A/N: I've put thought into this, discussed this with my friend whom I share this account with, and decided that this story is going to include the ship RoyEd. I'm sorry to anyone who came here expecting something else, but I did make it clear in the beginning I had no idea what direction this was going to take. I hope you still enjoy it, for I have a lot more planned with it now and am excited to see exactly where these new ideas take the story.
Edward had to leave. There was no way he could bare to be in this small, little town any longer. It pained him mercilessly. Every sight reminded him of Winry. The smells reminded him of Winry. Even the people reminded him of Winry. It was too much to bare, knowing that he had been the one responsible for the death of the most loved and known girl in that town. She was supposed to succeed her parents' dreams in the medical field and save thousands of lives. Winry was capable of that, but in the midst of it all…
"Are you alright Ed?" Pinako whispered as she gently elbowed him and looked up at him. He looked down into her saddened eyes, unable to help the overwhelming guilt building in his gut.
I killed Winry. I am responsible for your tears. I was just too selfish…
"I… I guess…" Edward murmured before glancing back to the casket. He couldn't make eye contact with her. Her hand gently grabbed his.
"She really loved you."
I didn't deserve that love.
"You were all she would talk about, besides how college was going when she visited every weekend."
The funereal progressed slowly, and Edward wanted badly to escape, haunted by what he's done. He'll never be able to forget what he did to the one person who managed to catch him off guard. She slipped past the barrier he built for himself. Love wasn't something he truly understood. It was his life source, and yet he never really felt it until Winry. He wasn't meant to love. He knew that from the start, and yet Winry had caught him and pulled him in, and he didn't resist.
It was selfish.
Ed watched as they lowered the casket into the ground and felt Pinako's hand squeezing tightly on his. That would be the last anyone will ever see of her. And it was because he was too much of a coward to accept death for himself. Truly, he was a pathetic being.
People started to leave and he wanted to follow them, but he couldn't leave Pinako just yet. Not just because of the death grip she had on his hand. She just looked so lost as tears absently slipped from her eyes and she sniffled.
"Come visit once in a while, alright? Don't be a stranger."
"...Okay."
"Granny?" A voice spoke up behind them and Pinako sobbed harder as she let go of Ed's hand and turned around to give the other person a hug.
"Oh, Alphonse…"
Ed glanced behind him and locked eyes with the boy that held onto Pinako. Neither of them said anything.
"So you're Edward?" Alphonse spoke up gently. "I've heard a lot about you, from Winry…" The look he had on his face after saying her name made Ed want to disappear.
"Yeah, so you're Al. She talked about you a lot too."
He couldn't do this. There was too much guilt. His hands trembled in fists at his sides and he bit hard at the inside of his cheeks. Alphonse was speaking again, but Ed couldn't focus on the words. Tears were blurring his vision and it took every ounce of self control he had not to let them spill.
"I've gotta go…" His voice came out whiny and high pitched, but he didn't care. He turned, quickly walking away. There wasn't a particular place he had in mind to go to. It wasn't like he had a home, but anywhere. Anywhere but here seemed like a good place to be.
Edward hastily walked with no destination into the busy, hustling city. His teary eyes stayed glued to the sidewalk. He couldn't dare look up. Everything in this city would remind him of Winry, from the gift shops meant for tourists, to the movie theater, to the restaurants and even the library. He couldn't risk remembering those memories now. He just couldn't… but, what else could he think of? She plagued his mind like an illness. He needed to forget.
Ed bumped into something- someone's back.
"Whoa, hey! Careful!"
He looked up at the man and- When had it started raining?
"Are you alright? You look like you're about to-"
"I'm sorry… I'm selfish, and I shouldn't have done that. She deserved so much better. Why she picked me, I have no clue. I'm nothing special and all I ever do is hurt people…"
Why was he gushing out to a stranger? Edward just stopped caring. He stopped holding back his tears. They slipped from his eyes and trickled down his cheeks copiously as he trembled and shook with every being in his body. He almost felt sorry for the stranger, for putting him in such an awkward situation.
"H-hey! Don't, uh… Oh, jeez. People are staring. Come on."
The stranger grabbed his wrist, and Ed let him drag him. He didn't care anymore. If this guy was going to do something to him, he didn't care. He'd deserve it. After what he did, he really, really did not care. He didn't even care to look and see where he was being taken. His eyes stayed locked on the sidewalk, blurry from the excess water slipping from his eyes. They were going at a pretty fast pace, almost a jog, but then they stopped. Edward didn't even care to look up and see where he was, but he was guided through a door.
It was then, in the warmth of a heated place, that Ed realized how cold he was, and that his teeth were clattering, adding to the noise of his sniffles. He was a complete mess.
A hand was placed on his back, ushering him forward, and all he bothered to look at was the cracked wooden floorboards that creaked with every step. A stool came into his line of vision and the stranger helped him sit on it. He finally looked up and noticed his surroundings. A bar.
"Are you okay?"
Edward looked to his right, where the stranger sat. He had dark hair, probably black, but could also be a dark brown. It was hard to tell in the dim lighting. His eyes were dark and narrow, and over all he had a pretty attractive face. Ed scoffed at the thought and turned back to look down at the marbled countertop.
"I just want to forget everything…"
A glass was placed in front of him with a clink, filled with an amber liquid. He eyed it for a minute, realizing it was alcohol.
"Hey, I'm only eighteen. I can't drink…" Edward spoke up as he wiped his damp sleeve over his eyes. It didn't help much in drying his tears, more just smeared them across his skin.
"Don't worry about it. No one pays attention to that here."
Ed reached out a cautious hand, wrapped his fingers around the cup, and raised it to his lips for a swig. His eyes widened as he felt his throat burn, encouraging him to cough and set the drink down.
"What the hell is this?" He shot a glare at the stranger, watching him sip down the same beverage with ease.
"Whiskey. Don't like it?"
"No. Who the hell would?"
"People who want to get drunk faster. To forget…"
Edward turned back and picked up the glass again, eyeing the amber liquid for a moment or two before trying a smaller sip. It still burned his throat, but at least he didn't feel the need to cough that time. He cringed. The taste was just awful.
"What's your name?" The stranger mumbled before taking a drink of his own glass.
"Edward. You?"
"Roy. I'm twenty-one."
"I didn't ask your age."
"Well, I thought it'd be fair to tell you. Since you told me your age."
"Makes sense…"
A silence hung between them as they took sips of their whiskey every once in a while. Ed still cringed every time the putrid liquid touched his tongue, but it was making him feel warm and his stomach fuzzy. Out of all the people he could have bumped into and broke down in front of, he was glad it was Roy. Roy wasn't pestering him about it. It was almost as if it never happened and they were just two strangers drinking together. He felt lightheaded by the time the glass was finished, tipsy.
"Have you ever drank before?" Roy asked.
"Like I said. I'm eighteen."
"You parents never let you try even sip of alcohol as a teen?"
Ed bit his tongue. The alcohol was taking effect, making him not think straight, and almost made him blurt out something that needed to stay a secret. He'd just use the same answer he gave to everyone when asked about his parents.
"...No. My mom passed away when I was young. My father was never really around, so… practically raised myself."
There was a pause as Roy motioned for the bartender to fill up both of their glasses again. Roy took a sip before he spoke.
"My parents died in a car crash when I was still an infant. My aunt took me in, not knowing a thing about how to take care of children, but… I think she did a good job."
"She seems to have missed out on one thing, though…"
"What's that?" Roy eyed him suspiciously, waiting as Ed took a drink.
"Hasn't she ever told you not to talk to strangers?" Ed smirked, and Roy rolled his eyes with a snort. "Let alone buy them drinks when they're under the drinking age."
"Shut it." The words would have been harsh if it weren't for the smile on Roy's lips.
"I'm just sayin'..."
"You really looked like you needed a few. Are you alright?"
Roy didn't ask what had happened, and Edward was thankful for that.
"I will be… with time. I'll move on, and now I know to never do that again. It was really stupid of me for thinking it could work out…"
"Break up?" That was the only question Roy asked that pryed.
"Something like that…" Ed frowned as he stared down into his alcoholic beverage.
"Hey… um, don't get weirded out when I suggest this, but… You're still really tense, even after drinking enough where you should be drunk, so…"
Edward glanced over and watched as Roy swirled the few gulps he had left around in his glass.
"There's a motel nearby. I wouldn't mind if you'd like to take it out on me…"
"You mean like a one night stand?" Ed put bluntly before taking a drink.
"Yeah…"
"I'm not gay."
Their eyes locked and Roy's face flushed a hue of pink. Ed couldn't help but to laugh at the sight.
"Sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut." Roy turned away and took a drink.
"It's fine. Though you are pretty attractive, like, your eyes. They're just… attractive."
"You're drunk."
"I am drunk and it's because you wanted to fuck me, isn't it?"
"No. I only offered because you're still tense. And it'd probably help, momentarily at least..."
Edward laughed again and shook his head. He stopped caring. Stopped caring about everything. He didn't care about his life anymore. He didn't care about the body he was in. He didn't care about himself, even, and everything he had learned and his morals and preferences… It didn't matter to him anymore, and he let it all out in laughter. Nothing in this world mattered, so why should he care.
"Well, I don't care. We should go to that motel." Ed elbowed Roy gently.
"Why?"
"To fuck."
"But you just said-"
"That's okay. I said I don't care anymore."
Roy finished what was left in his glass with a gulp and set it on the countertop with a clink before turning to Edward.
"You're hardly making sense. You are wasted." Roy chuckled. "I'll finish that up for you. You really don't need anymore."
"How come you're not, like, affected by it? You drank as much as me!" Edward allowed the small amount left in his glass to be gulped down by Roy.
"Because your body's smaller."
"I'm not short! I'm like, still growing! I think…?"
Roy rolled his eyes playfully as he pulled his wallet out and left a few crumpled dollars on the counter before he turned to Ed as he slid his wallet back into his back pocket.
"Come on."
They stumbled to the motel, Edward having to lean on Roy for support with his clumsy feet. It was a ten minute walk, two blocks, from the bar, but it took them a solid twenty with Ed tripping on every unlevel surface they encountered underneath their feet. Roy had to help Ed sit in a chair in the lobby as he went to pay for their room.
Everything was spinning. Nothing could stay still. It was making Edward feel nauseous enough to throw up, but he held it in. He had concentrate on it. He wasn't going to puke. Nothing was going to come out of his mouth. It was all going to stay in his stomach. He watched as Roy walked toward him, dangling the key between his thumb and forefinger with a soft smirk on his face, and let his guard down.
And there went everything in his stomach, onto the abstractly designed carpet.
