So, I originally expected this story to be a little one shot but I can't stop thinking about it. Daisy and Lance and the baby, it's too much for me to not write. Evidently, I am back again with chapter two! At this point I'm not sure how much more I will write, or if I will continue at all. I'm considering starting a new story about Lance and Daisy called 'Letters to Lance' it would be based off the end of this chapter, so that's that, let me know if you'd be interested in reading that... Hopefully I can write it, because this is my first time posting Bones fanfiction but I really love it and wish to continue. Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Reviews are always appreciated. Also, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last time. I can't express how happy it makes me to receive reviews.
I wake up on the floor. For a moment I'm lost in a blissful oblivion. I don't know what happened. I don't know that Lance is gone. For a few easy seconds my only concern is why I'm on the floor. But then the inevitable occurs and I remember. The realization is earthshattering and heartbreaking all over again. I feel a heaviness and pain in my gut. I feel sick. I'm angry at the warm tears brimming my eyes. I'm furious when they spill over. I have never felt such a burning hatred towards the world, towards myself. A vengeful fire scorches inside me. I panic frantically to smother it. I know being angry won't bring back Lance, but I want it to. I'd give anything.
I can't believe it, no matter how hard I try. It doesn't seem possible. I know retaliation will lead me to danger and as much as I feel like losing myself through reckless abandonment and destructive activities, I won't allow it. I have Lance's son. I have to keep him safe, he's my last living link to Lance. Although I can't hold back the tears, I still wipe them away. I urge myself to find strength, and somewhere inside of me, I do.
My breath is shaking and my hands are trembling but I push against the floor and slowly, I lift myself up. My body aches and my head pounds but I am standing. I must hold on tightly to every small victory. I don't think I can handle any more cognizant thoughts, so I drag myself towards the bedroom. My feet feel heavy and the distance to the room feels infinite. As I walk I am overwhelmed by memories of Lance. Outside, a crack of thunder roars. I jump at the loud noise and squeeze my eyes shut as the tears begin streaming down my cheeks. In the past few hours I have become so fragile, so pathetically breakable, that even the smallest disturbances frighten me. I am teetering on edge, constantly. I wonder if I will ever feel okay again.
Every howl of the storm and shadow cast across the room reminds me of him. Even the colors of the walls and sight of our bed, sheets still disheveled and unmade. We didn't have time yesterday morning to fix them. We thought we would do it later. I now ache knowing that later will never come. Despite all the memories that devastate my brain, I feel so torn, it is so painful to remember anything about Lance, yet I'm terrified of forgetting him. Of forgetting anything about him, the way his eyes lit up, his curls, that beautiful smile he always wore, even when it seemed so hard, he always seemed so strong. I don't want to forget the way he kissed me. I hate that everything about him is suddenly past tense.
I lean against the bedframe when I reach it. I feel dizzy. I feel like the whole world is falling apart. I collapse into bed, burying myself under the sheets. I run my hand over the mattress until my fingers make contact with his pillow. Clutching the material, I drag it towards my body, pressing my face against it, breathing in his scent. I curl my body around the soft fabric, desperately pleading for silence in my head and willing my body to surrender itself to sleep. It doesn't work.
I tried so hard to be strong while we gathered around his body. I tried so hard not to cry, not to show my weakness, my vulnerability. But as soon as I left, I lost control and now I feel numb.
Distantly I hear my cellphone ringing, somewhere in the living room. I can't muster the energy to get it. A foolish hope pervades my heart. Maybe it's Lance. It could be him. My muscles feel disconnected from my brain, my logical brain that groans in reluctance as my defiant muscles take orders from a broken heart. They shuffle underneath the sheets. I find my feet back on the floor, making their way towards the ringing. My brain knows this is self-destructive but my heart, my damn heart urges me forward. I am an idiot for giving in and letting it guide me. My fingers wrap around the buzzing device. 'Dr. Brennan' it reads. I'm crushed. I hate that I was stupid enough to believe it was him.
I don't feel like talking, I don't really feel like doing anything. But I don't want anyone to worry, I can't let my façade crumble. Other people's concern will only make things worse. I don't want pity. I just want things to go back to the way they were. It's impossible, I know and I have no other option but to keep moving forward. So I gulp back my tears and lock away my disappointment before answering the call and steadying my voice as best as I can.
"Hello," I say. My voice sounds so small, so lost, it barely comes out above a whisper. It wouldn't fool anyone and it certainly wouldn't fool Brennan.
"Daisy," Brennan begins and I'm momentarily taken aback by the concern and sympathy in her voice. I always knew she was more compassionate than she let on, but I never thought the raw, worrisome tone that laces her voice now would ever be directed at me. I instantly feel a little better. "I'm not very good at this. But Booth has been helping me with talking to people and I thought you might need someone right now."
I choke back a sob, I'm not sure if her statement makes me feel more or less alone. But it makes me feel loved. Something breaks inside of me.
"I um- I- thank you," I stumble over my words.
"You don't have to thank me, Daisy. If there's anything we can do, please let me or any one of us know. We all loved him and we all love you. Booth says we're family, and I find that I must agree with him. As a group we exhibit many traits similar to that of a family and families should stick together."
"That means a lot, Dr. Brennan. I really appreciate it," I say, and I can almost feel Brennan's small smile through the phone.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
I let out a sigh, anguish sinking through my body. Misery floods every crevice. I just feel so hollow. So damn empty. I feel like sleeping and screaming and crying. Of course, I can't tell this to Brennan. I can't tell this to anyone.
"Considering the circumstances, I'm.." falling apart, a mess, losing my mind, scared, lonely, shattering, feeling cheated, crushed, devastated, confused. I'm… "fine," I finally reply.
I can't tell if Brennan believes me or simply doesn't want to push. Regardless, our conversation soon ends. I hang around on the line for a little while, unsure of what to do next. I desperately need to talk to Lance. I pull out an old notebook and dig around until I find a pen. I begin writing. My fingers frantically scramble across the page, and still they can't keep up with my brain as I write everything I can remember about Lance, all the memories, the laughs, tears, smiles. And then, I write to him.
Dear Lance,
Things have been crazy down here. And sad. I can't express how sad things are. We're all devastated and we miss you terribly. It's unimaginable how cruel and hollow the world feels without you...
