Good day, guys, gals and non-binary pals. How goes it? Welcome to the second chapter of Underdog, which just happens to be a song by You Me At Six. I bounced around naming for a while, this was originally going to be called Feel Good Inc. As referenced in my other CHERUB fic. Well enough about that anyway, let's go:

WARNING: This chapter has details of things like self-harm, abuse, suicidal thoughts and self-loathing. If any of this trigger you, please do NOT read any further.

I've never been more afraid in my life, I was afraid of what happened early this morning, I'm afraid of what Kyle will think of me; he probably thinks I'm weak.

I don't want to see a councillor, they're far too calm. They don't understand really, they've never shot a man, they don't know what I've been through.

Kyle approached me in the dining hall, it was about seven am. We were both tired following the escapade early this morning.

"James, I need to speak to you. In private." He whispered. That was it, that was probably him wanting to tell me I was a wuss. To tell me he didn't want to be friends with me.

I nodded regardless, a sense of panic building somewhere within me. I left after that, I didn't even eat breakfast. I locked myself in my room and another layer on that, I went into the small en suite bathroom which I also locked.

I sat on the vinyl flooring with my head in my hands. This never used to happen- so why was I acting like this. Sure, the first few times that nightmare happened my immediate response was to slice up my arm like it was a fucking vegetable. I did that a few times after mum died, something I was sure I'd left with the surname Choke. My phone rang, it was in the pocket of my hoodie.

I answered the call, Kyle was on the other end. There was that panic again.

"James, unlock your door for Christ sakes I want to talk to you." He grumbled out.

"I-I. No." I replied, I wasn't sure what came over me.

"Jaaames-" Kyle started shakily. "If you're doing something stupid right now, I'll have to get Zara, she has a master key." He added.

"Go to your room and lock the door Kyle. We can talk over the phone." I said hoping he would.

"Fine, but as soon as we're done talking you are unlocking that door and I'm coming in." He said. I heard a door shut from his end of the call and the sound of a lock turning.

"James, I want to know if you're okay." He started.

"I- I'm fine. It won't happen again." I affirmed, my voice cracked somewhere.

"It's clear you aren't, I don't hate you. I assume that's why you were panicked?" he questioned.

"No." That was another voice crack.

"James, I used to get panic attacks all the time. After-" I heard him sigh.

"It doesn't matter, this is about you." He finished.

"I- Kyle. I just can't do it anymore." I choked out.

"Do what?" He asked me softly.

"Ya know, this. I can't be a good agent if I can't even kill somebody." I began to cry at some point during that sentence.

"I never told you- did I? I was a mistake, Kyle. I wish my mum had just, you know what never mind." I sobbed, my breathing picked up something fierce.

"Is that why you did it? I, uh saw your wrists last night." He stuttered.

"I used to, but when I came here everything seemed better, but after-" I hiccupped.

"After what happened, in Miami, I just couldn't take it anymore." I confessed.

"Please, James. You can't keep going on like this." He begged.

"We're done talking, now unlock your door and let me in." He added calmly.

~~FLASHBACK~~

My mum was passed out on the sofa; alcohol was obvious on her breath. My step-father looked at me.

"I heard you got in trouble at school today." He slurred, I braced myself. Waiting for a slap to hit.

"Oh how cute, little James has learnt to take a hit. How about I try something new." My step-father slurred before dragging me by the wrist away from the front room.

He tied my arm to something with some rope, that had seemed to nine-year-old me to have come from nowhere. The man who'd I often address by first name only, refusing to acknowledge him as family started punching me.

I tried to count the seconds to ignore the pain.

One minute.

Five minutes.

Ten.

Twenty.

Thirty.

An hour.

I passed out after that.

~~Back to the present~~

-Kyle's POV-

I hadn't hung up, but the other end went silent. All I could hear was my friend whimpering, his breathing rugged. I heard him mumbling- telling someone to stop.

Had I brought up a memory?

I needed to get Zara.

"James, I'm going to get Zara. I'm taking my phone with me. Just stay on the line okay?" I said calmly.

I unlocked my door and sprinted down the hall, I didn't waste time flying down the stairs and dashing across campus. I crashed into the building where staff offices were. I found Zara's and didn't even bother knocking, I burst in.

"Kyle. What the hell?" Zara shot me a funny look.

"It's James. Come now, bring that master key." I panted.

"O-kay?" She said standing up from behind her desk and grabbing a key from one of the drawers. I held the phone back to my ear I could still hear him sobbing and hyperventilating on the other end.

"We don't have any time to waste." I hissed before taking off into a sprint. I'd never been more glad that Zara was wearing flats, as she could run after me with no trouble. We needed to help James, and fast. The hyperventilating noise on the other end continued. I hope to God James is okay.

I normally answer reviews at the bottom:

Corrin: I'm glad you liked the first chapter, I hope you like this one as well.

Guest: I had to look my emails to read this because it wasn't popping up in the review thing, I'm glad you liked the first chapter.