S FATHER: No, it's perfect. When Jazz gets home we suck the-

Tom: Pants off her.

ghost out of her--

Cut to him striking a pose with the new invention that looks like a vacuum cleaner.

DANNY'S FATHER: --with the Fenton Xtractor. (No that's not a misspelling; it's how it's spelt on the actual invention.)

DANNY'S MOTHER: (concerned) But what if Jazz isn't a ghost? What if we accidentally hurt her?

DANNY'S FATHER: Maddie, the Fenton Extractor doesn't hurt humans...unless it gets in your hair...

He turns it on and the suction rips most of his hair out.

DANNY'S FATHER: (yells in pain) (beat) (calmly) ...See?

Cut back to the Casper High cafeteria.

Danny has some of the "grass on a bun" on his spoon and seems to be debating whether to eat it or not.

DANNY: Don't you think this is a little extreme, Sam?

Crow: (DANNY) Yeah, I mean, we should take it slow first.

Ron: (laughs hysterically.)

Danny: (blushes)

Sam smiles before an adult puts a hand on her shoulder.

MAN: Ah, Miss Manson.

Cut to the man who is clearly a staff member...and a little out of shape.

MAN: The schoolboard wanted me to personally thank you for-

Tom: Getting Danny to wear pants.

Crow: That's MY line!

ushering in this welcome experiment to our cafeteria.

Cut to Tucker who seems wide-eyed and alert.

TUCKER: (sniffs the air) (frantically) Meat. Near.

Tucker looks up at the man and sniffs the air around him. Tucker glares at him while the man backs away.

MAN: No, no. The rumors about the new all-steak buffet in the teacher's lounge (he pulls out a toothpick and uses it) are completely untrue.

The man puts a hand on Sam's shoulder again.

MAN: Thanks again.

He leaves.

TUCKER: (glaring) Yeah, thanks again for making us eat garbage, Sam.

SAM: It's not garbage. (holds up the "grass on a bun") It's recyclable organic matter.

DANNY and TUCKER: (glaring) It's garbage.

Cut to the lunchlady behind the counter. She gives a shifty-eyed glance around before pulling a hamburger out of her pocket and sneaking away in order to eat it.

The Lunchlady Ghost that escaped the portal suddenly phases through the ceiling and looks at the "Ultra Recyclo-vegetarian Veggie Lunch Menu". She glares at it. (Uh-oh, someone's maaadddd...)

Cut to Danny still holding the spoonful of "grass on a bun". ("A spoonful of 'grass on a bun' helps the medicine go down", eh, Danny?)

Danny gasps and a blue mist suddenly escapes his mouth.

DANNY: (alarmed) Uh, guys? I've got a problem.

Crow: And that became obvious when?

(Too much 'Winterfresh', Danny???)

A handful of mud suddenly lands on Danny's head.

DANNY: UGH!

????: (offscreen) FEN-TON!!!

Crow: (????) Put some PANTS on!

Danny: CROW!

DANNY: (turns around and grimaces) ...Make that two problems.

A jock storms over to Danny, a plate of what seems to be mud in his hands.

JOCK: (angrily) I ordered three mud-pies. Do you know what they gave me? Three mud-pies. With MUD! FROM THE GROUND! All because of your girlfriend!

DANNY: She's not my girlfriend!

Crow: Oh really?

Danny: (blushes again)

SAM: I'm not his girlfriend!

The jock grabs Danny by his shirt and lifts him a few inches off the ground.

JOCK: These are the best years of my life! After high school, it's all downhill for me! How am I supposed to enjoy my glory days eating mud!?

Cut to Tucker, Sam, and a few wide-eyed teens.

SAM: (irritated) Actually, it's top-soil.

The jock tosses Danny at the table.

JOCK: WHATEVER!

Danny lands on the bench. The jock walks over and shoves the plate of mud towards Danny's face.

JOCK: Eat it. All of it.

Danny seems to be about to go through with eating the mu--top-soil, but the blue mist escapes his mouth again.

Cut to a shot of the Lunchlady Ghost floating across and behind the lunch counter.

Cut back to Danny and the top-soil.

DANNY: Uh...uh...

Danny glances down at the plate and picks it up, preparing to toss it.

DANNY: GARBAGE FIGHT!

He tosses the plate and hits the jock in the face. The other teenagers begin throwing the food as well and chaos ensues.

Sam peeks out from behind a table.

SAM: (irritated) It's not garbage! It's--

Danny's hand suddenly grabs Sam and pulls her back down towards the floor.

The trio begins crawling away from the cafeteria.

While crawling, Danny turns and looks behind him. The jock seems angry while the garbage fight continues behind him.

JOCK: You're gonna pay for this, Fenton!

The jock is hit on the head again (twice!) with mud.

Cut back to Danny.

DANNY: Oh, great. I'm still his favorite.

The trio manages to crawl out the cafeteria door, and Danny and Tucker peek their heads around and see the Lunchlady Ghost.

TUCKER: Hah. Shouldn't be so bad.

Pan shot of the Lunchlady Ghost holding a salad in her hands.

TUCKER: (offscreen) She looks a little like my grandmother.

Tucker and Danny are now standing in the room and Sam peeks out from behind the door.

DANNY: Shouldn't she be haunting a bingo hall?

Offscreen, the trio closes the door behind them. The ghost turns around at the sound.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: Hello, children. (floats over to them) Can you help me? Today's lunch is meatloaf, but I don't see the meatloaf. (politely) Did someone change-

Crow: (LUNCHLADY GHOST) Danny's underwear?

the menu?

Cut to Sam and Tucker.

TUCKER: Yeah. (points his thumb at Sam) She did.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (seems to have a split personality and becomes EXTREMELY angry and green flames surround her) YOU CHANGED THE MENU!?

The trio gasps.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (angrily) THE MENU HAS BEEN-

Tom Servo: (LUNCHLADY GHOST) inedible forever!

THE SAME FOR FIFTY YEARS!

She yells as the green flames surround her and appear circling above her head.

DANNY: (alarmed) Get behind me!

Sam and Tucker promptly jump behind Danny.

SAM: (sarcastically) Wow. I feel safe.

DANNY: I'm going ghost!

Danny raises his arms in the air and a blue aura surrounds him. The aura splits into two rings that travel vertically across his body. As the rings pass, his clothing changes drastically into the black and white outfit from the opening theme. His hair becomes white and his eyes become green as well.

After transforming, Danny leaps offscreen as Sam and Tucker watch wide-eyed.

Danny floats up towards the enraged Lunchlady Ghost.

DANNY: (seeming a little unsure of himself) I command you to...

Crow: (DANNY) Run around in underwear!

go away! (he glares, pointing at her, but then gets a look that says "please?")

The Lunchlady Ghost's hand begins to glow and many piles of dishes surrounding a sink begin to get an eerie glow.

The dishes suddenly float around and start flying offscreen.

Danny flinches and manages to make his body become intangible, causing the dishes to pass right through him before hitting the wall behind him.

Danny reverts back to normal and glances at his body, seeming amazed that he didn't get hit. He smiles at this realization.

Cut to Sam.

A bunch of dishes are heading right for her.

Danny sees this and immediately flies to help her, and begins catching the dishes with his arms, the dishes neatly stacking up.

Cut to the Lunchlady Ghost. She uses her ghost powers on even more dishes.

Cut to Tucker who is now in the new set of dishes path.

Danny flies to help him and catches the dishes neatly again, as well as catching a few in his mouth.

Cut to Tucker and Danny. Tucker stops wincing after realizing Danny stopped the dishes and smiles. Danny flies off to put the dishes back on the counter, leaving a few dishes still in his mouth.

Cut to Danny. He finally removes the remaining plates from his mouth and stares at his reflection in the plates.

DANNY: Well, if this superhero thing doesn't work out I could have an exciting career as-

Crow: an und-

Danny: Don't even start.

a busboy.

While looking at his reflection in the plates, Danny notices the stoves behind him beginning to move around. He frowns.

Cut to the stoves. The shot pans out to show the still enraged Lunchlady Ghost.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: I control lunch! Lunch is sacred!

Close-up on the Lunchlady Ghost's face.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: Lunch has rules!

The ghost's expression suddenly changes back to being calm.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (politely) Anybody want cake?

Cut to Sam and Tucker who nod their heads in shock.

Cut to the Lunchlady Ghost's face.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: Too bad! Children who change my menu do not get dessert!

Cut to a shot of the whole group, the Lunchlady Ghost's back facing the screen.

The Lunchlady Ghost suddenly phases up out through the ceiling while the three stoves begin to have green flames coming out of them.

The green flames fire out of the ovens towards Sam and Tucker who dodge out of the way.

Cut to Danny who dodges a blast of flames as well.

Cut to the three flaming stoves (...sounds like a weird band name...) that now have angry expressions flying towards Tucker and Sam.

Cut to Tucker and Sam flinching.

Danny suddenly flies up behind them and grabs their-

Ron, anticipating Crow's remark, grabs Crow's beak

shoulders. He causes his body to glow and manages to make the entire group intangible.

Tucker and Sam look down at themselves in surprise.

Danny continues holding on to the two and quickly flies them through the wall and out of the kitchen, the stoves hitting and cracking the wall.

Cut to a school hallway.

The trio returns to normal again and rolls out into the middle of the hallway. They look behind them in shock.

DANNY: (excited and looks down at his hands in amazement) HEY! It worked!

Cut to Sam who seems a little peeved.

SAM: (irritated) This is the thanks I get for thinking like an individual?

A loud crash is suddenly heard and Tucker and Danny turn to look for the cause. The hallway begins shaking violently and the lights go out. Electricity sparks everywhere before finally going away.

Cut to Danny. He looks worried and then looks at the row of lockers closest to him. Two of the lockers open and a bunch of school supplies come flying out.

Cut to Sam looking on in surprise. Suddenly, a locker next to her does the same thing.

Cut to the hallway, still shaking, now with many lockers opening with school supplies flying out.

The supplies fly to the Lunchlady Ghost, swirling through her and then behind her. She still looks peeved.

Cut to the trio looking shocked.

Cut to Tucker. His eyes suddenly widen and then he sniffs the air, supplies still flying behind him.

TUCKER: (while the various meat products fly past him) Steak...! Ribeye...! Porthouse...! Medium-rare...!

Ron: (TUCKER) Why…! Am I…! Talking…! Like…! Captain Kirk…!

Cut to the Lunchlady Ghost in the hallway. The meat products suddenly begin attaching themselves to her body until she is completely covered and only her mean green eyes are showing.

Cut to trio.

TUCKER: (shocked) But where did it come from? (he glares and turns to look behind him) Lancer!

A piece of paper hits Tucker in the face.

The scene switches to outside Casper High's Teacher's Lounge.

LANCER: (the out-of-shape staff member from earlier; he's speaking to several teachers and staff members) Esteemed Casper High faculty, I present your-

Crow: Pants!

Danny: CROW!

all-steak buffet.

Lancer pulls off a tablecloth covering the supposed buffet, but the meat is missing!

Some eager staff members with forks and knives gasp at this sight.

Lancer suddenly realizes something's wrong and finally looks down at the table in shock.

All that's left on the table is a rattling bone.

Lancer slams his hands on the table.

LANCER: PARADISE--

Close-up on his face.

LANCER: LOST!

Cut back to the hallway. The meat-covered Lunchlady Ghost towers over the trio.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: Prepare to learn why meat is the most powerful (she points at Sam) of the five food groups!

The ghost suddenly loses her rage and goes back to "innocent lunchlady mode" and holds up a cookie.

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (politely) Cookie?

Sam seems worried and shakes her head "no".

The ghost seems a little surprised she was turned down for a split second before reverting back to "evil lunchlady mode".

LUNCHLADY GHOST: (raises a clawed hand to prepare to attack Sam) Then perish!

Danny suddenly slides backwards towards Sam to protect her. Sam looks surprised.

DANNY: (angrily) Forget it!

Crow: (DANNY)I haven't even KISSED her yet!

Danny: (blushes again)

The only thing that has an expiration date here is (pointing at the Lunchlady Ghost) you!

Danny moves his hand down a bit and his hand begins glowing blue. Looking at his hand he realizes he has accidentally caused himself to revert back to his usual self. The blue glow travels from his hand down his body and his clothes, hair, and eyes revert to their usual selves.

Crow: EXCEPT… NO PANTS!

DANNY: Whoops!

Cut to Danny's face.

DANNY: I didn't mean to do that.

Cut to the Lunchlady Ghost. She yells and grabs Danny within her meaty grasp before sending him flying into Tucker. Both hit the lockers behind them and a pile of papers covers them up.

Cut to Sam. The Lunchlady Ghost grabs her off the ground and suddenly flies off down the hallway, taking Sam with her.

Tucker and Danny are still kneeling on the ground.

TUCKER: (noticing what's happening) Come on! Change back! (looks down at Danny) We gotta go!

Ron: (DANNY) The bathrooms are down that hall, to the left.

Two hands suddenly grab both boys by their collars.

LANCER: (irritated) You two aren't going (pulls the boys up off the ground) anywhere.

The shot pans right to show the jock from earlier still covered in mud.

JOCK: Told ya you'd-

Crow: HAVE TO WEAR PANTS!

Danny: CROW!

pay Fenton!

Danny looks at the jock then upwards at Lancer before looking offscreen as the screen fades to black.

-Cut to commercial-

END OF PART ONE