Spiritwind: Moonstar sucks. She won't let me be hyper. I really wanna be hyper in this chapter. How come she gets all the hyper time?

Moonstar: because I'm more hyper than you. It's a fact. Besides, I need someone to keep me from going insane.

Spiritwind: you already are insane.

Moonstar: lampshade...

Spiritwind: my point exactly.

Moonstar: PINE CONE!!

Spiritwind: should have a rule against insane people on the site...

Moonstar: shut up. I wrote the entire story.

Spiritwind: but I editted it.

Moonstar: lazy paws.

Spiritwind (pointedly ignoring Moonstar): thank you to all our reviewers for chapter one! You guys are awesome!

Moonstar: Troublestripe is the best, because I inspire her.

Spiritwind: you don't inspire anyone, you poison their minds... I inspire people. (gets mobbed by fans)

Moonstar (over the squeals of Spiritwind's fans): hypocrite. You always say that I delay the story... look who's talking. Let's just get on with it already.


Brackenfur Campaign: Segment II


After Moonstar's outburst, all five cats were quiet for a moment. Poppypaw's shrill mew broke the silence. "So really, who are you?"

"They don't smell like any other Clan," observed Honeypaw. "Or rogues, or kittypets."

"Let them speak," advised Brackenfur over the annoying mewls of his daughters and the much less irritating sounds of the forest around them. The apprentices, both about to mewl out another observation, clamped their muzzles shut.

"I'm Moonstar, leader of FireClan," mewed Moonstar, hopping from paw to paw with excitement.

"I'm Spiritwind, medicine cat of FireClan," meowed Spiritwind, beginning to share Moonstar's crazy enthusiasm.

"FireClan?" repeated Honeypaw and Poppypaw in confusion.

"Don't worry, FireClan is in an alternate dimension," Spiritwind reassured them, but for some reason it didn't help their confusion.

"We're here because we think Brackenfur is awesome," Moonstar announced.

"Wait," interrupted Brackenfur. "If FireClan is in an alternate dimension that we don't know about, how do know about me?"

"Don't worry, it's not just you," meowed Moonstar cheerily. "We know Honeypaw and Poppypaw too..." she watched as their eyes widened with wonder. "Yep, I'm psycic."

Spiritwind cuffed her leader. Poppypaw couldn't believe the medicine's disrespect for the leader, if she was really a leader and if she was really a medicine cat. "She's not psycic," insisted Spiritwind. "I'm the one who gets dreams from StarClan. Anyway, I guess you want us to explain why we're here?"

Three heads nodded slowly. "Sure," mewed Brackenfur, voicing all three opinions.

"We're here because we love you!!" squealed Moonstar, hugging Brackenfur. Brackenfur twitched and pushed Moonstar off. "And you're not the only ones," Moonstar continued. "I think Reedwhisker is super huggable... but he's in RiverClan, right? Hmm, Spiritwind, he's our next campaign target..."

"And I love Lionheart," meowed Spiritwind matter-of-factly. "I'm going to revive him from the dead. And Jaypaw is evil. He's trying to take over StarClan."

"Wait," meowed Brackenfur, Spiritwind's words lost on him. "Did you say campaign target?"

"Yep!" the two mysterious she-cats chorused.

"You're the rightful deputy of ThunderClan," Spiritwind explained as if even a newborn kit would know.

"Told ya so," murmured Poppypaw with a smirk.

"But Brambleclaw is deputy," meowed Brackenfur modestly.

"Awww, he's so humble!" meowed Moonstar. Brackenfur glared at her.

"And how was Brambleclaw chosen?" mewed Spiritwind, ignoring Moonstar out of habit.

"Firestar appointed him," answered Honeypaw.

"That's right," meowed Spiritwind smugly. "Firestar appointed him. That's not very fair, is it?"

"Why not?" asked Poppypaw.

"That's the way of the warrior code!" added Honeypaw.

"Who's your least favorite apprentice, Honeypaw?" asked Moonstar.

"Icepaw." Honeypaw hissed without missing a beat. "She's horrible. She's always bragging about her great hunting and fighting skills and about her parents... personally I think Ferncloud is annoying."

"Don't talk about your elders that way," Brackenfur meowed vainly.

"I think she's annoying too," muttered Moonstar. Brackenfur glared at her. Again. She looked away from the campaign target and acted as if she hadn't said anything to Brackenfur, and continued speaking with Honeypaw.

"Well, Honeypaw, what if Firestar decided that Icepaw should be deputy?" she mewed. "That would be the way of the warrior code, wouldn't it?"

"But that's so unfair!" both apprentices whined.

"Exactly," mewed Moonstar, happy with her argument. "In the United Sta - er, World of FireClan, deputies are chosen by the whole Clan."

"The whole Clan?" they echoed.

"Yeah," mewed Spiritwind. "The Clan votes, and whoever has the most votes wins."

"And to get votes, you need to have a campaign," added Moonstar.

"So your daddy needs a campaign... and here we are!" finished Spiritwind.

All three ThunderClan cats gawked at them. "So..." mewed Brackenfur, breaking the silence. "Why don't you... um... come back to camp with us and introduce you're, um, voting idea to Firestar..."

"Firestar!" squealed Moonstar. "He's SO huggable! I love when he and Graystripe snuck onto RiverClan territory..."

"WHAT?!" Poppypaw exclaimed. "Firestar? Never..."

"Anyway," meowed Brackenfur, hoping his kits wouldn't lose respect for their leader, "We need to fill Firestar in on your voting idea..."

"It's called democracy," meowed Moonstar.

"Yeah. What you have now is communism," mewed Spiritwind.

"What's communism?" asked Honeypaw.

Moonstar grinned evilly. "ShadowClan is communist."

"Ewww," spat Honeypaw. "I hate communism."

"That's right," meowed Spiritwind. "Democracy makes everyone happier... except maybe Brambleclaw... and all your warrior ancestors... so what are we waiting for?"

Suddenly Brackenfur disappeared into the bushes. An instant later, he was back with two mice. "Here," he meowed, dropping them at Moonstar and Spiritwind's paws, apparently trying to change the subject.

"You're a great hunter," praised Spiritwind, though she was eyeing the mouse suspiciously.

"What's wrong with the mouse?" asked Honeypaw.

"Well, there aren't any mice on FireClan territory..."

Honeypaw and Poppypaw gaped at them. "So what do you eat?" the latter whispered.

Spiritwind shrugged. "I'm a vegetarian, so I like veggie burgers, fruits, fries, and stuff like that. Moonstar likes all that too, except she has something against veggie burgers and she's obsessed with hamburgers and turkey sandwiches."

Moonstar pounced on an invisible enemy, clawing at the air. "DIE, VEGGIE BURGURS, DIE!" She noticed everyone else staring at her and stopped. "Turkey sandwhiches... yum..."

"Well, try the mouse," mewed Honeypaw, glancing at Moonstar, obviously thinking she was crazy.

Both FireClan cats took a bite of a mouse. Instantaneously, their eyes lit up.

"MOUSE!" yowled Spiritwind, and started dancing in circles. "MOUSE!"

"And I thought Moonstar was insane..." mumbled Poppypaw.

"MOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUSE!!"

Moonstar grinned. She was very happy. A second ago, everyone had thought she was insane, but now Spiritwind was taking the cake. She turned to face Brackenfur and his daughters, her back to her temporarily insane medicine cat.

"MOUSEY MOUSEY MOUSEY!!"

"We're here to run your campaign, so let's get started," she mewed.

"MOUSE MOUSE MOUUUUSE!!"

"To be fair, we've also got to get campaign managers for the other deputy candidates in the election we'll be running. Who do you think'll want to run?"

"MOUSIE!"

Brackenfur tried and failed to ignore Spiritwind. He shifted uneasily. "Um... Brambleclaw, obviously... and I don't know who else. Maybe Dustpelt and Thornclaw, or even Squirrelflight. I don't know."

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUSE."

"I love how I'm not the most insane person in the general vacinity for once," Moonstar meowed happily. "Anyway, let's see who wants to run, and get campaign managers for them."

"MOUSE?"

"I think Spiritwind's trying to ask where we get other managers from," meowed Brackenfur uneasily.

"Mouse mouse!" agreed Spiritwind, thankfully sounding somewhat less insane.

"Easy peasy," mewed Moonstar cheerily. "We ask the readers!"

"Readers?" he asked.

"Yeah," mewed Moonstar. "In reality, the Clans don't exist, and you're all just characters in a book. I was meaning to tell you that earlier, when you asked how we knew who you were. We know from the books. People read the books. That's how you get fans. So we can ask some other fans to run the campaigns for the other candidates."

Brackenfur still seemed confused, but he didn't want Moonstar to explain it anymore because he knew that he still wouldn't get it. "Alright..."

"Good," meowed Moonstar. "Now taking applications to run other cats campaigns or join the Brackenfur Campaign. Just give me your warrior name, a description if possible, and you're hired!"

"Mouse!"

Brackenfur sighed. "What am I getting myself into...?"


Post Corner

Spiritwind: we really need to get rid of Honeypaw and Poppypaw. They're beginning to bother me.

Moonstar: alright. Wanna drown them, or get them eaten by badgers? You pick.

Spiritwind (glares): NO. How about we just send them back to camp?

Moonstar: or on a mission to RiverClan (on the opposite side of the lake)!

Spiritwind: fine then. Mouse.

Moonstar: no drowning?

Spiritwind: NO. Stop acting like an evil...

Moonstar: ...lampshade?

Spiritwind: whatever. See you guys next time, and don't forget to apply for your favorite deputy candidate's campaign! And by the way, we've started a forum just for the Brackenfur Campaign. Check it out!