Chapter 1
Ward walked out of Coulson's office feeling lighter than he had ever felt in his life. Telling him about all that had happened in his past had been hard, but he knew it had been right.
Even though he had said he wouldn't react until Ward was done, Coulson's head shot up and his eyes widened dramatically before narrowing at the younger agent. He went to open his mouth to speak, but then he noticed the fear and stress in Ward's face and realised he needed to just let him get it all off his chest first.
"I suppose I should start from the beginning," Ward said quietly, hoping he wasn't ruining everything. "It started for me when I was sixteen. No I guess that isn't even true. It started long before that. You've read my file, so you know at least some of what my family life was like growing up, but it's worse than even that says. My parents, well we would've been better off away from them all together I suppose. And my older brother Maynard, he was awful. It started off he would just beat us, my little brother and me. But then he got crueller than that. He started making me beat my little brother instead. And I was so scared of him and I didn't know what to do so I would do it. I hated myself for it, but I did it anyway. Eventually I got shipped off to the military academy, and I couldn't help but be relieved. I mean, I knew my little brother was still there but I was away from it. Then one night, when I was sixteen, I snuck away from the military academy, stole a car and drove over 1000 miles home to set fire to the house. I didn't know, but Maynard was inside." At this point, Ward looked up from the ground to see Coulson's face. He could see that the older man was a little confused as to what this all had to do with Hydra, but he was getting there.
"I was in juvie when I met Garrett the first time. He told me that my parents were pressing charges and that Maynard was pushing to have me tried as an adult. That I had a choice to make, I could either stay and face a long time in prison or I could leave with him and be taught the skills needed to survive. He told me he worked for SHIELD and that I was on his radar from an instructor at the military academy. I went with him. And he took me into the wilderness of Wyoming and told me I had to survive and that he would be back. He left me there alone for months at a time, and he would come back and test to see what I had learnt. And if he felt that I hadn't learnt enough he would beat me until I could barely move. He told me it was to toughen me up, to get rid of any weakness. Because I couldn't be weak if I wanted to survive. This went on for about five years, before he finally told me that he had gotten me enrolled in the SHIELD Academy of Operations. He also told me that his loyalty wasn't to SHIELD, but to Hydra, but he wanted me to go into SHIELD undercover with him. I thought I owed him everything, I thought he was saving me. I trusted him, so I let him convince me that being part of Hydra was the right thing. He said that they cared, when SHIELD never did; that they had saved him when SHIELD wouldn't; that they wanted to make the world better. And I believed him. I believed everything he wanted me to believe because he convinced me that he was all I had." By this stage, Ward is holding back tears. A part of him feels as though the betrayal he is committing against his SO is unforgiveable, but a larger part of him feels like telling to this man, this man who is good, and fair and actually cares, is definitely the right thing to do.
"He got himself assigned as my SO, and he made sure I was chosen for the missions he needed me to act for Hydra on. And whenever I screwed up, he continued to beat me, continued to drill into me that I didn't deserve better and that I owed him everything. But I finally realised he was wrong, sir," Ward said, meeting Coulson's eyes again. "And you showed me that. Because you are good, and fair, and you care. And you told me that you can save someone from themselves. I don't know if it's too late for me already, sir, but I want to do the right thing. I want to be a better man. I want to truly be on the right side. I want to be a real SHIELD agent."
At this, Coulson gave him a slight smile. "It isn't too late, Grant," Coulson said gently. "And you've done the right thing telling me this. We can make this right. But it's going to be hard, especially for you. Are you prepared for that?"
"Yes sir. I am. I know it will be hard, but never in my whole life have I felt like something was right like I do with this. I can do it, whatever you want me to do."
"I'm glad," Coulson said with another gentle smile.
"Can I make a suggestion sir? Would that be okay?"
"Of course," Coulson replied with a questioning look on his face.
"I think we should keep this quiet. At least for now," Ward said. Seeing the look on Coulson's face, and suspecting the reason for it, he hurried on. "It's just that I know some of the higher ups in Hydra but not all of them, and maybe, if Garrett thinks I'm still on his side we can bring them down before they strike? I'm not saying we shouldn't tell anyone, but keep it to only a few. I think it would be the best chance to get rid of them once and for all."
"You're right. I think we should bring Fury and Hill in on it, perhaps Romanoff, Barton and the Captain too if they agree. Beyond that if you can provide me with a list of names that you know of we can see if there's anyone else," Coulson agreed. "How would you feel about telling the team?"
"I don't know sir. I don't want to keep it from them, but agent May aside, I don't know that the others would be able to keep the knowledge to themselves if we were around the wrong people. I don't think they have the training or ability to act normally around potential threats."
"I agree. So we will keep it from all of them for now, at least until we've spoken to Fury and Hill. Now, tell me all that you know about Hydra…"
He had spilled all he knew about the organisation and the SHIELD agents involved in it. He may not have known everything, Garrett didn't feel the need to keep him involved in everything, but he knew enough to start building from. He hoped Fury and Hill were as understanding as Coulson had been.
He was just passing by the lounge on the way to his bunk when he saw Skye curled up on one of the couches looking miserable. He felt awful about not going with her to Coulson's office the night before, knowing she had needed his support, but he had had too much going on in his head to be of any use to her. He had felt hurt by her actions, feeling that she had betrayed the trust he had shown her, something that wasn't easy for him. But more than that he had been thinking over everything with Hydra and wanting to tell Coulson and he just couldn't pull himself together enough. He knew now was the time for him to make this right.
"Hey rookie," he said softly as he approached her.
Her head shot up, stunned that he was speaking to her after the way things had gone down the say before.
"Hey," she replied softly, not knowing what to make of him approaching her when he still seemed so angry. She had approached FitzSimmons and May earlier and apologised for what had happened with Miles, but had been unable to speak to her SO since he was locked up with Coulson in his office all morning. He was the one she most wanted to apologise to, because she knew it took a lot for him to trust people, and he had started to trust her, defended her to Coulson, and then she had betrayed him. "I'm-"
"I'm sorry, Skye," he interrupted as she started to apologise. Her eyes got wide, what reason could he possibly have to apologise to her? "I wasn't a very good SO last night. But more than that, I wasn't a very good friend," he continued. "At least, I'd like to think we were friends, and you needed my support last night and I wasn't there for you. So I'm sorry for that. It's no excuse, but I was just hurting from what had happened and I was angry with you and had too much going through my head and –"
"No, Ward," she interrupted this time. "You shouldn't apologise, I'm the one that's sorry. We are friends, at least I like to think that we are, and I betrayed you and you had every right to be angry with me. You trusted me, and stuck up for me, and then I went and did something so stupid. I'm so sorry Ward. I promise, I won't do something so stupid again. I'm committed to this now. I want to be a part of SHIELD. I want to do this, I promise."
He studied her for a moment, saw the tears welling up in her eyes and knew that she was serious this time.
"Well then let's make you a part of SHIELD," Ward replied with a small smile. "Go get changed and meet me in the cargo bay in twenty minutes for training. And if you're late –"
"I know, robot, 15 push ups for every minute," Skye interrupted, smiling for the first time that morning. With that, she hopped off the couch and run off to her bunk.
Ward watched her go with the small smile still on his face. Yes, he had definitely made the right choice in telling Coulson the truth.
